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Anonymous #6

Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #18934593 - 10/05/13 03:15 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
in my honest opinion, if the sex isnt really good the 1st couple times you hook up with someone then its most likely not gonna be that awesome and it probably isnt true love. thats just how i see it when it comes to great sex in a relationship.




I agree with pretty much the rest of your post except what is quoted. This is a fairly myopic way of treating potential romantic interests. Sex can often be awkward the first several times even amongst individually experienced partners for a number of reasons. Screening partners with such great expectations is a good way to weed out a partner who with time would prove to be very compatible.


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InvisibleCosmicJokeM
happy mutant
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Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Ballerium]
    #18934607 - 10/05/13 03:25 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Maybe get him high on crystal meth.... if that doesn't make sex totally primal then run far, far away.


--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.


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Offlineitchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #18934739 - 10/05/13 04:39 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Quote:

Anonymous said:
in my honest opinion, if the sex isnt really good the 1st couple times you hook up with someone then its most likely not gonna be that awesome and it probably isnt true love. thats just how i see it when it comes to great sex in a relationship.




I agree with pretty much the rest of your post except what is quoted. This is a fairly myopic way of treating potential romantic interests. Sex can often be awkward the first several times even amongst individually experienced partners for a number of reasons. Screening partners with such great expectations is a good way to weed out a partner who with time would prove to be very compatible.




i agree, i dont see the reason for ANON. but anyways..
That is one way to be shallow, to drop a beautiful women because she didn't catch on quick enough, once again the culprit being lack of communication.


--------------------


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Onlinekoods
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Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 106,054
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Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: JesusGoneRogue] * 1
    #18936058 - 10/05/13 01:18 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

JesusGoneRogue said:
bal please don't even bother reading that shitty wall of text.




Anon #5 gave a very thoughtful response. The only shitty text is your single line of it.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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InvisibleBallerium
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Registered: 10/03/10
Posts: 11,025
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Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: koods]
    #18936372 - 10/05/13 02:36 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Yes, thank you. So fucking rude and inconsiderate.


--------------------
Beats and waves will take me to my grave and when I go there I know that I won't be alone 'cause I've been spotted, blotted, many many times before.



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Anonymous #6

Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Ballerium]
    #18936610 - 10/05/13 03:50 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Pressure can make sex pretty unpleasant especially if there is verbal pressure during the sexual act. I think beyond a few times I would start to get very turned off.

Quote:

Why can't he grasp what I want and just do it?



Because he's not you and doesn't experience things the way you do especially your fantasies.
Quote:

Why should I have to show him one thing at a time and hope that maybe eventually he'll put it all together?



You don't have to, but you are trying because you apparently are invested in the relationship and want to stay together.
Quote:

Can a person really be that clueless?



Yes, it's possible, but it doesn't sound like the issue.

Quote:

He's also said that when he's on top of me/being rough with me/whatever, that he has to concentrate really hard on not cumming, which kind of takes the fun out of it for him.



Unless I am sober and not using a condom or doing kink stuff, I almost never have to consciously try to delay orgasm. However, if I were asked to be dominant or was being dominated (verbally or physically) then I would probably have to focus much more on delaying orgasm. For me, my personal orgasm is not as rewarding as the intimacy of the act and the feeling of satisfaction that comes from giving my partner a mind-blowing orgasm so it's not a problem, but if my intent were to reach orgasm I could see the fun being taken out of it I guess. With age my recovery period seems to have dropped significantly so I can't really relate because I don't lose interest after orgasm anymore.

Quote:

Maybe I'm the stupid one here and maybe there's something that I'm not getting, but I know just from reading this forum that there are plenty of guys who like to dominate their girls, and enjoy it.



Keep in mind the sample here is not necessarily representative of the general population.
Quote:

How do some of you go at it for hours without cumming?



Pre-sex orgasm, condoms, drugs, alcohol, resolve, etc.

Quote:

Or do you cum multiple times? And if you do, how do you maintain the energy and desire to continue having sex after you've came?



Yes. Each time makes the subsequent time much more difficult, but that's to be expected and I've noticed that my female partners have been the same way. I don't know how I maintain the energy and desire. Like I said above, there's actually been somewhat of a paradoxical effect with age. As I've gotten older I seem to have less of a recovery period and more continuous stamina. Maybe it's due to rather infrequent masturbation compared to my younger days? One thing I did/do notice is that with a new (less than 6-9 mo.) non-casual partner I have enough stamina to go on for 12+ hours easily.

Quote:

I feel like once my boyfriend cums, that's it. He's out like a light and he's not going to be exerting any energy to get it back up again



That's how it used to be for me when I was in my early 20s. I understand that this is supposedly how it works for most guys, but I couldn't tell you.

Quote:

[...] it makes me feel like I'm somehow inadequate at getting it up for him. There's only so long I can suck on a limp cock/stroke it/etc before I start thinking well, this just isn't going to happen again, and then at that point I just give up.



