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Beside the Garden


Registered: 06/03/13
Posts: 606
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11 month relapse
#18995993 - 10/18/13 02:50 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Last night i relapsed, if that's the word i should use. Basically i smoked hash after 11 months of abstaining, i still do not like it. My body enjoys it but mentally i cant stand it. All the insecurities and mental fog come back. Just feels like steps backwards. I got up today and it didnt take that big of a toll on me, just a feeling of being let down and slight depression. I had been holding onto this hash for over a year now and still have 19 grams. I decided i need to just get rid of it, thing is im not a dealer and no one is worthy of the freebee so i may just end up tossing it . Its good freaking hash.
Also i should mention this relapse thing is building because i have been taking ambien every night for sleep but sometimes take it so i can resist the sleep and feel all  Iv been doubling up doses
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 13 days
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Um wtf kind of post is this? You used drugs that you don't want cause you don't like the feeling anymore, and you can't find someone to give them to.
And who would be "worthy?" I don't like pain meds but if someone tries to throw them away after they are done with them(like a grandparent or something) I steal them and give them to a buddy of mine. He never reciprocates cause it was garbage otherwise, and it was free to me.
Your post, it makes no sense
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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twighead
mͯó



Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 29,559
Loc: Glenn Gould's Fuck Windmill
Last seen: 1 hour, 48 minutes
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Don't toss it. How do I prove I'm worthy? I live in a legal state so its legal to send it to me of course
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Heffy
BrauMeister



Registered: 08/30/04
Posts: 3,262
Loc: International Traveller
Last seen: 5 years, 8 months
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Just because you "aren't a dealer" doesn't mean you can't recoup the $200-$400 from selling the hash you don't want to smoke.........
-------------------- I am the king of Rome, and above grammar! - Emperor Sigismund
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Herbologist
Grrratata



Registered: 05/09/10
Posts: 7,471
Loc: Casa Bonita
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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At least its just hash. Be proud youre not relapsing on something terrible or addicting.
Just let yourself know that even though you smoked Hash last night, its not the end of the world.. You don't have to smoke again and you can pretend it never happened, continue your life as you did the previous 11 months.
-------------------- Shroomery Law: Don't piss off the leftist mods & their friends!
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Legend
RIP Sasha



Registered: 03/29/10
Posts: 28,336
Loc: TX
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IM WORTHY! I"M WORTHY!!!!!!!!
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No sympathy for the devil, keep that in mind. [url=]Buy the ticket, take the ride. [/url]Are you lost?
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Beside the Garden


Registered: 06/03/13
Posts: 606
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Re: 11 month relapse [Re: Heffy]
#18996054 - 10/18/13 03:08 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Heffy said: Just because you "aren't a dealer" doesn't mean you can't recoup the $200-$400 from selling the hash you don't want to smoke.........
This will be my first attempt.
If that fails maybe i will send some to Legend
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Bodhi of Ankou
*alternate opinion blocks path*


Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 24,778
Loc: Soviet Canukistan
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This isnt a relapse, just a remainder that in 11 months time you still havent made any progress in overcoming the underlying causes of these insecurities. Probably why you felt so depressed too.
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Beside the Garden


Registered: 06/03/13
Posts: 606
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Quote:
Bodhi of Ankou said: This isnt a relapse, just a remainder that in 11 months time you still havent made any progress in overcoming the underlying causes of these insecurities. Probably why you felt so depressed too.
I would say iv made progress.
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thedream
The Most High


Registered: 12/25/10
Posts: 592
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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So the drug you are abstaining from is marijuana/hash?
Best to not beat yourself up over it, just let it be a lesson learned as to why you don't want to smoke anymore, you don't enjoy it and you've moved on.
Do you plan on giving it up for the rest of your life? Is there a reason why you cannot enjoy it in moderation much like most people do with alcohol?
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mpd
Lammen Gorthaur



Registered: 10/22/12
Posts: 9,660
Loc: Mostly at home... Mostly....
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
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Weird post, OP. Don't toss it. Could come in handy at a party someday.
-------------------- There is no truer calling for mankind than that of true conservatism.
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Beside the Garden


Registered: 06/03/13
Posts: 606
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Re: 11 month relapse [Re: thedream]
#18996201 - 10/18/13 03:47 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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No it was also opiates and occasional benzo's basically i walked away from everything excluding psychedelics like and i kept the sleep aid ambien for when i need it.
Yeah i think its a life time thing, I do enjoy it physically but it comes at the cost of living very withdrawn, paranoid and insecure. Moderate use is the same as heavy doses.
Im not beating myself over it, just sharing is cathartic and yeah its acting as a reminder lesson.
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psi
TOAST N' JAM


Registered: 09/05/99
Posts: 31,456
Loc: 613
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Just stick it in the freezer or something. If it's poorly stored it will degrade and give a shitty high.
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DragonChaser
Ice in Her Ass and Pussy



Registered: 04/27/06
Posts: 7,212
Last seen: 6 years, 2 months
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Quote:
Beside the Garden said: No it was also opiates and occasional benzo's basically i walked away from everything excluding psychedelics like and i kept the sleep aid ambien for when i need it.
Yeah i think its a life time thing, I do enjoy it physically but it comes at the cost of living very withdrawn, paranoid and insecure. Moderate use is the same as heavy doses.
Im not beating myself over it, just sharing is cathartic and yeah its acting as a reminder lesson.

Ambien fucks with my mood hardcore. The next day I have brain fog and depression. I noticed in college that whenever I started taking it, my grades would plummet.
Weed always helped me to think through and deal with my insecurities... maybe you're dwelling too much when you're high, instead of thinking of the positives, or ways you've improved, more improvements you could make, or the underlying causes of the way you feel?
I dunno, just my 2 cents.
-------------------- My name is Mud
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Beside the Garden


Registered: 06/03/13
Posts: 606
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Re: 11 month relapse [Re: mpd]
#18996251 - 10/18/13 03:58 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
mpd said: Weird post, OP. Don't toss it. Could come in handy at a party someday.
Iv kinda held onto it for that reason and have already let others go through a few grams for freeeeee but it seams to be taking advantage of. I would be getting rid of the temptation to revert.
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Beside the Garden


Registered: 06/03/13
Posts: 606
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Ambien hasn't affected my mood till recently. Its more the memory problems that i have with it.
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BIGS
Connoisseur

Registered: 01/29/12 
Posts: 475
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dont feel bad, one sesh isnt the end of the world... Its not like you did herion again after 11 months
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abltsandwich
JFK = Jelly Donut




Registered: 06/16/09
Posts: 11,537
Loc: Dildoville
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Relapse happens you just have to accept that it happened, know that it isn't acceptable to continue using, and try to learn from it. Relapse happens well before you actually use; getting high is just the final step in a relapse process that can take months to fully unfold. If you have a sponsor, that's the one you should talk to not a forum dedicated to drug use.
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TrentBoyett
Aspiring Mycologist



Registered: 11/29/12
Posts: 16,000
Loc: Kazakhstan
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I didn't read all the replies but I assure you I'm worthy of it, me
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psi
TOAST N' JAM


Registered: 09/05/99
Posts: 31,456
Loc: 613
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