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Anonymous #1

Ever wonder how've you've made it so far?
    #18824658 - 09/10/13 06:32 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Rehab, several psych wards, prison. And wasn't even 18 yet.

Ten years later after severe addictions to ketamine, then alcohol, then pharmaceutical opiates, then finally iv'ing heroin and coke. Even tried to IV vodka when low on heroin. Mixed in with extreme binges of MDMA and MDA.

Even though I'm fairly clean, just weed and occasional beers. I almost think that I fucked up. I think I should have od'd and died. I missed the boat.

Large dose shroom trips kept my drug use in check for a few years. But each one pushed me to the edge of killing myself, but when I survived them, I felt mentally clear for weeks afterwards.

Shrooms could help me now, but I haven't done them in years. All of the extra guilt I've acquired since my last trip, I'm afraid to trip. I would try to kill myself.

I need to confront my demons to live. Because I've been trying to score enough heroin to od.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Ever wonder how've you've made it so far? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18827016 - 09/11/13 09:11 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Im in the exact same position. I cant give you any advice because I cant even help myself but...

:hugitout:


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Anonymous #3

Re: Ever wonder how've you've made it so far? [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #18827711 - 09/11/13 01:02 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Ayahuasca, pharmahuasca, iboga, DMT


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Anonymous #1

Re: Ever wonder how've you've made it so far? [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #18828025 - 09/11/13 02:27 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #3 said:
Ayahuasca, pharmahuasca, iboga, DMT






Dude I've thought of those, I know psychedelics could help me. But like I said, every trip pushed me to the brink of suicide. Iboga for sure would do me in.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Ever wonder how've you've made it so far? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18832303 - 09/12/13 12:44 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Have you taken any of those? DMT specifically?


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Anonymous #4

Re: Ever wonder how've you've made it so far? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18832999 - 09/12/13 03:48 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

man i feel you all too well op.

the gamut of my addictions has been, in chronological order: opiates/iv heroin/opana, iv mephedrone/mdpv, ghb/gbl, and then finally ... currently battling a pretty hefty alcohol addiction, of which i had already beat, in an attempt to mitigate the ghb withdrawals.

now drinking faaar too much and smoking as much weed as i can afford. plus smoking a 20 of meth every couple of weeks. no reason for this other than its whats most commonly available in my hood. i just crave being in ANY mind state other than sobriety.

pretty sure im god, or some facsimile thereof. i shoulda died 10 times over by now, cause i sure as fuck pushed the envelope without any regard to my mental or physical health.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Ever wonder how've you've made it so far? [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #18836232 - 09/13/13 09:54 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #4 said:
man i feel you all too well op.

the gamut of my addictions has been, in chronological order: opiates/iv heroin/opana, iv mephedrone/mdpv, ghb/gbl, and then finally ... currently battling a pretty hefty alcohol addiction, of which i had already beat, in an attempt to mitigate the ghb withdrawals.

now drinking faaar too much and smoking as much weed as i can afford. plus smoking a 20 of meth every couple of weeks. no reason for this other than its whats most commonly available in my hood. i just crave being in ANY mind state other than sobriety.

pretty sure im god, or some facsimile thereof. i shoulda died 10 times over by now, cause i sure as fuck pushed the envelope without any regard to my mental or physical health.





You're a poly user like me then. Yeah, its not like Im addicted to any one drug, I'm addicted to not being sober.

How do you treat that with typical medicine, dont think you can, I need spiritual healing.


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Anonymous #5

Re: Ever wonder how've you've made it so far? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18873062 - 09/21/13 05:05 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

I cant trip anymore because Im far too haunted.

12 years of polydrug addiction, never been addicted to any one substance but Ive gone pretty much insane, have hella health problems, burnt many bridges, seen many friends die and am just a haunted man who feels like he has blood on his hands.

I gotta change my life. More and more Im liking the idea of settling down, getting a place, getting a normie job and living a quiet life of relative solitude.


Edited by Anonymous (09/21/13 05:13 PM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: Ever wonder how've you've made it so far? [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #18875255 - 09/22/13 09:57 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #5 said:
I cant trip anymore because Im far too haunted.

12 years of polydrug addiction, never been addicted to any one substance but Ive gone pretty much insane, have hella health problems, burnt many bridges, seen many friends die and am just a haunted man who feels like he has blood on his hands.

I gotta change my life. More and more Im liking the idea of settling down, getting a place, getting a normie job and living a quiet life of relative solitude.





Can I ask how old you are?

I feel the same way except the last bit. In reality I just want more of the chaos because it is all I know.

Stability/Responsibility to me is like a house of cards, the higher you build it, the easier it is to fall, and the more you have to lose.


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Anonymous #5

Re: Ever wonder how've you've made it so far? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18875455 - 09/22/13 10:52 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Im 27...but its gotten to the point where I really just want the roller coaster ride to stop.

I get convulsions from the withdrawals of pretty much any drug now (methamphetamine, cocaine, heroin, alcohol, you name it) and often when Im on psychedelics (lsd, mushrooms, etc).

The only drug that doesnt give me convulsions is ketamine (unless I do a gram I sometimes get them in the morning) but I got kidney stones from overuse of that.

I feel like pretty much anything is ruining me anymore. Even weed gives me anxiety attacks because it brings to mind too many demons I try to forget.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Ever wonder how've you've made it so far? [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #18875538 - 09/22/13 11:23 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #5 said:
Im 27...but its gotten to the point where I really just want the roller coaster ride to stop.

I get convulsions from the withdrawals of pretty much any drug now (methamphetamine, cocaine, heroin, alcohol, you name it) and often when Im on psychedelics (lsd, mushrooms, etc).

The only drug that doesnt give me convulsions is ketamine (unless I do a gram I sometimes get them in the morning) but I got kidney stones from overuse of that.

I feel like pretty much anything is ruining me anymore. Even weed gives me anxiety attacks because it brings to mind too many demons I try to forget.




So similiar age also, I'm 26.

Ket just makes me sick now.

Weed definitely keeps life bearable for me. Most other drugs just seem too taxing on the body, especially alcohol. I get drunk really easy now and have massive hangovers from only a few drinks.

Times like this make me remember why I love opiates so much. All this worry could be gone.


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Anonymous #6

Re: Ever wonder how've you've made it so far? *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #18881857 - 09/23/13 07:16 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: x



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Anonymous #5

Re: Ever wonder how've you've made it so far? [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #18882156 - 09/23/13 08:23 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

its been a few days since Ive touched anything myself, gonna keep going with it. havent even had a drink!


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Anonymous #7

Re: Ever wonder how've you've made it so far? [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #18882894 - 09/23/13 11:10 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Been to the hospital twice for overdoses, once my heart stopped in the ambulance.


And yet I still party every weekend, mixing Xanax, Alcohol, Coke, MDMA etc.


:shrug:


people do what they do.


I'm in the same boat OP and I'm in fucking medical school :facepalm:

proving people from all walks of life fall into this trap.


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Anonymous #8

Re: Ever wonder how've you've made it so far? [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #18883333 - 09/24/13 02:03 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

MXE snapped me out of addiction completely. Had it down to only doing MXE 3 times a month, and in small doses just to sort my thoughts, deal with my demons, and remind myself to stay clean......


....then I got addicted to mxe.......


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