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Offlinest1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask
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Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816 Flag
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also [Re: st1llnox]
    #18861313 - 09/19/13 01:17 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

He's moved to hospice.

My mom says in front of me (when I said I wanted to paint an Ireland landscape for him) to wait till he's back home since it's so small there.

In front of my grandpa, my mom says "if" he goes home.

My dad says that nobody actually thinks he's going to go home. It's just a possibility.




:sad:

Thanks for the support, vibes, and prayers to the great nonexistent tyrant.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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InvisibleCosmicJokeM
happy mutant
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Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18861403 - 09/19/13 01:56 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

While I don't think we can send good vibes that will actually help your grandfather, all we can do is remind you that ultimately you'll need to make peace with whatever happens.  Draw strength from your pappy, I'm sure you need it more now than he does.


--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.


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Offlinest1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask
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Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816 Flag
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: CosmicJoke]
    #18861427 - 09/19/13 02:05 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

CosmicJoke said:
While I don't think we can send good vibes that will actually help your grandfather, all we can do is remind you that ultimately you'll need to make peace with whatever happens.  Draw strength from your pappy, I'm sure you need it more now than he does.




Edit: Thanks. I still hope he gets better.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


Edited by st1llnox (09/19/13 02:10 AM)


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Offlinelifeiswhatyoumake
Sake Psychic sig
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Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 16,857
Last seen: 11 hours, 15 minutes
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18861437 - 09/19/13 02:11 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Family is all you have in life, that's why you should care for 'em.

And there are always going to be relapse risks, that's what happens when you have an addiction; you need to just say no.  It'll get easier over time.


--------------------
Check out my new psytrance track "Sake Psychic": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xyEPGfiDrA ;


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InvisibleCosmicJokeM
happy mutant
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Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18861451 - 09/19/13 02:18 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

st1llnox said:
Quote:

CosmicJoke said:
While I don't think we can send good vibes that will actually help your grandfather, all we can do is remind you that ultimately you'll need to make peace with whatever happens.  Draw strength from your pappy, I'm sure you need it more now than he does.




Edit: Thanks. I still hope he gets better.




I know man... Ultimately though, try to focus on whatever is best for him  Hang in there dude.


--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.


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Offlinest1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816 Flag
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: CosmicJoke]
    #18897068 - 09/27/13 01:25 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

He's never going to call me "Laddie" again, an Irish slang term for little boy. (I was his first male grandchild).

He's never going to teach the younger grandchildren about Ireland again either.

He's never going to wear his all-green suit and fedora to the Snake Saturday Parade again, either.



My Grandpa died last night in his sleep. He snuck out of this world while the nurses made my Aunt and Mom leave the room briefly to attend to him. He didn't want them there when he died and regretted them seeing him that way.



I had wanted to paint him a painting but then his eyesight failed.

I then started writing him a song, but before I finished his cognition and understanding failed.

Before I could visit him again, he died.




I'm going to miss you Grandpa. I love you and admire you more than you'll ever know.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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OfflineManianFHS
living in perverty
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Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,804
Last seen: 8 hours, 42 minutes
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18897099 - 09/27/13 01:35 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Sorry for your loss man. RiP


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."


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OfflineSprewellSleeve
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Registered: 03/15/09
Posts: 6,315
Loc: USA
Last seen: 1 day, 9 hours
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: ManianFH]
    #18897122 - 09/27/13 01:41 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Sorry, man.

R.I.P.


--------------------


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InvisibleSham87
mashAllah
Male

Registered: 05/16/11
Posts: 9,819
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18897140 - 09/27/13 01:45 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Sorry for your loss Stilly. I hope you and your family dwell on the positive instead of your loss.


--------------------
:mushroom2::sun::crazy2::leaf:




...once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest places if you look at it right...



:feelsgoatman:


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Offlineleon trout
Estimated Prophet
Male


Registered: 09/13/12
Posts: 1,089
Loc: The Timbers of Fennario
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: SprewellSleeve]
    #18897152 - 09/27/13 01:49 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

tough break man, hang in there... sorry for yr loss...


--------------------
I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I’m more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.” 
  ~ St. Jerome of Marin
:gd_icon:the bus come by & i got on, that's when it all began:gd_icon:



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InvisibleNiffla
Male User Gallery


Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,987
Loc: Texas
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: leon trout]
    #18897322 - 09/27/13 03:11 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

So very sorry, st1llnox. I've been through this and know what you're feeling right now.


