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Anonymous #1

Desperately need help making a life decision
    #18987099 - 10/16/13 04:56 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I have had my problems in the past. I have a problem with alcohol because I cannot control how much I drink, and I tend to make bad decisions when I am drinking.  I have had my fair share of public intoxes and two DWIs.  I used to smoke pot a lot and experiment with psychedelic's a little bit.

Five years ago, I found myself having fits when drinking tequila.  I'm sure a lot of us have experienced the tequila fit.  The last time I drink tequila, I ran my sex partner off. I'm not gay I mean we were fuck buddies. I got mad and punched a cabinet and some stupid shit like that. It was a misunderstanding but I was too drunk and stupid to explain myself properly.  After that day, I made a promise to myself that I was going to get my shit together and I was not going to head any kind of relationship with a woman until I had my life on track.

This being said, I also have a daughter.  I was in school, working two jobs, and partying hard.  I only saw her during holidays and her birthday and basically waved my rights to have her on the summer vacations.  I actually graduated college after this and move back home so I could see my kid more. A few years ago, I was supposed to pick up my daughter for my winter visitation. I was waiting to pick up my daughter so I figured it would be a good idea to go out to a bar and have a few drinks while I waited on her mother to get in the state.  I got carried away with my drinking and black out and was driving around town like an asshole. 

Luckily, I lost my phone and my daughter's mother decided to call my parents, and they pick the kids up for me.  That night I got my second DWI.  Now, I know I sound like a piece of shit, but her mother is no better than me.  She was drinking and doing drugs around my kid and even what the kid taste some alcohol when she was 4 or 5.  I know we sound like white trash, but hear me out please.

Getting that second DWI was the best thing that ever happened to me.  I was put on probation and had to do this whole court thing with AA classes and drug test and all that.  My daughter's mother ended up screwing up, and I got custody of my daughter.  I finished that probation program as one of the only people in the program's history to make it through the program without failing a drug test and never getting in trouble even one time.  I started working out and have lost 60 pounds in the last year and even finished an 8K obstacle run. I even have a really good job using my degree with the state.

Life is looking pretty good to me now.  My ex owes me almost $10,000 in child support arrearages and is not paying the current amount either. She is soon facing jail time and is basically out of the picture.  My kid is getting close to 10 years old and knows that her mom lives in the same town as us and does not make any effort to see her. Her mom promises she'll call her and she'll see her and never follows through. She didn't even buy the kid a birthday present this year. Recently, my daughter has been asking me for a mommy. She points out singers on TV and pretty women in parades that we go to and asked me about the women at work and wants to know if I can marry any of them so she can have a mommy that loves her and buys her presents.  She recently also came up to me on her own and asked me if we could move out of my parents house and get our own place together.

Right now, we live with my parents way out in the woods.  We have a good amount of land so that I can go camping and hiking and be out in nature as I love.  But I live about a 30 minute drive to work.  It takes me almost 15 minutes just to get to the grocery store.  If we are going to move, I would move into the next town over where I work at.  That town has a much better elementary school and school system for the kid.  I figured up all my bills and I definitely can afford to move and have her in the new town with childcare costs and everything included.  My parents have really been a big influence in my daughter's life so it's only about 20 miles away from here and they would be able to see her and keep her on winter break and other breaks from school for me.

So far it sounds like an obvious move right?  Here is the situation I am in at my parents house.  Right now, it's me, my kid, and my two parents.  It's their house and their land.  They still owe tens of thousands of dollars approaching $100,000 on the property.  They are in their mid 50s right now.  I'm really worried that my dad will continue working until the day he dies. He really wants some retirement years, but my mom is this a bold and on a fixed income. He already works close to 60 hours a week.  He has no education so he works really damn hard and it is hard on his body.  Before my daughter started telling me she needed all these things in her life like a mommy and moving I had made a deal with my parents.  It was that I would give them my income taxes every year of close to $5000 a year so they could pay down on their home loan faster.  If I gave them $5000 a year for 10 years then I would have purchased $50,000 worth of their property for when they die. 

