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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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Offlinejunkyardgod
A psychedelic mess.
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Registered: 08/12/08
Posts: 443
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
Can I get a critique up in this joint?
    #18984563 - 10/16/13 01:57 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

...Shroomery, I just wanted to say I fucking love you. I respect you deeply. I dream about spooning tenderly with you in the dead of night. And that is why I'm humbly requesting your help on a project of mine! I was wondering if I could get some feedback/critique/criticism on my work here? I'm trying to improve but it's very hard to find people willing to share their opinions. Just tell it straight, keep it real. I want brutal honesty if necessary.

+5 rating and a sloppy blowjob from the dudes in OTD if you participate! ; )

Oh and P.S.
There's profound white-boy-gangsta-rapping involved.


Edited by junkyardgod (10/16/13 02:48 AM)


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InvisibleCelestial Traveler
Random Observer
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Registered: 03/03/11
Posts: 7,639
Loc: Idaho
Re: Can I get a critique up in this joint? [Re: junkyardgod]
    #18984585 - 10/16/13 02:06 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I mean the lyrics are all right, but the vocals could be a little better.  That's why it sometimes sounds lame when white people try to rap, because they can't really genuinely sound tough when they spit out rhymes because they can't fully commit to the act.


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Funny Video              Pokemon But With Animals Instead              B


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Invisiblegzuf
٩(̾๏̮̮̃̾๏̃̾)۶
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/13/09
Posts: 6,535
Re: Can I get a critique up in this joint? [Re: junkyardgod]
    #18984588 - 10/16/13 02:07 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I liked it, my bad I skipped the video and just read it myself but it's late I'm a bit drunk and dont feel like plugging in my speakers. This line stuck out

poetry blossoming in fruition, divine intervention
is murdered apprehension.

Nice man keep at it. I could feel the flow at certain parts.

it just takes some creativity, dreamy reality, obliterated formality.

thats a good one too


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+1 Post ٩(̾๏̮̮̃̾๏̃̾)۶



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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order


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