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iamerror73

Registered: 09/14/13
Posts: 356
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*DELETED*
#18855409 - 09/17/13 08:42 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Edited by iamerror73 (11/26/15 09:33 PM)
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circastes
Big Questions Small Head


Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 8,781
Loc: straya
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Re: Been suicidal for awhile? [Re: iamerror73]
#18856419 - 09/18/13 12:43 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Magic mushrooms will give you one hell of a positive experience if you get your set and setting right. Take a low dose alone with music and try to stay positive and just enjoy yourself. The positivity you get from the experience might make you think life is really worth it. Right now I think you've been in such a malaise that you've lost contact with reality a bit and are unable to comprehend how life is worth it. Your mind co-creates everything and if you're depressed for years you can totally forget what it means to be alive. Mushrooms will remind you what being alive is. They will take you right into the present moment and take away a lot of your preconceived notions about what is happening in life. Probably something you could use.
A really positive experience would be nice about now for you.
What other issues do you have? Anger? Fantasies of extreme violence? You may have some repressed/suppressed anger in there. Probably just got off on the wrong foot early in life and decided to just take people's shit, now you see how it doesn't pay to do this. Pretty common occurrence really.
Also consider the new antidepressants. If one doesn't work, try another.
No point killing yourself. Life isn't that hard, really.
Just remember the brain can create the shittiest illusions for you to deal with if it has low levels of certain chemicals. They are just chemical illusions.
-------------------- My solitude... My shield... My armour... TESTED WITH FULL FORCE
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iamerror73

Registered: 09/14/13
Posts: 356
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Re: Been suicidal for awhile? [Re: circastes]
#18857295 - 09/18/13 10:05 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Alright man thanks for the info, I get my benefits soon at work so I can try out some anti-depressants. As for the shrooms, I was planning on growing them myself just because I don't really know anyone who sells them and I can be paranoid about buying. Although I'm told it takes around 8 weeks but I'm not too sure myself if I'll still be here in 8 weeks.
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psychotikfuck
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Re: Been suicidal for awhile? [Re: iamerror73]
#18857559 - 09/18/13 11:31 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Hey, I'm just going to share my experience.
I was like you once, thought everything was meaningless for awhile, felt alone in knowing that, felt alone in life, felt pressured to join society and eventually I had to with age obviously and that's when I started having identity issues man, just trouble arose in life within my family arguments that were boiling for years boiled over I was locked up I lost my fucking mind, I have been addicted to drugs gone through so many periods of fucking up and doing better, but mostly fucking up. I never tried shrooms though until middle of last year. the first time I was watching tv and just forgot what TV was and became engulfed in what was happening thinking completely different shit was happening than what was really going on in the show. It was just confusion and awe mostly, but at one point something opened up in my head and information was just pouring into me faster than I could observe it concsiously. It ended and I went to sleep.
Tried them again probably 2 more times with nothing much different occuring. Tried atleast 7 grams on my 21st birthday. Changed my life forever.
No words will ever prepare you, no paragraph on an interent forum no nothing. It isn't like popping a new pill and finding a new experience its like taking a knife and carving out all the bullshit you've sold yourself your entire life and looking at it and then putting it back in your body and having to live with it, or change and make yourself happy again. I don't think shrooms will biologically help you but I do think they can give you a good slap in the face a necessary change in perspective. My expereince was terrifying, I sat down to watch enter the void, and was tripping where i was I don't know but watching this scene where a young man gets shot through a bathroom door I saw MY BODY in MY BATHROOM, and where in the movie that I had to watch sober to confirm this, there are 2 cops standing over the body, but while tripping I SAW MY PARENTS, and no, no one can tell me this was some fucked up thought I had that turned into reality or some fucked shit I saw my parents on the screen and I don't know how. I don't know how anything happened in my mind that night, I went upstairs to my bathroom wanting the delerium and confusion and uneasiness to stop, I chugged bud lights trying to puke up anything, I was tripping so hard, my vision would do summersaults and it was cascading everything just was perpetual, I stared into the toilet and the rim would engulf the water, then the water was alll I saw before the rim came back into sight from the center of the water as I kept descending into the never ending rythm of my own vision. at one point I ended up just walking down my road to a freinds house because of something I felt bad about a long time ago, and feeling like I was dying I had to go somewhere and do something right and do everything right from that point on, but this left me feeling afraid to live or think a thought for 2 weeks until I got xanax because I was back at square one wondering what wrong and right is after I thought I knew both didn't exist I thought everything just was, just is, but now feeling as though there actually may be some purpose to all the sentimental feeling and intention in this world and I might actually fucking matter to something some source out in the universe, I might actually be on somethings radar... just how Do I undo all the years of living as if this is all worthless and if my momentary satisfaction is something that is even of importance and how foolish was I to base my interpretation of being successful and happy on something so selfish... instead what the fuck Have I done and what will I do now that I have this insight to make it so the next time i think I am dying I can lay back in peace and know I have nothing to regret in the memory that lasts still in my ever evolving system of being.
Everything just changes. You realize the gaps between your reality and those of other people are so much farther apart than you ever even could imagine, and everything you don't know, all of that space where you have nothing to say or think, that space, those spaces, are just gaps in your perception what really is, gaps in your knowledge, which is not your knowledge but the knowledge, it is from the same source we all tap into universally, universal intelligence the place we are all connected to... the place I have realized and still am realizing I neglected, myself, I neglected myself, because I am a piece a fragment, small as hell, but still surely a fragment of this source so large I can not even contemplate it and never will be able to in this state.
It's something I could talk about all day and never fully capture or portray. My opinion would be if your that far a long into wanting to die and are willing to sacrifice your time of observation on this planet and you are willing to give up this moment then why not eat a mushroom that could possibly change your perspective for the better... that is, if you think it can't get any worse..
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SexyBeezy123
Mellow Yellow



