I don't know how to start off this report, so I will try my best to be clear and concise with my explanation of such a terrifying yet amazing experience.
To give you a little information about myself, I am highly aware of what is going on in this crazy world. I have studied deeply into the occult and I feel that is my main driver in this existence, to expose and cast out the darkness. I often become very depressed, feeling the pain and evil energy seeping into our reality. I feel hopeful for the future, having high goals set for myself, but at the same time I feel it all doesn't matter, that it is all just going to be ripped away and destroyed. I often question my own existence, asking myself "why was I born into this upside-down reality?"
Keeping that in mind, I could feel the mushroom calling to me, telling me it was time. I wanted the mushroom to help guide me to the answers, which I probably already knew.
So on saturday the 14th I ate some home grown ecuadors with my bf. He had not slept well the night before and had a stomach ache, but I was being selfish and anxious and told him to just eat them anyways and it should help. I was planning on eating about 2.5-3 grams, but as we were about to eat them my bf suggested we not eat that much and without thinking I agreed and ate the 1.7 grams. (Also, I am about 95 pounds and I eat an all organic diet, didn't eat much that day either.)
The come up took about 1 hour and I started to feel the threshold effects around 9:39pm. I was feeling pretty good. I went in the bathroom and looked at my eyes and they looked amazingly vibrant. I could see the color of my eyes were amplified and felt as if I could see the psilocybin being pumped through my iris. As I was looking at them, my pupils were contracting and dilating very quickly, like a beating heart.
I went back to the room where my bf had put on Born of Osiris' new album. It sounded so amazing! I was really feeling it and it put me in a good place. My face was dry so I decided to rub jojoba oil on it, which sent me into a deep meditative state. It felt great. My mind is usually always racing, but in that moment I was free from it. Not too long after, my bf came back to the room after doing something, he felt the music was over whelming and turned it off. We sat on the bed for a minute when my bf decided it would be better to go outside. We went out on the back porch, by this time is was probably 10pm.
As we sat there, this is really when the effects start coming on. Sounds were becoming more exaggerated and the visuals became more intense. I stared into the sky, this set me into a negative mindset. Everything was amplified and I could see the chemtrails moving through the sky, like an evil red miasma. I could feel the evil intent behind it. I also was fixated on a drone that was in the sky (military drones are always flying around where I live.) I could see the green color of the scanner and could feel it scanning everything around. I could feel it scanning me and my eyes as I stared at it with disdain. The whole miasma around me was that of evil. It felt like a realization of the present and future, a satanic dystopia.
At that point I just wanted to be left alone, feeling the negativity in the air. Everything was annoying. People in the neighborhood outside talking, my dog running up and down the stairs, my bf trying to talk to me, it was all annoying. I didn't want to try to communicate anything. My bf was standing at one point and looked like he was stretched out like laffy taffy. The visuals were starting to get intense. The trees were vibrating and the light from the moon was fractal and vivid. When I stared up at the sky, I could see a purple vortex going up to the light of the drone, and in the purple vortex I could see evil demon faces. When I closed my eyes I could see the chemtrails and the color that was reflecting off them, it was a redish pink, and it morphed into a demon face. I opened my eyes and felt disturbed.
I finally stood up which made me feel physically better. My bf said I looked weird and light was emanating from me. He asked me how I would describe the mood of the mushrooms and the first thing that came to mind was "we're back dinosaurs." If you have seen that movie, you will know what I mean. I felt like everything around me was a creepy carnival or circus. I started jibber-jabbering, like I usually do when tripping. We were talking about people and society. I was going over my interactions of the day when I had to go to walmart, and how everyone is just a mindless zombie, popping pills, walking around not even knowing where, what and why they are doing what they are doing. Fat, diseased, stupid pig people popping out piglet after piglet for no apparent reason. I was also pretty annoyed with seeing all the halloween decorations around. Everything that is going on is all just a ritual. Everyone around me is just doing ritual after ritual day in and day out and they don't even realize or care about what they are doing.
After a while we went back inside to go smoke a bowl. I went to use the bathroom and was feeling better now. I came out of the bathroom and we were talking and laughing. All of a sudden my damn sister and her bf walk in the door, holding bags of nasty wendy's food. In that instance, the whole mood of the house shifted. The lights shuttered and everything was sucked into her. Complete negative take over. My dog ran up to her to greet her and she made the UGLIEST facial expression. She rolled her eyes like the dog was just such a huge inconvenience to her life and that really pissed me off. She had no right to walk in the house the way she did, or at all. I can't stand looking at her or being around her so I kind of panic and go outside then remember we were planning to go down stairs and smoke a bowl. So I go in and avoid eye contact and scurry down to our room.