--------------------


HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


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Invisiblerulesq
Bad Mogambo
Male


Registered: 05/10/13
Posts: 5,317
Loc: Суомалиа
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18897348 - 09/27/13 03:28 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

My condolences, St1ll.. Been there.

Me and my sis watched our grandpa die in a hospital..

He was suffering from alzheimer's and had a heart attack, then taken to a hospital where he had another heart attack and after that the doctors decided to give a DNR..

So this one Sunday morning my sister called me and told me that it would be a good time to go and see him while he's still around, and so we got there, and when we saw him, his eyes were closed but then he opened them and was clearly very happy to see us, tried to talk but he couldn't because of the oxygen mask, and heavy medication.

We just stood there, both of us crying, talked to him, and then suddenly I turned to my sister to say something, can't remember what, but we talked for a bit, until suddenly the nurse mumbled something, me and my sis turned to see grandpa, and when I looked into his eyes, I immediately saw that he was going to go. I'd like to think that he struggled to stay alive until someone came to see him, and when we arrived there, he was ready to go

That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. My mom and my aunt were both on their way back from a holiday or something, and we kept calling back and forth on the situation, until I called for the last time and told them there's no need to rush anymore, he's gone. They came like 5 minutes too late..

I'm just glad me and my sis were there for him, so he didn't have to be alone when he died..

Again, my condolences :hug:


--------------------



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Invisiblevolcomstoner
I'll have just one more xanax
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Registered: 07/20/09
Posts: 11,231
Loc: Minnesnowta
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: Sham87]
    #18897359 - 09/27/13 03:35 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Sham87 said:
Sorry for your loss Stilly. I hope you and your family dwell on the positive instead of your loss.



QFT
Really sorry to hear about this man, it really is a shitty thing to go through.

May he RIP.


--------------------

HAIL SATAN

Vas donc jouer dans le traffic


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OfflineKonyap

Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
Loc: Planet Piss
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: volcomstoner]
    #18897360 - 09/27/13 03:36 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

volcomstoner said:
Quote:

Sham87 said:
Sorry for your loss Stilly. I hope you and your family dwell on the positive instead of your loss.



QFT
Really sorry to hear about this man, it really is a shitty thing to go through.

May he RIP.




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InvisibleAsante
Mage
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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 87,002
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18897430 - 09/27/13 04:53 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Prayer sent :hug:

For you it is a great loss, you're bereft of the love of your grandfather, but for him, it was time to go, he needed to move on. Life is a cycle, he was ready for the next step. His soul lives on.

st1llnox, make sure to eat well and sleep well.  Allow yourself to feel the hurt, dont block it and dont lkose yourself in drugs. This is a big blow, a load of stress upon your mental equilibrium, handle yourself with the care and love you deserve  :heart:





--------------------
Omnicyclion.org
higher knowledge starts here


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InvisibleVivaLaMushie
RIP LS :(
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Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 15,711
Loc: Switzerland Flag
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: Konyap]
    #18897458 - 09/27/13 05:31 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

RIP Grandpa St1llnox.


--------------------


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Offlineomegafaust
mycofarmer
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Registered: 05/29/12
Posts: 1,227
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: Asante]
    #18897468 - 09/27/13 05:45 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Cherish the memories St1ll, he still lives on in your heart.  Listen to Wiccan's advice, you gotta stay healthy.

when my grandpa passed his childrem and I would sit around and talk about all the great things he had done..  its a good release.

i would love to hear more about the man your grandpa was if you would like to talk.


--------------------
The Universe has an interesting sense of irony, in that you are the universe experiencing itself.  All you are is a thought.


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Offlinest1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816 Flag
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: omegafaust]
    #18898396 - 09/27/13 12:04 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Thanks for all the condolences and well wishes everyone. I really, really appreciate it.



Quote:

rulesq said:
My condolences, St1ll.. Been there.

Me and my sis watched our grandpa die in a hospital..

He was suffering from alzheimer's and had a heart attack, then taken to a hospital where he had another heart attack and after that the doctors decided to give a DNR..

So this one Sunday morning my sister called me and told me that it would be a good time to go and see him while he's still around, and so we got there, and when we saw him, his eyes were closed but then he opened them and was clearly very happy to see us, tried to talk but he couldn't because of the oxygen mask, and heavy medication.

We just stood there, both of us crying, talked to him, and then suddenly I turned to my sister to say something, can't remember what, but we talked for a bit, until suddenly the nurse mumbled something, me and my sis turned to see grandpa, and when I looked into his eyes, I immediately saw that he was going to go. I'd like to think that he struggled to stay alive until someone came to see him, and when we arrived there, he was ready to go

That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. My mom and my aunt were both on their way back from a holiday or something, and we kept calling back and forth on the situation, until I called for the last time and told them there's no need to rush anymore, he's gone. They came like 5 minutes too late..

