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InvisibleCapers
Man About Town
Male

Registered: 08/15/10
Posts: 16,338
Loc: United States Flag
I'm in Love with One of My Closest Friends
    #18923104 - 10/02/13 07:50 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I've known her for about 1.5 years and we've been friends the entire time, close friends almost the entire time. When we first met I'm quite confident she was interested in me romantically. I was interested too, however, I didn't think we were compatible as boyfriend and girlfriend and due to the fact that we are both leaders in the same student organization, I didn't want romance to get in the way of our obligations as club leaders. I felt like she was great to have as a friend and liked her a lot, but aspects of her personality and perceived differences in our values and outlook made me think we weren't romantically compatible.

We hung out a lot after the semester in which we met, during the summer; bike rides almost every day and then hanging at my place deep in the evening. There was sexual tension and I'm quite sure she hoped I would make a move. I knew at the time, however, that I was not interested in a romantic relationship and I didn't want to tell her that only after fucking. So physical intimacy or the possibility of a steady relationship were never discussed. I realize now I should have communicated what I was feeling.

Later that summer, she got a boyfriend. Consequently, we hung out much less but I still saw her a lot because of club activities and planning. She and that dude broke up that fall, but then she started dating another guy toward the winter. I too, started dating another girl that winter. The following semester (spring) we became much closer. In addition to the usual club planning and occasional hanging out just because, we both got extremely involved in an environmental campaign on campus. Seeing her work so passionately and be in her element made me truly accept the way I feel about her and made me realize that our values and outlook weren't so incompatible after all. However, I had a serious girlfriend at the time and she had a casual boyfriend so there was no immediate hope of dating her.

Our environmental campaign was successful and wrapped up at the end of the Spring semester. I ended up breaking up with my girlfriend but my close friend was still seeing the same guy, casually. My summer was insanely busy and so I didn't really have time to make an effort to see her more or to gauge her receptivity for a romantic relationship. I still saw her a lot that summer for club planning and working in a shared garden space but she was really busy too and we didn't do a lot of hanging just for fun. I didn't really want to interfere with her and her boyfriend anyway and there were a lot of other issues holding me back that I'll go into in a bit.

Anyway, the summer ended and that takes us to the present semester. We have a class together so we are studying together and I'm seeing a lot of her this semester, which is only re-enforcing the romantic feelings I have for her. I recently found out that her and her boyfriend broke up, so I have been wanting to tell her how I feel. However, several things are holding me back. I am afraid that she does not feel the same way and that my revelation will make things awkward and ruin the good friendship we have built. I also fear that it would interfere with club stewardship, which is crucial now as we prepare to graduate and seek to keep the club in tact for the next round of students. I fear that I have waited too long and that she will not want to open her heart when she is about to graduate and go on to grad. school. I do not plan to go to grad. school but I would follow her where she goes if our relationship was working out. I fear that she will be offended that I waited so long to make a move and that she will always wonder if she is a second choice or last resort or something, which isn't true.

All these things are scaring the hell out of me, but my biggest quandary is, how will I tell her? We see each other a lot, yes, but it's mostly in more formal settings like the school library, class or club activities. We're both quite busy, especially her, and it will be difficult to arrange a meeting without revealing the purpose ahead of time, which I of course want to wait for the right moment to reveal.

We get along pretty well, although we do argue sometimes (not unlike a romantic couple). We have loads in common and we always have fun and crack each other up when we hang out.

So, tell me romance experts of The Shroomery, how should I go about this? I know that I have to tell her, but I need to know how to tell her and how to deal with the potential implications.


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
Stranger
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: I'm in Love with One of My Closest Friends [Re: Capers]
    #18923342 - 10/02/13 08:49 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Don't tell her how you feel - show her!  Kiss her sometime when you're hanging out and the moment feels right.  Telling her is almost never the right move.


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Offlineitchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: I'm in Love with One of My Closest Friends [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #18925391 - 10/03/13 11:16 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

i would wait a little bit man,

when a girl breaks up with someone its always good to make sure she is clearminded or you will get thrown in with the mess in her head thats already there from her ex, Very possible.


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Offlineitchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: I'm in Love with One of My Closest Friends [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18925396 - 10/03/13 11:19 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

But at the same time I heard rebounds aren't bad to be and alot of times it turns out to be what/who a person needs n then there off getting married living happily ever after..


so i bet i just made the decision harder


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Offlineempty space
the void

Registered: 12/19/12
Posts: 1,120
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Re: I'm in Love with One of My Closest Friends [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18925568 - 10/03/13 12:07 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

itchmynipple said:
But at the same time I heard rebounds aren't bad to be and alot of times it turns out to be what/who a person needs n then there off getting married living happily ever after..



