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Simplepowa
In Pursuit of Knowledge


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 4,310
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Florida Man On Cocaine Avoids Gators By Jumping Through Windshield
#18906701 - 09/29/13 11:33 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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By Chris Joseph Fri., Sep. 27 2013 at 2:37 PM Categories: Floriderp
A Hobe Sound man decided to do a shitload of cocaine around a bunch of alligators and then locked his keys in his car.
All excellent ideas rolled into one!
When the man realized he had locked his keys in his car, he had an even grander idea.
In order to avoid the supposed large gators, he decided to break into his car .... through the windshield.
According to a Martin County Sheriff's Office report, County Fire Rescue officials and a police officer spotted the 28-year-old man's 1995 Dodge Neon on the evening of September 12.
The man was parked on Pratt Whitney Road near the entrance to a reserve.
The officials noticed sandy footprints dotting the hood and roof of the Dodge. They also noticed a big hole in the windshield.
When they looked inside the Dodge, they spotted the man sitting in the driver's seat. He had cuts on his body, and a bottle of painkillers spilled out on the floor.
The deputy asked the man what happened.
According to the report, the man says that he jumped through the windshield to get his keys, because he was afraid of the "large gators."
He also said he figured the insurance company would replace the windshield for free.
That's assuming he's insured under the "DO A SHITLOAD OF COKE, JUMP THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD TO UNLOCK YOUR CAR" plan.
The man also admitted to doing a lot of coke, making this the most Florida Thing Ever.
http://blogs.browardpalmbeach.com/pulp/2013/09/florida_man_on_cocaine_avoids.php
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Carl Sagan - "Who are we? We find that we live on an insignificant planet of a humdrum star lost in a galaxy tucked away in some forgotten corner of a universe in which there are far more galaxies than people." --- Robert Pirsig - "When one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion." --- Brian Cox - "[One] problem with today’s world is that everyone believes they have the right to express their opinion AND have others listen to it. The correct statement of individual rights is that everyone has the right to an opinion, but crucially, that opinion can be roundly ignored and even made fun of, particularly if it is demonstrably nonsense."
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Mr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter


Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
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Re: Florida Man On Cocaine Avoids Gators By Jumping Through Windshield [Re: Simplepowa]
#18906757 - 09/29/13 11:44 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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-------------------- I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart. I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful. I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.
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Mush 4 Brains
about tree fiddy


Registered: 12/19/07
Posts: 8,298
Loc: Tacos
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Re: Florida Man On Cocaine Avoids Gators By Jumping Through Windshield [Re: Simplepowa]
#18906772 - 09/29/13 11:47 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
In order to avoid the supposed large gators, he decided to break into his car .... through the windshield.
Naturally
Quote:
That's assuming he's insured under the "DO A SHITLOAD OF COKE, JUMP THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD TO UNLOCK YOUR CAR" plan.
lol
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imachavel
I loved and lost but I loved-ftw



Registered: 06/06/07
Posts: 31,408
Loc: You get banned for saying that
Last seen: 3 hours, 16 minutes
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Re: Florida Man On Cocaine Avoids Gators By Jumping Through Windshield [Re: Simplepowa]
#18906819 - 09/29/13 11:55 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Simplepowa said: By Chris Joseph Fri., Sep. 27 2013 at 2:37 PM Categories: Floriderp
A Hobe Sound man decided to do a shitload of cocaine around a bunch of alligators and then locked his keys in his car.
All excellent ideas rolled into one!
When the man realized he had locked his keys in his car, he had an even grander idea.
In order to avoid the supposed large gators, he decided to break into his car .... through the windshield.
According to a Martin County Sheriff's Office report, County Fire Rescue officials and a police officer spotted the 28-year-old man's 1995 Dodge Neon on the evening of September 12.
The man was parked on Pratt Whitney Road near the entrance to a reserve.
The officials noticed sandy footprints dotting the hood and roof of the Dodge. They also noticed a big hole in the windshield.
When they looked inside the Dodge, they spotted the man sitting in the driver's seat. He had cuts on his body, and a bottle of painkillers spilled out on the floor.
The deputy asked the man what happened.
According to the report, the man says that he jumped through the windshield to get his keys, because he was afraid of the "large gators."
He also said he figured the insurance company would replace the windshield for free.
That's assuming he's insured under the "DO A SHITLOAD OF COKE, JUMP THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD TO UNLOCK YOUR CAR" plan.
The man also admitted to doing a lot of coke, making this the most Florida Thing Ever.
http://blogs.browardpalmbeach.com/pulp/2013/09/florida_man_on_cocaine_avoids.php
The most 'Florida thing ever'?
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I did not say to edit my signature soulidarity! Now forever I will never remember what I said about understanding the secrets of the universe by paying attention to subtleties!
I'm never giving you the password again. Jerk
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