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psychotikfuck
Stranger



Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 423
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
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I need help
#18857452 - 09/18/13 11:04 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Is there a certain type of psychotherapy for drug users lol. I just feel lost in life, I smoked weed almost everyday since 14, fucked up tons of oppurtunities in life to just sit around and feel bad for myself and trying to figure out how to cheat this horrible system, feeling like my break has to be just around the corner cause of all the pain I have gone through.. but it never would come.. I recently got my shit together really well, quit smoking weed and I felt great... got a great job, at the time it was great, now here I am 4 months into it and I am miserable. I am in physical pain, from the work I do and this is making me realize I can't do it any longer and I am going to be screwed financially and I don't know what to do, Along with this I am in mental anguish over money, and my ownn problems which are too many to list, but a few being my health my habbits my friends all the what ifs and concerns about time Im stressed to the max. To top it all off I have been single forever and am very alone and lonely. So I started smoking weed again and it became quickly my re established vice of choice... Opiates are amazing, and usually I can use them with responsibility and caution but since I got this job and have been working so hard to such extremes I recently foundmyself taking tons of percs a night trying to peak in a nodding off state multiple times a night, it never being good enough. I am constantly chasing more high, more feeling, to motivate myself through work days and to make the money seem worth it I just think of the drugs Ill buy or do at the end of the day the release I will eventually get, that will make all this pain and shit worth it, even though I know I am still going to be broke even if I didnt do drugs I wouldn't save much money, I get most of my shit for not much anyways, and so in reality even though I make a whole hell of a lot more than MOST average Americans, I will never have enough money in this economy to ever have anything short of more bills. I just don't see a spot to get ahead anywhere. So going to work and working my ass off all day just doesnt seem worth it at all anymore, I get paid by productiviity and I don't even feel productive, I feel at the end of my rope, I feel like I have been going against the intuitive grain in my mind for years, starting with having to join this society after existentially abadoning it as a teenager and swearing it off I am just lost and don't even know who I am, I don't know my soul, I need help.
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Le_Canard
The Duk Abides


Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1
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You should get checked out at your local mental health center, as they usually have rehab programs and addiction counselors. It sounds like you're trying to self medicate and it's not working out (it never does). You should do this ASAP before it gets any worse.
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Penelope_Tree
Shamanic Panic



Registered: 07/31/09
Posts: 8,535
Loc: magic sugarcastle
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Hey dude Don't worry, everything is temporary. You just gotta make a plan to get out of your detrimental behavioral cycles and stick to it.
I'm going to list (by priority) what I see as your current problems, so correct me if I'm wrong!
- 1. Physical pain from current job
- 2. Mental Stress
- 3. Financial Stress
- 4. Potential Drug Abuse
Now that your problems are broken down into manageable categories, you can start attacking each category.
We'll start with your current job - if you hate what you're doing, start looking for other work immediately. Depending on your financial situation (problem #3), it may behoove you to take a lower paying (but lower stress) position to help with problem #2. Don't get discouraged if you can't find something else immediately. I sincerely believe that modern society has primed up to expect instant gratification, and in reality, very few things that matter come without hard work. If it's causing you physical pain, you may want to see a physical therapist. It doesn't cost much (mine is $30/session) and you only have to go a few times to get a treatment plan.
As far as your Mental Stress, you need to start working on a destress regime. Just a few proven effective destress methods are mediation (sit and relax wit your eyes closed, visually something nice for 10 minutes), take a walk outside, and exercise. Do something everyday, even when you don't feel like (that's when it's most important - think of it like gaining experience points in a video game to help you level up).
Figure out your financial situation. Make a budget and start saving money so you can put it towards things you value (retirement, moving to a different city, whatever). Having a goal to look forward to long-term will help with problem #2.
It's good that you're noticing you have a drug problem, that way you can get in control of the situation. Pain killer addiction side effects include mood disturbances, such as hopelessness, irritability, loss of energy, etc... so a lot of problem #2 and even #1 could be from binging on percs every night. Getting off those things can be dangerous, so maybe do a search like "how to quit percs." I'm sure someone here has done it before with good results.
 
