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OfflineJacksonMetaller
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Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 13,361
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Second Ayahuasca Ceremony
    #18915379 - 10/01/13 10:10 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

So if any of you read my last one, you know that I pretty much got slapped with a really strong dose by accident and freaked the hell out.

Anyways... After many subsequent journeys and reflection I felt it was appropriate to revisit the ayahuasca experience. I got on my email to write to the shamans and touch base only to coincidentally find out that they were coming back. Fortunately they were fully willing to work with me again. This one actually ended up being out of state so it was almost like a weekend retreat of sorts. I spent the entire car ride up in complete confidence. I was absolutely fearless of the experience ahead of me. However, towards the end of the car ride my stomach cramped up (my stomachs kind of a bitch to me, it wasn't out of nervousness) and my confidence immediately fell. Knowing that my stomach hurt and I was about to ingest a substance which would unsettle it far more somewhat knocked me down a few notches.

The place we arrived to was beautiful. It was a village of Yurts all constructed by a middle age hippy who would freely lend out the land to anyone willing to contribute to the community. It was absolutely blissful. After some time we all settled in the largest Yurt for the ceremony. It was almost like a community center for the Yurt village. Just a big large room with a picture of Ganesh hanging on one side and a banner with the chakras on the other. Once again it had an altar set up in the middle with women on the right side of the shaman and men on the left. This time the ceremony was much smaller. There were only about 13 or so people.

Starting the ceremony:

We passed the ceremonial staff around to introduce ourselves and state our intentions. After that we took our doses. The ayahuascero called me up for my dose. He told me the dose was of moderate strength and he was going to give me a little less because of my last experience, but I could get more later if needed. I told him if it was moderate I would be okay so he only took a little out. It was slightly under a full cup of a "moderate" strength brew of psychotria and b. caapi.

As soon as the doses had gone around he picked up his electric guitar and we started singing the icaros starting with "Aya Huascar". it was fun just jamming along to these tunes, but it did have a noticeably different vibe than the last time. Everyone was a little more serious and focused and not so energetic and happy. It may have been a factor of unfamiliarity due to the small circle which had gathered from multiple states. But it was fun none the less. I felt the ayahuasca come on very slowly and soft and thought it must be a pretty tame trip on the moderate strength brew. As we kept singing it kept slowly creeping on. The most prominent colors were green and purple. At one point I noticed it was starting to hit hard. The entire room resembled a circus of sorts and I could see the energy spiraling around the room and up into the dome roof. The feeling was unmistakeable. It was not that of DMT, or LSD, or mushrooms... It was it's own unique feel exactly as I had felt it before. The most bizarre and intense feeling of any substance I have ever taken.

The peak:

I kept singing the songs. At this point I was losing my timing because the words on the page were becoming more and more difficult to read and so I was lagging behind the beat. I was so intoxicated I realized that there was no purpose in continuing to sing and almost simultaneously around the room I noticed everyone except those at the head of the circle had stopped singing, stopped playing their instruments, and just sat there and stared with a blank look. Their energy was stretched off their faces and all the way across the room, binding with the energy of everyone around them and connecting us all. Between every one of them were religious symbols and beings from other dimensions resting in our reality. I started purging. Such a violent purge. The purge thrust me right into the visions in a way I can not describe. Then I felt the machine elves over take my vision. The insect like fractal beings would spiral our of the air from many points that would fuse together to construct them and they would pick at my brain and inspect me, making their distinguished ticking machine noises. That's when things were good. When they got too rough they would disappear and I would be back to the massive brain scrambling entity inlaid energy field. The insect beings would attempt to poke their way in constantly, but I had to surrender in order to see them. So I attempted this... I attempted to surrender and as it was closing in over me I felt all my senses blend together into a loud squeak in my right ear. That squeak was physically PAINFUL and would immediately force me back into fighting the trip.

I had been filled with regret again. "Here I am scrambling my brains on this ridiculous substance. Why do I do this to myself, this isn't spiritual?" The difference was, I knew it was part of the experience this time so I held on. At times it would suffocate me so much that I felt the urge to scream out. I would put all my effort into resisting that urge as to avoiding heading down the same road I did last time. Finally would come a moment of relief where I would realize "Wait... Ayahuasca isn't supposed to be 'fun'. Look at everyone around here with their blank stares. This is happening to them too. I am going to be okay." And then I would attempt to be playful with it. Navigate my way through the headspace and make the most of this utter mind-rape. I didn't realize at the time but it was teaching me to redirect negative thoughts during tough times and forcing me to learn acceptance for the current situation. But then I would be back to suffocation and the painful ear squeaks. It felt like my brain was falling apart. Then would come the revelation again and a moment of partial relief. This went on for a long time. Through the mess of my brain I could make out some of my favorite icaros. Ones which I knew all the lyrics and melodies too but I was so utterly obliterated I still could not sing them. So I laid down and just held on and worked on acceptance.