Then I could have the option of taking out a loan for the rest of it and owning the entire property when they die.  The problem with all of this, is that we are talking about owning stuff after their dad. It's really morbid to even think about or plan.  Also, I cannot ask my dad to put this in writing, so who knows if that $50,000 is going to pay some of the interest going to pay any fees, or what that $50,000 is even buying.  In 10 years my kid will be in college and I will hopefully be close to debt free.  But who the hell knows if that will be true. Also, I don't know if my parents are going to die in 10 years or 30 years.  Again it's all morbid.

One of my friends at work keeps telling me I need to move out into my own place because I haven't been laid in five years and I'm 30 years old now.  She believes I am mooching off of my parents for utilities and food and I need to be on my own taking care of my kid completely myself.  I do pay my parents a monthly rent amount, pay all my bills, and pay some of their bills to help out. But it is a drop in the bucket compared to the amount of money my dad and mom make and pay on their bills.  I'm basically costing them money so they can see my daughter more often.

I've been racking my brain and racking my soul and searching my soul for weeks now about whether to move to the new town or to try to use my income taxes this year to buy a mobile home so that me and my daughter can have my own place and still stay out here in nature.  But buying the mobile home and putting it on their property still brings up me having to pay them utilities and rent and trying to figure out what all that money is actually being paid towards since it will all be co-mingled.  It is very confusing.  And who is in charge of all that shit? Is it my mom and dad now, my mom and dad later in life, or me later on if they are incapacitated?  There are too many variables, too much time, and too many things can happen.

I've talk to my parents about moving and they are open minded about it, but my mom balls and cries because she will miss my kid, but that is a normal mother and grandmother reaction, right?  They basically tell me it's my decision.  I've talk to my close friends about it, but they do not have kids and do not understand it is not as easy as deciding to move somewhere.  They tell me I should just up and move to a real big town full of people and have a good time there, but I know it doesn't work that way when you have a kid. There's not only in expenses to worry about but also childcare costs and sick days babysitters and things like that to think about.

The single guy in me definitely would like to move to one of these college towns because there are women everywhere.  I know that I cannot afford that without a $5-$10,000 increase in my pay.  I'm extremely torn between purchasing a mobile home out here or moving to the next town over.  I've thought about it so much that I started crying the other day.  I have had custody of my kids for two years now, and I feel like I am a good dad. I have really turned my life around. 

I've considered that if I move in my own place in the next town that I would have more time and freedom to try to pursue my masters degree online. This won't help me out anytime soon but would certainly give me a great future. Living out in the woods Wilmot provide the finances, but would have a different lifestyle.  But again, something I've noticed is that I have to pick up the slack for my mother and a lot of times I come home and do all the dishes I have to feed all the animals that she has outside since we live in the country and do all these chores on the weekends and after work that I basically go to work and come home and watch TV like everybody else in town.


Thank you if you manage to read all of that.  Even if you don't answer me it was still good for me to get that all out. I feel like my friends and family and coworkers are all biased towards a certain result.  I've made so many bad decisions and mistakes in the past that I am frozen with fear that I'm going to make a bad decision now.  My experiences in the past with psychedelics and other drugs lead me to believe that it doesn't matter what I choose.  Life is all about experiences, and what you choose to experience.  But the material, rational being that I am knows that if I don't go to work and don't make decisions here in there that I can never progress in society and the world. I can't just live in the woods the rest of my life while having a kid to worry about. Is that my answer?


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Offlinedanlennon3
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Re: Desperately need help making a life decision [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18987195 - 10/16/13 05:19 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Forget about your past mistakes. Dont worry about what your co-worker thinks about what decisions you make... What matters now more than anything obviously is your kid. If it is difficult to make that drive to take your kid to school, then it would probably be a better idea to move closer. Lastly, have a sit-down with your parents and talk about the future... do not be afraid to ask them about what will happen 10 or 20 years down the road. It seems like your parents are supportive and care about your kid :heart: As hard as it may be, there is NOTHING wrong about asking them about what would happen if something happened to them, god forbid. Do not be afraid to to be completely honest with them about this topic. Express your fears and worries about the future to them. Reassure them that you are asking because you want the very best for the family, especially your child. I think they will understand that.

