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Anonymous #1

thoughts on suicide...
    #19000495 - 10/19/13 04:40 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

this is a touchy subject for me...
first off i dont ever attemt to kill myself but the thought has crossed my mind hundreds of times. im weak for thinking this way and i always fight it. let me explain...

i have a small family and a fiance (SP?) and 2 kids. the thoughts always come up when i think about the fact that i struggle all the time. im always depressed. just got fired from my job today for not being able to keep up to quota. my health problems make it to where i cant keep up with the main crowd. i tried so hard to make it there but i just couldnt keep up. im mentally drained. im in control of 4 lives including my own, the girl stays home with the kids. on top of this my health is deteriorating. my med bills are through the roof. anyway enough about me bitching.

the thing that always clears these thoughts from my mind is when i think about my kids being without a dad. i personally, in my own selfish life, have nothing to live for. but my kids keep me fighting. anyone else been through this before? i need to get my fucking life straight... and quick..


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Invisibleliquidlounge

Registered: 12/22/10
Posts: 9,256
Re: thoughts on suicide... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19000624 - 10/19/13 05:14 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Find a new dad to your children.


--------------------
As far as I assume to know...


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Anonymous #1

Re: thoughts on suicide... [Re: liquidlounge]
    #19000631 - 10/19/13 05:16 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

liquidlounge said:
Find a new dad to your children.



to be honest ive thought about leaving my girl so hopefully she would find someone better who is healthy enough to be able to provide for them. but i cant give up on them.


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Offlinero-deez
Infiniteworkshop
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Registered: 07/16/11
Posts: 972
Loc: agartha
Last seen: 8 years, 3 months
Re: thoughts on suicide... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19000633 - 10/19/13 05:17 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

you never really die death is an illusion


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The cost of sanity in this society, is a certain level of alienation
terrence mckenna


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Anonymous #1

Re: thoughts on suicide... [Re: ro-deez]
    #19000653 - 10/19/13 05:22 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

ro-deez said:
you never really die death is an illusion



used to think the same thing when i was a big hallucinogen user. but now im sober living... kinda makes things easier but its hard not to go back considering i prolly have a short life span.


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Offlinero-deez
Infiniteworkshop
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Registered: 07/16/11
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Re: thoughts on suicide... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19000709 - 10/19/13 05:36 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

you are apart of the infinte all the answers you seek are within


--------------------

The cost of sanity in this society, is a certain level of alienation
terrence mckenna


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Anonymous #2

Re: thoughts on suicide... [Re: ro-deez]
    #19001479 - 10/19/13 08:47 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Kids make life worth living in this bullshit society.  Don't get hung up on the fact u have those thoughts.  I get them too.  I have a college degree and a decent job, but bc of student loans and the area I live in, I barely have money left over to buy my kid stuff.  I can't move bc my family is around here. I've been hospitalized a lot recently and cannot do my favorite exercises bc I'm waiting on diagnosis and prognosis.  Mother fucking doctors and insurance companies. 

You need to find something you can do or get on disability.  What is your medical condition?  Would your fiancé work any to help out? How bad are you? If you have low income, talk to the financial assistance office at the hospital and ask about applying for financial assistance.  Are the kids yours?


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InvisibleSanpedrox
North of the wall


Registered: 08/25/13
Posts: 198
Re: thoughts on suicide... [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #19002101 - 10/19/13 11:25 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Go seek out an alternative lifestyle, don't give up on your children that's the most selfish thing one can do to their family.


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Offlineeve69
--=..Did Adam and ...?=--
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Registered: 04/30/03
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Re: thoughts on suicide... [Re: Sanpedrox]
    #19002795 - 10/20/13 06:12 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

a small dose of lithium every day stops negative mental feedback
everyone should take it - it's like the missing electrolyte
before you try antidepressants suggest this to your shrink


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...or something







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Offlinero-deez
Infiniteworkshop
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Registered: 07/16/11
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Re: thoughts on suicide... [Re: eve69]
    #19002864 - 10/20/13 07:05 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

wtf lithium isnt that a anti psychotic


--------------------

The cost of sanity in this society, is a certain level of alienation
terrence mckenna


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Anonymous #1

Re: thoughts on suicide... [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #19002975 - 10/20/13 08:09 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
You need to find something you can do or get on disability.  What is your medical condition?  Would your fiancé work any to help out? How bad are you? If you have low income, talk to the financial assistance office at the hospital and ask about applying for financial assistance.  Are the kids yours?




i dont want to get too much into it, but its my head. i have really bad short term memory problems and cant hold conversations if they require anything more than simple thought. its getting bad...

she wasnt working so she could watch the kids, but now she is looking for work. shes very under qualified and would be lucky to get a 10 dollar an hour job. financial assistance is helping me out alot but i have bills at 3 different hospitals. its hard to manage them all but ill get that part under control soon. the kids are mine yes.




lithium? hell no.