So seeing her really put me into some negative thought loops and I was just going on and on about how much she annoys me. I try to get over it but with her being upstairs it just engulfed me and I wanted her to leave. I was venting and finishing up the laundry I had started cleaning earlier. I sat down on the front of the bed where our T.V is set up. We both smoked a bowl and this is where everything really took off.
My bf put on some music. It was Ghost. The music was very powerful and entrancing. We started talking about star wars. As we were chatting my bf was picking and putting away fresh mushrooms. I started staring at the t.v., it looked like there was a mist or fog slowly billowing out of it. Netflix was on and I was looking at the cover of a documentary titled "war paint" and the girl on the cover was really freaking me out. She looked disgusting and fake. She looked like a tranny mannequin. Her body looked like a mans and her boobs looked odd and disproportionate to her body. She had lipstick in her hand and it was marked on her face (hence the name war paint I guess) As I was staring at this freak of a woman, the music was playing loudly and my dog started gnawing on my sweatshirt and pulling at my wrists and biting me. At this point the mushrooms were really starting to kick in. Everything was just so overwhelming, the dog biting my hands and wrists (he is a german shepherd so his mouth and teeth looked more big and vicious then usual), the music (the song was secular haze), the tranny on the screen (ugly...), I started crying my eyes out. My bf was confused and I was just like get this damn dog away from me, turn this shit off and get this weird shit off the t.v. screen! I was crying and crying and I couldn't stop. My bf was trying to comfort me, but he was tripping and I felt like I was ruining it for him so I tried to explain that it was just a physical response and I was fine.
I took off my sweatshirt thinking maybe the dog doesn't like it, I had never worn it before, and I felt like it wasn't even me. I take it off and feel relieved and say "I feel more like myself now." I move to the back of the bed at my bf's request and this is where it all gets REALLY CRAZY. So much was going on I don't even know where to begin. I was still crying a little. It was coming and going. Everything in my head was out of control. I kept saying "there must have been some crazy shit going on in peru because these mushrooms are nuts." I felt like the mushroom was trying to bring me there. I was seeing vibrant colors and it had a real south american feel to it. I felt like I had peruvian, mexican, native american, african blood running through my veins and that I was all these ancient people simultaneously in this one moment. I was seeing african people dancing around a fire with masks on, and in that same second I was also seeing native americans doing the same thing, laying with each other and talking. I was still crying and my bf laid his head against mine. This really set it off for me.
I was seeing veins or brain stems or something, blood flowing through them connecting my brain with my bf's. I really felt a psychic connection in the moment and it was unlike anything I had ever felt before. He was talking to me and comforting me. I felt like he knew what I was thinking. He was telling me he loves and that he will never leave, nothing else matters in the world because we have each other. I started to cry again because I felt like my emotions were so over whelming I couldn't even speak, but he knew what I was thinking. He said to me I know I am a hard person to love but I am thankful that you are still here. This really made my eyes run. All I could say was "it's worth it." This went on for a while, it was like we were in a counseling session and we were working out all of our differences telepathically. It felt so good. I was still crying and saying "I think we are connected at the brain" over and over again. I could see a black cord come from the back of his head and plug into mine. I felt like I was being initiated into his mind and that nothing was ever going to be the same between us. I was trying to enter his mind. It felt so weird. I was crying and trying to explain to him that I felt like there were barriers being broken down in my brain so I could better connect with him and express my emotions. (I usually suppress feelings and internalize everything, not wanting to be vulnerable.)
At that point all sense of reality and time was out the window. Everything I was thinking or saying felt like it had already happened or was meant to happen. Time felt like it was overlapping with the past, present, and future.
I was still overwhelmed with emotions and crying. I was having some thought loops and was repeating myself. I was looking into my bf's eyes and saying "you are teaching me a lesson! You are teaching me a lesson!" My bf replied with I don't want to teach you a lesson I want you to be yourself. But I insisted that he was teaching me a lesson, or it was the mushrooms. Now, things were getting even more intense, if that is even possible. I began to really cry and it was because I thought I was a pepper. I literally felt like a pepper. My eyes were teary and my nose and mouth were burning like I had just ate a strong ass pepper. I was yelling I feel like a pepper! I am a pepper! It wasn't very comfortable.
