|
Anonymous #1
|
Is it even possible to ever restore trust?
#18913496 - 09/30/13 10:00 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
Yes, well.
I caught my significant other, who I'll refer to as M, flirtatiously texting other people. Saying really suggestive things to them, things that should never be uttered to anyone but the one you love and share a life and home with.
It had a very profound effect on me. I have never been hurt like that before. I've been cheated on in the past, but I wasn't truly in love in that relationship really, I didn't feel anything for them even remotely close to the love I feel for the one I'm with now.
When confronted, M was all apologies at first, but then the excuses started up. Excuses like, "at least I didn't actually sleep with anyone else." As if that's supposed to make me feel better, like I'm supposed to feel lucky that I was just emotionally betrayed rather than emotionally and physically betrayed.
Excuses like, "it was just fiction, I didn't mean what I said to them." But the thing is, the things that were said to them were the exact same things that M says to me. Word for fucking word, right down the cutesy fucking little nicknames. How can something be "fiction" when talking to one person, but supposedly be meaningful truth when speaking to me?
I felt like something sacred was stolen from me. Something so special and so meaningful to me, something that I thought was only shared between us actually meant nothing to M. The innocent trust between us is gone, M perverted it.
I can't stop thinking about the texts M sent to them, even though I know all contact has been cut off between them. I know that M no longer speaks to anyone that way anymore, except me.
This is why I feel I'm being irrational. M stopped the unacceptable behavior. But I can't help but still harbor resentment towards M for ever doing it in the first place.
Is this normal? Is it rational to still resent M for perverting what was sacred, months after it all happened, months after it all went back to 'normal'?
What do I need to do in order to rid myself of this incessant ache?
|
kneesocks
Divineress



Registered: 12/25/11
Posts: 870
Loc: Puget Sound/PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 11 months
|
Re: Is it even possible to ever restore trust? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18913502 - 09/30/13 10:01 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
Is it even possible to ever forgive someone?
-------------------- "An ignorant man is lost, faithless, and filled with self-doubt; A soul that harbors doubt has no joy, not in this world or the next." -Bhagavad-gita 4:40
|
Chuckfinely
another round for me an my buddy

Registered: 06/27/13
Posts: 628
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
|
Re: Is it even possible to ever restore trust? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18913515 - 09/30/13 10:05 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
she did it once she'll do it again. If she's willing to flirt like that she must be looking at other people besides you for intimacy
I would'a dumbed the bitch right away like if you wanna say those things go do it in person whooore
|
vertygo
Stranger



Registered: 04/16/09
Posts: 355
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
|
Re: Is it even possible to ever restore trust? [Re: Chuckfinely]
#18913638 - 09/30/13 10:33 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
people don't change, we are creatures of habit. It might take awhile, it might change form slightly, but it'll happen again and again.
-------------------- +++ Trade List +++
|
Rafiikii


Registered: 11/17/10
Posts: 2,891
|
Re: Is it even possible to ever restore trust? [Re: Chuckfinely]
#18913641 - 09/30/13 10:34 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
tread carefully my friend for i have been thru that exact shit with quite frankly someone I refer to as M as well lol
the fact shes doing that goes to show you that shes definitely at least checking out some potential options which means something for sure.
-------------------- "You didn’t come into this world. You came out of it, like a wave from the ocean. You are no stranger here."  
|
dirty
super sketch



Registered: 08/18/13
Posts: 120
Loc: stateside
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
|
Re: Is it even possible to ever restore trust? [Re: Chuckfinely]
#18913643 - 09/30/13 10:35 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
It certainly is possible for people to forgive, however, NOBODY I mean nobody ever forgets no matter how hard you may try..
-------------------- "In a completely sane world, madness is the only freedom" -J.G. Ballard "Why isn't there a strain yet called Rubix Cubensis?" -Fraggin
|
Anonymous #2
|
Re: Is it even possible to ever restore trust? [Re: Chuckfinely]
#18913670 - 09/30/13 10:41 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
Well I can tell you trust can be restored. Im currently going through a similar situation. Trust can be regained but every time a break in the newly healing trust happens it makes a bigger fissure. Im getting close to an irreparable point in my relationship but im remaining optimistic. Take it a day at a time but dont let someone abuse you.
|
pwnasaurus
Stranger



Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada
|
Re: Is it even possible to ever restore trust? [Re: Chuckfinely]
#18913680 - 09/30/13 10:42 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Chuckfinely said: she did it once she'll do it again. If she's willing to flirt like that she must be looking at other people besides you for intimacy
I would'a dumbed the bitch right away like if you wanna say those things go do it in person whooore 
Funny how you just assume it's a woman when that was never mentioned.
OP, it sounds like your partner has been pretty hurtful to you. I'm not sure I could regain trust for someone after that.
|
lillFish
Daydreamer



Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 1,347
Loc: Recliner
Last seen: 1 month, 3 days
|
Re: Is it even possible to ever restore trust? [Re: pwnasaurus]
#18915611 - 10/01/13 11:05 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
I don't think trust can be restored. You may try, but if you still have any residual ill feelings they are going to turn into resentment and that will cause even more problems down the road. If I were you, I would break it off.
-------------------- My Wish & Trade list
|
JesusIsLord
Jesus freak


Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8,061
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
|
Re: Is it even possible to ever restore trust? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18917725 - 10/01/13 06:46 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Anonymous said: Yes, well.
I caught my significant other, who I'll refer to as M, flirtatiously texting other people. Saying really suggestive things to them, things that should never be uttered to anyone but the one you love and share a life and home with.
It had a very profound effect on me. I have never been hurt like that before. I've been cheated on in the past, but I wasn't truly in love in that relationship really, I didn't feel anything for them even remotely close to the love I feel for the one I'm with now.
When confronted, M was all apologies at first, but then the excuses started up. Excuses like, "at least I didn't actually sleep with anyone else." As if that's supposed to make me feel better, like I'm supposed to feel lucky that I was just emotionally betrayed rather than emotionally and physically betrayed.
Excuses like, "it was just fiction, I didn't mean what I said to them." But the thing is, the things that were said to them were the exact same things that M says to me. Word for fucking word, right down the cutesy fucking little nicknames. How can something be "fiction" when talking to one person, but supposedly be meaningful truth when speaking to me?
I felt like something sacred was stolen from me. Something so special and so meaningful to me, something that I thought was only shared between us actually meant nothing to M. The innocent trust between us is gone, M perverted it.
I can't stop thinking about the texts M sent to them, even though I know all contact has been cut off between them. I know that M no longer speaks to anyone that way anymore, except me.
This is why I feel I'm being irrational. M stopped the unacceptable behavior. But I can't help but still harbor resentment towards M for ever doing it in the first place.
Is this normal? Is it rational to still resent M for perverting what was sacred, months after it all happened, months after it all went back to 'normal'?
What do I need to do in order to rid myself of this incessant ache?
you've entered the death spiral of your relationship. you are just clinging to an idealized form of your relationship and what you want it to be rather than painfully confronting what it currently is.
trust is all that matters. and once gone, is just about impossible to rebuild and even then will never be what it once was - it becomes an effort, instead of that beautiful intimacy which needs no reminding.
time to end it. i don't say that lightly - i went through something similar.
--------------------
And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.
|
Forest.dweller
Stranger
Registered: 07/05/13
Posts: 74
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
|
Re: Is it even possible to ever restore trust? [Re: JesusIsLord] 1
#18917729 - 10/01/13 06:48 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
[Mod edit: inappropriate post]
Edited by Forest.dweller (10/03/13 03:35 PM)
|
JesusIsLord
Jesus freak


Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8,061
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
|
Re: Is it even possible to ever restore trust? [Re: pwnasaurus]
#18917742 - 10/01/13 06:51 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
pwnasaurus said:
Quote:
Chuckfinely said: she did it once she'll do it again. If she's willing to flirt like that she must be looking at other people besides you for intimacy
I would'a dumbed the bitch right away like if you wanna say those things go do it in person whooore 
Funny how you just assume it's a woman when that was never mentioned.
OP, it sounds like your partner has been pretty hurtful to you. I'm not sure I could regain trust for someone after that.
given that the shroomery is primarily comprised of young men, it's a safe bet OP is talking about a woman.
--------------------
And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.
|
unknown1123
Experimental

