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OfflineMichaelium
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Registered: 05/20/13
Posts: 13
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
3g first solo trip - release of the inner ape
    #18938791 - 10/06/13 02:49 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Hi guys, this is my first time tripping solo and highest dosage to date.

Just for a bit of background information, I am a regular 22 year old male who plays soccer and enjoys a beer on the weekend. I have taken various psychedelics over the years and have had my fair share of good and bad trips. Every time I have taken a psychedelic substance it has been in a social setting around people, whether that be in a friends backyard, nightclub, doofs or nature reserves. This was to be my first trip by myself and to say the least, it was probably the most profound and joyous time I have ever had within the four walls of my bedroom.
I have been waiting for about a year or two to build up the courage to take the plunge into the abyss by myself, and finally the perfect day came.

My parents were away, had the house to myself and had taken care of every possible mundane task of 'regular' life, there was nothing to worry about. I obtained 3 dried grams of psilocybe subaeruginosa from a friend and proceeded to brew a mug of mushroom tea. Prior to ingesting the tea I sat down on my bedroom floor and gathered my thoughts. I meditated for about 10 minutes until I felt comfortable and at ease with my space. I said a few words to the mushroom asking to be kind to me on my first solo voyage and that I had full trust in spirit of the mushroom. For the in-experienced trippers reading this, it may sound like a strange thing to do, especially if you are not really a spiritual person, but I believe it is the right thing to do before ingesting a natural psychedelic. Approach the substance as a shaman would, connect with it. These guys have been doing this for eons so read up first before you go down this path. 

I was calm, but a little nervous as I began to drink the tea.  Shortly after ingesting the tea I began jotting down some notes in my journal, simple things just to re assure myself if things were to get out of hand. After +15 minutes the effects were slowly coming on. Increased heart rate, increased sharpness of vision and slight nausea. +25 minutes and my thoughts are becoming very personal and introspective. I am used to this state of mind from previous negative trips and usually I cannot break through and tend to dwell on my self image and my place in the world, which usually follows by a looped pattern of telling myself how fucked up I am and that I will never be sober again. However this time I was ready, I braced myself and went further and further down the rabbit hole, accepting everything that came to me and searched for the root of the thought and not the superficial meanings attached to myself.

A sudden burst of energy swept over my body as I became more and more passive with my surroundings. I spontaneously stood up and threw my hands in the air as if I was about to take off and launch into space. This gave me a sense of empowerment as my consciousness expanded, it felt like I was looking down on the world. I closed my eyes and I was struck with a vivid hallucination of a chemical structure, possibly of psilocybin however I wasn't too sure. I was feeling rushes of energy almost like the onset of MDMA and I let out a large breath. The sound created a delayed echoed effect like I was in a valley and this caught my attention. I began making noises with my mouth and stomping my feet in a repetitive rhythm, a basic drum beat. This is the part where my imagination takes hold of the trip and sends me back to the stone age.
+45m now and I am completely going nuts in my room singing and dancing in some kind of primitive march, as if I was about to enter a battle and this was my war cry. Visuals are getting stronger as the walls begin to move back and forth, the patterns on my bed sheets take 3 dimensional form, my lights from my laptop flicker across the room and suddenly my bedroom has become a nightclub. Every object pulsates and has a sense of novelty about it, I get the feeling that I am not the only one in my bedroom and detect a slight presence. The presence is warm and inviting so I ask of it to come in and join the party. I begin speaking to objects that are taking forms of small blue flickering lights like little pixies, nothing too extreme but there was something peculiar with these objects, I could feel them within me, each one with a different personality and their own traits, perhaps it was parts of my own personality that had projected into these objects. I can feel the feminine side of me coming to life with each moment that passes and oh what a feeling it was. My pants morph into a long flowing dress and soon enough I am spinning around my room like a ballerina in a field of fairies. 

For the next 2 or so hours I am totally lost in my imagination speaking, singing, chanting and dancing with a bunch of cheeky fairies having an absolute ball. I knew I was in the mushroom playground and I felt like a child on his first trip to Disney land, except this time I had the entire theme park to myself. At some point I sat down and tried to gather what had happened since I started dancing, but I was too energetic and I kept finding new things to excite me to bend and twist with my imagination. I began having conversations with the mushroom, I would ask various questions to which I would receive a short but powerful response. They came to me as phrases in thought but seemed to enter my head from some foreign place, either I was channelling a higher power or simply my mind was playing tricks on me as I travelled swiftly between my imagination and reality. I like to believe that I was channelling the mushroom.

As the effects began to ware off I laid on my bed, waving a pencil around like a magical wand admiring the beautiful tracers coming from the lead, appreciating how much the mushroom forces you to be present throughout the entire trip. I missed the chance to experience some CEV as I was completely lost and having too much fun in wonderland. Behind closed eyelids I saw the usual geometric patterns followed by short flashes of hypnagogic imagery of lakes, mountains and trees however there was no depth and I soon lost interest. I was somewhat disappointed with the CEV and I think next time I will take a moment to lay down and close my eyes at the peak of the trip and see what happens.

+4 hours and I was almost at baseline. I spent the next hour or so listening to music and texting some close friends about what i had just gone through. In retrospect I would say this has been the most enjoyable trip to date. Although I didn't have any profound insights and life changing moments, I realized how important it is to let my walls down and how to interact with the ebb and flow of my surroundings. I am grateful to have had such a light hearted and enjoyable experience after being shown the door many times throughout my psychonautic adventures.

I believe that it is true that you do learn a lot about yourself from a bad trip, but the struggle  and intensity of what is happening inside your head can be somewhat overwhelming and often leaves me in a state of sadness and anxiety for a few days, sometimes weeks. After passing through the initial stage of self reflection and trying to let go of the ego I was able to soar like a bird and see things from a clearer perspective without getting trumped on a negative thought. I would highly recommend this to someone who is familiar with small doses of psychedelics and ready to take the plunge by themselves. Just remember to trust your true self and believe in the spirit of the mushroom, be respectful to your space and make sure you are home alone!

Happy travels.


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