I'm just glad me and my sis were there for him, so he didn't have to be alone when he died..

Again, my condolences :hug:




I know how you feel. That's beautiful man. Extremely sad and I'm crying my eyes out reading it (you poked a hole in my defenses grrr :shakefist: lol) but man that is beautiful. I'm so happy he got to go in the presence of people who truly loved him and it doesn't matter when people've lost their ability to communicate--their eyes really do tell it.

I'm trying to decide how fucking evil I should feel that I didn't go see him once his last 3 days alive. Now that he's gone, the family did kind of admit that they didn't think he'd be able to hear or understand if I did finish and sing him the song, but my mom said one of the last things he heard was that me and my brother can't be there but that we love him and he noticeably perked up.

He liked his Grandkids. I hope I can be so much like him someday. Thinking of it like that, I'm not crying anymore actually, although I'm sure I would for you if I read your story again. You and your sister are good family.


Quote:

Wiccan_Seeker said:
Prayer sent :hug:

For you it is a great loss, you're bereft of the love of your grandfather, but for him, it was time to go, he needed to move on. Life is a cycle, he was ready for the next step. His soul lives on.

st1llnox, make sure to eat well and sleep well.  Allow yourself to feel the hurt, dont block it and dont lkose yourself in drugs. This is a big blow, a load of stress upon your mental equilibrium, handle yourself with the care and love you deserve  :heart:








I'll definitely work on taking care of myself. I hope his soul live on and that he's with my grandma. You're right that it was his time to go though and he hated having to be seen so weak and frail. He was a man of great dignity. Your words bring me great comfort.

I'm pretty sure I'm just kind of in a daze right now. The funeral's Monday and I think that's when it's gonna get real. I drank last night which wasn't super healthy but it wasn't cause of this (I don't think). That said, maybe I'll cancel my weed order as I'm afraid I'll run away into the fog when my mom really needs me and I need to feel the pain to accept this.

My mom said I can probably be a pallbearer if I can handle it and I really, really want to but I'll have to process if I'm going to be able to do it without breaking down.

You're a really good guy, Wiccan. This song is hauntingly beautiful and sounds very Irish. I think he would have liked it (or does, but if he does right now his ghost better freakin' not stalk the rest of my posts :lol: ). Song's almost too sad but it's so beautiful.

Quote:

omegafaust said:
Cherish the memories St1ll, he still lives on in your heart.  Listen to Wiccan's advice, you gotta stay healthy.

when my grandpa passed his childrem and I would sit around and talk about all the great things he had done..  its a good release.

i would love to hear more about the man your grandpa was if you would like to talk.





Thank you and I'll work on that. Dinner last night was half a bottle of Gin, famous amos cookies, a 2 liter bottle of soda and some tootsie pops.

Gonna turn that around. Make him proud.

He was an incredible hard worker above everything else. Went through 2 entire careers supporting his family and 6 kids. Retired from one, started another and then retired. He even got side jobs when necessary.



I hope he's with my grandma now. That's another thing I really, really admire about him: they were married 50 years and raised 6 kids.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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Invisiblerulesq
Bad Mogambo
Male


Registered: 05/10/13
Posts: 5,317
Loc: Суомалиа
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18898442 - 09/27/13 12:14 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Man, don't beat yourself up for not going to see him. He knew you loved him..

I know it sucks but fuck it, he definitely feels a lot better now and he wouldn't want you to feel sorry for that :hug:


--------------------



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Offlinest1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816 Flag
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: rulesq]
    #18898468 - 09/27/13 12:23 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

rulesq said:
Man, don't beat yourself up for not going to see him. He knew you loved him..

I know it sucks but fuck it, he definitely feels a lot better now and he wouldn't want you to feel sorry for that :hug:





Thanks dude. I have a lot of guilt to come to terms with.

I missed 4th of July cause I was wandering the 3rd plateau of the Dextroverse.

I smoked K2 the last 3 Christmas he was alive and apparently got somewhat inappropriate.

At the last cookout of his I ever got to go to (which I'm glad I got to go to!), I smoked weed behind the shed. Honestly that one I hardly have a problem with at all as weed's a good thing, but I don't think he would have liked it and I think it would have been better to fully enjoy my family.

IDK if I'm overreacting but I feel soooo guilty :frown:


I don't think he'd want me to feel bad though.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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