Home | Community | Message Board


This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.


Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: Original Sensible Seeds Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds   PhytoExtractum Buy Bali Kratom Powder   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order   Bridgetown Botanicals CBD Concentrates

Jump to first unread post Pages: 1
Offlinebloodbrother778
Super Chimpanzee
Registered: 10/26/07
Posts: 418
Last seen: 2 months, 24 days
I would like to confess something
    #18897275 - 09/27/13 02:44 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Hello everyone.

Not sure if this is the right place to post this but I would like to make a confession about something.

Recently it has come to light that I have a problem with arrogance.  I am posting this in hope that talking about it will help me be more aware of when and how it comes out and remembering how exhausting it is.

The funny thing is I've read in my astrology and such that I need to watch out for arrogance but it wasn't until recently that I started realizing how deep it goes.  The realization came when I read a description of arrogance as "the fear of being judged", and I started remembering.  It all goes back to when I was a kid, older kids in my neighborhood used to make fun of me, kids twice my age that I was unable to do anything against so I felt very helpless in the situation yet I didn't walk away, I remained a victim.  But then I started to turn around and do it to others.  I started beating kids up when they said something wrong or didn't live up to what I thought was "cool". 

Right now I cannot remember which occurred first me beating kids up or getting beat up/made fun of myself, but the point is that I have experienced both the victim and the victimizer part of the deal around the same time I just haven't put two and two together until now.  Somehow I didn't realize that I was causing others pain and I even felt like I was doing the right thing by "setting people straight" when they "weren't cool enough".  There were times when I got the feeling that it wasn't right and I thought to myself "I should stop" but then something would set me off and I'd find myself in a daze, with a mean grin on my face, beating some poor kid up (god I hope I didn't cause anyone the same problems). 

Fast forward to now and it is still here. I don't beat people up physically but there's always this concept of "coolness" that I have to live up to and in my mind others do as well.  Often if I see someone acting in a way that doesn't live up to this concept I get irritated and think "god why can't this person just be cool".  There's always this sort of judging and conditionalizing going on.  My mind will come up with all these artificial categories that I have to fulfill so I either stress about that or feel bad if I can't fulfill it.  It is all so exhausting.  It's like I'm in that avril lavigne song "watching your back like you can't relax, you try to be cool, you look like a fool to me".

The whole thing is suffocating I feel my energy drain into the stress and anxiety and most times I feel powerless to stop it.  Yet it undermines all I do and it doesn't even work because that feeling is still there, the "I don't want to be made fun of feeling".  I also realize now that it only perpetuates the problem and creates more victims but it seems hard to be aware of it in the moment when it occurs.  Just like I found myself in a daze with my fists as a kid I find myself in a daze now only with my thoughts instead of my fists.

Anyway i feel like I've rambled enough.  Thanks for reading, I feel that it is working already.  Let me know if you guys can relate or have any advice on recognizing and discrediting your own arrogance.  Perhaps my confession can help shed light on similar issues for you as well.

Peace


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlineeve69
--=..Did Adam and ...?=--
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 3,910
Loc: isle de la muerte Flag
Last seen: 24 days, 21 hours
Re: I would like to confess something [Re: bloodbrother778]
    #18897473 - 09/27/13 05:49 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

sounds more like a self help thing


--------------------
...or something







Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: I would like to confess something [Re: bloodbrother778]
    #18897503 - 09/27/13 06:11 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

You're aware of the situation. Most people can't go that far and of the few who can fewer can admit to it openly and then  work on it.  :thumbup: And of those who work on it fewer still will have much success. :monkeydance:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlineviktor
psychotechnician
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/03/10
Posts: 4,293
Loc: New Zealand Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
Re: I would like to confess something [Re: bloodbrother778]
    #18897865 - 09/27/13 09:24 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Arrogance is just self-hatred projected outwards. Enjoy it while it lasts though, because the realisation that YOU are the piece of shit will be a tough one when it comes!


--------------------
"They consider me insane but I know that I am a hero living under the eyes of the gods."