Im sorry, I do not have a kid, nor am I in the situation that you are in. I wish I could give you some more sound advice. I hope everything works out in your favor. PM me anytime if you wanna talk

sincerely,
Dan


--------------------
"Psychedelics should be used not to escape reality, but to embrace it"



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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Desperately need help making a life decision [Re: danlennon3]
    #18988352 - 10/16/13 09:23 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Have you spoken to your folks about this stuff at all? I understand you made a sort of informal deal with them, but that was made before this current situation developed. Have you brought your worries up to them, see what they say? Worrying alone in your head up to the point of crying can't be the best solution to this. Share the load a bit, that's why family is there, not just to work til you drop.


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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Anonymous #1

Re: Desperately need help making a life decision [Re: Spacerific]
    #18988535 - 10/16/13 09:53 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Yeah, I've definitely talked to them.  They are open minded and cool with me moving out with the kid.  Mom cried the other day when we talked about it, but I assume that's bc she is a good mom.  Honestly, they have been in my kids life more consistently than anyone.  They are awesome people. They said they would be fine financially if I move and can handle the chores and extra work I do themselves.  It's not like I wouldn't come down in the summer and do the mowing and shit anyways.  I bought them a new riding mower too lol

As far as the property, they plan on splitting it up between me and my two siblings.  I've fallen in love with the land after living on it for the last three years, but I'm beginning I think it's ridiculous for me to be worried about it.  Mom and dad could be doing more to pay down their bills, but dad spends 20-30 a week at times on beer and cigs.  Mom is diabetic and eats sweet stuff like a kid.  They are making their own choices.  I point out the money they could save, but they say they aren't going to sacrifice their enjoyment in life to live a few extra years or save some money.  They would rather be happy.  I get that.  The diabetic part is kinda bull shit, but it's her life. 

I forgot to mention that along with asking for our own place and a mommy, my kid has been asking to learn guitar and drums.  The school in the next town over has a music chapter where they actually teach guitar!

Everyone is cool with whatever I chose, except me.  I'm not sure how to make a decision.  In the last, I was partying so it was all about what I wanted. Those decisions are easy and fun lol.  In the last few years, my decisions were based on what my kid needed. Those decisions are easy because they are mandatory. 

Now I have the opportunity to make a decision I want AND base it upon what is good for her. 

The two choices are night and day.  It's like a cross roads for me.  If I stay in the country, I would buy a mobile home for me and my kid and out it on my parents land.  I'm certainly not staying in the house with them much longer. 

Living in the country:
Nature everywhere, privacy, easy access to fires/camping/garden
Far away from everything, uncertain about where my money is going

Moving to town:
Better school for my kid, more autonomy, access to gym, privacy from parents
I'd know where my money is going, Internet available to do online courses
Neighbors, less privacy, more rules


The more I talk about it, the more I think about it, it boils down to:

My kid needs our own place, me dating more, and the better school. This is all that matters and I can provide that if I move.  All the other stuff is just shit I'm thinking/worrying about and can be discounted.  My parents' business is none of mine. 

The kid wants to move, my parents are ok with it, and I can afford it.  Some reason I am FROZEN about making a decision.  Jump mother ucker!!!! Lol I can't seem to do it.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Desperately need help making a life decision [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18988573 - 10/16/13 09:59 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Also, I have been hospitalized twice recently.  Once in July and once in August.  Doctor
Says I have diverticulitis and it's bad enough to need surgery.  This has put added stress on me, but isn't a factor IMO to moving since its so close.  My mom could come stay at my apt if I needed her too. 

The rent is 450.00 with a 200.00 deposit.  I've already got the money and everything lol.  My mom actually said she thought it would be smart for me to move in October or November on my own so I get a routine down and see what utilities and everything will run me.  She said I could leave my kid with them until January and then it would be easier to add her to my routine rather than trying to start new all at once.  Or I could wait Til January and move us both at once.  Also I could move next summer and let her finish the school year.  I don't see any sense in that though.  It's just prolonging it.


