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Anonymous #1
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over coming insecurities?
#18898138 - 09/27/13 10:55 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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So I have always had really bad social anxiety which stems down into some bad insecurities, Im 23 next year and she is turning 21 this year. I hate my bodies physical appearance and sometimes I completely hate who I am for no reasons, I have so much negative emotions in me. I have always been really skinny, every time I try to get in shape I either get sick or find myself tending to an injury which just sets me back.
My girlfriend is beautiful and works in sales at a store in a mall. I've never been worried about her co workers because, well, everybody hits on her. But there is a particular co worker that is new, she just met him but shes already talking about him and repeating his stories to me. Apparently he is a 24-25 year old middle school history teacher as well.. It just seems like he is trying to impress her with his "I care about my students so much, their like my children" "so im a great guy" attitude. She even stayed an hour longer at work yesterday just to stay and talk with him while I drive all the way to her place 30 miles away from me.
She just makes it sound like his act is so together, and then theres me which she never acts like I have anything together let alone ever compliments anything I ever do, it just makes me feel down. I have zero idea what he looks like, talks like or anything, she just makes him sound exciting, but for some reason I have this huge insecurity against myself because of it.
I wish she would STFU with her stories about other guys some times, but shes never done anything wrong so I'm not gonna tell her off or anything. I completely trust her, I really do. I just cant deal with MYSELF when it comes to it.
She literally can't relate to social anxiety or my insecurities and I'm not going to ever bring this up to her because well, its a turn off to girls to express my insecurities, she doesnt wanna see that in me she wants to see a man.
What do I do to over come such insecurities? I am trying really hard to exercise and work out but I have horrible stomach issues that set me back often then Im laid out for a few days. The anxiety just makes my stomach even worse, it causes pain in my gut an Im laid out even longer.
I dont want to be the guy with the insecurities and anxiety, I want to live my life.
She lives 45 minutes away so Im trying to save my money and be with her as much as possible so we can maybe move in together in the near future.
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terric


Registered: 04/13/11
Posts: 93
Last seen: 10 years, 3 days
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I can relate to your post more than you care to know. One good thing is you have not shown your insecurities to her. It seems a lot of your low self esteem is because you are skinny. Research healthy weight gain, commit yourself to a program, and you can completely change your appearance in under a year.
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Dudits
Tao


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 233
Loc: West coast
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You don't need to show it, people can sense insecurity. The only thing that has to change is you. You don't have to be 6'3 and ripped to get a hot girl. You just have to be confident and know who YOU are. If you can't stand being around yourself, what makes you think anyone else will. I used to be the same way until met a new friend and just being around him made me change the way i looked at things. Try watching Tony Robbins on YouTube he has some really good stuff. If you really want to change you will, but you have to want it more than anything, more than you want to breath, you put that much effort into this and you won't believe the person you will become.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: over coming insecurities? [Re: terric]
#18898292 - 09/27/13 11:36 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
terric said: I can relate to your post more than you care to know. One good thing is you have not shown your insecurities to her. It seems a lot of your low self esteem is because you are skinny. Research healthy weight gain, commit yourself to a program, and you can completely change your appearance in under a year.
My weight and being skinny is like 99% of the problem and it always has been. Do you know of any such routines for healthy weight gain?
What makes it worse is she makes me feel worthless sometimes with the things she says to me, so I when I hear about other guys successes directly from her that she knows, I feel more worthless.
I want to change and make a difference in myself, so even if she is saying something mean and hurtful or if its just me having a bad day, I can know that within my true self its not true and who I am
Edited by Anonymous (09/27/13 11:37 AM)
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Dudits
Tao


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 233
Loc: West coast
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How tall are you and what do you weigh? If your that set on gaining weight and muscle go to Bodybuilding.com . Be warned it takes alot to put on weight for some people. My brother in law is taking in close to 4000 cal a day. I think his main supplement is BSN max gain or something.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: over coming insecurities? [Re: Dudits]
#18898462 - 09/27/13 12:21 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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6 foot and 140 pounds. Bodybuilding.com has great products, but not much that will sit well on my stomach. Any supplements I take, they need to be specifically easy to digest and they cant have any lactose or whey in them.
Idk how many calories I eat a day, but when my stomach is okay I cant stop eating.
Im already trying to exercise.. I'd like to know of any other methods of over coming this? it eats at me inside and all I think about is the anxiety of my insecurities. Maybe she does like this guy? IDK. I just want to stop thinking about it and stop worrying about it but I cant.
Edited by Anonymous (09/27/13 12:25 PM)
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Dudits
Tao


