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Offlineitchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: JesusGoneRogue] * 1
    #18931289 - 10/04/13 01:42 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

JesusGoneRogue said:
i know it hurts but your relationship with him is "done". you will never feel content and at peace until you follow your heart's truest desires. sorry bal. i really hope you find a solution.




i dont think thats true,

i havent read all of it, but she said she loves him. assuming that love means she actually loves him, then i dont see how its over
Quote:

JesusGoneRogue said:
bal please don't even bother reading that shitty wall of text.




please, don't comment on my threads or anything of that sort. your douchebaggery is off the charts




sometimes, we dont know we like something until we Do it. sometimes we need to learn to walk before we can run. you know how much people actually think there straight, but turn out to be gay? all because they just weren't open to the 'idea' but it turns out that 'idea' when theyre open to it gets them way more sexual... get it?
the Key is to choose to be open to new things, to find out what you really like. he needs to understand this somehow because just maybe he actually like its alot, but he's insecure, n that fear/insecurity is blocking him from well enjoying it..

also maybe after a couple of beers, and shots, you can get him to be more open to fuckin you how you want. just ease into it, more importantly..

go see a pyschologist if you can't handle the stressload, see a female.. goodluck.


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Anonymous #4

Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: koraks]
    #18931492 - 10/04/13 02:34 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

koraks said:
My experience with kinksters, bdsm and the whole issue of sexual deviancy has taught me two things:
1. If you're into something sexually, then you get really unhappy in general (not only sexually) if you don't get it.
2. If someone is vanilla and has shown no interest into kink by their mid-twenties, they won't turn into a red hot chili. If they have, then (1) applies.
Sure, there will be exceptions. But for most of us, the above will apply.

If you're a kinkster living with a vanilla person and they don't pick up on the whole kink thing, especially after confronting them with it repeatedly for some time, then it's really clear that they are vanilla. You might get some deviant behavior out of them, but they're never going to be really into it. Personally, I find that to be a big mutual frustration and I prefer to walk away from it.

Ballerium, particularly if this is your first sexual partner so far, then you really don't know what's out there - what kind of people, and how some of these people will do exactly the stuff that you like - and they do it because they like it, too. If you're unwilling to pick up on that adventure, then you're going to fall in the number 1 category above. It might be a deliberate choice (due to loyalty or romantic considerations), but any rationalization is not going to take away the frustration - at least not in my experience. And I've been there, trust me. For several years.

I think you really have one option left: fuck other people. If you'll leave your bf to do that and/or if you're going to tell him about it, that's the big issue. Given your age, the former seems more likely - but that's an observation, not my advice.

My advice, though, is to explore your sexuality. Because it's too goddamn awesome to let it go to waste.




this was my earlier sentiment exactly. glad i wasnt the only one who pointed these issues out.:tongue2:


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InvisibleJesusGoneRogue
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/24/10
Posts: 9,495
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18931617 - 10/04/13 02:57 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

if you have an issue with me, simply put me on ignore.


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InvisibleBallerium
Little Black Spot on the Sun
Female User Gallery

Registered: 10/03/10
Posts: 11,025
Loc: GA
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: JesusGoneRogue]
    #18931679 - 10/04/13 03:13 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I don't want to go off topic in my own thread but JGR maybe you should take what people are saying into consideration. I used to think pretty highly of you when I first started posting here but ever since you have came back, you seem to have changed. :nonono:

As for everyone else, you have all given me some great advice that is hard to ignore. I plan to respond more thoroughly once I get home, but I appreciate what you all have said and I am impressed with the quality and maturity of most of the responses so far. :thumbup:


--------------------
Beats and waves will take me to my grave and when I go there I know that I won't be alone 'cause I've been spotted, blotted, many many times before.



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InvisibleMe_Roy
Stranger
Registered: 07/30/02
Posts: 3,230
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: JesusGoneRogue] * 1
    #18932009 - 10/04/13 04:29 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

JesusGoneRogue said:
if you have an issue with me, simply put me on ignore.




I've started to make more liberal use of the ignore feature, and it's made my experience of the site much more enjoyable.


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Anonymous #5

Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: JesusGoneRogue] * 2
    #18932051 - 10/04/13 04:39 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

JesusGoneRogue said:
bal please don't even bother reading that shitty wall of text.




Fuck you too. Assholes like you are why I posted that anon.