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: I would like to confess something [Re: viktor]
    #18897875 - 09/27/13 09:27 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

:thumbup::lol:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineDuncan Rowhl
Fiducia Christum
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/08/12
Posts: 2,659
Loc: UK Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
Re: I would like to confess something [Re: Icelander]
    #18898092 - 09/27/13 10:32 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Apply the change and you'll lose 10 tonnes. :thumbup:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlineeve69
--=..Did Adam and ...?=--
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 3,910
Loc: isle de la muerte Flag
Last seen: 24 days, 21 hours
Re: I would like to confess something [Re: Duncan Rowhl]
    #18898301 - 09/27/13 11:38 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

So be arrogant. Who really gives a shit.


--------------------
...or something







Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineDuncan Rowhl
Fiducia Christum
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/08/12
Posts: 2,659
Loc: UK Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
Re: I would like to confess something [Re: eve69]
    #18898339 - 09/27/13 11:48 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

eve69 said:
So be arrogant. Who really gives a shit.




He does clearly.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSse
Saṃsāra

Registered: 12/28/12
Posts: 2,769
Loc: Interdependent Co-arising
Last seen: 6 years, 8 months
Re: I would like to confess something [Re: bloodbrother778]
    #18898426 - 09/27/13 12:11 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

The seed you sow is what will show

"Our mindfulness will take care of everything, as the sunshine takes care of the vegetation. The sunshine does not seem to do much, it just shines on the vegetation, but it transforms everything. Poppies close up every time it gets dark, but when the sun shines on them for one or two hours, they open. The sun penetrates into the flowers, and at some point, the flowers cannot resist, they just have to open up. In the same way, mindfulness, if practiced continuously, will provide a kind of transformation within the flower of our arrogance, and it will open and show us its own nature. When we understand the nature, the roots, of our arrogance, we will be freed from it."

Peace Is Every Step
by Thich Nhat Hanh


"When mindfulness embraces our joy, our sadness, and all our other mental formations, sooner or later we will see their deep roots. With every mindful step and every mindful breath, we see the roots of our mental formations. Mindfulness shines its light upon them and helps them to transform."

"Every time a mental formation arises, we can practice mere recognition. When we are agitation, we just say, "I am agitated," and mindfulness is already there. Until we recognize agitation as agitation, it will push us around and we will not know what is going on or why. To practice mindfulness of the mind does not mean not to be agitated. It means that when we are agitated, we know that we are agitated. Our agitation has a good friend in us, and that is mindfulness."

"Even before agitation manifests in our mind consciousness, it is already in our store consciousness in the form of a seed. All mental formations lie in our store consciousness in the form of seeds. Something someone does may water the seed of agitation, and then agitation manifests in our mind consciousness. Every mental formation that manifests needs to be recognized. If it is wholesome, mindfulness will cultivate it. If it is unwholesome, mindfulness will encourage it to return to our store consciousness and remain there dormant."

The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching
by Thich Nhat Hanh

"Flowers bloomed yesterday,
today winds blow-
what but a dream..."


Edited by Sse (09/27/13 12:48 PM)


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisiblePocketLady
 User Gallery


Registered: 01/18/10
Posts: 1,773
Re: I would like to confess something [Re: Sse]
    #18898450 - 09/27/13 12:17 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself to be honest. We all judge other people all the time.  It's part of being human.  Your mind (my mind, everyone's mind) has a tendency to be negative. Just be aware of it and when you find yourself judging someone just recognise it as being that false negativity.  Don't punish yourself for it, or start believing that you are a piece of shit.  Just acknowledge it, and that it's not really real.  It's only when you start buying into the thoughts that they take hold.  Habits do take a while to change but it is possible :smile:


--------------------
Love is from the infinite, and will remain until eternity.
The seeker of love escapes the chains of birth and death.
Tomorrow, when resurrection comes,
The heart that is not in love will fail the test.

~ Rumi



The day we start giving Love instead of seeking Love, we will have re-written our whole destiny.
~ Swami Chinmayanada Saraswatir


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlineeve69
--=..Did Adam and ...?=--
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 3,910
Loc: isle de la muerte Flag
Last seen: 24 days, 21 hours
Re: I would like to confess something [Re: PocketLady]
    #18898683 - 09/27/13 01:17 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I doubt he's arrogant all the time. Is he arrogant when he's taking a shit. That would be something. Obviously he was arrogant to someone who told him. The issue really is, why? What about that person, that situation.