You shouldn't feel inadequate at all. Props to you for trying--I don't think I have ever had a partner who was willing to try to get me to go again.

Quote:

We're also each other's first and only sexual partners.



For what it's worth, this is pretty dangerous long-term for a relationship from what I have seen. While I used to think I could have been forever content with my first sexual partner (and probably I could be now), there is something to be said for playing the field a bit and getting experience with a wide range of partners. At the very least, it removes that constant "what ifs" so many people seem to carry around. I am divided on this issue because there will always be someone inherently more skilled and perhaps even more sexually compatible with you than your current partner so it makes little sense to end a very good thing for the risk of branching out. I guess trying to beat that uncertainty is why there are a lot of younger women who end up being Donkey Kong Jrs. [Thanks to whoever posted that amazing graphic here several years ago!]


Quote:

I've also tried asking him what his turn ons are and such, and its like he just doesn't have any.



I would imagine he's hiding some either consciously or subconsciously. Trying to get some of my partners either reserved or unreserved to actually open up about their fantasies has been like pulling teeth. Fortunately, once I was able to break the ice (after months and in a couple of cases years) there was a fair amount of depth. I will warn you not to begrudge your partner for  being reserved or hesitant to share; some people grow up with an incredible amount of sexual shame for whatever reason. If abuse is indicated like you stated down thread then that is likely the reason.

Quote:

The only thing that turns him on, according to him, is for direct attention to be given to his cock.



Well if you're into it, the whole submissive cock worship thing is something to explore.

Quote:

Men are visual creatures, so shouldn't looking at me turn him on? If I dress up in some sexy outfit for him, which I love to do, shouldn't that do anything at all?



Don't buy into stereotypes like this. It just leads to more frustration. Not all men are visual creatures, but I would say that something is wrong with him if you don't turn him on. You are extremely sexy, and any guy would be extremely lucky to have someone so eager to please and dress up.


Quote:

Have any of you ever been in a similar situation and if you were, what did you do that worked for you?



Once upon a time, I wanted my rather vanilla and sexually reserved partner to either be submissive or dominate me. I had switch tendencies and dominating her was out of the question as she broke down with even the slightest dominant streak. So I tried to encourage a dominant streak in her. The advice given to me at the time was that pushing your partner is a very good way to fuck up your otherwise good relationship. In my experience that's true so I still think that's good advice even though I know the frustration that comes  with not being able to express yourself sexually.

Quote:

From what I have already mentioned, is there anything that I can do differently? Am I being insensitive? Too demanding? Too impatient?



Yes, yes, yes, and yes. Some might even accuse you of "topping from the bottom" though I hate that phrase.

Advice:

One exercise that has really helped me go down the sexual rabbit hole with past partners has been to have the more submissive leaning partner keep a sexual fantasy journal in a location known by the other partner. The writer should note all positive sexual dreams, desires, thoughts, feelings, wishes, etc. in as explicit detail as they can manage. This does a couple of things. First it remove the awkwardness of communicating these desires directly. Second, it lets the other partner absorb these things more slowly, piece them together, do research if necessary, and incorporate the fantasies in future activities "seamlessly" and at their own pace. Third, it tends to increase sexual tension between the two partners. Writing that shit down knowing she would read it was incredibly sexy--I think it makes the submissive partner feel more submissive hence why it's better they keep the journal. When I was the more dominant one, reading what her dirty little mind was thinking when she was at school, work, or with her family was such a turn on I couldn't wait to make it a reality. Fourth, especially with time and a longer journal it disconnects the expression of the desire with the fulfillment of the desire making it hotter than if just verbally expressed beforehand.

I have no personal experience with this, but at some point I think someone here recommended one of those sexual compatibility sites like mojoupgrade.  If I recall, these sites only show common interests so you don't need to worry about your partner judging you for a particular kink. I still think the diary solution is better, but it takes a lot of established trust. Still it's worth considering because it's a faster process and you could keep the diary afterward anyway.


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Anonymous #4

Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #18936939 - 10/05/13 05:04 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Quote:

Anonymous said:
in my honest opinion, if the sex isnt really good the 1st couple times you hook up with someone then its most likely not gonna be that awesome and it probably isnt true love. thats just how i see it when it comes to great sex in a relationship.




I agree with pretty much the rest of your post except what is quoted. This is a fairly myopic way of treating potential romantic interests. Sex can often be awkward the first several times even amongst individually experienced partners for a number of reasons. Screening partners with such great expectations is a good way to weed out a partner who with time would prove to be very compatible.




well ill tell you why i think that. i simply beleive that really amazing sex or lovers arent something that is fostered through time with a partner because i think true love is just a thing that occurs naturally. not to say good sex cant be learned but that level of passion comes purely instinctual and most importantly without expection of it happening.

my beleifs around the subject stem somewhat from a spiritual level though. so it being a rare happen stance would be logical to the situation. not to mention that as we go through life most people dont deeply connect with every lover or partner we have. so yeah i place its almost in the area of divine. or if youre a atheist, very good luck. :wink:


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InvisibleBallerium
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Registered: 10/03/10
Posts: 11,025
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Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #18937371 - 10/05/13 06:42 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Pressure can make sex pretty unpleasant especially if there is verbal pressure during the sexual act. I think beyond a few times I would start to get very turned off.