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InvisibleBeside the Garden
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Posts: 606
Re: Desperately need help making a life decision [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18988803 - 10/16/13 10:40 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

This is complicated because nether life style is actuality that bad.

This is my take.
Your kid wanting a mommy is also her probably wanting to see you happy.:smile:
If you move grandma and grandpa are not that far away and she will most likely still get her fill of them.:heart:
Better school and she want to make music :celery:
Its going to be that much harder on you meeting a good women for you and your child if your at your parents.

Its a good thing that your not being forced out and family is on good terms with the current arrangements.
You could probably move back if things go sour.

Sound Like mom and dad kinda want to see you and your child grow but dont want to make you feel unwelcome, because they do like having the two of you around.
You have come a long way it sounds like, dont get to comfortable keep growing :2cents:.
Also sound like your daughter is feeling its time, bet she would be thrilled.

Maybe let her finish the year out and save or do the thing where she stays with grandma till January, this will give you some time to maybe date and she will transition schools during winter break not mid week and that might be less socially traumatic.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Desperately need help making a life decision [Re: Beside the Garden]
    #18989028 - 10/16/13 11:29 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Beside the Garden said:
This is complicated because nether life style is actuality that bad.

This is my take.
Your kid wanting a mommy is also her probably wanting to see you happy.:smile:
If you move grandma and grandpa are not that far away and she will most likely still get her fill of them.:heart:
Better school and she want to make music :celery:
Its going to be that much harder on you meeting a good women for you and your child if your at your parents.

Its a good thing that your not being forced out and family is on good terms with the current arrangements.
You could probably move back if things go sour.

Sound Like mom and dad kinda want to see you and your child grow but dont want to make you feel unwelcome, because they do like having the two of you around.
You have come a long way it sounds like, dont get to comfortable keep growing :2cents:.
Also sound like your daughter is feeling its time, bet she would be thrilled.

Maybe let her finish the year out and save or do the thing where she stays with grandma till January, this will give you some time to maybe date and she will transition schools during winter break not mid week and that might be less socially traumatic.





I appreciate all the input and offers to talk so far.  I like the way this quoted statement lays it out.  Other opinions are welcome!!! 

Lol I'm so freaking weird about woman after 5 yrs of no sex, that it didn't even dawn on me that I could date a little bit while she was at my parents finishing school.   

Something I've considered: I grew up living in town and playing basketball.  I went to college and waited tables.  Somehow I ended up being the guy wanting to camp in the woods, live the land, and am perfectly fine butchering an animal with my hands to eat.  Somehow, surely she will come back around to it too if I move her in town.  That way of life is so important to me, but she is more important to me.  If I can give her a chance to learn guitar or some other skill now, she will be forever thankful.  It would live with her forever.  I never tried to so anything like that.


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InvisibleBeside the Garden
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Re: Desperately need help making a life decision [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18989212 - 10/17/13 12:31 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Is a life long skill that will pay it self off multiple times over and a good way for her to express her self artistically, and engage socially.

Nothing wrong with self sufficiency, many girls where im at love a good old country boy:moose:

I hear ya on the five year thing, I will be weird :lol: but worth it.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Desperately need help making a life decision [Re: Beside the Garden]
    #18989625 - 10/17/13 06:13 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Hahaha I need to go on and move there around you.  I live in the south and everyone here is trying to act like getting dirty and sweaty is a bad thing.  I try not to judge, but it's fucking weird.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Desperately need help making a life decision [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18989633 - 10/17/13 06:16 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I like that picture. I'm saving it.  Amy thoughts on why it's taking me so long and so much thought to find an answer?  I mean, why can't I make a decision?  I found a quote online the other day that said to judge a man by the questions he asks, not by his actions.  I like to think that I'm really smart ad am just making damn sure before I do anything and asking all these questions....BUT I'm sure it's more likely just that I screwed up in the past and am being scared to make another mistake.  Lol like that won't happen sometimes


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InvisibleBeside the Garden
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Re: Desperately need help making a life decision [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18991931 - 10/17/13 05:19 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Well i think its one of them Fear of the Unknown kinda things.

