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Offlineitchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Im a recovering addict - and this is me starting my journey
    #18893695 - 09/26/13 11:52 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

the addictions im trying to quit are marijuana, and Masturbation/porn.
i used to believe these things were things i could have control over, like they weren't the center of my emotions and thought power. but they control my extreme high's before i do the addiction-act, and the extreme lows that follow, and then the zombie affect and nervousness - inhuman feelings that are there for the rest of the time, for years.

1. my weed habbit has been daily since i was 16. im 20 now, im ready to move on without it. its not for me, and im accepting that its changed my whole identity from all those lonely nights lighting up to myself hoping things would change. but change doesn't just come. most significantly, there was a beautiful girl i met, she was the most beautiful person i had ever met in my entire life, the girl that makes you stare in awe because you dont know if what your seeing is real - she matches up to what you want beyond your dreams. but because i was an emotional mess, i screwed it up. i had my chance - and i blew it entirely. this was another huge blow to my psyche, and im trying desperately to end these negative things in my life - so im not always blaming my problems on them, and so that i have 'freewill' which has become an imaginary tale.


2. my porn/masturbation addiction started when i was 11-12. once i found out about playboy, and then porn videos and late night programs on showtime. it was game over for my self-control. i couldn't stop. if i didnt have a computer at the moment n had to orgasm - i jacked off about girls, moms, teachers i had all day long imagining kinky things. i would jack off under a blanket with my mom or sister walking around room to room. eventually each person i jacked off about was 'used up' and i was left with nothing, eventually the porn i viewed didnt do it for me anymore, i turned to gay porn and other kinky things. im not sure if im actually bi-sexual or gay, or straight, quitting all of these things will make things more clear, and i will be accepting of the outcome, and i will for once, know what to do and feel confident about it.

4. ive been addicted to xanax/ambien in the past two years. doin a few xanax's a day for a few months, with less severe withdrawals and then about 3-7 ambiens a day for a few months with pretty intense withdrawals, or atleast in general i felt out of place from reality. i was smoking weed with these drugs still.

5. i was on heavy medication, cymbalta, and mirtazapine and experienced discontinuation symptoms from these medications for improper usage over about almost a year, i was always smoking weed heavily on these and it sure as hell fucked me up.

6. these are just the beginning steps to my road to happiness and recovery, i realize even after these addictions end, there is most likely goingto be 'wear and tear' and the only way to help myself from that is to rehabilitate these mental problems that are still lying around with professional help and taking steps on my own to do things. i just hope i can 'feel right in my own skin' one day, a feeling i dream about but yet forgotten.

i'm going to use this post - and post every day on my feelings. and if anyone wants to use this thread it will be a 'our addiction beating type of thread' it would probably help- and you can post about your daily struggle here n share if you wish.


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Edited by itchmynipple (09/26/13 12:04 PM)


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Offlineitchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: Im a recovering addict - and this is me starting my journey [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18893708 - 09/26/13 11:56 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

its day 1 for no weed.
and day 1 for no tobacco
and day 3 for no masturbating.
and day 4 for no porn.

its safe to say im a nervous wreck right now, i didnt go to college today because i could not get out of bed, i can't even eat food right now. its not going down. My hands are shaking alot and my body feels 'restless'

i keep feeling anxiety or constant bursts of adrenaline being pumped inside my chest, upper stomach. this will not go away and is stronger then its been in awhile.

have to keep going though! i know a little fix is a little fix. i need a real fix.


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Offlinebrianstequila
Sir John Falstaff
Male


Registered: 05/20/13
Posts: 526
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
Re: Im a recovering addict - and this is me starting my journey [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18893734 - 09/26/13 12:06 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Good luck, im an alcoholic and not doing so good stopping, fuck I just had a beer before I go see my counselor. Its hard but I keep being told it gets easier everyday


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Every citizen should be a soldier. This was the case with the Greeks and Romans, and must be that of every free state.
Thomas Jefferson

Not My trade list i aint got shit anymore
:drunkdriver:http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/19161913:drunkdriver:


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OfflineTmethylM
Smear in the shale
 User Gallery

Registered: 07/16/12
Posts: 16,431
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
Re: Im a recovering addict - and this is me starting my journey [Re: brianstequila]
    #18893759 - 09/26/13 12:14 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Firstly congratulations Itch, you already got further than most do, you recognized the problem and took action.
Instead of sitting around feeling restless, do some exercises (mental or physical)

Its always better and more effective to replace a bad habit with a good one, rather than nothing.
When you feel an urge, do an exercise, drink some water. Replace the suffering, dont just fight it.

Here for you anytime brother
You're going to succeed.