Quote:

Why can't he grasp what I want and just do it?



Because he's not you and doesn't experience things the way you do especially your fantasies.
Quote:

Why should I have to show him one thing at a time and hope that maybe eventually he'll put it all together?



You don't have to, but you are trying because you apparently are invested in the relationship and want to stay together.
Quote:

Can a person really be that clueless?



Yes, it's possible, but it doesn't sound like the issue.




All very good points that I'm starting to see more and more after making this thread. It gives me hope that maybe this could work eventually after all because I am realizing that a big part of the reason why this hasn't been successful has been because of me and the way I have been going about it.

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Keep in mind the sample here is not necessarily representative of the general population.




That's something I didn't really consider either. I guess being here for so long and the fact that this forum is pretty much my first choice for asking advice about my relationship problems has skewed my idea of what is representative of the general population.

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Yes. Each time makes the subsequent time much more difficult, but that's to be expected and I've noticed that my female partners have been the same way. I don't know how I maintain the energy and desire. Like I said above, there's actually been somewhat of a paradoxical effect with age. As I've gotten older I seem to have less of a recovery period and more continuous stamina. Maybe it's due to rather infrequent masturbation compared to my younger days? One thing I did/do notice is that with a new (less than 6-9 mo.) non-casual partner I have enough stamina to go on for 12+ hours easily.




That's interesting, because somewhere I picked up the idea that, for women at least, after having 2 or 3 orgasms, the next ones come easily. I always thought that seemed kind of backwards, but I think it was actually this forum where I read that. I think the thread was talking about how many times can guys make their girlfriend orgasm, and some people were bragging about making them orgasm 10+ times in one session lasting several hours.

As far as I know, my boyfriend masturbates pretty infrequently. Unless he just doesn't tell me, which is definitely possible considering all the other guys who masturbate to porn and whatnot and don't go bragging to their girlfriends about it. I do resent him sometimes when he wants a blowjob, but doesn't feel like having sex, because it makes me feel like he just wants pleasure and doesn't care if I get any or not. But even with that said, I still always prefer to be the one to get him off, even if I don't get anything in return. Why should he have to go use his hand when he has a real girlfriend who can pleasure him instead?

Quote:

Anonymous said:
That's how it used to be for me when I was in my early 20s. I understand that this is supposedly how it works for most guys, but I couldn't tell you.




Yeah, and I know it isn't uncommon for guys to feel super tired after having an orgasm, and he is in his early 20's, so maybe it is something that will get better with age.

Quote:

Anonymous said:
You shouldn't feel inadequate at all. Props to you for trying--I don't think I have ever had a partner who was willing to try to get me to go again.




Thank you, I guess there again, my relying on this forum as my main source of information and reading about all these other guys getting it up for round 2 no problem has once again skewed my idea of how things are supposed to be.

Quote:

Anonymous said:
For what it's worth, this is pretty dangerous long-term for a relationship from what I have seen. While I used to think I could have been forever content with my first sexual partner (and probably I could be now), there is something to be said for playing the field a bit and getting experience with a wide range of partners. At the very least, it removes that constant "what ifs" so many people seem to carry around. I am divided on this issue because there will always be someone inherently more skilled and perhaps even more sexually compatible with you than your current partner so it makes little sense to end a very good thing for the risk of branching out. I guess trying to beat that uncertainty is why there are a lot of younger women who end up being Donkey Kong Jrs. [Thanks to whoever posted that amazing graphic here several years ago!]





You're right, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't curious about what it was like with other people. And I'm sure he feels the same way, even though we've never brought it up to each other. But I don't feel like our whole relationship is broken anymore, and I want to make a real effort to try with him. He even feels confident himself that eventually he will be able to be dominant like I am wanting with him, if I will be patient with him, which I am willing to do as long as he is willing to try for me.

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I would imagine he's hiding some either consciously or subconsciously. Trying to get some of my partners either reserved or unreserved to actually open up about their fantasies has been like pulling teeth. Fortunately, once I was able to break the ice (after months and in a couple of cases years) there was a fair amount of depth. I will warn you not to begrudge your partner for  being reserved or hesitant to share; some people grow up with an incredible amount of sexual shame for whatever reason. If abuse is indicated like you stated down thread then that is likely the reason.




I understand that too, and I've always thought that deep down inside, there has to be something that turns him on. It made me feel hurt though, that he doesn't feel comfortable enough to share those things with me after us being together for so long. But I can see how he would be reluctant to share things like that with me given all the other circumstances surrounding it like abuse and etc.

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Well if you're into it, the whole submissive cock worship thing is something to explore.