"Happily ever after" Being a rebound is shitty and the relationship only lasts because of one or both partners' insecurities.

Wait a bit. I was in a relatively similar situation and I didn't wait. I blew it. It really turned my world upside down... It was one of the more confusing and confidence killing moments of my life.


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Edited by empty space (10/03/13 12:09 PM)


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OfflineVriska Serket
Mindfang
Female


Registered: 10/02/13
Posts: 1,468
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
Re: I'm in Love with One of My Closest Friends [Re: Capers]
    #18925676 - 10/03/13 12:33 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

8e direct with her.

seriously, just tell her you love her.

say. "(whatever her name is), I love you." and then kiss her

this would work on me 100% of the time, especially after such a long friendship.


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the queen of shitposting


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Offlineitchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: I'm in Love with One of My Closest Friends [Re: empty space]
    #18925693 - 10/03/13 12:38 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

empty space said:
Quote:

itchmynipple said:
But at the same time I heard rebounds aren't bad to be and alot of times it turns out to be what/who a person needs n then there off getting married living happily ever after..



"Happily ever after" Being a rebound is shitty and the relationship only lasts because of one or both partners' insecurities.

Wait a bit. I was in a relatively similar situation and I didn't wait. I blew it. It really turned my world upside down... It was one of the more confusing and confidence killing moments of my life.




everyone is different.

but i agree i would wait. i couldnt keep myself together when i was trying to pursue another relationship while dealing with a dying/dead one. i ended up losing out, and it also blew my confidence to pieces for a couple of months..


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Offlinebloodsheen
ChemChaplin
Male User Gallery


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
Re: I'm in Love with One of My Closest Friends [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18926207 - 10/03/13 02:45 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

The grad school thing is where I have a problem. You are going to start a very tenuous relationship right before she goes on possibly the most difficult journey of her life? Then tell her that you will follow her? That seems kinda crazy to me


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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Offlineitchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: I'm in Love with One of My Closest Friends [Re: bloodsheen]
    #18926318 - 10/03/13 03:13 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

bloodsheen said:
The grad school thing is where I have a problem. You are going to start a very tenuous relationship right before she goes on possibly the most difficult journey of her life? Then tell her that you will follow her? That seems kinda crazy to me




Yeah i agree, my sister just went to grad school in another country, but she was with her bf 2 years prior, and there still together. she misses home so shes coming back and finishing here and continuing her relationship with him since they are a solid couple for sure.


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Invisible36fuckin5
Alchemycologist


Registered: 08/11/03
Posts: 12,081
Loc: Diving into Mystical Territori...
Re: I'm in Love with One of My Closest Friends [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18926338 - 10/03/13 03:16 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

DSHSB.


--------------------
Redd Foxx said:
If you're offended I don't give a shit and don't come see me no more.

Pat The Bunny said:
A punk rock song won't ever change the world, but I can tell you about a couple that changed me.

bodhisatta said:
i recommend common sense and figuring it out.

These are the TEKs I use. They're all as cheap and easy as possible, just like your mom.


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InvisibleCapers
Man About Town
Male

Registered: 08/15/10
Posts: 16,338
Loc: United States Flag
Re: I'm in Love with One of My Closest Friends [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18927440 - 10/03/13 07:08 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

itchmynipple said:
i would wait a little bit man,

when a girl breaks up with someone its always good to make sure she is clearminded or you will get thrown in with the mess in her head thats already there from her ex, Very possible.




Nah, it was just a casual relationship. I don't think she's very broken up over it. I'm probably closer with her than she ever was with the ex.


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InvisibleCapers
Man About Town
Male

Registered: 08/15/10
Posts: 16,338
Loc: United States Flag
Re: I'm in Love with One of My Closest Friends [Re: bloodsheen] * 1
    #18927466 - 10/03/13 07:11 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

bloodsheen said:
The grad school thing is where I have a problem. You are going to start a very tenuous relationship right before she goes on possibly the most difficult journey of her life? Then tell her that you will follow her? That seems kinda crazy to me




I don't see how it will be a tenuous relationship. We have worlds in common and we get along great. I think the sparks would really fly and the relationship would be quite secure. Why wouldn't I follow her to grad school? I'm in love with her and what I plan to do (work and save money) can be done anywhere. Yes, it will be a difficult journey, but wouldn't it be better for her to have someone by her side supporting her?


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InvisibleCapers
Man About Town
Male

Registered: 08/15/10
Posts: 16,338
Loc: United States Flag
Re: I'm in Love with One of My Closest Friends [Re: Vriska Serket]
    #18927501 - 10/03/13 07:18 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Vriska Serket said:
8e direct with her.

seriously, just tell her you love her.

say. "(whatever her name is), I love you." and then kiss her

this would work on me 100% of the time, especially after such a long friendship.