The healing:

After about 3 hours of this masochism my reality started to slowly reconstruct itself. The brain scrambling finally ended, but the trip was still going strong and then a revelation stronger than anything I had ever experienced in my life had hit me... I had, for the first time in my entire life, seen my own strength. I come from a history of depression, anxiety, and self doubt. There have been a lot of "I cant's" in my life and for the first time I realized "I can." Not only that, but the degree of capability that I possessed. That trip was undeniably the hardest thing I had ever been through, only comparing to the last one. But the difference was I didn't give up on this one. I didn't give in to my fear, but embraced it and used it to my advantage. At this realization I literally bawled my eyes out for about 10 minutes. Just the most intense catharsis I have ever experienced. That session of crying was so intense that it sapped my energy and I literally lay still the entire rest of the ceremony. Did not get up to walk outside when the circle broke, did not sit up to sing... I just lay there, physically spent. At one point I started to fall asleep and was awoken by cold splashes of water on my face. The shamans wife had dipped a feather in freezing water and was shaking it all over everyones face and feet and arms. But I didn't care... Just kept laying there.

Closing up:

I decided to get up for the end as we danced to the last few songs and then closed up. We closed up to one of my favorites "Pachamama I'm Coming Home", took a minute to reflect on our experiences, and then performed a release of the last of our baggage that we had come in with. After that was nothing but hugs and happy people all around. Listening to the shamans stories and jokes, sharing our own stories, and the best part... munching down.

Follow up:

It's been about three days now and my head is absolutely clear. I have not had a single negative thought since that ceremony. On the ride back, me and the fellow travelers I had drove with discussed our journeys, not just in ayahuasca but in life. One of them was a nurse who had specialized in neuroscience. We discussed the neural pathways we form when we're young. How every thought we ever have is associated with a chemical which helps construct neural pathways. Once those pathways are established they crave those chemicals like an addiction. Novel experiences can override that addiction temporarily, but if the pathway is starved for a while it starts to develop methods of obtaining that chemical (ie, looking for reasons to think certain thoughts, etc). But that those pathways, if unused for long enough, would degrade. So I've made it an excessively strong point following this experience to not feed those pathways for long enough that they can degrade.

I had put off studying for an astronomy test to go to this ceremony. The day of the test I sat under a tree with my astronomy book with zero stress whatsoever. I saw cops, people I would normally think of as douchebags, etc and did not think a single negative thought of them. Or if I did I easily redirected it to a positive one of them. Hopefully I can keep this up long enough to maintain a clear and fresh mind. All in all this drug is an excellent healer if used properly. I could not imagine taking this recreationally. It's hardly anything I would consider fun, and too much to process without the guiding help and positive energy of the ceremony. Just my thoughts.

Also, i realize I used some fairly strong and seemingly condescending language at some parts but I am by no means talking down the experience. It was anything but negative in the end. Those are just the words that convey the intense emotional responses to the situation as it was in the time it occured


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Offlinegeazerpleaser
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Re: Second Ayahuasca Ceremony [Re: JacksonMetaller]
    #18916352 - 10/01/13 01:54 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

your journey sounds soo intense, yet sooo beautiful, I cant wait till I tray ayahuasca one day when I'm ready and I hope your after glow stays forever,


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OfflineJacksonMetaller
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Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 13,361
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: Second Ayahuasca Ceremony [Re: geazerpleaser]
    #18918420 - 10/01/13 09:23 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

geazerpleaser said:
your journey sounds soo intense, yet sooo beautiful, I cant wait till I tray ayahuasca one day when I'm ready and I hope your after glow stays forever,




Glad you enjoyed it :smile: You will never be ready for this journey though. You really just have to find the right setting/set and dive in when the time feels right. I thought previous experience with psychedelics would prepare me and they did not. You just have to go in and give in to whatever you experience because it's very unique


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Offlinegeazerpleaser
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Re: Second Ayahuasca Ceremony [Re: JacksonMetaller]
    #18918425 - 10/01/13 09:25 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

JacksonMetaller said:
Quote:

geazerpleaser said:
your journey sounds soo intense, yet sooo beautiful, I cant wait till I tray ayahuasca one day when I'm ready and I hope your after glow stays forever,




Glad you enjoyed it :smile: You will never be ready for this journey though. You really just have to find the right setting/set and dive in when the time feels right. I thought previous experience with psychedelics would prepare me and they did not. You just have to go in and give in to whatever you experience because it's very unique




lol infact after reading this I think I might start off with a shot glass with of it and just slowly build up to a real dose


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OfflineJacksonMetaller
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Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 13,361
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: Second Ayahuasca Ceremony [Re: geazerpleaser]
    #18918488 - 10/01/13 09:39 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

geazerpleaser said:

lol infact after reading this I think I might start off with a shot glass with of it and just slowly build up to a real dose




Haha to be honest I have no idea what a "real" dose is. I've only taken it in shamanic settings. A shamanic setting vs a recreational setting vs a dose a shaman actually takes himself is vastly different. A ~6 ounce shot glass for us was utter mindrape, but he considered it "moderate." When he worked in the church of santo daime they would take 32 ounces and climb a mountain to the first tier. Take another 32 ounces to the second tier. And another 32 ounces to the top.