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 233
Loc: West coast
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you try plant protein? I drink aloe extract or chia seeds. You don't need to get big just put on some muscle. Shoot for a body type like those guys on American ninja warrior. Those guys aren't that big but they are stronger than sh*t.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: over coming insecurities? [Re: Dudits]
#18898534 - 09/27/13 12:41 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Yeah I really just want to be cut and strong, I dont need to be big or huge.
Right now I use a plant protein, I love it actually. its called Plant Fusion and it is pretty easy to digest.
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Dudits
Tao


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 233
Loc: West coast
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Then what are you waiting for start gettin some gains. Just don't forget your legs like alot of people do when they start out. I like pre workouts like NO Explode to but if that messes with your stomach just try creatine after you've been working out for a month or so.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: over coming insecurities? [Re: Dudits]
#18898698 - 09/27/13 01:21 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
saviorsam said: Then what are you waiting for start gettin some gains. Just don't forget your legs like alot of people do when they start out. I like pre workouts like NO Explode to but if that messes with your stomach just try creatine after you've been working out for a month or so.
Not waiting for anything, besides my stomach holding me up my days are usually one big time crunch.
I try to get a workout in every other day after work. Im thinking ill try some creatine soon, I'm so tired of being weak.
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pwnasaurus
Stranger



Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada
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Do you know the cause of your stomach problems? It sounds like this is a bigger issue than you are giving it credit. A stomach issue can be a direct cause of your inability to gain weight, not a side-effect. I think you have to get that in check first, or at least figure out the issue. If I had to hazard I guess, I'd say there's a decent change you're allergic to gluten to some extent. Try cutting it out for a couple of weeks and see if you notice any difference.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: over coming insecurities? [Re: pwnasaurus]
#18898888 - 09/27/13 02:09 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
pwnasaurus said: Do you know the cause of your stomach problems? It sounds like this is a bigger issue than you are giving it credit. A stomach issue can be a direct cause of your inability to gain weight, not a side-effect. I think you have to get that in check first, or at least figure out the issue. If I had to hazard I guess, I'd say there's a decent change you're allergic to gluten to some extent. Try cutting it out for a couple of weeks and see if you notice any difference.
The cause is I had a bad case of Clostridium difficile in my colon/stomach almost 2 years ago now ( I've always been skinny but here is when a lot of my problems began). Had blood transfusions and all that while I was in the hospital for a week. Ever since then, my body has been in recovery mode and everything I eat is a potential risk of pain/agony unless I've proved to myself otherwise by eating it before.
I really think it left me with mal-absorption so I can't ever take up the full dose of nutrients in anything I eat. Leaving me skinny and incapable of gaining weight. When i got out of the hospital, I stayed off Gluten for 2-3 weeks to see if I would notice a difference, because gluten allergies do run in my family. I havent noticed anything particular when I eat gluten though, maybe I have a slight sensitivity to it. I take Probiotics every day, usually over 13 billion count.
Everything I eat needs to be natural or very bland and low in ingredients, or my body knows and I am fucked for a day
Edited by Anonymous (09/27/13 02:10 PM)
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Anonymous #1
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So I met the guy this weekend. Tall guy with a beard and shit. He was really in my face non stop talking trying to get to know me when I came into the store to pick up my girlfriend. Almost like he didn't want me talking to her or something because I was trying to talk to her but he would like get in the way. IDK maybe it was just me imagining that but he kept watching me and looking at us.
To make things worse my girlfriend had a temperary fall out with her dad yesterday, leaving me for her to spew hurtful things to, telling me im not a man, I am nothing and have nothing together and everything 
Her family is one big short coming and she takes it out on me. Maybe Im being a baby but it just hurts my self esteem even more when she turns to me and says these things.
Sometimes I dont know why she is with me.
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itchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
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Quote:
Anonymous said: So I met the guy this weekend. Tall guy with a beard and shit. He was really in my face non stop talking trying to get to know me when I came into the store to pick up my girlfriend. Almost like he didn't want me talking to her or something because I was trying to talk to her but he would like get in the way. IDK maybe it was just me imagining that but he kept watching me and looking at us.
To make things worse my girlfriend had a temperary fall out with her dad yesterday, leaving me for her to spew hurtful things to, telling me im not a man, I am nothing and have nothing together and everything 
Her family is one big short coming and she takes it out on me. Maybe Im being a baby but it just hurts my self esteem even more when she turns to me and says these things.
Sometimes I dont know why she is with me.
yea for some reason people do this who want your gf - they think your a gateway
sometimes, not all, either they will try to be your best buddy or they will do the exact opposite.
but i get the 'in your face' thing, this kid my ex likes was like that. yea she ended up liking him after we broke up - but its cool, im actually happy it happened because I will Never get back with her for how she went about things, i might of been a bad bf cause of my addictions, but i swear it went Both Ways entirely
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Anonymous #1
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Quote:
itchmynipple said:
Quote:
Anonymous said: So I met the guy this weekend. Tall guy with a beard and shit. He was really in my face non stop talking trying to get to know me when I came into the store to pick up my girlfriend. Almost like he didn't want me talking to her or something because I was trying to talk to her but he would like get in the way. IDK maybe it was just me imagining that but he kept watching me and looking at us.
To make things worse my girlfriend had a temperary fall out with her dad yesterday, leaving me for her to spew hurtful things to, telling me im not a man, I am nothing and have nothing together and everything 
Her family is one big short coming and she takes it out on me. Maybe Im being a baby but it just hurts my self esteem even more when she turns to me and says these things.
Sometimes I dont know why she is with me.
yea for some reason people do this who want your gf - they think your a gateway
sometimes, not all, either they will try to be your best buddy or they will do the exact opposite.
but i get the 'in your face' thing, this kid my ex likes was like that. yea she ended up liking him after we broke up - but its cool, im actually happy it happened because I will Never get back with her for how she went about things, i might of been a bad bf cause of my addictions, but i swear it went Both Ways entirely
yeah I feel like he thinks if he tries to get to know me, in my girlfriends eye, he wont seem so bad and may actually like him more for it. I kept it kinda short, I didn't want to conversate with him I just wanted my girlfriend and I to leave..
These guys just drool over my girlfriend every freaking day. Then theres me which I dont know what she sees in me because of what she is always saying to me making me feel worse about myself. I feel like she could just toss me aside and go with this guy or someone else at any point, at least thats how I see it. But yet she says loves me with all her heart.. She even had a dream last night that I am going to leave her for another person, like I dont get it.
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TwinEclipse
Psychedelic Alchemist