And about your past,
what have you learned?
Im sure it has shown you what your capable of when you dont have priorities, but you do now and have you have goals. Focus more on the positive things and get out of here with the fear & doubt. Hopefully when you find a good women she will curb some your fear. If it all went to south you will still have your parents so there is a safety net.

I say maybe take them out to dinner and have these conversations so people cant retreat to the tv or other room. Speak your mind they will understand and i don't really think all the death stuff is morbid just practical and realistic.
A lot of people deal with this same kinda of indecisiveness I know i am really hard on myself and put so much weight on things some times.


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InvisibleEndure
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Re: Desperately need help making a life decision [Re: Beside the Garden]
    #18993399 - 10/17/13 10:27 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

i skimmed through your post. i had a terrible mother, and now im paying for it. ive seen things no other kid should seen regarding the divorce, ive also experienced serious envy of other peoples lives at one point even though i had a good life - not having a mother and goingto your friends house can be a sad thing,, thats just one of Many things going on in your kids head.
but moving on
get your kid a therapist.. better off a female in my own experience.. a good one, one that you like, but above all else, one that he likes, he shouldn't feel forced to go although maybe the first time or two you might have to give him a boost, but he should like the person he is talking too. so, if this is accessible, getting a therapist, then you aren't being the greatest father you can be by not going.

he is going through things you can't possibly understand and can affect him emotionally on a level you don't know. thats some real talk there.


--------------------
Im only aloud to post once an hour. Because 'Sell Your Soul' doesn't like me. so if I am responding to you, that means you are above of the utmost importance


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Anonymous #1

Re: Desperately need help making a life decision [Re: Endure]
    #19001358 - 10/19/13 08:21 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I appreciate all the advice on here


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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Desperately need help making a life decision [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19005344 - 10/20/13 06:54 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

OP, if everything looks good on the outside, I'd say stop stressing about your internal resistance. That is, there's a bit of a lag about big decisions that are coming up, especially since you haven't seen the new house, met the new neighbors, seen the kid come back from school or shining from the new guitar lessons. You haven't tasted the cooking of your new woman nor hear her laughter yet, so you're comparing your current land and comfort zone to a deep dark unknown ocean, because you have nothing to compare it to.

All in all, this reluctance to move is just fear of the unknown, clinging to the comfort zone that's grown too small, but it's at least familiar.

Give yourself some time to process the fact that you'll be moving, and your emotions will align to that as well. Plenty of time to chill and feel good about the new home once you've moved in it, sent the kid to school and found a lady to share it all with.

Good vibes and a bright future OP :heart:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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Anonymous #1

Re: Desperately need help making a life decision [Re: Spacerific]
    #19005716 - 10/20/13 08:14 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Spacerific said:
OP, if everything looks good on the outside, I'd say stop stressing about your internal resistance. That is, there's a bit of a lag about big decisions that are coming up, especially since you haven't seen the new house, met the new neighbors, seen the kid come back from school or shining from the new guitar lessons. You haven't tasted the cooking of your new woman nor hear her laughter yet, so you're comparing your current land and comfort zone to a deep dark unknown ocean, because you have nothing to compare it to.

All in all, this reluctance to move is just fear of the unknown, clinging to the comfort zone that's grown too small, but it's at least familiar.

Give yourself some time to process the fact that you'll be moving, and your emotions will align to that as well. Plenty of time to chill and feel good about the new home once you've moved in it, sent the kid to school and found a lady to share it all with.

Good vibes and a bright future OP :heart:




I think we would get along in real life.  And I don't mean in a "Stan" by Eminem kinda way.  I love reading your posts.  This spoke to me.  I almost cried. I froze for sure.  Thank you.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Desperately need help making a life decision [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19075830 - 11/02/13 04:05 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Thanks to all those that input!  I made the decision to move to the next town over with my kid and get her in that school.


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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Desperately need help making a life decision [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19078272 - 11/03/13 01:02 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Good to hear mate, drop me a PM anytime, I'd love to hear how it's going out there, fresh starts and new beginnings :biggrin:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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