Registered: 07/21/13
Posts: 229
Last seen: 8 years, 3 months
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Mushrooms cured my BF
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circastes
Big Questions Small Head


Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 8,781
Loc: straya
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: Been suicidal for awhile? [Re: iamerror73]
#18860941 - 09/18/13 11:10 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
iamerror73 said: Alright man thanks for the info, I get my benefits soon at work so I can try out some anti-depressants. As for the shrooms, I was planning on growing them myself just because I don't really know anyone who sells them and I can be paranoid about buying. Although I'm told it takes around 8 weeks but I'm not too sure myself if I'll still be here in 8 weeks.
Come on man at least wait it out 'til the mushroom trip. You should be heading into autumn/winter there in US of A, which is when mushrooms grow. Just go hunt some, this site is partially about how to do just that.
Maybe you could really use some human contact too.
Connection with nature.
New interests.
Clean house, good hygiene.
Group activity even if it's just online gaming.
If you have existential quandaries I suggest Eastern philosophy or Ramana Marharshi, of one of these Eastern masters.
-------------------- My solitude... My shield... My armour... TESTED WITH FULL FORCE
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iamerror73

Registered: 09/14/13
Posts: 356
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Whoa dude, that is pretty deep. I think I'll try them just to see if I can get some insight on my life rather than killing myself before possibly knowing what life truly is. I still live in my parents house so doing it at home is not an option right now and I trip waaay too hard while on drugs in someone elses house with their parents home and the only other friend I know that would do drugs with me lives at home as well. I had an idea but I'm not sure if it's a very good one yet. I want to rent a hotel room for 1 night and do a few grams and have a computer, retro video games for nostalgia if they allow me to bring that in and just a room to myself so I can trip balls without having to worry about anyone else. I have pretty good self control but I have never done shrooms before and I'm afraid that if I trip too hard I might leave my room and get myself into shit if someone catches me. I was thinking of inviting the friend along too but I know that we're pretty loud when we're under the influence. Where do you think I should take it for my first time? I'd love outdoors but it's starting to get cold here and I have poor blood circulation so I get cold really easily and I don't think I'd have a very good trip if I was freezing.
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iamerror73

