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Sperger
Stranger


Registered: 06/21/11
Posts: 50
Loc: UK
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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My bro died
#18940664 - 10/06/13 02:48 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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We buried my younger bro last week as he died after a operation for a hernia when he had a heart attack 20 hours after the op.
Thing is he's never been well having suffered brain damage from another operation when he was a baby. His life was torment and frustration but the thing is I don't know how to deal with his passing, part of me says he's not suffering anymore which is a good thing right? and another part thinks that's evil and selfish to think that way.
WTF swshroomr dudes ?
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Brakepad
Fuck society


Registered: 11/29/12
Posts: 163
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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Re: My bro died [Re: Sperger]
#18940743 - 10/06/13 03:07 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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death is a part of life don't be to stressed or upset over someones death. life is full of suffering and pain im sure death would be blissful compared to some aspects of life. so don't think you are selfish or evil. its not like you are happy that he died
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Cactus.
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cheshirect666
Wanderer



Registered: 12/17/07
Posts: 631
Loc: Medford, Oregon
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Re: My bro died [Re: Brakepad]
#18940770 - 10/06/13 03:15 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Brakepad said: death is a part of life don't be to stressed or upset over someones death. life is full of suffering and pain im sure death would be blissful compared to some aspects of life. so don't think you are selfish or evil. its not like you are happy that he died
 srry for your loss friend my deepest condolences and prayers go out to you and yours death is only a transmutation of energy he is no longer suffering do to the physical body he was in now he is all around u and everything else be greatfull he is no longer in pain
peace and love friend
-------------------- Not all who wander are lost.
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Sperger
Stranger


Registered: 06/21/11
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Loc: UK
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Re: My bro died [Re: Brakepad]
#18940790 - 10/06/13 03:20 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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That's the issue I'm having, part of my mind keeps asking if I,m glad he's dead as I choose to view his passing as a release fuck my brain!
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Atrium
Cunt Tickler

Registered: 08/18/13
Posts: 1,284
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Re: My bro died [Re: Sperger]
#18942460 - 10/06/13 09:38 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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You do not see your brother's death as a good thing, as I learned to eventually. Instead, you see it as a great thing. Although I miss my brother, I remember every night that he was aggressive from a xanax blackout or depressed or just risking my life taking me to and from college.
I'm sure there is the same pain you can relate to having seen your brother tormented by physical things rather than emotional. It takes time as I lost both my brother and father within three days of each other in December and have only really begun to find happiness in life and can see the positives. Mainly, the suffering is over. It hurts dude, you'll never fully get over it. At times at work or just driving I damn near start tearing up and feel depressed, then something makes me laugh from a memory of either and again I remember that the way it is now is better than the alternative we as a family faced last year.
I don't want to steal your thunder but if it would help I can post my story I wrote up about a week ago that is in shroomerites anonymous. That is only if you think it may help.
But for words of encouragement and to really see the light in all the darkness just remember that time heals all. A permanent change of scenery may also be worth looking into. Overall though just know that through his life and smiles he created for you, you now know the pain of loss and can instill the same smiles into another.
Feel free to PM me if you would like as well bro!
-------------------- The only thing about Chemistry I like is all the psychedelics that come from it. The only reason I study Psychology is to have a legitimate excuse to enjoy Chemistry.
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claraclairvoyant
well oiled machine



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Re: My bro died [Re: Sperger]
#18942692 - 10/06/13 10:46 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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sorry for your loss, i recently lost my brother as well. i still don't know how to deal with it and i probably never will. there's no "way", you just live and take it day by day. it's okay that you don't know how to feel about it, your mind will probably be confused for a long time. your thoughts will go from good to bad in seconds. life is confusing.
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Sperger
Stranger


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Re: My bro died [Re: Atrium]
#18944677 - 10/07/13 12:37 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Jamesdnh said:
I don't want to steal your thunder but if it would help I can post my story I wrote up about a week ago that is in shroomerites anonymous. That is only if you think it may help. Feel free to PM me if you would like as well bro!
Yes please do and thanks for the kind words, im a little locked up my own emotions but now see many others a suffering same pain for their losing loved ones.
Heartfelts for all the people grieving loved ones in the world.
Edited by Sperger (10/07/13 12:38 PM)
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Atrium
Cunt Tickler

Registered: 08/18/13
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Re: My bro died [Re: Sperger]
#18944753 - 10/07/13 12:58 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Ok here you go buddy. It wasn't exactly what I remember writing but it's ok.
http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/18888948
Just keep strong and if you need to, cry, let it out. And like I said, PM's if you want to.
-------------------- The only thing about Chemistry I like is all the psychedelics that come from it. The only reason I study Psychology is to have a legitimate excuse to enjoy Chemistry.
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Spacerific
- - - >


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Re: My bro died [Re: Atrium]
#18945305 - 10/07/13 03:11 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Don't overthink it OP, shit happens. It's done, try to get over it as best you can and get on with your life.
This sort of hair splitting, of whether you're glad your bro is dead or not, this is pointless. If you're glad you're glad, if you're not you're not, neither of them will bring him back. If your brother could see you, I bet he wouldn't want you to put yourself through endless shit by second guessing yourself and endless guilt trips.
For what it's worth, it does get better with time, you do learn to move on. My dad died 7 years ago, we weren't too close but I have some idea of what I'm talking about. From what I see with me and the rest of my family, one way or another life does go on.
Cry and scream and let it out as much as you need to, just don't overthink it, nothing will come of it. That's my 2 cents at least. Peace.
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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VivaLaMushie
RIP LS :(


Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 15,711
Loc: Switzerland
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Sorry for your loss, OP.
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ManianFH
living in perverty


Registered: 07/06/04
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Sorry about your brother. I love my siblings and cant imagine how I would feel if something like that were to happen. I hope things work out for you
-------------------- notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... " ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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Sperger
Stranger


Registered: 06/21/11
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Re: My bro died [Re: ManianFH]
#18949516 - 10/08/13 12:59 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Really helps you have all taken time to share your thoughts and experiences, I guess it's so easy to get isolated when grieving for a loved one as it's so intense and consuming. Feeling better a bit now and clearer in the head, thanks so much shroomery dudes and gals
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happymealplease
Stranger

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Re: My bro died [Re: Sperger]
#18954764 - 10/09/13 02:46 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sperger said: We buried my younger bro last week as he died after a operation for a hernia when he had a heart attack 20 hours after the op.
Thing is he's never been well having suffered brain damage from another operation when he was a baby. His life was torment and frustration but the thing is I don't know how to deal with his passing, part of me says he's not suffering anymore which is a good thing right?
I agree with this analysis. I had a cousin who was hit by a car when he was 6 years old. Took a healthy child with the potential for a bright future and turned him into a drooling retard (I mean that in the clinical sense). He didn't die until he was 33 and honestly I felt the same way when he died. His life from the car accident - death seemed like tormented bullshit, it seemed unjust that it took 27 years for the world to finally let him go, but in my head, I still think it was the best outcome. Took way too long, but it was the best outcome.
Edited by happymealplease (10/09/13 02:47 PM)
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B_BOY
Phuck Ewe



Registered: 07/17/11
Posts: 2,819
Loc: O
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OP I am SURE he is in a lot better place, with no ailments at all
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JesusGoneRogue


Registered: 10/24/10
Posts: 9,495
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Re: My bro died [Re: Sperger]
#18959277 - 10/10/13 12:52 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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My condolences He's in a better place
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Sperger
Stranger


Registered: 06/21/11
Posts: 50
Loc: UK
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Again thanks for your kind thoughts, I can't even talk to my own family about how I feel.
And sorry for every ones loss also
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JesusGoneRogue


Registered: 10/24/10
Posts: 9,495
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Re: My bro died [Re: Sperger]
#18965837 - 10/11/13 09:03 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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OneLove
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



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Posts: 95,368
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Re: My bro died [Re: Sperger]
#18966807 - 10/12/13 02:20 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sperger said: We buried my younger bro last week as he died after a operation for a hernia when he had a heart attack 20 hours after the op.
Thing is he's never been well having suffered brain damage from another operation when he was a baby. His life was torment and frustration but the thing is I don't know how to deal with his passing, part of me says he's not suffering anymore which is a good thing right? and another part thinks that's evil and selfish to think that way.
WTF swshroomr dudes ?
part of me says he's not suffering anymore which is a good thing right?
This^
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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claraclairvoyant
well oiled machine



Registered: 05/24/09
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Re: My bro died [Re: Sperger]
#18967718 - 10/12/13 10:04 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sperger said: Again thanks for your kind thoughts, I can't even talk to my own family about how I feel.
And sorry for every ones loss also 
why can't you talk to your family about it? it would probably be helpful. they are the only ones who really understand what you're going through because they're going through it too.
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Sperger
Stranger


Registered: 06/21/11
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Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Well there is only my older sister and me left and she's defo NOT of the opinion he's in a better place. She toys with the idea but as she spent the last 15 years of his life trying to help him she is now also wracked with guilt!
Here is a cut from my original Shroomey joining thread, explains things a little better maybe.
'My father abandoned me , 2 brothers and a sister when I was 9 years old and I remember a bit of violent abuse from him but it's quite a dim memory, suffice to say I wasn't a wanted child as my bitch of a mother would tell me every time we had a row which was frequent!
My younger brother had a Pyloric ulcer when he was a baby and due to some complications when he had surgery he ended up with severe brain damage and was totally fucked for life, he's still alive but institutionalized (poor bastard, no speech, mental age of 5 year old even though hes 43)
So, like it or not I became his unpaid carer as my mum couldn't cope, this laid waste to my life until I was 33 years old and I found my mum dead in bed from bronchial pneumonia.
About a year after this my older bro committed suicide with car fumes presumably because he couldn't bear the guilt of not fulfilling a promise that he would look after younger bro in the event of mums death, he was a totally wrong-un anyway, nasty mugging in and out of prison type so that can't have helped.
Brain damaged bro was impossible to manage even though the social services tried and tried. In his early days he was taking Benadryl, Largactil and Valium to knock him out as he was so hyperactive. Used to sit there and rock and make moaning noise, truly a horrible 20 years!!!! (almost crying now, good to get it out)
When bro killed himself social services tried to get me to become a permanent paid carer , free house and all the benefits but I saw the light and got the fuck out, I'd had enough thanks and was now free enjoying a relationship with a girl I loved very much although that came to a horrible end probably because of the state I was in.'
The last paragraph is my source of guilt as I now feel I should have stayed with him and cared for the rest of his life as I was the only one who could really manage his frustration outbursts, but I went off to live my own life.
This is what I'm dealing with now.
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