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Anonymous #1
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I'm in need of a razorblade..bad.
#18985346 - 10/16/13 09:27 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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I fell in love with a boy at the age of 14. We dated for about 3 years, off and on, when we finally called it quits. The relationship was so tainted. We fought more than we loved. But when we loved, it was incredible. I got pregnant at 15, and he knew immediately. I was in such denial, I went two months without a period before I finally said something to my mom. I never even had the chance to ask myself "should I keep it?" 4 days later my mom and grandmother made sure it was taken care of.
We continued our relationship after that, but it was never the same. A few days after my operation, he cheated on me. A few weeks after that, during a breakup, he told me that he would have hated me if I would have kept it. Ouch, right? And to add insult to injury, I'm almost 99.8% sure that that was my one and only chance to bring life onto this earth.
Hayden..
Throughout our off/on relationship I slept with about 9 or 10 other guys. (I know, I'm a mega huge slut, right?) Whenever things were rocky with us, I tried to find the love that he gave me in someone else, because he always told me that nobody would ever love me the way he did. And I wanted to prove him wrong. But I didn't. In my drunken teenage stupor, I thought these guys were REALLY interested in me. But they weren't. Just my vagina. We all make mistakes, right?
I tried to make myself hate him when we finally called it quits. I wanted nothing more than to hate him. And for awhile, I did. When I started to miss him, I thought of everything wrong he had ever done to me (and boy, let me tell you, he's done some pretty fucked up shit to me) I finally came to terms with the fact that I missed my bestfriend, my other half. I have never been more compatible with someone, ever. We tried talking again, being friends, but we both knew that we were way past that. So we moved on, again.
My boyfriend now (let's call him, Vegeta) and I have been together for a little over a year now, and everytime I look at him, I see HIS face. When Vegeta laughs, I hear HIS cackling hyena laugh.
What is wrong with me..?
Vegeta knows about my ex and I's past relationship, which is why he despises him. He pretty much blames him for how I am today, and so do I. but for some insane fucking reason, I cannot let him go.
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Icepic
Enlightenment seeking


Registered: 05/20/02
Posts: 1,374
Loc: Wild west
Last seen: 9 years, 11 months
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Re: I'm in need of a razorblade..bad. [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#18985368 - 10/16/13 09:35 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Broken hearts suck, love is a psychedelic experience, and can defiantly alter the way you see things, like the saying love is blind.time is the only thing that heals a broken heart, but it will forever be scared, I remember my first love very vividly, and when she broke my heart, I became a heroin addict because I couldn't deal with the pain. I never thought I'd love anyone like that again, but now I'm happily married going on six years and i love my wife more then anybody I ever have, someone else is out there for you, it may just take a long time to find them. I hope everything works out for you.
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Cyclohexylamine
Turn on, Tune in, Drop out



Registered: 09/08/10
Posts: 14,327
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Re: I'm in need of a razorblade..bad. [Re: Anonymous #1] 3
#18985378 - 10/16/13 09:40 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
(I know, I'm a mega huge slut, right?)
Hardly.
Onto the rest of your thread, I really would suggest some counselling - it would do wonders to help you get over past issues / trauma. For the record, the ex of yours sounds like an ass, that being said he was also young and young people are usually quite stupid. But either way it's not a relationship you want to go back to. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
Your first love can sometimes be very strong, akin to trying MDMA (for example) the first time. It's something you have never experienced before. And getting pregnant with that first love just adds complication to the matter. But you are better off now than with him, and you are better off not having the kid as it would have made your current life much much harder.
This is why I suggest counselling, to come to terms with what happened and to move on with your life, to realize your full potential and leave the past where it belongs - the past.
-------------------- Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world? There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K Something abut that anaesthetic rush... Qualitative Research Chemical Effects and Experiences The Wonderful World of Methoxetamine The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One
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Shroomhunter510
Fussy Eater



Registered: 04/03/12
Posts: 408
Loc: Bahamas
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
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You sound like my sister
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Anonymous #1
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i'll be 21 in December.
Sometimes I think, "What would happen if we met for the first time now? Now that we're both older and little more mature, would things be any different?"
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ChinChiller



Registered: 07/03/10
Posts: 3,270
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Quote:
Shroomhunter510 said: You sound like my sister
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Bahaudeen
Stranger


Registered: 04/09/13
Posts: 30
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
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Re: I'm in need of a razorblade..bad. [Re: ChinChiller]
#18986150 - 10/16/13 01:23 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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I'd suggest to not sleep with so many men as you might catch HIV and it might be transmitted to the baby. Plus, the other men are just exploiting you in your vulnerable state. Having a baby is not the end of the world - quite the opposite. You have parents and grand parents to help you take care of it. Try graduate in school.
A man who cheated on you when you were pregnant I think is not on. In this age, being a single mother isn't bad.
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Cyclohexylamine
Turn on, Tune in, Drop out