Registered: 07/06/13
Posts: 1,499
Loc: NGC1097
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
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I used to feel insecure about myself.
Then i got serious about who i am and what i looked like and created goals.
I was fat in middle school. i thought...man i'm fat.
I don't want to be fat. I want to be strong.
Being strong is in the future...in the grand scheme of things, I can dedicate some time each day to lose weight.
Now, years later in college. I feel strong. I look good. I have so much potential.
I look at the bigger picture. Find ambitions..passions. Something you can direct your attention on. Something that will make you SUCESSFUL Use that to fuel your ego.
OP, i am certain you will conquer the demons of your insecurities. You just need time to think about what is missing in your personality and your appearance. Exercise and great tasting healthy food is a good place to start.
You are a HUMAN BEING. You can create MEANING in this immaterial universe. This world obtains BOUNDLESS opportunity OP! You just need to brainstorm ways to direct YOURSELF toward your opportunities!
Only you can determine how much effort you put into something. Work at it. if you really want it, you will conquer the obstacles within your goals.
Perception is relative. Even if you don't believe yourself, tell yourself how good you look. GOSH DARN I LOOK GOOD TODAY. I feel awesome today. Great day. I feel intelligent today.
The more you participate in these thoughts, the more often your happy synapses are potentiated. It's kinda like studying to be happy..synaptic potentiation strengthens happiness! Build your psychological wealth and share it to the masses. Be the BEACON OF POSITIVITY!
You can do anything you set your mind to.
-------------------- My purpose: to love, to share, and to experience....all while conforming to my psychedelic experiences.
Edited by TwinEclipse (09/30/13 06:34 PM)
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itchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
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Re: over coming insecurities? [Re: TwinEclipse]
#18913051 - 09/30/13 08:30 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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i think talking to a family member can help, specifically a sister or brother.
i notice people who have good familyness communication are more more social able usually.
im talking to my sister now about my problems and i already feel like things will be 'okay'
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Anonymous #1
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Twin Eclipse - thank you for that. I am battle demons right now. I wish I was in your position, where I was now strong instead of just starting. I try my best to be positive but sometimes it is just so hard. My girlfriend has a lot of angry from personal issues, so she brings down my positivism a lot when I am trying really hard to maintain it. I want to complete my goals and be this person that I picture in my head.
Why does my stomach turn and grind every morning and night feeling like she might leave me? My anxiety over comes me like a true eclipse, almost every day. I feel like she can do so much better then me at times, I worry that if we break up she already has someone in mind to replace me with. Possibly even this guy if we were to break up now. Eveery day while she is at work i am thinking "Is this guy hitting on her? Is this guy hitting on her right now? What could he be saying? Is she laughing? Are they bonding? Does she like what he has to say? Does she see things in him she wished I had?" It goes on and on and it never stops, I consume myself with scenarios and "what ifs".
Itchmynipple - Talking to family is great, it can be so relieving. Unfortunately, if I were to talk about my insecurities with someone like my sister, I would have to talk about my relationship and my family isnt fond of our relationship at all.
I went to the gym yesterday, it felt good. I had to take it easy though, my stomach kept me from eating a lot the last few days.
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