And what the fuck does this have to do with spirituality and mysticism.


--------------------
...or something







Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinebloodbrother778
Super Chimpanzee
Registered: 10/26/07
Posts: 418
Last seen: 2 months, 24 days
Re: I would like to confess something [Re: eve69]
    #18898972 - 09/27/13 02:31 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I give a shit because I want to end the chain.  Would you want to be friends with someone who always wants to tell u he's better than u?  A while back I realized that my friendships in the past were based on me and my so called friends acting like assholes together, which felt freeing at the time but when it came down to it we weren't there for each other.

Also no one told me I was being arrogant, most people don't as it cleverly does not speak out loud most of the time, instead it gets loud in my head.

About arrogance being self hate, this does not seem to be true for me.  The hate can be a part of it and if there's anything I hate it is that I allowed those people to have such an influence on me. But at the bottom line I don't want to admit that anyone is my equal so that I don't have to acknowledge what they say therefore it can't hurt me.  It is preoccupied with always trying to top someone or be better than, which is funny because if you can be better then you can also be worse when I really know that I am not better or worse than anyone.  So that the issue with it - it's a distorted view of reality used as a defense mechanism to not get hurt again, and it doesn't really work because it tries to hide from those feelings rather than acknowledging them and dealing with them in the right way.

I posted this in spirituality because this is an obstacle for me on my spiritual path, perhaps the most prevalent one.  Even when I make progress it starts to preach in my head and sometimes outward a as well.  There have been many times when I thought I was trying to help someone and when they didn't agree with what I said it degenerated into me trying to prove that I was right and using any means necessary to do so.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinebloodbrother778
Super Chimpanzee
Registered: 10/26/07
Posts: 418
Last seen: 2 months, 24 days
Re: I would like to confess something [Re: Sse]
    #18899039 - 09/27/13 02:51 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

PocketLady said:
I wouldn't be too hard on yourself to be honest. We all judge other people all the time.  It's part of being human.  Your mind (my mind, everyone's mind) has a tendency to be negative. Just be aware of it and when you find yourself judging someone just recognise it as being that false negativity.  Don't punish yourself for it, or start believing that you are a piece of shit.  Just acknowledge it, and that it's not really real.  It's only when you start buying into the thoughts that they take hold.  Habits do take a while to change but it is possible :smile:




Sound advice, thanks.  The believing I'm a piece of shit also seems to be a part of arrogance, because it usually means that I think myself above something and when it is shown to me that it is not so but I still hold on to the idea of being better than - that's what makes me feel like a POS.
Quote:

Sse said:



"When mindfulness embraces our joy, our sadness, and all our other mental formations, sooner or later we will see their deep roots. With every mindful step and every mindful breath, we see the roots of our mental formations. Mindfulness shines its light upon them and helps them to transform."




Yeah that's it. I seem to be trying to cut out certain experiences out of my life instead of appreciating what they have to teach me.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: 1

Shop: Original Sensible Seeds Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds   PhytoExtractum Buy Bali Kratom Powder   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order   Bridgetown Botanicals CBD Concentrates


Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* Confessions of a Buddhist Atheist JackofSpades 1,253 11 08/23/10 12:18 PM
by JackofSpades
* Confessions
( 1 2 all )
LunarEclipse 3,542 39 10/22/05 03:20 AM
by BlueCoyote
* Confession..... Almond Flour 911 10 04/23/13 09:57 PM
by cheevolver
* I must confess AlienHead 373 6 03/24/10 01:21 PM
by c0sm0nautt
* self honesty/confessions Moonshoe 916 4 10/23/05 10:39 PM
by art
* Bird Formations .. cleeen 958 8 07/07/07 04:00 PM
by daytripper23
* Trance formation of america RonaldFuckingPaul 253 0 02/05/09 11:16 PM
by RonaldFuckingPaul
* The Emerald Tablet MAIA 2,204 1 12/31/05 07:34 AM
by MarkostheGnostic

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Middleman, Shroomism, Rose, Kickle, yogabunny, DividedQuantum
621 topic views. 0 members, 2 guests and 4 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2024 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.03 seconds spending 0.008 seconds on 14 queries.