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Anonymous #1
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Don't know why I'm depressed, but my apathy is ruining my life.
#18970335 - 10/12/13 10:53 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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I don't have a bad life at all. It wasn't until about a month ago that I just fell into this deep pit of depression that I don't know how to climb out of.
Most of it is revolving around the fact that I am doing extremely mediocrely in school. I have B's in the 3 classes I'm taking (Microbiology, Organic Chemistry I, College Physics I), and I feel completely detached from it right now.
I am 22 years old and I am studying pre-pharmacy right now. I'm going to school at a community college and living at home. I haven't worked a day in my life so I have no work experience whatsoever. Getting a job is something that I have been putting aside for almost a year now.
My mom is my benefactor. She has been a single mother for about 20 years now and pulls absolutely ridiculous hours working as a nurse in order to provide for me and my sister. She is almost never home, but when she is, she is either bitching us out or bitching about how much she hates her life. I've gotten used to this, but I think it's starting to rub off on me.
I have some good close friends who I really love hanging out with. I can't stand to be around them for too long though. I don't learn much from hanging out with them, but they like to drink and smoke and I trust them so they are as good of a social outlet as any.
Anyway, here's the bottom line:
I fucking HATE living off of my mom like a bum, but I am completely and utterly terrified of going out and getting a job. Having to rely on my mother to buy the things I want/need is extremely daunting. I am thinking about dropping out of school for a while and just working until I am comfortable being able to balance both work and school. Once I can make enough money I will also probably go see a doctor about getting a prescription for amphetamines. I don't know if I have ADD, but focusing on any task that requires a lot of trial and error is EXTREMELY difficult for me without amphetamines. My mom won't pay for me to go see a shrink because she is completely and utterly opposed to drug use.
Will getting a job cure me of my apathy?
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Epigallo
Stranger
Registered: 09/17/06
Posts: 8,155
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Re: Don't know why I'm depressed, but my apathy is ruining my life. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18970377 - 10/12/13 11:04 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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It sounds like it would help alleviate your moral conflict. Getting a job isn't scary, but it is often boring or frustrating, and the process of getting one can be discouraging if you aren't patient. But hell, everyone has to work sometime.
I wouldn't take amphetamines. There are safer things like sulbutiamine or l-theanine + caffeine if you need help focusing.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Don't know why I'm depressed, but my apathy is ruining my life. [Re: Epigallo]
#18970520 - 10/12/13 11:42 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
bradley said: It sounds like it would help alleviate your moral conflict. Getting a job isn't scary, but it is often boring or frustrating, and the process of getting one can be discouraging if you aren't patient. But hell, everyone has to work sometime.
I wouldn't take amphetamines. There are safer things like sulbutiamine or l-theanine + caffeine if you need help focusing.
Where can I acquire things like this? Do you know any other nootropics that can actually help me with my focusing problem?
God knows I don't want to use amphetamines as a crutch, but at this point in my life I don't even fucking care anymore - I just want to do what works.
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All We Perceive
Sea Cucumber



Registered: 09/24/07
Posts: 10,491
Last seen: 7 months, 5 days
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Re: Don't know why I'm depressed, but my apathy is ruining my life. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18970976 - 10/13/13 02:55 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Dunno man...... Maybe get your own apartment? I don't really have much sympathy for you; there is no way you should be living at home at 22. No wonder your mom is bitchy about it. The 20s have been the hardest years of my life. There is a lot of uncertainty because you've never really been an "adult" before. Dropping out of school is really the dumbest move you could make here. I assume you're about the graduate at 22? You have 0 skills; what value is there in "working?" You clearly have everything provided to you. Take advantage of it and finish your degree. College is seriously the easiest you will ever have it. It's a kill or be killed world out there.
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"plus they atually think jambands are good or sumthing, so they clearly know absolutely nothing about music, clearly lol" -Bassfreak
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Don't know why I'm depressed, but my apathy is ruining my life. [Re: All We Perceive]
#18971304 - 10/13/13 07:36 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Focus on your studies, they will be the foundation. It's all about building a better future.
Make your own rules. Stick to them - this can be the hardest part if you feel like you're getting no where, but you have to commit yourself. For example, if you promise yourself to apply for X amount of jobs a week, you gotta keep on even when you're unemployed after 4 months. This level of commitment to anything will better you as a person.
Don't poison your mind.
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Epigallo
Stranger
Registered: 09/17/06
Posts: 8,155
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Re: Don't know why I'm depressed, but my apathy is ruining my life. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18971595 - 10/13/13 10:03 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Quote:
bradley said: It sounds like it would help alleviate your moral conflict. Getting a job isn't scary, but it is often boring or frustrating, and the process of getting one can be discouraging if you aren't patient. But hell, everyone has to work sometime.
I wouldn't take amphetamines. There are safer things like sulbutiamine or l-theanine + caffeine if you need help focusing.
Where can I acquire things like this? Do you know any other nootropics that can actually help me with my focusing problem?
God knows I don't want to use amphetamines as a crutch, but at this point in my life I don't even fucking care anymore - I just want to do what works.
Scroll down the list here and look in the column of the table for "focus". You can see what things have the most supporting studies for that area of cognition. There is also a vendor list on that page.
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 13 days
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Re: Don't know why I'm depressed, but my apathy is ruining my life. [Re: Epigallo]
#18972056 - 10/13/13 12:34 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Getting a job helps but dropping out of school is for sure the worst move you could make. I finished school and couldnt find a job in my field for ages, then I sort of just gave up and let my depression take over for a long time. I got a crappy job at a restaurant about a year ago and it definitely helped keep my mood up. However, you quickly realize that if that is your entire future you are going to have a pretty shitty life.
Ive personally got some fucked up family problems atm that Ive got to get taken care of before I can move on, but my degree is the only thing keeping me from blowing my brains out right now
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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