I just landed here by accident after doing a Google search for San Pedro. I'm trying to figure out how an experience I had with San Pedro over the weekend went so differently than the one I was expecting. Wonderfully so, I guess? IDK. Maybe someone with more experience with M can take a guess as to what I did right or wrong. Or whether my experience might be considered within bounds -- particularly given the fact that I can't be sure that any experience I've ever had (save for this one) involved *genuine* M. Just so hard to know.
Anyway, I really don't mean for this to be a "trip report," which I think would be pretty obnoxious for a first post on a forum. And if my experience had matched up with all the trip reports I've read, I probably wouldn't even be here. This is more a question about M "mechanics" if you will. Like, WTF happened to me?
If you want the mini version, here it is:
I froze my ass off. I was incredibly sedated/groggy. I experienced 11-ish hours of very dramatic and varied closed-eye visions. I experienced absolutely no -- *ZERO* -- visuals.
If you'd prefer more details and context, here they are -- with apologies in advance for length. But, if you're inclined to read, please advise if you can.
On Friday night, I took a 3 pound, 8.3 ounce San Pedro cutting (a fat 18"), intending to cook up two doses. I followed John Allen's early-'70s simmering/boiling method to the letter. When I got down to an applesauce-like consistency after 4-ish hours, my yield was exactly 24 ounces of liquid. Two 12-ounce cups. That seems about right, doesn't it? I left these to cool at room temperature and went to bed. (I should mention that I was all alone in a log cabin in the middle of a state forest in upstate New York. I was mentally very serene throughout, so set and setting were ideal IMHO.)
I woke up on Saturday morning, had a very light breakfast, and reheated 12 ounces of San Pedro tea. I drank that in 15 minutes -- of course it was very, very bitter (actually, "tannic" is the more accurate word) and a little sour. Borderline unpalatable ... but not nauseating. This seems to be everyone's experience, so I thought I was on the right track. I set my iPhone timer to keep track of things in case I decided I wanted a "real world reference" at some point.
And then I waited. And waited. And waited. After an hour, I was a little dizzy. Fantastic! (Hmmm...) Frustrated, I went to the stove and reheated the other 12 ounces. Same drill -- bitter, sour, set my timer. And then I waited. And waited. And waited. Nothing was happening (except for another wave of slight dizziness), so I decided that I'd salvage the day with AL-LAD.
And then the cold set in. I have never been so cold in my life. Like, too cold even to shiver. I was lying down in a 65-degree room (normally perfect for me), fully dressed, under three wool blankets ... feeling like a 6-foot icicle. Then, after another hour, the sedation came on, and I spent most of the next 11-ish hours in a sort of twilight sleep where the difference between being awake and being asleep was very blurry. Kinda heroin-nod-esque. It was SUPER gentle going in, with a definite sense of being cradled and protected. Relatedly, it was overwhelmingly feminine -- kind, compassionate, sweet, erotic and sensual (without being sexual -- R-rated, not XXX-rated!) I found myself crying for no reason, and I proceeded to laugh and cry for just about the entire duration. I'm not sure why there was so much crying? (I was never even remotely sad.)
But mostly, it was visionary without being at all visual -- if that makes sense? Hour upon hour of weird, wild, wonderful closed-eye scenes of which I was in partial control -- at least I thought so. Lots of Indian imagery, much Victorian garden party Alice-type stuff, tons of jetting across the universe and dropping in on anyone and anything I felt like. I did get stuck on certain themes and thus annoyed. I clearly remember at one point feeling very inefficient in the "singular," so my mind came to me and asked permission to split up and go lots of different ways. I said, "OK, but be sure to bring back something interesting and don't hurt yourselves."
As I said, it was gentle going in. But, by the end, I felt totally ravaged. I've had the cooling "internal shower." I've also had the blowtorch. This was the blowtorch. The final visions were post-apocalyptic ... scortched-earth-type scenes in B&W.
Here's why I think something didn't go quite right: It was all mental. All of it. It was a dream and I knew it -- or at least that's what I thought. If I opened my eyes, it all collapsed ... and I felt like I was waking up in the morning in a very groggy state. I didn't have a single visual disturbance the entire time. Well ... I take that back. The ceiling shifted a tiny bit at about the eighth hour, which I remember thinking was absolutely ridiculous and juvenile and too-little-too-late. I have better visuals in my normal, walking around, day-to-day! Whatever the case, any visuals at that point would have been utterly uninteresting in contrast to what was happening on the inside.
I could bring myself in and out of this state pretty much at will. I was super-surprised at the amount of control I retained. Not at all like other psychs -- even substances that I believed to be M. I got up to go the bathroom, to change CDs, to get something to drink. I felt really out of it for sure, but capable enough on my feet. I also felt a bit possessed -- even "owned" by what was going on in there, down there, wherever. Rabbit hole stuff. Any time I was taking a break, I felt a very strong pull to "get back." Like some presence was expecting me and I was being very rude by keeping it waiting.
So yikes! ... I'm confused. I remember alternately thinking that I hadn't taken enough and that I had taken too much. Normally the right alternating thought! LOL! But, I also think that if I had taken more than I did, I would have been so sedated as to fall deeply asleep for the entire day. Then it really would have been a dream.
Where was I? How much M did I take? Why didn't my experience match up with any trip report I've ever read? Why didn't it match up with any other psych experience I've had -- including those that I thought were brought on by M? In short, I was expecting lots of visuals, detachment, and not to be so aware. As it was, awareness was about all I had. Which is why I said in the beginning that it was a wonderful experience -- even if atypical.
My intuition is that the dosage must have been high -- or at least high enough -- as I'm pretty sure that substantially more would have brought on full-fledged sleep.
Any thoughts for me? Thanks...
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