I'm willing to try this but the difficult part will be to set it up. We never really just hang out for fun at each other's house anymore. We just hang on campus studying or doing club stuff. It will be hard to get her to come over just to hang because her whole life is school, research and homework. I think she gave up on the possibility of us dating a looong time ago and so she thinks I will never make a move and so she doesn't wanna make time to hang out. She was seriously throwing herself at me a year and a half ago but like a dumbass I didn't take the bait. I think what I will do is invite her for a bike ride sometime soon, then tell her I have something really good to cook for dinner and invite her over afterward. Then hang out and listen to music or do a puzzle or something, offer her drinks, maybe smoke with her and when the moment is right tell her I love her and try to kiss her. What do you think?

Quote:

36fuckin5 said:
DSHSB.



:rockon:


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Offlineitchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: I'm in Love with One of My Closest Friends [Re: Capers]
    #18927563 - 10/03/13 07:26 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

zappateer said:
Quote:

bloodsheen said:
The grad school thing is where I have a problem. You are going to start a very tenuous relationship right before she goes on possibly the most difficult journey of her life? Then tell her that you will follow her? That seems kinda crazy to me




I don't see how it will be a tenuous relationship. We have worlds in common and we get along great. I think the sparks would really fly and the relationship would be quite secure. Why wouldn't I follow her to grad school? I'm in love with her and what I plan to do (work and save money) can be done anywhere. Yes, it will be a difficult journey, but wouldn't it be better for her to have someone by her side supporting her?




realistically, i would tell someone my feelings before they leave,  you never know,... when another guy can pop in looking like prince charming..


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OfflineMr. Material
Mental Magician

Registered: 06/10/10
Posts: 607
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
Re: I'm in Love with One of My Closest Friends [Re: Capers]
    #18930609 - 10/04/13 10:43 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

zappateer said:
What do you think?




Go for it OP!  :thumbup:


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I base my morality on physical nature; and my personal philosophy is based in power.


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OfflineVriska Serket
Mindfang
Female


Registered: 10/02/13
Posts: 1,468
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
Re: I'm in Love with One of My Closest Friends [Re: Capers]
    #18931334 - 10/04/13 01:57 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

That sounds like a good plan. good luck friend


--------------------
the queen of shitposting


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Offlinebloodsheen
ChemChaplin
Male User Gallery


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
Re: I'm in Love with One of My Closest Friends [Re: Mr. Material]
    #18931336 - 10/04/13 01:58 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

mistermateriel said:
Quote:

zappateer said:
What do you think?




Go for it OP!  :thumbup:



Agreed. Fuck it, do that shit


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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Offlinepslyke
fantasmagoric
Male User Gallery


Registered: 06/12/10
Posts: 4,174
Loc: Flag
Last seen: 1 hour, 24 minutes
Re: I'm in Love with One of My Closest Friends [Re: Capers]
    #18933229 - 10/04/13 09:10 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Go drinking with her. Don't get sloppy but do have that one drink too many. Be physically affectionate and see whether she reciprocates. If she does, keep ratcheting it up. If she rebuffs you, you can both pretend like your actions were a result of 'one too many' and still preserve your friendship (the most important thing). Good luck.


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"What appears impenetrable to us does exist, manifesting itself in the deepest wisdom and the most radiant beauty" Einstein

"The conservatives of 70 years ago would be outraged at what has come to pass. It embodies everything they took up arms for to defeat"Asante


:kratom:


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Offlineeira
i am excited to be here


Registered: 07/03/11
Posts: 1,031
Loc: L.A.
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
Re: I'm in Love with One of My Closest Friends [Re: Capers]
    #18990773 - 10/17/13 12:40 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

zappateer said:
I think what I will do is invite her for a bike ride sometime soon, then tell her I have something really good to cook for dinner and invite her over afterward. Then hang out and listen to music or do a puzzle or something, offer her drinks, maybe smoke with her and when the moment is right tell her I love her and try to kiss her. What do you think?




This was a great idea. Did you ever do it?


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:feelsgoodgurl:


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OfflineHerbologist
Grrratata
I'm a teapot


Registered: 05/09/10
Posts: 7,471
Loc: Casa Bonita Flag
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
Re: I'm in Love with One of My Closest Friends [Re: eira]
    #18991035 - 10/17/13 01:46 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Its been so long.  If you dont do something now, she'll probably go the rest of her life thinking you never even considered it.

She could have been waiting this entire time for you to do something, but gave up a while back?  I'd do it before its too late.


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Shroomery Law:  Don't piss off the leftist mods & their friends! :banhamster:


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