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¯\_(ツ)_/¯


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Offlineitchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: Im a recovering addict - and this is me starting my journey [Re: brianstequila]
    #18893768 - 09/26/13 12:16 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

brianstequila said:
Good luck, im an alcoholic and not doing so good stopping, fuck I just had a beer before I go see my counselor. Its hard but I keep being told it gets easier everyday




well i know what is working at the moment is having a list of different things to do. almost like a sims game. but i dont list the addictions, and whichever one im feeling the most out of the list, i go do. i commit to sleeping if im feeling super down vs' doing any of the addictions.

going on computer reading other recovery, longboarding, singing/rapping, inspirational music, other music, sleep, making food even though right now i cant even think of eating. its not a huge list, but its what i have, and usually longboarding helps the most, something about goin down a smooth hill side to side, lets your thinking process vanish beause your entirely focused elsewhere. i want to find a parking garage,an empty one, n start from the top to the bottom - ive seen it on youtube and this could be what i need. or just a larger hill but free from cars, maybe cones? then the ones i use currently


heres a cool song- its called 'not afraid'

regarding the name, i think alot of quitting addiction is the fear of quitting, the fear of the unknown, who you could be even though its a stronger person that you will become, its still scary and has become not apart of our realities for so long.



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Offlineitchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: Im a recovering addict - and this is me starting my journey [Re: Tmethyl]
    #18893821 - 09/26/13 12:31 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Tmethyl said:
Firstly congratulations Itch, you already got further than most do, you recognized the problem and took action.
Instead of sitting around feeling restless, do some exercises (mental or physical)

Its always better and more effective to replace a bad habit with a good one, rather than nothing.
When you feel an urge, do an exercise, drink some water. Replace the suffering, dont just fight it.

Here for you anytime brother
You're going to succeed.



thanks,
i forgot to mention some times i feel trapped and limited, for example, i want nothing more to play hockey and hit the gym everyday like i used to be able to, it was the best high ive ever experienced, being on the ice. all your problems go away but i have alot of injuries, and its hard to rehabilitate all of them, i also had double joint surgery, and im in very real pain alot of times, i get scared for myself. n i feel like no one understands what it means to have injuries that dont bother you one minute, n then the next minute it does bother you, n then you think you did something or tore it. its traumatizing in a way i spend hours it seems thinking about my injuries and playing with them hoping something will magically feel better. its mostly muscle imbalances and muscle tightness, but i have alot of scar tissue that causes problems like in my glutes and hips/ shoulders.  its almost like i can map out my thinking process and its all just fucking negative. i used to be in great shape, ive gained weight because no one wanted to make me food when i was on crutches for 15 weeks, i would smoke and eat fast food all day cause it was a cheap and easy alternative.

good news is, im goingto be a warrior and get back on my schedule i was following for a few weeks which was helping, i was taking it much easier in the gym- starting from the bottom again since poor diet n no excercise atrophied my muscles and strength. i used to try n lift how much i used to when i was 17 but thats not realistic yet and also caused strains. so im goingto give it another go maybe tomorrow ill start very light, im more focused on getting my diet under control maintenance wise so im fueling my body correctly


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Offlineitchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: Im a recovering addict - and this is me starting my journey [Re: Tmethyl]
    #18893834 - 09/26/13 12:34 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Tmethyl said:
Firstly congratulations Itch, you already got further than most do, you recognized the problem and took action.
Instead of sitting around feeling restless, do some exercises (mental or physical)

Its always better and more effective to replace a bad habit with a good one, rather than nothing.
When you feel an urge, do an exercise, drink some water. Replace the suffering, dont just fight it.

Here for you anytime brother
You're going to succeed.




regarding the sitting around restless - like right now-ish im goingto go longboard for about 20-40 minutes, that will help for atleast another 20-40 minutes of feeling a little better after i stop longboarding so im goingto go do that. i gotta earn my happiness!


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Edited by itchmynipple (09/26/13 12:35 PM)


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InvisibleDudits
Tao


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 233
Loc: West coast
Re: Im a recovering addict - and this is me starting my journey [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18893844 - 09/26/13 12:37 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Wow no choking the chicken, your a better man than I. Any mind altering substance has the potential to change you as a person, I've never understood the porn thing but have known a few people who struggled with it. Give AA or NA a shot, that stuff really works if you let it and stay open minded.


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OfflineTmethylM
Smear in the shale
 User Gallery

Registered: 07/16/12
Posts: 16,431
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
Re: Im a recovering addict - and this is me starting my journey [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18893855 - 09/26/13 12:39 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

The more active you are the less you will suffer, if you keep at it these addictions will pass with minimal suffering.
I can speak for this method, just do things that feel good for you, like eating healthy, drinking only water or water and tea, study, etc.
stay positive.