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: thoughts on suicide... [Re: liquidlounge]
    #19002990 - 10/20/13 08:16 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

liquidlounge said:
Find a new dad to your children.





This sounds callous but imo is not.  Your kids may not benefit from a constantly depressed father.  Don't construe this as me telling you to off yourself.  That is your decision and I respect your right to make it for yourself.  I plan on using that as my out if conditions get bad enough. Best of luck to you.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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Anonymous #1

Re: thoughts on suicide... [Re: Icelander]
    #19003000 - 10/20/13 08:22 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Icelander said:
Quote:

liquidlounge said:
Find a new dad to your children.





This sounds callous but imo is not.  Your kids may not benefit from a constantly depressed father.  Don't construe this as me telling you to off yourself.  That is your decision and I respect your right to make it for yourself.  I plan on using that as my out if conditions get bad enough. Best of luck to you.



i never let my kids see me down. in fact its hard for me to be depressed around them... they're great kids. fucking brats lol but they make me happier then anything. im always in a better mood around them, they keep me going.


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: thoughts on suicide... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19003420 - 10/20/13 11:15 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Well that's different if really true. :thumbup: But if you are hiding shit kids can usually detect it even if you don't think that.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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Anonymous #2

Re: thoughts on suicide... [Re: Icelander]
    #19004171 - 10/20/13 02:18 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

My advice: get that fiancé to get a job, 9 an hour, 10 an hour...just get some income coming in.  Maybe she needs to be in charge of the bills idk just brain storming.

Ur already on financial assistance, good deal.  Get her to work some, go down to the social security office and try to get on disability.  There's no way u can work like that! It'll get u some income and decent insurance.  It might take a few years but will be worth it. 

I'm telling you, u need a plan! You and the fiancé need to get it rolling.  The point of this thread is suicidal thoughts.  People get those. Don't worry too much about it.  If u start getting scared u might do it, then call the hotline or get some help.  From what I'm reading, your kids are too important to you to kill yourself.  You're not leaving them and not killing yourself.  So what cards are you dealt? Get a plan and stay positive. 

I asked my dad about suicide when I was young.  He said "I'd move far away and start over before killing myself."  To me that's fact.  You can go get fucking stoned and high everyday until u od or have a great time somewhere.  Don't just kill yourself.  It's not the same for all though. 

Do what u gotta do to survive.  Do u think those kids would rather have a dad that killed himself or left them stranded, or a dad that isn't perfect but is there for them?  U know the answer


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OfflineSpacerific
- - - >
Male

Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 4,923
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: thoughts on suicide... [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #19005732 - 10/20/13 08:17 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Take the good with the bad OP, the bad times can't last forever. If you really have a short lifespan to look forward to, at least make the best of it. Teach your kids how to deal with hard times and keep going, don't teach your kids how to quit and bail out early, leaving loved ones alone. They'll look at what you do, not what you tell them.

Try some hypnosis audio from the net, or guided meditation. Doesn't cost a lot of money, some of them are free. Get more sunlight. There are a few things that don't cost money, that you can do to improve negative feelings. Go to your church/temple/ashram more often, might help.

Start thinking about other types of jobs. You have a computer, a head, fingers to type. It's the 21st century, you can at least consider something new & different. Be all that you can be :thumbup:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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InvisibleLordSenate
One of the Lost
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Registered: 09/15/02
Posts: 37,093
Loc: First Circle of Hell
Re: thoughts on suicide... [Re: eve69]
    #19010108 - 10/21/13 07:01 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

eve69 said:
a small dose of lithium every day stops negative mental feedback
everyone should take it - it's like the missing electrolyte
before you try antidepressants suggest this to your shrink




Yeah because negative feedback is never useful... LOL


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