I like being submissive so you may be on to something there. :thumbup:

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Don't buy into stereotypes like this. It just leads to more frustration. Not all men are visual creatures, but I would say that something is wrong with him if you don't turn him on. You are extremely sexy, and any guy would be extremely lucky to have someone so eager to please and dress up.




It does turn him on when I do things like that, according to him, but I guess it doesn't have the vava voom effect on him that I am hoping for. I think it honestly turns me on to dress up more than it does him. :lol:

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Once upon a time, I wanted my rather vanilla and sexually reserved partner to either be submissive or dominate me. I had switch tendencies and dominating her was out of the question as she broke down with even the slightest dominant streak. So I tried to encourage a dominant streak in her. The advice given to me at the time was that pushing your partner is a very good way to fuck up your otherwise good relationship. In my experience that's true so I still think that's good advice even though I know the frustration that comes with not being able to express yourself sexually.




Yeah, I've decided that for now I'm not going to keep pushing it on him. I don't want to push him away or make him reluctant to have sex with me.


Quote:

Anonymous said:
Advice:

One exercise that has really helped me go down the sexual rabbit hole with past partners has been to have the more submissive leaning partner keep a sexual fantasy journal in a location known by the other partner. The writer should note all positive sexual dreams, desires, thoughts, feelings, wishes, etc. in as explicit detail as they can manage. This does a couple of things. First it remove the awkwardness of communicating these desires directly. Second, it lets the other partner absorb these things more slowly, piece them together, do research if necessary, and incorporate the fantasies in future activities "seamlessly" and at their own pace. Third, it tends to increase sexual tension between the two partners. Writing that shit down knowing she would read it was incredibly sexy--I think it makes the submissive partner feel more submissive hence why it's better they keep the journal. When I was the more dominant one, reading what her dirty little mind was thinking when she was at school, work, or with her family was such a turn on I couldn't wait to make it a reality. Fourth, especially with time and a longer journal it disconnects the expression of the desire with the fulfillment of the desire making it hotter than if just verbally expressed beforehand.




Thank you for this awesome idea! It sounds hot from the way you describe it and I think maybe he wouldn't be as reluctant to share his fantasies with me since he won't be telling me directly. Definitely going to suggest this to him and see what he thinks. :thumbup:

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I have no personal experience with this, but at some point I think someone here recommended one of those sexual compatibility sites like mojoupgrade.  If I recall, these sites only show common interests so you don't need to worry about your partner judging you for a particular kink. I still think the diary solution is better, but it takes a lot of established trust. Still it's worth considering because it's a faster process and you could keep the diary afterward anyway.




Its funny you mention mojoupgrade, because I actually had him to do that test with me not long ago. Unfortunately our results somehow got lost and we never got the emails because of something to do with spam. Then it kind of just fell by the wayside and was forgotten about by both of us. But thank you for the reminder--I've been meaning to get him to take that quiz with me again. :thumbup:


--------------------
Beats and waves will take me to my grave and when I go there I know that I won't be alone 'cause I've been spotted, blotted, many many times before.



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InvisibleMasked
The Nutter
Male User Gallery

Registered: 11/26/12
Posts: 8,979
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Ballerium]
    #18951216 - 10/08/13 07:12 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

king advice about my relationship problems has skewed my idea of what is representative of the general population.




anonymous said "not necessarily".  I think personally, a large majority of the advice given about relationships on here, very indeed and likely represents the general population.  We will never know for sure, but don't be so quick to jump on the bandwagon.

...a wagon that takes you to things like this:

Quote:

That's interesting, because somewhere I picked up the idea that, for women at least, after having 2 or 3 orgasms, the next ones come easily. I always thought that seemed kind of backwards,




Anonymous's experiences don't paint a picture for the general population :rolleyes:

Quote:

I think the thread was talking about how many times can guys make their girlfriend orgasm, and some people were bragging about making them orgasm 10+ times in one session lasting several hours.




That's because it's more common than anonymous's experience would like to dictate.  Remember, he was just offering you his opinion and personal experience.  As are others on the board. 

I love getting it on multiple times in a row and in my experience, it's more common than not to give multiple, upon multiple of orgams for women.

My experience doesn't mean this is how it is for everyone though.  And the same can be said for anonymous's personal experiences.

My point is, I'm rather disgusting you are taking a stance like this:

Quote:

Thank you, I guess there again, my relying on this forum as my main source of information and reading about all these other guys getting it up for round 2 no problem has once again skewed my idea of how things are supposed to be.




wow...so how are they supposed to be? :rolleyes:  Like anonymous's experiences?  Like your experiences of being unwanted, not appreciated and not satisfied?  Come on Bal.

I mean, it's okay to entertain all viewpoints, but to jump to "once again the boards skewed my idea of how things are supposed to be", is quite a disturbing leap to make.

Quote:

But I don't feel like our whole relationship is broken anymore, and I want to make a real effort to try with him.




no comment.

actually, yeah I'll comment.