So don't toy yourself with the idea of a "real dose". That's a game we tend to play but it's really about what's suiting to you. If you are just brewing it yourself I suggest starting small and working up. If you get the opportunity to do it in a ceremony with an ayahuascero you feel comfortable with, i suggest you take his prescribed dose as you will be safe in his hands and get the full benefit. But that's just me. It was far too much for me to handle, but in the end I wouldn't have done it any differently as that intensity is what made it so profound in the end. In short, a rough experience is exactly what I needed for myself at the time.


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Offlineweshroom
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Re: Second Ayahuasca Ceremony [Re: JacksonMetaller]
    #18939237 - 10/06/13 08:25 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Beautiful! Im very glad this ceremony was deep, impactful, and cleansing. It is inspiring you were able to revisit the same space and not give up. Sounds like you worked through alot of stuff, im happy you are in a clear state now. :heart::sunstone:


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OfflineJacksonMetaller
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Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 13,361
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: Second Ayahuasca Ceremony [Re: weshroom]
    #18948685 - 10/08/13 09:25 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

weshroom said:
Beautiful! Im very glad this ceremony was deep, impactful, and cleansing. It is inspiring you were able to revisit the same space and not give up. Sounds like you worked through alot of stuff, im happy you are in a clear state now. :heart::sunstone:




Yeah definitely. Still got a lot of work to do but that was the most progress i've made in a long time. I think between ceremonies and burn festivals this gets easier to work through :grin:


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OfflineHeyImShroomy
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Re: Second Ayahuasca Ceremony [Re: JacksonMetaller]
    #18949210 - 10/08/13 11:45 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Once I stumbled upon this trip report, I had to go back and read your first one, and I was utterly amazed at what you went through. I'm glad to see that after this second ceremony you were able to come out of it was a new, positive perspective on the world.

I would never want to go into too much detail via over the internet, but I am curious how you were able to find a ayahuascuro? I live in the Northern U.S. and we don't hear much about ceremonies going on around here. We do have quite a few Native American reserves, but it's very hard to join their community in order to experience one of their ceremonies. Was it research that lead you to your experience, or did the experience just come to you?

Ayahuasca is something I feel I need to partake in within this lifetime. I have done plenty of soul searching on other psychedelics, including DMT, but I am unable to attain that which I know is within me. I'm hoping a ceremony can open me up to a new perspective, such as you attained.


My best intentions are with you in your future endeavors! Keep the awesome reports coming :thumbup:


--------------------
BrehBrehBreh  :werewolf: :frenchie:


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OfflineJacksonMetaller
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Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 13,361
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: Second Ayahuasca Ceremony [Re: HeyImShroomy]
    #18950908 - 10/08/13 06:19 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

HeyImShroomy said:
Once I stumbled upon this trip report, I had to go back and read your first one, and I was utterly amazed at what you went through. I'm glad to see that after this second ceremony you were able to come out of it was a new, positive perspective on the world.

I would never want to go into too much detail via over the internet, but I am curious how you were able to find a ayahuascuro? I live in the Northern U.S. and we don't hear much about ceremonies going on around here. We do have quite a few Native American reserves, but it's very hard to join their community in order to experience one of their ceremonies. Was it research that lead you to your experience, or did the experience just come to you?

Ayahuasca is something I feel I need to partake in within this lifetime. I have done plenty of soul searching on other psychedelics, including DMT, but I am unable to attain that which I know is within me. I'm hoping a ceremony can open me up to a new perspective, such as you attained.


My best intentions are with you in your future endeavors! Keep the awesome reports coming :thumbup:




Glad you enjoyed it! It actually came to me. I have a friend who is a philosophy major, and as a result she knows all kinds of interesting people. Well one of her friends in the area somehow or another knew this ayahuascero who does traveling ceremonies and it just so happened he came to our area.

I hope you can get the opportunity someday. Just keep in mind you're not going to find that self-improvement in the places you expect. That's one of the hardest parts about ayahuasca. Sometimes during the experience it just seems like such a bitch and you wonder what you're doing with yourself but sooner or later you come around. The sooner you realize it's yourself holding you back, the sooner that moment comes. Sometimes it's one or two ceremonies down the road like in my case.


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