Registered: 05/15/08
Posts: 5,813
|
Re: Is it even possible to ever restore trust? [Re: JesusIsLord]
#18918345 - 10/01/13 09:06 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
break it off, its not worth your time.
Source:
4 years experience
|
itchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
|
Re: Is it even possible to ever restore trust? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18922319 - 10/02/13 04:35 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Anonymous said: Yes, well.
I caught my significant other, who I'll refer to as M, flirtatiously texting other people. Saying really suggestive things to them, things that should never be uttered to anyone but the one you love and share a life and home with.
It had a very profound effect on me. I have never been hurt like that before. I've been cheated on in the past, but I wasn't truly in love in that relationship really, I didn't feel anything for them even remotely close to the love I feel for the one I'm with now.
When confronted, M was all apologies at first, but then the excuses started up. Excuses like, "at least I didn't actually sleep with anyone else." As if that's supposed to make me feel better, like I'm supposed to feel lucky that I was just emotionally betrayed rather than emotionally and physically betrayed.
Excuses like, "it was just fiction, I didn't mean what I said to them." But the thing is, the things that were said to them were the exact same things that M says to me. Word for fucking word, right down the cutesy fucking little nicknames. How can something be "fiction" when talking to one person, but supposedly be meaningful truth when speaking to me?
I felt like something sacred was stolen from me. Something so special and so meaningful to me, something that I thought was only shared between us actually meant nothing to M. The innocent trust between us is gone, M perverted it.
I can't stop thinking about the texts M sent to them, even though I know all contact has been cut off between them. I know that M no longer speaks to anyone that way anymore, except me.
This is why I feel I'm being irrational. M stopped the unacceptable behavior. But I can't help but still harbor resentment towards M for ever doing it in the first place.
Is this normal? Is it rational to still resent M for perverting what was sacred, months after it all happened, months after it all went back to 'normal'?
What do I need to do in order to rid myself of this incessant ache?
Sometimes a Woman needs to keep a boy in check.
But a Man keeps himself in check.
--------------------
|
Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
|
Re: Is it even possible to ever restore trust? [Re: itchmynipple]
#18922328 - 10/02/13 04:38 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
IME not really honestly.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
|
Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
|
Re: Is it even possible to ever restore trust? [Re: lillFish]
#18922374 - 10/02/13 04:45 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
lillFish said: I don't think trust can be restored. You may try, but if you still have any residual ill feelings they are going to turn into resentment and that will cause even more problems down the road. If I were you, I would break it off.
Qft. I went through something similar and it just made me resent her. We cleanly broke it off and I still love her as a friend. But in a relationship it just made me hate her.
The feelings dont pass either. It eats at you until you can't take it. If the person will do that in the first place it's just not to be man. Someone better is always out there.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
|
Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
|
Re: Is it even possible to ever restore trust? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18922408 - 10/02/13 04:51 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
I think it could be restored if she told you the actual reason as to why she was doing that, and you both came to a sincere mutual understanding of the reality of the situation. It would still take some time though, but you'd be able to move past it together.
Seeing as how she's just coming up with excuses and not actually giving you the full picture - and is probably hiding from the full picture herself - than no I don't think "trust" will ever be fully restored between you two, unless that changes.
I'm sorry
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
Edited by Sheekle (10/02/13 04:56 PM)
|
itchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
|
Re: Is it even possible to ever restore trust? [Re: Enjoywho]
#18922415 - 10/02/13 04:52 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Enjoywho said: IME not really honestly.
well the thing is, is that he probably gets more excitement devoting his time to these mystery girls, and being undercover. he needs to suppress them, but if his heart and mind isn't in the right place, he most likely wont suppress them forever, n they will return as bigger urges. when your mind and heart are in the right place, you wouldn't of done this to begin with..
so the question is how do we get your boyfriends heart and mind in the right place?
if we are already holding up our end of the relationship with love and friendliness but the other does not reciprocate, then there's only one great answer, that is to break up with them. this will make him sad for his shortcomings the most.
breaking up before things get worse, this will help him learn a lesson, and maybe in the future you two could rekindle things. I'm sure he will have a change of heart next time regarding introducing other girls.
i think people know they will be forgiven a lot of times even if it hurts there partner, so they will cheat or try to cheat. n since they can't do something, they feel like there being controlled.
--------------------
|
dstout84
Stranger
Registered: 01/15/12
Posts: 50
Last seen: 29 days, 14 hours
|
Re: Is it even possible to ever restore trust? [Re: vertygo]
#18927523 - 10/03/13 07:21 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
vertygo said: people don't change, we are creatures of habit. It might take awhile, it might change form slightly, but it'll happen again and again.
This is a sad truth that I've ignored several times and it always comes back to bite you in the ass when you do.
|
JesusGoneRogue


Registered: 10/24/10
Posts: 9,495
|
Re: Is it even possible to ever restore trust? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18929339 - 10/04/13 02:01 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
Yes. But it can be extremely hard. takes huge amounts of effort on both sides. good luck.
|
|