I wish you the best of luck.  Keep your mind open and don't let it sway to far to one side or another in regards to your "view" on things.  And always know, there is solid advice and personal experiences shared on this board.

Everyone, and you in particular, deserves to be happy and I hope you find what you need and deserve :heart:


--------------------
.


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Anonymous #7

Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Masked] * 1
    #18951263 - 10/08/13 07:20 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

"anonymous said "not necessarily".

Anonymous's experiences don't paint a picture for the general population :rolleyes:

That's because it's more common than anonymous's experience would like to dictate.  Remember, he was just offering you his opinion and personal experience.

Like anonymous's experiences? " 


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InvisibleCyclohexylamine
Turn on, Tune in, Drop out
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Registered: 09/08/10
Posts: 14,327
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Masked]
    #18951508 - 10/08/13 08:08 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Masked speaks words of wisdom.


--------------------
Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name

Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world?


There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K
Something abut that anaesthetic rush... :inlove:

Qualitative Research Chemical Effects and Experiences
The Wonderful World of Methoxetamine
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InvisibleBallerium
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Registered: 10/03/10
Posts: 11,025
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Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Masked] * 1
    #18951753 - 10/08/13 08:56 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Masked said:
Quote:

king advice about my relationship problems has skewed my idea of what is representative of the general population.




anonymous said "not necessarily".  I think personally, a large majority of the advice given about relationships on here, very indeed and likely represents the general population.  We will never know for sure, but don't be so quick to jump on the bandwagon.

...a wagon that takes you to things like this:

Quote:

That's interesting, because somewhere I picked up the idea that, for women at least, after having 2 or 3 orgasms, the next ones come easily. I always thought that seemed kind of backwards,




Anonymous's experiences don't paint a picture for the general population :rolleyes:




I realize Anonymous said not necessarily, but I think what they were trying to say is that as a general rule, there are a lot of open-minded people here. Yes, there are open-minded people everywhere, but I feel like you'll have a greater chance of running into more of them if you're in a place like this forum for example, or another forum where people congregate to talk about a subject/hobby/whatever that isn't necessarily so common and accepted by everyone else. It would be interesting to do a study on drug users vs. non drug users to see which group of people had a higher percentage of people who had kinkier sex lives. My theory is that if you are open-minded about one thing, then you're more likely to be open-minded about other things too. But its just a theory. :smirk:

But I agree, I am sure that a lot of the advice on here can be applied to the general population.

And as for the orgasm thing, in my experiences, it has been hard for me to have multiple orgasms. I've always given up trying to have multiple ones because I am usually too sensitive to continue touching myself. So that is my personal experience. The idea of 10+ orgasms in one session was rather mind blowing to me. Do you think that the general population is having orgasm after orgasm? Which scenario better represents the general population to you? Is it really that absurd to you that I thought that having that many orgasms was not that common?


Quote:

Masked said:
My point is, I'm rather disgusting you are taking a stance like this:

Quote:

Thank you, I guess there again, my relying on this forum as my main source of information and reading about all these other guys getting it up for round 2 no problem has once again skewed my idea of how things are supposed to be.




wow...so how are they supposed to be? :rolleyes:  Like anonymous's experiences?  Like your experiences of being unwanted, not appreciated and not satisfied?  Come on Bal.

I mean, it's okay to entertain all viewpoints, but to jump to "once again the boards skewed my idea of how things are supposed to be", is quite a disturbing leap to make.




Obviously I feel that my sex life is lacking, otherwise I would not have made this thread. My idea of "how things are supposed to be" is that I should have a partner that WANTS to have passionate sex with me and does not want to roll over and go to sleep once he has had an orgasm and let that be it. I don't think that is that skewed of an idea of how things are supposed to be. But then after I read Anonymous' comment regarding that, I started thinking about it and wondering if maybe more guys really do call it quits after one orgasm but just don't necessarily go around advertising it. I know if I was a guy and I had the stamina to go at it for that long, I'd probably be more likely to choose to mention that before I would choose to mention that I just roll over and go to sleep after having one orgasm. And I think you are taking my words too literally. I said "Once again" because I had already mentioned it once, earlier in my reply. So that makes two instances of where I said that my idea of the general population may have been skewed. Don't jump to conclusions and assume that I meant everything posted here isn't representative of the general  population. I was referring to that specific instance. :rolleyes:

Quote:

Masked said:
no comment.

actually, yeah I'll comment.

I wish you the best of luck.  Keep your mind open and don't let it sway to far to one side or another in regards to your "view" on things.  And always know, there is solid advice and personal experiences shared on this board.

Everyone, and you in particular, deserves to be happy and I hope you find what you need and deserve :heart:




Thank you for your well wishes. I consider myself as a pretty open-minded person and I have paid close attention to all of the responses in this thread and taken them into consideration. Even the ones that are suggesting that I do something that I may not necessarily want to do. I can definitely see where those people are coming from and I appreciate their advice. And you are most definitely right, there is some great advice and personal experiences shared on this board. Why do you think I make it my first choice when I am seeking advice about my own problems?


