Hello all,
I have long been a lurker on both this forum and the DMT Nexus. I may cross-post this experience there once their forum goes back up.
Last Saturday I had such an unbelievable experience that I felt I just had to register and share this one. So here goes...
Substance: 15 grams fresh Atlantis, chewed and washed away with plenty of water (so vile...). Setting: out in the woods with a friend who was also on mushrooms and his girlfriend, who was sober.
This entire trip was rather unplanned. The idea materialized on Friday night at at party and on Saturday we were on our way into the woods with 30 grams of fresh Atlantis.
We arrived at an area I know quite well and ate the mushrooms at the edge of parking lot, 15 grams each. We then went on a long walk around one of the wooded areas. I trip here quite often and I found that once I reach the entrance into the actual woods this way, the mushrooms will have kicked in. And they did. Before heading into the actual woods, I was already experiencing slight movements in my vision, colours were intensified and everything seemed a lot sharper and clearer.
Upon entering the woods, my friend's girlfriend walked out ahead of us into some clearing. When the sun hit her hair, I became briefly convinced that she was some sort of apparition, a spirit of nature, guiding my friend and me along this path. I told my friend what I saw, then she turned around and it was dispelled.
We headed over to a bench that I like to hang around while tripping. It is located near the water, surrounded by plants and tall trees on the other side. It's far away enough from any roads, so you won't see any cars. An ideal spot, in my opinion. We sat down on the bench and my friend was having a really "internal" trip, he often closed his eyes and didn't say or do much. I was leaning back, staring at the trees and the skies. It was around that time that I peaked and I started seeing things in the clouds. At first it was mainly geometric shapes and patterns. Then things became distinctly 3D. I started seeing frameworks of zeppelins in the clouds and rotating cubes and other things along those lines. Then it became clear to me that it was a landscape, the shores of some sea, desert, dunes, but it was not a landscape here on earth. It didn't have the same meaning as a landscape here, it felt more like the setting for a story. As I focused on the landscape, the story behind it became obvious to me. I witnessed the dawn of man, as a species, our departure from the forest (the primate state) and into the African savannah (or whatever it's called). My friend's girlfriend was chatting with me and kept asking me questions about what I was seeing. I tried to narrate the story I saw in the skies to her. For a moment I thought I was channeling some African shaman from thousands of years ago, who, under a similar influence, saw the same story in the sky and narrated it to his people so they could paint it on rocks and in caves. Then it hit me that I was not channeling anyone, but that I was simply seeing a very ancient story that had been told numerous times; the tale of our ancestry, of our creation, of nature and of life and death. I became connected, through time and space, with all other storytellers who had narrated this tale. Maybe I really was channeling, maybe they had all channeled whatever "this" was? Maybe the story itself is what is being channeled? I don't know... Every time I came somewhat back to reality, my friend's girlfriend kept me talking, telling me to continue and I would lose myself in the sky again. As I told her what I saw, I felt it was not me talking. The things I said seemed far too insightful, far too wise for me to say. I really do think that some of this knowledge was not mine at the start of this trip, though maybe it was and it was hidden? Maybe we know far more than we actually realize...
In the story in the sky I saw (and narrated) how everything goes in circles; life, death, rebirth on the scale of a single lifetime, but the entire universe on a much larger scale. That everything is balanced the way it is, that there is nothing to fear before or beyond existence and that nothing ever truly disappears. Configurations change, new beings come into existence, old ones disappear, but their essence lives on in numerous new lives. A couple walked by, with a small child. The child was very interested in us, but naturally the couple pulled him along. It seemed as if they were walking on a stage that we were seeing, to illustrate a point. I understood that they were there to teach us about change, about growth. 2 adults and 1 child, it seemed fitting. I then understood intent. Which may sound strange, but that's just how it hit me. My friend's girlfriend was eating a cookie and I understood that this cookie only ever had 1 path through the universe. From its inception as an idea, it had a predefined intent and it would end up being eaten by her. Such is the way of static things. But living things are different. When we are born, most of us are loved by our parents. From their love, our parents give us our first intent. They want us to live peaceful, to be happy, to live easy. Some of us live our entire lives in relative ease, following the intent given to us by our parents. These people will come to the end of their lives having learned very little. There is nothing inherently wrong with this, they will rejoin the circle and things will go on. Most people, however, will see their intent change over their lifetimes. Sometimes through external factors that they cannot control, most because they themselves decide that they want to be someone else and they change and the learn and at the end of their lives, they will have learned many things. The story then told (showed?) me that we, as a species, are not so different in our entirety. Nature brought us forth with intent. She provided us with the tools of our evolution. She provided us with food and shelter and many ways to learn. She brought us forth into this world with the intent to love and be loved, like she loves us. I then realized that she, in fact, loves us so much that she allows us to return to her, in this state, in this place, to witness and understand what she has to teach us. To bask in her warmth and beauty and to feel at peace within her love.