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
Stranger
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Me_Roy] * 1
    #18932177 - 10/04/13 05:08 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Me_Roy said:
Quote:

JesusGoneRogue said:
if you have an issue with me, simply put me on ignore.




I've started to make more liberal use of the ignore feature, and it's made my experience of the site much more enjoyable.



I was about to say the same thing :lol:


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OfflineAtrium
Cunt Tickler

Registered: 08/18/13
Posts: 1,284
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #18932354 - 10/04/13 05:49 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

That really kind of takes away hope to read all that. Am I the only guy who kind of feels that way? Well I think I read another reply but yeah, it's crazy. In high school I KNEW I wanted a crazy sex fueled relationship. Afterwards I KNEW I just wanted some love and sex once a week would be fine. I just find it so crazy how we're expected to marry as virgins and find all this to be ok when everyone's personal preference of sexuality is so different.


--------------------
The only thing about Chemistry I like is all the psychedelics that come from it.

The only reason I study Psychology is to have a legitimate excuse to enjoy Chemistry. :tongue2:


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InvisibleMe_Roy
Stranger
Registered: 07/30/02
Posts: 3,230
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Atrium]
    #18932658 - 10/04/13 06:50 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Jamesdnh said:
That really kind of takes away hope to read all that. Am I the only guy who kind of feels that way? Well I think I read another reply but yeah, it's crazy. In high school I KNEW I wanted a crazy sex fueled relationship. Afterwards I KNEW I just wanted some love and sex once a week would be fine. I just find it so crazy how we're expected to marry as virgins and find all this to be ok when everyone's personal preference of sexuality is so different.




Feels what way?


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OfflineMagenta
I care!!
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Registered: 06/14/09
Posts: 20,322
Loc: The land of plenty Flag
Last seen: 2 months, 30 days
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Ballerium]
    #18932727 - 10/04/13 07:05 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Ballerium said:
As for everyone else, you have all given me some great advice that is hard to ignore. I plan to respond more thoroughly once I get home, but I appreciate what you all have said and I am impressed with the quality and maturity of most of the responses so far. :thumbup:




Let us know how it goes Ballerium. I agree, this thread has been chock full of quality responses.
People learn differently; some can work out what to do by assumption, while others need to be shown in detail exactly what to do. Most people are the later of those, and two people of opposites don't normally communicate very well to each other. The later thinks the former doesn't care, and the former thinks the later thinks they're a dumb shit.
I know you said that you'd have a hard time dominating, since you like being dominated, but you know what you want so next time yous are about to get hot and heavy, maybe say, 'today we're going to stir things up a little', and then proceed to dominate him, give him everything that you want him to do to you. Later, after sex, tell him that's how you want him to treat you.
It's a method you can try.


--------------------


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InvisibleBallerium
Little Black Spot on the Sun
Female User Gallery

Registered: 10/03/10
Posts: 11,025
Loc: GA
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: koods]
    #18932746 - 10/04/13 07:09 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

empty space said:
I think the problem here is not sexual incompatibility. Sexual incompatibility is a symptom of the problem.

I was in a relationship with a girl for 4 1/2 years. The last year grew incredibly stale and we both resented each other on a regular basis. Interactions lessened as they grew less positive. I started spending all of my time distracting myself from my relationship. When we would have sex, she would try to finish me as quickly as possible so she could just be done, no matter how badly I wanted to pleasure her. It just kept going downhill until she left me for my best friend.

I'd suggest that you sit down with your man and have a serious conversation about the future of your relationship.




I can see where you are coming from, but I don't feel that our relationship is at that point anymore. As I mentioned, it has been improving over the past month and we have not gotten into any major arguments. I know a month is not a lot of time to judge things by, but some things have happened this past month that seem to have caused a change in both of us. Things like my mom intervening and threatening to kick him out if he doesn't start treating me better is one of them. There were also some other external things that were influencing my feelings over the past few months, and once I stopped allowing those things to influence me, I found that it was a lot easier to put energy into my relationship with him again.

We have been spending more time together and I get the sense that he is starting to care again, and I don't feel that he is being fake about it just to impress my mom either.