Oh yeah, and what TD said. I completely forgot those things existed.
Quote:
ToiletDuk said: You should get checked out at your local mental health center, as they usually have rehab programs and addiction counselors. It sounds like you're trying to self medicate and it's not working out (it never does). You should do this ASAP before it gets any worse.
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full blown human
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psychotikfuck
Stranger



Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 423
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
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Quote:
ToiletDuk said: You should get checked out at your local mental health center, as they usually have rehab programs and addiction counselors. It sounds like you're trying to self medicate and it's not working out (it never does). You should do this ASAP before it gets any worse.
They don't help. Addiction places usually never understand shit, shrinks and counslers don't understand and it's hard to get in to them because my insurance sucks. I don't think I need rehab, the only drug I can't willingly put down sometimes is weed. I'm addicted to the nostalgia of smoking a joint... or else I am trying to escape having to be in the current moment, trying to feel something else besides what I am engulfed in, make my mood lighter, distraction. I have been self medicating my entire life that is true. And I don't know how it can get worse, I mean I am sure it can. But I am in hell.
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psychotikfuck
Stranger



Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 423
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
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Quote:
Penelope_Tree said: Hey dude Don't worry, everything is temporary. You just gotta make a plan to get out of your detrimental behavioral cycles and stick to it.
I'm going to list (by priority) what I see as your current problems, so correct me if I'm wrong!
- 1. Physical pain from current job
- 2. Mental Stress
- 3. Financial Stress
- 4. Potential Drug Abuse
Now that your problems are broken down into manageable categories, you can start attacking each category.
We'll start with your current job - if you hate what you're doing, start looking for other work immediately. Depending on your financial situation (problem #3), it may behoove you to take a lower paying (but lower stress) position to help with problem #2. Don't get discouraged if you can't find something else immediately. I sincerely believe that modern society has primed up to expect instant gratification, and in reality, very few things that matter come without hard work. If it's causing you physical pain, you may want to see a physical therapist. It doesn't cost much (mine is $30/session) and you only have to go a few times to get a treatment plan.
As far as your Mental Stress, you need to start working on a destress regime. Just a few proven effective destress methods are mediation (sit and relax wit your eyes closed, visually something nice for 10 minutes), take a walk outside, and exercise. Do something everyday, even when you don't feel like (that's when it's most important - think of it like gaining experience points in a video game to help you level up).
Figure out your financial situation. Make a budget and start saving money so you can put it towards things you value (retirement, moving to a different city, whatever). Having a goal to look forward to long-term will help with problem #2.
It's good that you're noticing you have a drug problem, that way you can get in control of the situation. Pain killer addiction side effects include mood disturbances, such as hopelessness, irritability, loss of energy, etc... so a lot of problem #2 and even #1 could be from binging on percs every night. Getting off those things can be dangerous, so maybe do a search like "how to quit percs." I'm sure someone here has done it before with good results.
 
Oh yeah, and what TD said. I completely forgot those things existed.
Quote:
ToiletDuk said: You should get checked out at your local mental health center, as they usually have rehab programs and addiction counselors. It sounds like you're trying to self medicate and it's not working out (it never does). You should do this ASAP before it gets any worse.
I don't take percs daily, I am not addicted to them I just recently caved in and got some. shit. You see, I have to take adderall for work, which leaves me strung out and even more pain in body all over and then it leaves me just braindead unable to make any connections at the end of the day, so I always want downers at night, so I can recooperate my self for another day of the same thing, adderall, coffee, energy drinks, so I am so focused I don't care about all the shit that is in the world and wrong with my life and I just work... I am at a point where I hate everything and the escapeful lure of putting my mind in another place is attractive as hell to me even when I know it will destroy me and bring me down, that almost makes it even more attractive. I just don't understand how people get by in this world, at all. I feel like I am trying 10x harder than everyone else doing 10x more and they are doing fine and okay with half as much. I have absolutely nothing to do outside of work either so I mean, half the time its just like roll another. It's juts a behavior I clinged right back to like a magnent once I started getting so stressed, docs took me off xanax for my anxiety and going to work became more stressful, having to be around people with my thoughts unable to set them aside getting used to it and letting it become subconscious showing off my anxiety and worries and shit wihtout even knowing it.
Xanax is something I shouldn't take either because of risk of abuse but honestly, i don't care at this point when I had that in my life I went out by myself and did what I wanted to do, for once I knew what I wanted to do, I was living for myself a little bit and it felt good, I was inuitively interested and curious again. All the unecessary bullshit I go through in my head didn't matter anymore, I didn't owe my life to it, wake up thinking about the same things everyday. Drugs are all I know when i think about my pain, it's just so easy I couldn't imagine dealing with my problems any other way. That's fucking pathetic
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Penelope_Tree
Shamanic Panic



