|
Anonymous #1
|
dating ethics
#18883362 - 09/24/13 02:37 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
getting straight to the point, i'm wondering what other people's opinions are on my situation.
i'm a good looking guy in my early 20s, i'm a very kind person, i'm smart, once i get close to people i can usually make people laugh. i feel like the barrier for me is the fact that i use drugs (like, all kinds of drugs) and yet for dating i sorta wanna meet a "good girl" that doesn't necessarily use drugs. well i shouldn't get too far ahead of myself, that's not really the point yet.
basically what i'm wondering is, even though i have a lot of positive things about me, i still suffer with certain mental problems and frequent drug use (i wouldn't say i'm an addict but i do use fairly often). i've been sort of instilled so much when growing up with the idea that drugs are bad, my religion (or lack of one) is bad, this is bad that is bad etc etc, that i feel like everything i do is unacceptable and somewhere along the line i got this idea that it would be "morally wrong" for me to date women, or even make friends, really, as a drug user and somebody with a few mental problems (like depression/anxiety for instance).
if this shouldn't rule me out of dating, i guess i'm kinda looking for some support and i wanna see some people say "hey you're not a bad person though, so go for it man you're not doing anything wrong!" i have been trying to tell myself that simply trying to talk to women is fine and ultimately they still have a brain and can use it to make a choice if they wanna spend time with me or not.
any help is much appreciated. i should mention i'm going to college too, and i'm pretty sure this is a great place to meet women 
thanks
|
Anonymous #2
|
|
One thing I have learnt over the years - Go easy on yourself. Of course talking to women is ok! Everyone is free to do what they want and to make their own choices. Stop all the negative self-talk. Seriously, I caused myself quite a few years of pain that all changed when I stopped being so hard on myself.
Edited by Anonymous (09/24/13 11:34 AM)
|
Lynnch
Strangerer



Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 7,855
|
|
That's great advice #2, seriously, you're gonna go through a lot of tough times in life, your bestest most nonjudgemental friend had better be you.
Everyone has problems man. You're still young and are figuring out who you are; so are the girls you are bound to meet. That one of the reasons it's so great to meet people on an individual level, you connect despite those problems. You've got your problems, but your problems aren't you. Don't worry about being perfect, it's never gonna happen.
You're in college man, nowhere else will there be so many beautiful girls your age into the same things you are, go have fun.
|
Anonymous #3
|
|
People are much less "perfect" than they appear. Everyone has flaws, and I think that realization is a large part of growing up. If you can realize your flaws, accept your flaws/forgive yourself, make plan to better yourself (either by overcoming your deficiencies or developing a coping mechanism), and follow through on that plan while enjoying life then you're doing very well.
There's nothing wrong with doing drugs occasionally or in a truly recreational manner. I strongly urge you to not let drugs define you or influence your choices too much.
For the love of God do not deal or grow in college. There is no way to do so while maintaining a healthy social life and not risking your freedom. Despite what you might think at the time when you are extremely broke the drugs/money are not worth the risk, paranoia, or loss of your social life especially in college.
As for dating and drugs, there is such a huge stigma attached to drugs in the minds of many so I would recommend not bringing it up. Why does a girl need to know you trip or smoke if that behavior does not define you? She doesn't. You'll attract a wide range and better girls if you are well-rounded and your life doesn't revolve around drugs.
Have fun and make a lot of friends, but remember to take care of yourself and take your studies and future career seriously. It's all about balance.
|
Anonymous #1
|
|
cool, thanks for the advice this is the type of encouragement i was hoping to get. i definitely am my own biggest critic.. good advice anon 2 on going easy on myself. nice additions too lynnch 
my only problem (in reference to anon 3) is even tho i don't let drugs define me, if other people knew what i did they would prob let drugs define me. i also know a lot about drugs and not in an entirely negative way.. the pharmacology and stuff just interests me. i'm not always high but i do spend a lot of time thinking about being high, but high or not high it's not completely who i am it's just something i enjoy and find interesting.
also unfortunately for the love of God i do sell a little bit here and there and i'm not your typical "dealer" at all, but i still have to commit some thought to that sometimes so it continues to work. you said it yourself though "loss of social life" is a risk of being a dealer, well yea that's kind of what i'm facing here. i'm just trying to support myself, and i don't want other people to see me as a dealer cuz i don't identify with that at ALL, it's just something i feel i need to do for myself sometimes.
you assumed i'm better off than i really am :/ but hey i'm in school cuz i'm at least trying to do something right, right? obviously these things aren't things i would plan on bringing up anytime soon but i guess i don't want to feel guilty for hiding these things either.
i was thinking about asking a girl in one of my classes tomorrow if she wants to get together and study or collaborate on our homework and stuff, she's been sitting near me in class and she's cute. start off pretty laid back and simple but just asking her about this i can probably get an idea if she would want to be more than just a study buddy.
|
|