Registered: 09/08/10
Posts: 14,327
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Re: I'm in need of a razorblade..bad. [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#18986231 - 10/16/13 01:41 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Bahaudeen said: I'd suggest to not sleep with so many men as you might catch HIV and it might be transmitted to the baby.
A better suggestion is to use protection...  Having sex is perfectly fine and she has hardly had sex with "so many men".
Quote:
Anonymous said: i'll be 21 in December.
Sometimes I think, "What would happen if we met for the first time now? Now that we're both older and little more mature, would things be any different?"
Perhaps - but you didn't and there is no point in wondering about what would have happened. Yes - your ex sounds like an ass, but I cannot say many negative things about him as he was young and young teenagers are dumbasses the majority of the time / do things without thinking of the consequences. I know I certainly did.
But the thing is not to worry about the what could have happened. One thing you will learn is that there isn't just one person for you. It all boils down to finding a partner with whom you are compatible with, who treats you right, and where the relationship is "the icing on the cake of life" so to speak.
Again I stress the importance of seeing a counsellor. Don't underestimate how helpful a psychologist can be. I cannot help too much without knowing more about your life history, but a psychologist can work with you to identify why you feel the way you do, and work with you on how to go forward.
-------------------- Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world? There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K Something abut that anaesthetic rush... Qualitative Research Chemical Effects and Experiences The Wonderful World of Methoxetamine The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One
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Anonymous #2
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Re: I'm in need of a razorblade..bad. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18987441 - 10/16/13 06:13 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: I fell in love with a boy at the age of 14. We dated for about 3 years, off and on, when we finally called it quits. The relationship was so tainted. We fought more than we loved. But when we loved, it was incredible. I got pregnant at 15, and he knew immediately. I was in such denial, I went two months without a period before I finally said something to my mom. I never even had the chance to ask myself "should I keep it?" 4 days later my mom and grandmother made sure it was taken care of.
We continued our relationship after that, but it was never the same. A few days after my operation, he cheated on me. A few weeks after that, during a breakup, he told me that he would have hated me if I would have kept it. Ouch, right? And to add insult to injury, I'm almost 99.8% sure that that was my one and only chance to bring life onto this earth.
Hayden..
Throughout our off/on relationship I slept with about 9 or 10 other guys. (I know, I'm a mega huge slut, right?) Whenever things were rocky with us, I tried to find the love that he gave me in someone else, because he always told me that nobody would ever love me the way he did. And I wanted to prove him wrong. But I didn't. In my drunken teenage stupor, I thought these guys were REALLY interested in me. But they weren't. Just my vagina. We all make mistakes, right?
I tried to make myself hate him when we finally called it quits. I wanted nothing more than to hate him. And for awhile, I did. When I started to miss him, I thought of everything wrong he had ever done to me (and boy, let me tell you, he's done some pretty fucked up shit to me) I finally came to terms with the fact that I missed my bestfriend, my other half. I have never been more compatible with someone, ever. We tried talking again, being friends, but we both knew that we were way past that. So we moved on, again.
My boyfriend now (let's call him, Vegeta) and I have been together for a little over a year now, and everytime I look at him, I see HIS face. When Vegeta laughs, I hear HIS cackling hyena laugh.
What is wrong with me..?
Vegeta knows about my ex and I's past relationship, which is why he despises him. He pretty much blames him for how I am today, and so do I. but for some insane fucking reason, I cannot let him go.
lol i think you think that your feelings are something special and worth noting...
personally i think you just have hard time processing things and should see a therapist
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Ballerium
Little Black Spot on the Sun



Registered: 10/03/10
Posts: 11,025
Loc: GA
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Quote:
tymoteusz3 said: One thing you will learn is that there isn't just one person for you.
This is so true. My own relationship issues aside, just from being on this site alone and interacting with people has made me realize that there are more people out there that I could potentially be compatible with than I ever thought possible.
-------------------- Beats and waves will take me to my grave and when I go there I know that I won't be alone 'cause I've been spotted, blotted, many many times before.
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barong
Nada


Registered: 07/24/11
Posts: 666
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Re: I'm in need of a razorblade..bad. [Re: Bahaudeen] 1
#18988300 - 10/16/13 09:13 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Bahaudeen said: I'd suggest to not sleep with so many men as you might catch HIV
WHAT?! Are you referencing material from 1985?
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WScott
´ ɑ `▽ ᑲᓇᑕ


Registered: 07/31/05
Posts: 5,713
Loc: Nacada
Last seen: 10 months, 9 days
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Re: I'm in need of a razorblade..bad. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18992197 - 10/17/13 06:18 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Off topic but you get cool points for referring to your boyfriend as Vegeta.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I'm in need of a razorblade..bad. [Re: WScott]
#18992212 - 10/17/13 06:22 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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LOL he's Vegeta in human form. Well, according to him he IS a saiyan..
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Ballerium
Little Black Spot on the Sun



Registered: 10/03/10
Posts: 11,025
Loc: GA
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Re: I'm in need of a razorblade..bad. [Re: WScott]
#18992224 - 10/17/13 06:23 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Agreed.
Quote:
When Vegeta laughs, I hear HIS cackling hyena laugh.
-------------------- Beats and waves will take me to my grave and when I go there I know that I won't be alone 'cause I've been spotted, blotted, many many times before.
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Synthe
Gatorade me, bitch!



Registered: 11/10/12
Posts: 7,961
Loc: Three bags of Funyuns
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Re: I'm in need of a razorblade..bad. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18992341 - 10/17/13 06:50 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: I fell in love with a boy at the age of 14.
Throughout our off/on relationship I slept with about 9 or 10 other guys.
Here's a guide that I think will help you.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: I'm in need of a razorblade..bad. [Re: Synthe]
#19008440 - 10/21/13 12:55 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Synthe said:
Quote:
Anonymous said: I fell in love with a boy at the age of 14.
Throughout our off/on relationship I slept with about 9 or 10 other guys.
Here's a guide that I think will help you.
I really hope you let this guy be - you already keep screwing him over it sounds like. just find new partners..
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