After I understood intent, my friend's girlfriend remarked that I "knew this place" (meaning the woods where we were). I told her that I really didn't. That every time I come there, the place is different, that I am different, that nothing can ever be defined outside of time, outside of the moment, outside of NOW. I stared back at the sky, the story had changed back into geometric shapes and I gazed at them for what felt like several hours (though it wasn't. Time distortion seems a common thing for me on mushrooms). Then I looked at the water in front of me and proclaimed "All I am is this moment ... and it's gone". I have a notion of what that means, but somehow it didn't feel like it was coming from me. It still feels like I may have heard or read it somewhere and just repeated it, but I cannot seem to find where it must have come from...
At this point, my friend started to have a bit of a violent stomach reaction to the mushrooms. He got up and started puking his guts out, which kind of snapped me back to reality (if only for a while). Being in the state I was in, I somehow thought it would be interesting to tell him and his girlfriend about the significance of vomiting in ayahuasca rituals. He didn't really respond, but I cannot imagine he was overly happy with my spontaneous bit of trivia... After that hit me, I just started laughing my ass off... which also must not have been too nice to him (so, T, if you read this; I really am terribly sorry!). The vomiting seemed to take at least 20 minutes (again, time distortion) and it really did look like he was casting out something vile (to me, at least). The stuff coming out of him didn't seem to have any real substance. It was mesmerizing, but I managed to compose myself for the sake of my friend. After he recovered, we decided to walk on.
We followed a path along the water and stopped from time to time where bits of sunlight broke through the trees. It felt warm and comforting. My friend's girlfriend was picking wild berries from bushes on the side of the path and giving them to us. I know these berries to be rather sour, but in my state they didn't seem to have any flavour at all. Yet, eating them was really pleasant and further proof of my earlier convictions that nature was looking out for us; providing us with food, in this case. At some point I fell a bit behind and my legs didn't really want to work. My friend's girlfriend was ahead of me and she again seemed like the apparition I had taken her for earlier, but again only for a moment. I'm not sure if it was specifically her who triggered this, or if it was the place and state and she just happened to be there to personify this entity or thought... The walk seemed to last days, or even weeks. I kept looking back and ahead, convinced that we had not moved, or convinced we had been there before. It wasn't scary in any way, I really wanted to stay there.
Eventually the path led onto one of the main paths and we decided to walk on to an open area with some benches in it, close to the car park. I was starting to come down now, though things still seemed slightly out of order. When we reached the open area, there was a bunny there, eating some grass and what not. The area is full of wild bunnies, but they are usually quite scared of people. We managed to approach this bunny without startling it and my friend even managed to touch it. It never ran away from us. I'd like to think that this was because we were on mushrooms, but it might also have been a domesticated bunny that someone left there. The latter seems more obvious, but I've also noticed that animals react very differently when you are on mushrooms... so who knows?
I sat down on a bench and looked out over the water and into the skies. The story was gone, but its lessons and magic were very much not...
I've had plenty of trips before, on mushrooms, ayahuasca, ..., but this one stood out and that's why I wanted to share it. I feel that I got a very positive message, from the universe, from nature, however you want to see it. I felt intensely happy after the trip and that feeling hasn't subsided much. I feel as if I am where I need to be and I am doing what I need to be doing. I'm not sure if this was different because of the company or because there was someone who kept asking me to tell her what I saw and it doesn't really matter either way.
It is what it is. It was what it was.
And it was wonderful.
-------------------- All I am is this moment ... and it's gone.
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