--------------------
Beats and waves will take me to my grave and when I go there I know that I won't be alone 'cause I've been spotted, blotted, many many times before.



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Anonymous #6

Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Masked]
    #18951865 - 10/08/13 09:19 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Thank you, Anonymous #7!
Edit: Thank you, Ballerium! You posted while I was writing this.

Quote:

Masked said:I think personally, a large majority of the advice given about relationships on here, very indeed and likely represents the general population.




Now that's laughable. As much as I love this website, the user base here in no way whatsoever reflects any sort of general population. The relationship advice given here is usually quite different from say on reddit's r/relationships which has many more users and is certainly more diverse than the regular population of users that post in this forum. Admittedly r/relationships userbase I am sure does not represent the general population either, but it's almost certainly a better reflection of average America than the Shroomery.

I don't disagree that good advice is given here that is applicable to many different relationships, and maybe that's what you meant to say. If so, then we are in agreement.

Quote:

Masked said:Anonymous's experiences don't paint a picture for the general population :rolleyes:




I never claimed that they did. Any one person's advice (here or elsewhere) is going have a statistically irrelevant n. My n is so laughably small from a scientific standpoint (as would be the n of all people except less than 1/1000). Even then a large n doesn't correlate to valid conclusions for a number of reasons, and even if it did it would be stupid to live one's life according to what the general population does.

Quote:

Masked said:That's because it's more common than anonymous's experience would like to dictate.  Remember, he was just offering you his opinion and personal experience.  As are others on the board.


 

The point I was trying to make is that the n of any one individual is so small that shared personal opinion and/or experience should not be the basis of expectations in a relationship or otherwise.

However, you are very wrong if you think that multiple orgasms especially proceeding into double digit range are common or more common than I suggest. You do know that there is a mountain of research that has gone into studying human sexuality including the specifics of orgasms, right? I no longer have good journal access, but if I did I would be attaching journal articles left and right because you really rustled my jimmies. I wish I knew more about physiology, neuroscience, and sexuality because then I could explain things more clearly. But it's irrelevant to this thread anyway.

Quote:

Masked said:wow...so how are they supposed to be? :rolleyes:  Like anonymous's experiences?  Like your experiences of being unwanted, not appreciated and not satisfied?  Come on Bal.

I mean, it's okay to entertain all viewpoints, but to jump to "once again the boards skewed my idea of how things are supposed to be", is quite a disturbing leap to make.




It's not a disturbing leap to make. The Shroomery is populated by a self-selected set of mainly white males interested in psychedelics (and relationships and sexuality if you are in this forum) who are between the ages of something like 16-40 with the largest cluster being in the mid-20s. Then you need to strongly consider the proclivity of users on the Shroomery to bullshit, brag, and exaggerate.

I agree that even if you had solid statistics there is no point in shooting for what's normal. Hooray mediocrity! You should aim for your own personal and spiritual fulfillment, because anything less would be a tragedy.

Statistics are largely irrelevant to the individual, and for that reason precisely we see people make stupid decisions like play the lottery or have rather irrational fears about crime while not having a second thoughts about getting in a car. It's smart to look at statistics to set the lower bounds of expectations, analyze risk vs. reward, etc. but a life centered around the mean would probably be unfulfilling for most.

The whole point of sharing my experiences was to point out that a vocal majority here is probably a small minority (and the studies I have read in the past would suggest this) so Bal might be falling into the trap of unrealistic expectations and "fear of missing out".

It would be a tragedy to throw away a good relationship (not that I think the one described is...) because one had unrealistic expectations picked up from a small internet forum which in no way represents what is "normal".

It would not be a tragedy to end a relationship (good or bad) in order to answer a nagging question about sexual and spiritual fulfillment that could not be answered otherwise.


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InvisibleCyclohexylamine
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Posts: 14,327
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #18954036 - 10/09/13 12:06 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:


Anonymous said
It would be a tragedy to throw away a good relationship (not that I think the one described is...) because one had unrealistic expectations picked up from a small internet forum which in no way represents what is "normal".

It would not be a tragedy to end a relationship (good or bad) in order to answer a nagging question about sexual and spiritual fulfillment that could not be answered otherwise.




But it isn't a good relationship, at least from what I have read. And I disagree - sexual fulfilment is paramount to a fulfilling relationship. Sure you can pretend it isn't but it always comes bubbling back up to the surface. Why settle when you can have so much more?

When I was younger I settled for someone who really was not compatible withe me. But now looking back I am so happy I decided to end things. Now I have the best relationship I could ever wish for.