I felt then like my body was a blob with arms sticking out of it and my bf also looked like a weird fleshy blob with arms sticking out of him. He had his hand on my leg and it just looked so weird, like it was his left and right hand but was just one arm sticking out of a blob with eyes.
I started to not feel like me anymore. I felt like I was my bf. I could see him as a child, and his brother, I was both of them at the same time. I could feel the pain that he has endured in his life, it was nothing that I have felt. I felt the constant fear and anxiety, like walking on egg shells, and that any moment his mother was going to come in and ruin everything. I was very sad and kept telling him "I'm sorry." I was saying out loud "why am I you!? I feel like I am you! Why am I you!?" My nose was running like a river and I was crying and wiping it saying "why does your nose run so much!? Why does your nose run so fucking much?!" (his nose does run a lot) I was still crying over all the pain I was feeling. Everything around me was like a dark forest. I was feeling so much pain. I could feel the pain of the human race as a whole.
I felt like I was teetering between this world and another dimension. I was seeing numbers that added up to 4. To me this meant I was in the 4th dimension. I was seeing cut out pictures all posted together and in one space it looked like green 1's and 0's, moving down, exactly like in the matrix. I felt like I was in a square room made up of lines like a grid. I was sitting with my knees to my chest and my hands on my forehead, I felt like I was in a virtual reality and that any moment I was going to be pulled out of it and returned to where I truly belonged. My body was "breaking down" in a sense, like my vessel was just a program and I could see my head de-materializing and underneath was another grid that made up the construct of my body/vessel. I wanted to leave so badly. I was anticipating that I would finally wake up from this fake world and return to my true existence.
All of a sudden an overwhelming sense of nearing death washed over me. The t.v. screen was still on but it automatically counts down and shuts off after a certain period of time. I was looking at it as it said 5,4,3,2,1,0. I was seeing that over and over again and I felt it was counting down to the end of the world. I was nervous and anxious, anticipating death! I was like "OH MY GOD THE WORLD IS ENDING. What is coming?" And in those seconds of 5,4,3,2,1, 0 I saw a flash of light, a nuclear explosion. I knew in that moment what it was and could feel it begin to vaporize everything. Nothing happened really, but something came to my mind, like a foreshadowing of a future event.
This is where things get deep. I was experiencing being all these different people all simultaneously. I was in the head of a homeless guy who had just smoked meth. I was all of these people but also wasn't. It was like I was a visitor in their mind. People with mental disorders like multiple personality disorder, schizophrenia, etc. I was in their minds looking out at the world from their perspective.
After that I began to die, but it wasn't really me it felt like, I was other people who have already died. At first it was just me looking at my bf. I could see myself as I was in that moment but also aging and becoming old and wrinkly. My bf looked like that too. I could see him but behind him was like a vibration of himself. He was young and the vibrations were a progression of him as he aged and he was old and wrinkly with gray hair. I began to lose sense of myself. I was an old woman hooked up to an oxygen tank, getting older and closer to death. My husband was doing things for me, as I lay there feeling weak and pathetic, wishing my husband didn't have to watch me waste away. I broke from that and went to another death. I was being choked and felt the sensation of losing oxygen and my brain dying and slowly drifting away into a colorful void. I then felt as if I was a woman I once knew who's husband died from lung cancer. I was her, feeling her sadness as she watched her love slowly wither away, and in that moment I was also him, hooked up to an oxygen tank and a morphine drip. I was him laying in his bed, I could feel a heaviness in my chest and could see the blackness of the cancer that was eating away at him. I said out loud "I can't breath." I then began to die and drift away. I then was a young teenage girl laying with her young boyfriend and they were talking about committing suicide. The girl slit her wrists and I think the boy used a gun, and in that moment I could feel the excitement of the teenagers as they killed themselves, no longer having a care in the world. It felt very strange, like in that moment nothing else mattered and in their minds it was a solid decision that neither were going to go back on.
At one point I thought I was in one of those chambers they use to kill animals by removing all the oxygen and suffocating them. I was in one of those and felt the oxygen being sucked out of my lungs. It was like I was in the vacuum of space. It felt so painful.