Registered: 07/31/09
Posts: 8,535
Loc: magic sugarcastle
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"It's juts a behavior I clinged right back to like a magnent once I started getting so stressed"
So find another, non-drug-related behavior to get you through. Just because you have been conditioned to exhibit a certain behavior doesn't mean that's the only behavioral solution to a problem.
"I have absolutely nothing to do outside of work either" What do you like to do (besides drugs )? Find a hobby. Yoga is great for pain management.
If you're unhappy (which you admit you are), then something's gotta change. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results, right? Just start changing different parts of your life. Maybe start with your job since you hate it so hard.
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full blown human
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psychotikfuck
Stranger



Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 423
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
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Quote:
Penelope_Tree said: "It's juts a behavior I clinged right back to like a magnent once I started getting so stressed"
So find another, non-drug-related behavior to get you through. Just because you have been conditioned to exhibit a certain behavior doesn't mean that's the only behavioral solution to a problem.
"I have absolutely nothing to do outside of work either" What do you like to do (besides drugs )? Find a hobby. Yoga is great for pain management.
If you're unhappy (which you admit you are), then something's gotta change. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results, right? Just start changing different parts of your life. Maybe start with your job since you hate it so hard.
you see I really need something like yoga or meditation but I can't sit still or quiet my mind long enough to do anything like that without drugs or maybe the random occasional moment where I feel very calm. I literally don't have a fucking clue what I could possibly afford to take up as a hobby that would cost less than pot, Nothing interests me...I buy books and dont read them.. I even want a book right now but I know if I go buy it I will open it once read 3 chapters tops set it down and forget I bought it for 2 weeks and at that point it will sit there still. This is how I am with everything... Sometimes, Ill get food out of a drawer and set the shit out on a counter take the food out, leave the box on the counter and ruin the remaining food, my mind is so impulsive it's like that all the time, once I get what I want, it's hard to really give a fuck about what else I have to do. I run to instant gratification.
Working so much and having no girlfriend has a lot to do with this I think. I have really no friends that do anyhting besides hit me up to smoke weed, I want to atleast come home to something or someone that cares and understands what is good for me, my friends are great people but they are in the same mess and trap I am in whether they admit it or not I know they all know they smoke too much weed, I could get high for a month without ever having to buy my own just because getting hit up daily to smoke is just something I expect, this has gone on for years. and when I get closer with my friends I smoke more. I just want to feel like im working and destroying myself for a reason, I've never seen anyone do shit from this town. I've never seen anybody doing 'things' no one here ever has anything going for themselves never have we had anything to do besides call drug dealers and talk about drug dealers and deal drugs, and drugs that is it. and everyone I tell this to says well there has to be something to do but there really isn't. And if I try to find anyone with the will to create something to do, something new, I have always been out of luck.
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Penelope_Tree
Shamanic Panic