Quote:


Ballerium said
Obviously I feel that my sex life is lacking, otherwise I would not have made this thread. My idea of "how things are supposed to be" is that I should have a partner that WANTS to have passionate sex with me and does not want to roll over and go to sleep once he has had an orgasm and let that be it. I don't think that is that skewed of an idea of how things are supposed to be. But then after I read Anonymous' comment regarding that, I started thinking about it and wondering if maybe more guys really do call it quits after one orgasm but just don't necessarily go around advertising it. I know if I was a guy and I had the stamina to go at it for that long, I'd probably be more likely to choose to mention that before I would choose to mention that I just roll over and go to sleep after having one orgasm. And I think you are taking my words too literally. I said "Once again" because I had already mentioned it once, earlier in my reply. So that makes two instances of where I said that my idea of the general population may have been skewed. Don't jump to conclusions and assume that I meant everything posted here isn't representative of the general  population. I was referring to that specific instance. :rolleyes:





You shouldn't have to settle for that. Yeah a lot of guys are selfish lovers and general assholes, but that doesn't mean settling for them is the answer. The beauty of having sex with someone you love is making sure they have an outstanding experience. Not just using the partner to get themselves off.
By settling for someone who evidently doesn't care enough about you, you do yourself a disfavour and it will come back to haunt you later on in life. It does for everyone that decides to settle for fear of moving on.
Please refer back to what koraks wrote earlier.


--------------------
Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name

Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world?


There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K
Something abut that anaesthetic rush... :inlove:

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Invisiblepwnasaurus
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Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Cyclohexylamine]
    #18954208 - 10/09/13 12:46 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

tymoteusz3 said:
Quote:


Anonymous said
It would be a tragedy to throw away a good relationship (not that I think the one described is...) because one had unrealistic expectations picked up from a small internet forum which in no way represents what is "normal".

It would not be a tragedy to end a relationship (good or bad) in order to answer a nagging question about sexual and spiritual fulfillment that could not be answered otherwise.




But it isn't a good relationship, at least from what I have read. And I disagree - sexual fulfilment is paramount to a fulfilling relationship. Sure you can pretend it isn't but it always comes bubbling back up to the surface. Why settle when you can have so much more?

When I was younger I settled for someone who really was not compatible withe me. But now looking back I am so happy I decided to end things. Now I have the best relationship I could ever wish for.

Quote:


Ballerium said
Obviously I feel that my sex life is lacking, otherwise I would not have made this thread. My idea of "how things are supposed to be" is that I should have a partner that WANTS to have passionate sex with me and does not want to roll over and go to sleep once he has had an orgasm and let that be it. I don't think that is that skewed of an idea of how things are supposed to be. But then after I read Anonymous' comment regarding that, I started thinking about it and wondering if maybe more guys really do call it quits after one orgasm but just don't necessarily go around advertising it. I know if I was a guy and I had the stamina to go at it for that long, I'd probably be more likely to choose to mention that before I would choose to mention that I just roll over and go to sleep after having one orgasm. And I think you are taking my words too literally. I said "Once again" because I had already mentioned it once, earlier in my reply. So that makes two instances of where I said that my idea of the general population may have been skewed. Don't jump to conclusions and assume that I meant everything posted here isn't representative of the general  population. I was referring to that specific instance. :rolleyes:





You shouldn't have to settle for that. Yeah a lot of guys are selfish lovers and general assholes, but that doesn't mean settling for them is the answer. The beauty of having sex with someone you love is making sure they have an outstanding experience. Not just using the partner to get themselves off.
By settling for someone who evidently doesn't care enough about you, you do yourself a disfavour and it will come back to haunt you later on in life. It does for everyone that decides to settle for fear of moving on.
Please refer back to what koraks wrote earlier.



:thumbup:

You are clearly not happy Bal.  You partner sounds extremely childish and selfish.  At your age people have mostly grown into the person they're going to be.  Somebody selfish and childish is not going to have a sudden revelation at the age of 30 and change their ways.


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Anonymous #6

Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Cyclohexylamine]
    #18955017 - 10/09/13 03:48 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

tymoteusz3 said:
Quote:


Anonymous said
It would be a tragedy to throw away a good relationship (not that I think the one described is...) because one had unrealistic expectations picked up from a small internet forum which in no way represents what is "normal".

It would not be a tragedy to end a relationship (good or bad) in order to answer a nagging question about sexual and spiritual fulfillment that could not be answered otherwise.




But it isn't a good relationship, at least from what I have read. And I disagree - sexual fulfilment is paramount to a fulfilling relationship. Sure you can pretend it isn't but it always comes bubbling back up to the surface. Why settle when you can have so much more?

When I was younger I settled for someone who really was not compatible withe me. But now looking back I am so happy I decided to end things. Now I have the best relationship I could ever wish for.



Do you even read, bro?

We are in agreement. Your words are pretty much a restated form of what I said in the very text you quoted (and a small portion which you did not).

Quote:

You should aim for your own personal and spiritual fulfillment, because anything less would be a tragedy.




No one is suggesting that Ballerium settle for what's normal. I said it would be a tragedy to do so. Everyone in this thread has suggested that the relationship sounds off at best.

