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OfflineParabola89
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Registered: 10/02/13
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The Most Intense Journey
    #18922504 - 10/02/13 05:16 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

First of all, I wasn't quite sure where to put this, it would have fit in psychedelic experience but I didn't know if any discussion about AMT would go down well there and this story is more about what happened to me after which seemed to be more than a trip, much more like a mystical experience, which would make this the perfect place.

I'd tried AMT a few times before in small doses from a friend, i'd had some great nights out on it. It gave me energy and raised my mood, provoked many philosophical debates and lead to me meeting some very interesting people that, in reflection almost seemed destined to cross my path at that moment. I'd heard from the same friend that in higher doses the psychedelic effects were a lot more apparent and marijuana helped to bring them out even more.

My plan began to take shape, I had the weed, the AMT, some salvia and a bottle of whisky. The Doors - Riders on the Storm playing in the background. I took my first dose of AMT at around 8pm, left half an hour for my breathing pattern (AMT is pretty rough in that respect) to get back to normal and had a joint, i'd been told to weigh out the AMT carefully because it can be lethal at high doses but tonight for whatever reason I chose to ignore that advice. At about half 9 I took the rest of the AMT, not sure how much exactly but it was a lot. At around half 10 I had 2 more large joints and a few glasses of Johnny Walker Black (I find alcohol helps with settling into the AMT trips). Before the AMT had a chance to take hold I grabbed my bong and took a hit of salvia (40x), this put me out on my bed for a while and I was lying down staring at the light in my room, I kept having this feeling of extreme panic that i'd taken too much AMT and tonight would be the night I would die.

At around midnight I was well into my trip, the room around me seemed to be pulsing, everything was so bright and joyful and I started to feel alright again, the panic started to go. As I settled down to listen to music I noticed a song that I wasn't even aware I still had on my laptop so I put it on, it was Outside by Staind (not the biggest fan, loved them growing up but this is a song that will stay with me forever now). As I sat and listened time seemed to slow right down, I put my head on the pillow and closed my eyes, as I opened them it took me a while to realise where I was. I was standing at the bottom of my bed even though I hadn't physically moved, I looked over to where I was laying before and there I was, still lying there. At this point I realised I was having some sort of OOBE, i'd had them before but none this intense. As soon as I had this realisation I was thrown from where I was standing into place that was void of all light, I seemed to be here for a long time then all of a sudden it started. I was reliving every bad decision i'd ever made, every mistake, every time i'd hurt someone, the way i'd made them feel, it was all there confronting me. It seemed as though I was here for days just reliving these events. Then after all this draining had taken place I felt ready to move on, this white light took hold of me, I thought this was my death so I just accepted it and then like a flash I was back in my body lying on my bed. I sat up immediately and just sat there staring at the wall, in awe of what had happened to me.
It was only 3am, it felt like i'd been gone for much longer. With the song still playing on repeat I lit a joint, poured some whisky and then I spent the next few hours writing to people, some I hadn't spoken to in weeks, some months, some years, expressing my sorrow and guilt for the way I had acted at certain points, it just felt like the right thing to do. I eventually passed out.

The next day I woke at around 1ish in the afternoon, I immediately went into my garden to sit and be in the sun, I felt reborn.
It also became clear to me that we as human beings are flawed creatures but not for the reason that a lot of religions tell us we are but because we are meant to make mistakes, we are meant to have lows. Life is a ride and without the lows you would never appreciate the highs, you need one to contrast with the other and you need the mistakes to teach you so that you can grow. I still make mistake, I still act selfish at times, i'm still not perfect but i'm growing all the time and if this experience taught me anything it's the importance of rectifying mistakes as we make them and apologising when we're wrong so that we can move onto the whole other wealth of experiences that this life has to offer.


--------------------
"But at any rate, the point is that God is what nobody admits to being, and everybody really is" - Alan Watts


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Offlinecbub
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Re: The Most Intense Journey [Re: Parabola89]
    #18924510 - 10/03/13 04:59 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I once had this strong urge to take a crap, but the location to do it was inappropriate to society's standards. So I chose to suffer holding it in, as the fear of being embarrassed seemed to justify the burden. I won't go into details of agony holding it in, but once I got far enough to let it out it just .. just  :feelsgoodman: .

So, the fact that this has to do with a smelly biological need, rather than an inner world conceptional thing automatically makes it inferior to a point where it can't even be compared to, but I tell you that our judgement about it doesn't change it one bit. Both is just existence saying "You've been doing it wrong, now that's how it's done, here's a scooby snack." Not that there is anything wrong with that, by all means, it's awesome to feel good.
The point is - how long are we going to play this reward/punishment game, while we KNOW that we are not the one who we are in perception of and the whole game is to come off of it.
-Feels good, feels bad, who cares?
-I do!
-But the whole world doesn't care. One or two may even be happy for me... maybe even authentically, but what's the point of it?
On this mote of dust floating around a plasma spark in a place so large we can't even wrap our minds around.

Sharing it with others will only make them project their worlds on top of your experience (and sorry, I'm doing that as well), ultimately proving that nobody really understands your world. I mean really, really understands it. How can they, if even you are in doubt.


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It's fine.


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