Also, regarding what he said about just going ahead and finishing if it were up to him, he really did say that, but it was a while ago. I brought it up to him yesterday and asked him if he remembered saying that. He did remember, but he also said that it was what he would do if he didn't care about me, if he was only in it for himself. He says I took the comment too literally, and maybe I did. Or maybe I didn't and he was just trying to cover his ass. It doesn't really matter I guess, but I would like to think that he does care, considering that he also told me yesterday that he would be willing to try toys and maybe trying to get me off in other ways so that I would be satisfied and he'd get to last longer. So to me, that is a huge step forward.

Quote:

koods said:
I dunno. He may be feeling emasculated, and saying stuff like that because he is overly sensitive.




I think this might be part of the problem too. I did not realize that I was coming off so demanding toward him when I was asking these things. After talking to him yesterday, he said he felt a lot of pressure when I would tell him so many things that I wanted him to do to me. I think maybe he was feeling overwhelmed and as a result was reluctant to try much of anything with me out of fear that he was going to fail or not do it the way I was wanting him to.

I think maybe I took it too literally again, when he asked me to only give him one thing at a time to do. I think I just need to not bombard him with so many things at once. Or maybe when I was trying to explain all the little things I liked about being dominated, it might have just been too much for him. We are going to try to go slower with it, and maybe once he gets comfortable and enjoys doing a few things, then we can gradually add in additional elements so to speak. :naughty:

You have to remember, this is the first sexual relationship either of us have had. I'm definitely the kinky one in the relationship, and maybe I just tend to move at a faster pace than he does. Yes, we have been together for 5 years, but the whole domination/rough sex fantasy is something that I have just recently brought up to him. Within the past 6 months or so. Yeah, I have always been turned on by it, but I guess it is just something I put on the backburner for most of our relationship, dismissing it as something that wasn't really necessary for me to be satisfied sexually. This year especially, I don't know why, maybe it is because I am getting older and getting closer to my "sexual prime" :lol:, but it has just been on my mind more and more and so I decided to bring it up to him and see if he would be willing to try it out.

Anyway, I feel like my replies are starting to get long-winded and I know nobody wants to read a wall of text. I want to reply to so many people because you all gave such good advice, but I honestly feel like I could write a book in response to some of these replies. :lol:

I am really glad that I made this thread though. I was feeling pretty hopeless when I made it and despite the fact that some of you are telling me to break up with him, I am actually feeling more hopeful now after reading and discussing with him the feedback you guys have given me. :thumbup:

I also want to say thank you to koraks and those of you who gave similar advice. I do realize that there is a great possibility that he is just vanilla and that he may never really be into it. I realize that if this is true and that I stay with him, I will be frustrated. But like I mentioned already, this kink of mine is something that I have very recently started trying to get him to do with me. If I had been trying this for the whole 5 years from the get go, then it would be different. But I want to at least give him a chance to see if he could possibly get into it before I just give up, you know?


--------------------
Beats and waves will take me to my grave and when I go there I know that I won't be alone 'cause I've been spotted, blotted, many many times before.



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InvisibleBallerium
Little Black Spot on the Sun
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Registered: 10/03/10
Posts: 11,025
Loc: GA
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Magenta]
    #18932815 - 10/04/13 07:29 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

knightron said:

People learn differently; some can work out what to do by assumption, while others need to be shown in detail exactly what to do. Most people are the later of those, and two people of opposites don't normally communicate very well to each other. The later thinks the former doesn't care, and the former thinks the later thinks they're a dumb shit.




This whole dynamic is so true and so evident in my relationship with him. I still feel though, that if two people are both willing to try, then they CAN overcome these obstacles. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, but I'm just not willing to give up so easily. And it isn't even because I have some moral or religious issue or anything like that with breaking up with him, or that it is some big deal that he was the person that I lost my virginity to. It is more a matter of the time that I have invested with him and I hate the idea of throwing it all down the drain and hurting him in the process.


--------------------
Beats and waves will take me to my grave and when I go there I know that I won't be alone 'cause I've been spotted, blotted, many many times before.



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Anonymous #4

Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Ballerium]
    #18932913 - 10/04/13 07:54 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

it sounds like you havent decided wha is best for you yet when it comes to your relationship. you want to be considerate of your bf. which is a verry good idea. but you made the thread because YOU were concerned about how youre feeling about your sex life and not how youre bf feels.

i mean sacrifice is important on both sides but not at the cost of your own happiness. anyways your situations sounds like it will be challenging whatever the outcome.


