'morning, Shroomerites!
I'd like to hear some stories of pre-flight anxiety arising from the act/thought of smoking DMT. Any experiences you may have had with it, what your thoughts of it were, where it's coming from, how you overcame it, whether it still exists, etc.
It has been a while since I've done a psychedelic aside from DMT (over 8 months, I believe). It's not so much that I'm picking favourites.. rather, I've not had a chance to prepare substances or fit a trip into my set/setting comfortably due to graduating college and transitioning to a salaried "big-boy" job. To be honest, I believe I've lost part of the connection I had with myself (not just the lack of using psychedelics) and am struggling to find opportunities to reconnect.
In that ~8-month period, I've smoked DMT a cusp-full of times. Out of the cusp, the majority have not been "breakthrough" experiences as the collective community would seem to define, though they were "breakthroughs" to me as each time I found myself soaring past my previous experience with less a hold of what was going on.
I won't elaborate on the details of the journeys here. The first two sessions consisted of a lot of anxiety to the point where it was hard for me to take a second hit as reality had already plummeted into insanity and I was traveling into unknown territory. I was able to get myself taking 2-4 hits at the forefront of my next few sessions; but, the hits succeeding the first were hard to gauge as I could not see the progression of vapor through the iridescence and swirliness of my glass pipe. Fast forwarding to my last experience a month ago... I had just cleaned my pipe and inhaled a massive first hit (the biggest I had taken) to which my vision exploded with what I can only deem "the other side". After that hit I instantly put the pipe down due to an overwhelmed/flabbergasted feeling and was off within seconds.
Mind you, this anxiety has never carried over into the journey itself and only exists prior to smoking or while I'm smoking. The anxiety ceases as soon as the act of smoking does. During the journeys, I feel fantastic, though astonished, and don't spend my time battling anxiety.
It was my goal to begin slowly with this substance rather than forcefully shooting myself through (hence why I've used a simple pipe instead of crafting a device like The Machine). However, this anxiety is a bit hard for me to deal with--not a surprise as I've not been a very anxious person throughout life and have not had much experience coping with it.
This weekend I found that the anxiety washes over me even when I plan on smoking DMT the next day and peaks every time I even think about smoking it. I had actually planned to smoke yesterday; the anxiety just came and caused me to feel a bit too uneasy about taking the plunge. The anxiety is also strange, in a way. It doesn't resemble anxiety I've experienced from life tasks.. it's a new kind of anxiety. It's not like the anxiety that comes prior to giving a girl that I'm crushing on that first kiss (which causes the heart to race but tends to radiate from my stomach) or the anxiety of not getting an assignment done on time (which causes the heart to race and radiates from the head). This new anxiety causes my heart to race and radiates from the chest and slowly expands down to my stomach and up to my head.
It's only challenging for me at this point as I have no idea where it's stemming from. It seems very irrational as I don't have any fear of visiting that space. I truly enjoy being there.
Not often have I let fear rule me in such a way.
I'm not sure it's something anyone can help me with. I'm simply sharing my experience, hoping to hear others', and looking forward to any conversation that may stem from this.
-------------------- "You can peel it [language] off the ceiling and make it dance in front of you" - McKenna <3 .
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The first few times smoking it, I'd get the fear pretty bad. Terror if you will. I'd just want to go back to sober, but once the high kicked in it would be pure bliss. I believe the anxiety is caused by the rapid increase of the heart rate when inhaling the vapors. But once your whole body is on that DMT plateau of high, it's enjoyable. Basically, come-up jitters on DMT are intense because DMT is an intense drug.
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