Now, after dying in all these crazy ways, I went where lost souls go. I was in another dimension. It was dark and eerie. It was made up of darkness and shadow entities. I knew I was dead but I didn't at the same time. It felt like limbo or purgatory. It wasn't pleasant. Time was gone at this point. I was seeing shadows moving around me. I think my brain was trying to show me things that I could use to make sense of this dimension. I really believe it was hell. I was seeing "ghosts" and ghouls, black shadow entities, vampires. I was saying shit about rituals, everything is rituals, everything going on in the world is because of rituals.
I don't know what happened but I came back to this world, and I really needed to pee. Everything gets kind of fuzzy, since I had no sense of time I can't really tell you what happened in chronological order. I went to pee, as I walked out the door I saw little shadow beings in my peripherals. I got to the bathroom and I could sense and see telepathically that there was something outside the window. It was like a weird troll thing and the energy coming from it was like it was a creepy pedophile or something. I did my business while talking to this thing telling it to go away. It did and I washed my hands. The water going down the drain was awesome but I had better things to do then watch water go down a drain so I got out of there and ran back to the room.
Things started getting more crazy again in the room and I laid next to my bf and was listening to him talk. He was saying some great shit. As I stared at him, I felt like I was getting smaller. In that moment I was an ant looking up at a magnificent painting. His eye was the sun and my pillow was red sand in a desert. Everything was bright and illuminated. Then I started to become larger. We both were growing and morphing. We became extra dimensional beings, living in a dimension that was like a constant trip of visuals and the feeling of ecstasy for all eternity. We were laying in a huge bed, it had an india feel to it. If you can imagine krishna, we were both like that. It is hard to explain. We were that, our bodies looked like kaleidoscopes of color. I felt pure bliss and felt decadent in our ecstasy. It felt like that was a dimension all on its own and we were beings that were a part of it and born there.
After that moment of pure bliss, I was brought back here to experience something else. More pain. I could feel everyone and everything's pain all at one time. It was excruciating. I felt like I was experiencing the pain of those who have gone through satanic ritual abuse. I was a little boy, my wrists were bound with rope and I was naked. I looked up and I saw a pope figure dressed in white with the white pope hat on. I looked at him and said "you are teaching me a lesson, aren't you?" It did not speak, but told me telepathically "yes". He had an evil smile on his face. I could see a black whip coming from his mind to my mind. He began to whip me telepathically. I could see and hear the crack of the whip in my mind. Now, this is going to sound ridiculous but I then was Miley Cyrus. I felt like I was her. My hair was blonde and I had red lipstick on. My eyes were wide and my pupils were dilated. I/she was bound with rope on the ankles and wrists. I was laying on my side looking up at her "fiance" Liam or whatever the fuck his name is. He was dressed in a black cloak. He was staring into my eyes, and in that moment it felt I was being put in a trance. I was giving all of myself to a "higher" being. I/she responded with "yes, master."
After that I was still tripping hard as fuck. It was like a dream world. I was going over all my own character flaws. It was like the mushroom was amplifying what I already knew and was throwing it in my face. I was saying to myself "I am sooooo lazy!" and "Why can't I get over my fears?"
I felt a great connection with my bf that night. I came to the realization that we are twins, soul mates. We were once one being and split in two. We were meant to meet eachother, or better yet merge with each other again. There was a black cord connecting us and it finally pulled us together. "Why am I you?" I seriously thought we were once merged as one being. Gemini twins, separated by time and distance, finally being brought together at the right moment.
I could keep going but I think I tried to explain too much already!
What I learned from this experience was there is no one else in the world I can connect with. My bf is the only one. I feel a much greater appreciation for him and better understanding of his feelings. I also learned I need to get over my fears, for they are only illusion. I could have been born another person and things could be a lot worse. I also learned that the world is moving into a dark place and that I am a soldier of light here to defend the world from the dark entities conspiring against humanity. My existence might be that of pain, but one day I won't feel pain anymore, until then I need to do what I was meant to do.
The mushrooms taught me a lesson, that is for sure. It was the best experience so far in my life. Next time, I will plan more thoroughly, now that I know how damn strong these mushrooms are. I was not expecting to go where I did by eating only 1.7 grams. I was taught a lesson, and I think I got the message.
Edited by OmniDimensional (09/18/13 04:44 AM)
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