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¯\_(ツ)_/¯


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Offlineitchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: Im a recovering addict - and this is me starting my journey [Re: Dudits]
    #18893877 - 09/26/13 12:46 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

saviorsam said:
Wow no choking the chicken, your a better man than I. Any mind altering substance has the potential to change you as a person, I've never understood the porn thing but have known a few people who struggled with it. Give AA or NA a shot, that stuff really works if you let it and stay open minded.




well the way i see it, porn affects people differently, like drugs.

some people get more instant gratification/dopamine surges then others regarding porn. its when your addicting it can feel like the 'highlight' of your day as well as the lowestpoint of your day when your done.

im not to sure how truthful 'yourbrainonporn.com' is, to be honest im skeptical but at the same time - i know masturbating is literally affecting me, i can feel it. porn is like an extension to masturbating. when you shouldnt jack off anymore because your dick is hurting you too much, your kegel muscles are tight and painful, your dick can't stay hard with by simply touching yourself or even with porn then there is a problem, yet you continue to jack off and orgasm even when nothin is coming out of you anymore, no cum no fluid and obvious mental and physical pain becomes meaningless before your about to relapse. when your like me and you jack off once, n then five minutes later your jacking off again, n then five minutes later Again and don't feel in control, i feel like that is how addiction feels.


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Edited by itchmynipple (09/26/13 01:48 PM)


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Invisiblemr sniffles
expert textpert


Registered: 06/03/13
Posts: 1,663
Re: Im a recovering addict - and this is me starting my journey [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18894792 - 09/26/13 04:14 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

even if you think you aren't going anywhere, one day you will be a strong ass motherfucker


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:likeaboss:


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Offlineitchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: Im a recovering addict - and this is me starting my journey [Re: mr sniffles]
    #18895798 - 09/26/13 08:21 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

k3nnyw said:
even if you think you aren't going anywhere, one day you will be a strong ass motherfucker




thanks man:thumbup:


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Offlineitchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: Im a recovering addict - and this is me starting my journey [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18898672 - 09/27/13 01:15 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

woke up today with some pretty bad anxiety. i feel more 'clear' headed but the anxiety my upper stomach continues to wreak havoc on me. its like i can feel every little burst of adrenaline/fear/anxiety - its so wierd and annoying.

im really thinking about doing some hot yoga, n some meditation to try and 'tame' this feelin that just surges over anything, random things, doesnt matter what it is. given it was less then yesterday.

i feel better, like im starting to be able to talk to people better. could be placebo, but i dont believe so.

i have some anxiety because this girl who i had a connection with the other day and actually wanted to fuck wants to fuck me now, but im anxiety riddled right now. usually my anxiety calms down later on in the day. so im goingto wait and see if im even able to put out for her. i wanted to fuck her a day ago n its like my mind wants the opposite

i wouldn't be able to fuck anything honestly, im just so anxiety riddled.


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OfflineTmethylM
Smear in the shale
 User Gallery

Registered: 07/16/12
Posts: 16,431
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
Re: Im a recovering addict - and this is me starting my journey [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18899422 - 09/27/13 04:23 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Hang out with her and talk, get to know her, she may really open up if you're not trying to bang her right away.
You're doing great, I would still chill with the girl so that she is hot and ready when you're feeling better. Be proactive!

And instead of trying to act happy around her just explain to her that you're making positive changes for your health and it has you very stressed, so you may be awkward.


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¯\_(ツ)_/¯


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Invisiblelessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
Re: Im a recovering addict - and this is me starting my journey [Re: Tmethyl]
    #18899464 - 09/27/13 04:34 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Try cycling in nature everytime you get the urge to smoke

worked for me and body+mind feels good when you get home, all worries leave for the rest of the day

same with a walk in nature, but cycling is even better

you don't feel like smoking when you cycle

I quit everyday smoking of up to 1/8th a day of the best skunk/hash, it was affecting my thoughts/life too much

just remember, if you start smoking every week again, then its automatically back to everyday - that is what I avoided at all costs..

if you can make it and not smoke every week, without buying more than you can smoke at once(in case you fall back in and smoke 1) you won't be smoking everyday again

it's very hard to quit, so you might as well quit early, still get the urge to smoke a few years later often, but a walk in nature is better/doing something you love

peace


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InvisibleMystiqueMushroom

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 4,737
Loc: PNW
Re: Im a recovering addict - and this is me starting my journey [Re: lessismore]
    #18900084 - 09/27/13 07:07 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Good luck I wish you the best!:heart:


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https://youtu.be/np5Oi1dyO1k


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