Registered: 07/31/09
Posts: 8,535
Loc: magic sugarcastle
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That sucks about your social situation - I'm in pretty much the same boat. I usually drive to a bigger city to go to Barnes & Noble to browse books and people watch. I also joined a meet-up group (meetup.com) to learn meditation & the Kedampa tradition of Buddhism. It's my only social "thing" and it's only once a week, but it's refreshing and I get some face-to-face, human interaction every week now. I'm optimistic, though. I know my situation can change, I am basically just hoarding my money and buying time until I can make my escape. Muah ahaha!
Maybe you can take up writing. Journaling has been a huge help for me in learning my thought patterns and getting to know myself. I find it is very active, as compared to passive TV watching or even how you may find book reading. Drawing would be another good one. Walking/Running in the woods is a great, cheap hobby, too.
I'm going to link you to this chick's yoga video - she is awesome in explaining the routine. She has a whole beginner's series, so if you find this one too easy, try another, like the core strength.
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full blown human
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Maharishi_2_U
Opt Out Super Fag


Registered: 10/21/09
Posts: 6,316
Loc: The Streets
Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
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Quote:
psychotikfuck said:
Quote:
ToiletDuk said: You should get checked out at your local mental health center, as they usually have rehab programs and addiction counselors. It sounds like you're trying to self medicate and it's not working out (it never does). You should do this ASAP before it gets any worse.
They don't help. Addiction places usually never understand shit, shrinks and counslers don't understand and it's hard to get in to them because my insurance sucks. I don't think I need rehab, the only drug I can't willingly put down sometimes is weed. I'm addicted to the nostalgia of smoking a joint... or else I am trying to escape having to be in the current moment, trying to feel something else besides what I am engulfed in, make my mood lighter, distraction. I have been self medicating my entire life that is true. And I don't know how it can get worse, I mean I am sure it can. But I am in hell.
Wrong, counselors who know WTF they are doing are helpful  If your life is that terrible please feel free to me any time!
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psychotikfuck
Stranger



Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 423
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
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Quote:
Penelope_Tree said: That sucks about your social situation - I'm in pretty much the same boat. I usually drive to a bigger city to go to Barnes & Noble to browse books and people watch. I also joined a meet-up group (meetup.com) to learn meditation & the Kedampa tradition of Buddhism. It's my only social "thing" and it's only once a week, but it's refreshing and I get some face-to-face, human interaction every week now. I'm optimistic, though. I know my situation can change, I am basically just hoarding my money and buying time until I can make my escape. Muah ahaha!
Maybe you can take up writing. Journaling has been a huge help for me in learning my thought patterns and getting to know myself. I find it is very active, as compared to passive TV watching or even how you may find book reading. Drawing would be another good one. Walking/Running in the woods is a great, cheap hobby, too.
I'm going to link you to this chick's yoga video - she is awesome in explaining the routine. She has a whole beginner's series, so if you find this one too easy, try another, like the core strength.
YEAH me and you could get along, I just got home from barnes and noble 5 minutes ago. haehehehe. But yeah, my job is getting really taxiing and I want to do something with my writing abilities. But I need help someone who knows how to set up a blog and attract people.. see I write poetry, but I guess it's kinda rap sometimes.. but I feel like I have something unique. I have notebooks full of shit. but i don't know what to do with it, and idk.. yeah I wish I could do something with writing
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Penelope_Tree
Shamanic Panic



Registered: 07/31/09
Posts: 8,535
Loc: magic sugarcastle
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Then do it! I remember you posting some stuff in S&M or the Music forum. You should pour your heart & soul into writing, if that's what moves you. There will be time when you have to push yourself, even though you aren't motivated. I think that's easier, though, when you really are into what you're doing.
You can set up blogs on Tumblr - they're free. It's a community, so you can have to interact with people to keep interest going, but people can also search for your posts by tags (which increases the chances of random people finding you).
You may even start searching for literary journals & submitting work to them. Don't be discouraged if you're not accepted. It could be for any number of reasons - because you don't match the journal's style, etc. I may be wrong, but I think B&N also has writer's meetings to talk about fiction or like book club stuff. If you're close enough to a city with a Barnes & Noble, then there are most likely also open mic nights or other places poets gather. Get out there!
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full blown human
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