Registered: 09/14/13
Posts: 356
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Re: Been suicidal for awhile? [Re: circastes]
#18861208 - 09/19/13 12:44 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
circastes said:
Quote:
iamerror73 said: Alright man thanks for the info, I get my benefits soon at work so I can try out some anti-depressants. As for the shrooms, I was planning on growing them myself just because I don't really know anyone who sells them and I can be paranoid about buying. Although I'm told it takes around 8 weeks but I'm not too sure myself if I'll still be here in 8 weeks.
Come on man at least wait it out 'til the mushroom trip. You should be heading into autumn/winter there in US of A, which is when mushrooms grow. Just go hunt some, this site is partially about how to do just that.
Maybe you could really use some human contact too.
Connection with nature.
New interests.
Clean house, good hygiene.
Group activity even if it's just online gaming.
If you have existential quandaries I suggest Eastern philosophy or Ramana Marharshi, of one of these Eastern masters.
I dunno man, I think I'd rather grow my own or find a trusted seller than to hunt just because I might mess up and get the wrong shrooms. But yeah, I really need to start hanging with friends more since we've all been busy with work and school. Thank you for all of the suggestions and I shall do my best to keep on top of these things.
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PocketLady



Registered: 01/18/10
Posts: 1,773
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Re: Been suicidal for awhile? [Re: iamerror73]
#18861598 - 09/19/13 04:15 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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I was really quite unhappy and depressed until I reached the grand old age of 22 and tried psychedelics for the first time. I tried mushrooms first in Amsterdam (not the best setting for any inner exploration but it was fun nonetheless). What really changed it for me though was my first mescaline trip a month or so later (you can buy cactus-containing mescaline on the internet). It just made me feel so alive and let me see the beauty in the world again, and I haven't looked back since. Totally transformed my life one bit at a time.
These substances can be amazing medicine, but you do need to get the setting right and you are clearly thinking about that which is great. Hiding from parents is probably not going to lead to a fun time, just because you will be worrying about it. You need to be somewhere where you can totally be yourself with no worries. Psychedelics (mushrooms and mescaline in particular) are also great enjoyed in nature. So if there's any scope for a camping trip I would highly recommend it. Or just a long (4 hour) walk on a sunny day in the countryside.
-------------------- Love is from the infinite, and will remain until eternity. The seeker of love escapes the chains of birth and death. Tomorrow, when resurrection comes, The heart that is not in love will fail the test. ~ Rumi The day we start giving Love instead of seeking Love, we will have re-written our whole destiny. ~ Swami Chinmayanada Saraswatir
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psychotikfuck
Stranger



Registered: 11/03/12
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Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
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Re: Been suicidal for awhile? [Re: iamerror73]
#18862583 - 09/19/13 11:14 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
iamerror73 said: Whoa dude, that is pretty deep. I think I'll try them just to see if I can get some insight on my life rather than killing myself before possibly knowing what life truly is. I still live in my parents house so doing it at home is not an option right now and I trip waaay too hard while on drugs in someone elses house with their parents home and the only other friend I know that would do drugs with me lives at home as well. I had an idea but I'm not sure if it's a very good one yet. I want to rent a hotel room for 1 night and do a few grams and have a computer, retro video games for nostalgia if they allow me to bring that in and just a room to myself so I can trip balls without having to worry about anyone else. I have pretty good self control but I have never done shrooms before and I'm afraid that if I trip too hard I might leave my room and get myself into shit if someone catches me. I was thinking of inviting the friend along too but I know that we're pretty loud when we're under the influence. Where do you think I should take it for my first time? I'd love outdoors but it's starting to get cold here and I have poor blood circulation so I get cold really easily and I don't think I'd have a very good trip if I was freezing.
Please don't trip in a hotel room. You have never experienced what it is like, you could end up really just needing to get out of that room or something and then what do you do? Freak out about all the reasons why you can't because of everyone in and around the building... only place to go is a parking lot. I tripped with my parents home and was wandering around my house at 3 am, 4am, 5 am, just being loud and hoping I would wake them up so they could come and help me or take me to the hospital. I'm pretty sure if they weren't in the house I would have had a completely different trip, becaues the trip revolved around my family life and relationships and gave me much insight into how I have been doing wrong by them all my life. It's like the mushrooms knew my parents were there... and I'm not even exagerrating. Your setting is more important than the amount you ingest in my opinion. Tv's, computers, video games, any electronics that require your input should be off limits. When ever I trip and have to fuck with a tv or anything, a cell phone or whatever, I forget how to use the technology. I don't know what the fuck is what how anything works, I just become completely incompatible with the modern world. If you trip in a hotel, playing video games, on the computer, you are going to put your mind into those things and the shrooms are just going to fuck with your thoughts and your ability to even hold a controller or type a sentance, you really odn't have time for that shit anyways while tripping, the trip directs itself in my experiences, you are literally just there for a ride. anything could happen. and you never think it can until it does.
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circastes
Big Questions Small Head


Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 8,781
Loc: straya
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Yeah it's pretty crazy actually. Research it all like crazy then do a low dose.
Hey if you have friends why don't you open up to them about how you're feeling and what's going wrong with your life? IRL person-to-person discussions of this stuff is bound to be more satisfying and convincing.
-------------------- My solitude... My shield... My armour... TESTED WITH FULL FORCE
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circastes
Big Questions Small Head


Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 8,781
Loc: straya
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: Been suicidal for awhile? [Re: circastes]
#18864768 - 09/19/13 07:47 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Hey psychotikfuck you should say that your experience with mushrooms is pretty consistent with your personality and mental state prior to ingesting. I mean, what you're describing there is pretty intense and may come from your own pretty intense attitude to life or something.
I did mushrooms alone and despite having some psychotic elements already which later was diagnosed as schizophrenia, I managed an extremely positive experience most times. Other times were just neutral and overwhelming.
-------------------- My solitude... My shield... My armour... TESTED WITH FULL FORCE
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psychotikfuck
Stranger



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Re: Been suicidal for awhile? [Re: circastes]
#18864849 - 09/19/13 08:01 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
circastes said: Hey psychotikfuck you should say that your experience with mushrooms is pretty consistent with your personality and mental state prior to ingesting. I mean, what you're describing there is pretty intense and may come from your own pretty intense attitude to life or something.
I did mushrooms alone and despite having some psychotic elements already which later was diagnosed as schizophrenia, I managed an extremely positive experience most times. Other times were just neutral and overwhelming.
my attitude on life isn't really intense. at all.
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zzripz
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Re: Been suicidal for awhile? [Re: iamerror73]
#18866303 - 09/20/13 06:01 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Have you ever talked to anyone about your suicide attempt?...I know how difficult that is for many people, and for good reasons. There can be danger twelling some people this because they want to 'help' you by locking you up!! What happenes then is noone wants to talk about it, and talking about it is THE most important thing. To express what we feel.
I am not sure where you loive, but do they have counselling there where you can get it free? Here--at the MOMENT --it is on the natiional health service. So what would happen is you go to the doc --tell them you want to see a person-centred-counsellor and they book you an appointment that will take several months. On what is on OFFER, which aint much in this fucked up culture, PCC is good because the person you see generally just listens and doesn't try and impose stuff or psychiatric drugs on you. So it gives you a space to share what's on your mind--lettin it out. So this is something to consider. There are also telephone counselors where you can share over the phone--preferably on a number that is free. AND there are forums like this of course. So I encourage you to try all ways to be able to share what you feel so you dont feel isolated with your problems.
I VERY VERY encourage you to take psychedelics as a way for exploring yourself/nature/reality. I think psychedelics are sacred medicine (as they are anciently known) and with love and respect they will deeply help you. I VERY much know what you mean about there not feeling any sanctuary to have these experiences! Ot os a worry, because if your at home and you worry about your parents hearing you etc. And you say its getting cold outside also. Is there a friend who could sit with you--let you use their house. be there for you.
IF not and you feel the only place is your house, I would recommend low dosage, and either do it in the day when people are out...? Or at night, in your space, where your set and setting is to be quiet and listen. TRUST the psychedelic, magic mushrooms and yourself to understand the situation. magical things can happen. Trust. You will also have access to going out into a garden..? if at home but also know you can return and get warm.
Edited by zzripz (09/20/13 06:02 AM)
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