My point is that hearing a vocal minority can skew one's perspective to include unrealistic (and perhaps unhealthy) expectations.


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InvisibleMasked
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Registered: 11/26/12
Posts: 8,979
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Anonymous #6] * 2
    #18956944 - 10/09/13 10:27 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

your so bloody wishy washy and there is so many holes in your argument and stance.

Quote:

My point is that hearing a vocal minority can skew one's perspective to include unrealistic (and perhaps unhealthy) expectations.




True...that CAN happen.  This is implying a chance of being only one possibility.

Keep that as mind as you spout your viewpoint as gospel.  Well one minute you do, then another you backtrack.  Again, your wishy washy as fuck.  Just my opinion

And keep that in mind bal as you read this person's words.  Of course in your situation, it's only natural to lean towards a person's viewpoint that helps you feel more comfortable with your choices/choosen path.

But they do say ignorance is bliss as well.  I think that's just another way of saying "be optimistic".  In your case, who knows, in may produce the results, happiness and satisfaction you crave AND deserve.  Who knows. NO ONE's words are gospel, including mine...and especially including his.  What one can do, is take all the info in, presented by many people, and make their own informed decision.  Which I know is what you are doing.

I wish you such great things bal :heart:  Don't ever settle for less then you deserve

Mod Edit: I was the lucky winner of a 3-day forum ban for this post.


--------------------
.


Edited by naum (10/10/13 12:31 AM)


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Anonymous #6

Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Masked]
    #18957383 - 10/09/13 11:50 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

:doublefacepalm:

Quote:

Masked said:
your so bloody wishy washy and there is so many holes in your argument and stance.



Personal attacks are uncalled for and are not supposed to be tolerated in S&R. They don't add to the discussion, make this a forum a hostile environment (which is directly contrary to its purpose), and generally lead to derailed threads. In the past the moderators of this forum would not have stood for this, but since a moderator seems to agree with you and likely was the one who +1'ed your post I guess you're in the clear despite your history of flaming.

Quote:

Masked said:Keep that as mind as you spout your viewpoint as gospel.  Well one minute you do, then another you backtrack.  Again, your wishy washy as fuck.  Just my opinion




I never said my viewpoint was gospel. I have no idea what gave you that impression. I clearly stated I was sharing my experience and my observations. Even though Ballerium and other posters seemed to get the implication, I even went to the trouble of clarifying that I was just sharing my experiences and observations that they were not meant to be anything more.

Again, personal attacks are not OK in this forum even if you end them with the extremely childish "Just my opinion".

Thanks for reminding me why I no longer participate in this forum. It's a travesty that the moderators who worked so hard to make S&R a positive, serious, and safe place to discuss relationships are either too busy to keep an eye on things or are no longer moderators.

/derailment of thread

Edit: Guess I was wrong.


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Onlinelifeiswhatyoumake
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Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: EdibleStereos]
    #18957756 - 10/10/13 02:44 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

EdibleStereos said:
Take it from a man, stop telling him what to do in the bed verbally. Get him a bit drunk and tell him to have his way with you. Get his confidence up in the sack, and get him familiar with getting rough without you telling him what to do. Let him explore a bit.

If this doesn't bring out his dominating side, then my services can be made available.





I agree with EdibleStereos.


--------------------
:rave::rave::rave: I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ; :raver2::raver2::raver2::raveface:


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InvisibleThayendanegea
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Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
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Re: Sexual Incompatibility [Re: Masked]
    #18963173 - 10/11/13 09:48 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Masked said:
your so bloody wishy washy and there is so many holes in your argument and stance.

Quote:

My point is that hearing a vocal minority can skew one's perspective to include unrealistic (and perhaps unhealthy) expectations.




True...that CAN happen.  This is implying a chance of being only one possibility.

Keep that as mind as you spout your viewpoint as gospel.  Well one minute you do, then another you backtrack.  Again, your wishy washy as fuck.  Just my opinion

And keep that in mind bal as you read this person's words.  Of course in your situation, it's only natural to lean towards a person's viewpoint that helps you feel more comfortable with your choices/choosen path.

But they do say ignorance is bliss as well.  I think that's just another way of saying "be optimistic".  In your case, who knows, in may produce the results, happiness and satisfaction you crave AND deserve.  Who knows. NO ONE's words are gospel, including mine...and especially including his.  What one can do, is take all the info in, presented by many people, and make their own informed decision.  Which I know is what you are doing.

I wish you such great things bal :heart:  Don't ever settle for less then you deserve

Mod Edit: I was the lucky winner of a 3-day forum ban for this post.



You're kidding me! He got banned for saying that??? Did you read his last line?
Quote:

I wish you such great things bal :heart:  Don't ever settle for less then you deserve


I think he redeemed anything derogatory that he may have said before that.
Just don't think it was worthy of being banned....there have been a LOT worse things said on this forum with no action:shrug:


--------------------
Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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