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Offlinepslyke
fantasmagoric
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Registered: 06/12/10
Posts: 4,174
Loc: Flag
Last seen: 6 hours, 24 minutes
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #18932958 - 10/04/13 08:06 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

1) get the boy some kratom---takes forever to cum on that shit

2) get yourself some sex toys--vibrator, cuffs and a riding crop. He needs to cuff you and smack dat ass!

3) tell him to grow the fuck up! Little boys play video games when a sultry vixen like you needs to be worshiped


--------------------
"What appears impenetrable to us does exist, manifesting itself in the deepest wisdom and the most radiant beauty" Einstein

"The conservatives of 70 years ago would be outraged at what has come to pass. It embodies everything they took up arms for to defeat"Asante


:kratom:


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InvisibleBallerium
Little Black Spot on the Sun
Female User Gallery

Registered: 10/03/10
Posts: 11,025
Loc: GA
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #18933022 - 10/04/13 08:20 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
it sounds like you havent decided wha is best for you yet when it comes to your relationship. you want to be considerate of your bf. which is a verry good idea. but you made the thread because YOU were concerned about how youre feeling about your sex life and not how youre bf feels.

i mean sacrifice is important on both sides but not at the cost of your own happiness. anyways your situations sounds like it will be challenging whatever the outcome.




You're right, I am definitely considerate of him and I have a problem of putting his happiness before my own. But yes, I was concerned about how I was feeling when I made this thread, and I haven't forgotten that. But I also made this thread with the hopes of getting some advice and maybe a different point of view, which I got plenty of and am very happy with the responses. So now with the advice given, I feel like I have more options than I had when I made the thread, simply because people have brought up so many things that I had not considered trying.

So with that in mind, I plan to try all of these things and see how it goes, and if it becomes apparent that nothing is going to change after exhausting all of these options, then I may need to re-evaluate everything.


--------------------
Beats and waves will take me to my grave and when I go there I know that I won't be alone 'cause I've been spotted, blotted, many many times before.



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Anonymous #4

Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Ballerium]
    #18933088 - 10/04/13 08:34 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

like i said its one of those life life challenging situations. theyre never easy. also some are more important then others as they define who we are and become. that seems a bit dramatic but character is very key to growing.

and if you know that already then just take it as a reminder.:smirk:


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InvisibleBallerium
Little Black Spot on the Sun
Female User Gallery

Registered: 10/03/10
Posts: 11,025
Loc: GA
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #18933098 - 10/04/13 08:38 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Thanks, and I will. :thumbup:


--------------------
Beats and waves will take me to my grave and when I go there I know that I won't be alone 'cause I've been spotted, blotted, many many times before.



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OfflineRewindicus
Silly Goose
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Registered: 06/05/11
Posts: 5,491
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Ballerium]
    #18933235 - 10/04/13 09:12 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I got a response. But when I get home. I was in a very similar situation.


--------------------
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”- Dr. Seuss

"Too much of a good thing, can be wonderful!" - Mae West

"If you have nothing nice to say about anyone, come sit next to me."
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth





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OfflineAtrium
Cunt Tickler

Registered: 08/18/13
Posts: 1,284
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Me_Roy]
    #18933389 - 10/04/13 09:48 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Me_Roy said:
Quote:

Jamesdnh said:
That really kind of takes away hope to read all that. Am I the only guy who kind of feels that way? Well I think I read another reply but yeah, it's crazy. In high school I KNEW I wanted a crazy sex fueled relationship. Afterwards I KNEW I just wanted some love and sex once a week would be fine. I just find it so crazy how we're expected to marry as virgins and find all this to be ok when everyone's personal preference of sexuality is so different.




Feels what way?



That it takes away hope of a happy relationship so easily.


--------------------
The only thing about Chemistry I like is all the psychedelics that come from it.

The only reason I study Psychology is to have a legitimate excuse to enjoy Chemistry. :tongue2:


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OfflineRewindicus
Silly Goose
Male User Gallery


Registered: 06/05/11
Posts: 5,491
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Atrium]
    #18933613 - 10/04/13 10:35 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

A happy relationship is HARD work for both parties and there are so many factors that affect it. Its a total :mindblown: situation.


--------------------
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”- Dr. Seuss

"Too much of a good thing, can be wonderful!" - Mae West

"If you have nothing nice to say about anyone, come sit next to me."
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth





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