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Anonymous #1

Why do I feel like I've been manipulated?
    #18848524 - 09/16/13 11:01 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Dear Shroomery,

I will try to keep this short and sweet.

I live my life by a inviolable set of rules.

I broke one of my rules by including a female into my group of friends. One of my gay friends introduced me to her; he convinced me that as a lesbian, she "was one of the guys" - so I let her in. Time passes. My gay friend (I'll call him Bill) gets a new boyfriend and our group of friends start to dwindle in numbers. So I'm left with a militant lesbian (I'll call her Lucy) for a friend and I'm kind of angry at Bill for dumping her on me like a stray cat. Time passes. Lucy and I are hanging out a lot more frequently, alone. People begin to ask me if we were a couple and I would laugh it off. Eventually I start developing feelings for her - but I suppress them, move on, and never cross the line. Even though she gave me mixed signals while we were alone and acted like a different person when we're with our friends - I always respected the fact that she was a lesbian, and I never crossed the line.

Time passes. I get a chance to go to a trade school and I disappear for a year. I send her an e-mail (to catch up) and she doesn't respond. I bumped into her a few days ago and she says that she wasn't angry at me and that she wanted to contact me again. So, I send her an e-mail asking her what she's been up to. She tells me that she was doing okay, then she drops a bomb on me - she says she has a boyfriend now, and that she "doesn't want to label herself anymore" because things are going well between them.  She tells me who the guy is - and it is somebody I ignore in public. Somebody she knows I can't stand.

That's the short version of the story.

Why do I feel like I've been manipulated and betrayed?

Why do I feel like I've been played like a video game?

What bothers me the most, is not the fact that she is going out with another guy - what bothers me the most is that she being fucked by a guy I can't stand!

One thing is for certain, I will never break one of my rules again.

I just hope that I don't turn into a misogynist; but I feel like I'm heading down that direction.


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,691
Re: Why do I feel like I've been manipulated? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18848954 - 09/16/13 12:34 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Why do I feel like I've been manipulated and betrayed?



Probably just because you're insecure. Doesn't sound to me like you've been manipulated or played. You just ran into a sexually confused girl, fell in love with her, she didn't fall in love with you and now you feel rejected. And odds are that the person you ignore (the one she's with) you simply hate because he's so much like you.

Get over yourself, bud. This whole thing isn't about the girl being an evil bitch (let alone all women being like that) - this is you running into the stuff life throws at all of us and that you'll have to learn to deal with.

I know it sounds harsh, but it feels wrong to me to tell you that you're right and that they're all out to get you. In reality, the just don't give a fuck about you and it's up to you to find people who do like and appreciate you. And virtually nobody likes a misogynist :wink:


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Anonymous #1

Re: Why do I feel like I've been manipulated? [Re: koraks]
    #18850974 - 09/16/13 07:59 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

OP Here:

Quote:

koraks said:
And odds are that the person you ignore (the one she's with) you simply hate because he's so much like you.





Thanks for the response BTW!

Well I agree with everything you said up until this point. The guy is a sociopath.

We used to be friends, and on the surface he seems like a great guy. It was only after I started to dig into his personality that I discovered his vile nature.


Edited by Anonymous (09/16/13 08:24 PM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: Why do I feel like I've been manipulated? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18851051 - 09/16/13 08:20 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

OP Here:

Quote:

Get over yourself, bud. This whole thing isn't about the girl being an evil bitch (let alone all women being like that) - this is you running into the stuff life throws at all of us and that you'll have to learn to deal with.





Well, I must have a really bad string of luck. This is the first time I have developed feelings for a chick I knew was a lesbian. Usually it's the other way around; I've been finding girls, that think they like guys, but end up liking girls! This has happened to me 6 times already! There were only 3 straight couples that have approached me for cuckholding - but I'm not ready for that.

Maybe it's because I'm quirky, and I like chicks that are sort of... weird? Sometimes I wonder if I'm subconsciously sabotaging my relationships, by unknowingly seeking out gay women so I can avoid intimacy - but that's sort of a stretch!

Quote:

I know it sounds harsh, but it feels wrong to me to tell you that you're right and that they're all out to get you. In reality, the just don't give a fuck about you and it's up to you to find people who do like and appreciate you. And virtually nobody likes a misogynist :wink:




Yeah dude, I know you're right, but it just feels like I'm trapped in a maze. These problems are exacerbated due to the fact that I'm still a virgin! Well sort of, I haven't had sexual intercourse yet. I've mainly used my hands and performed cunnilingus. The few times I've did that it scared me because I thought I was hurting them; they were shaking really crazy and then falling asleep. So that's the most I've done with a woman - and usually sometime after I get to that point - they discover that they're gay.

It's almost predictable.

Is it too much to ask for 1 straight girl to "break me in"?



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Anonymous #2

Re: Why do I feel like I've been manipulated? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18851091 - 09/16/13 08:28 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Is that really what you want? What if you get feelings for her?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Why do I feel like I've been manipulated? [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #18851180 - 09/16/13 08:45 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

OP Here:

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Is that really what you want? What if you get feelings for her?




It would be nice.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Why do I feel like I've been manipulated? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18851226 - 09/16/13 08:54 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

I mean, if you want a girl to "break you in", and so what if she does you and then just walks off and you get feels for her?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Why do I feel like I've been manipulated? [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #18851344 - 09/16/13 09:14 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

OP Here:

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I mean, if you want a girl to "break you in", and so what if she does you and then just walks off and you get feels for her?




Hmmm. Well that would depend on a few things.

If she was clear that she didn't want any strings attached - I would respect that, sack up, and learn as much as I can from her.

I'm 25 years old by the way.


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InvisibleshLong
Male User Gallery


Registered: 03/04/10
Posts: 25,330
Loc: 'sconsin Flag
Re: Why do I feel like I've been manipulated? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18851479 - 09/16/13 09:45 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

shLong here:

Go out and meet a good woman.
Go online and find a crazy chick and have sex with her.
Do nothing and wallow.

You have a million choices, yet you're focusing on what you can't have.

Why?

I don't know the answer, but I'm sure you do... You may have already expressed it.


If you feel you're sabotaging yourself, why?

What's on the horizon for anonymous 1?
Not a fucking thing if you keep driving in this direction.

What is it that you want?
Why can't you get it?
What can you do to get it?


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,691
Re: Why do I feel like I've been manipulated? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18851903 - 09/16/13 11:31 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Ah, I wouldn't complicate matters by supposing you set yourself up for bad luck or anything. Yes, apparently you like quirky girls and simple statistics dictate that it'll take you longer to get laid - they're quirky after all, and most girls are not, so the girls that you're interested in are more scarce to begin with! Don't worry about it too much, every dog has its day :wink:


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OfflineMollyChambers
Stranger
Male

Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 7
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
Re: Why do I feel like I've been manipulated? [Re: koraks]
    #18852555 - 09/17/13 07:20 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

You haven't been manipulated, you "did yourself in" by holding too firmly to the notion that she was lesbian.  Unfortunately you didn't re-evaluate the possibility she might not be a genuine lesbian when she gave you "mixed signals".  Seems like that could have been your in.  I don't think it's uncommon for girls to claim their lesbian when they aren't "true" lesbians.


--------------------
My username is meant to be MollysChambers.  Maybe a mod could change it for me?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Why do I feel like I've been manipulated? [Re: shLong]
    #18852687 - 09/17/13 08:35 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

OP Here:

Quote:

shLong said:
shLong here:

You have a million choices, yet you're focusing on what you can't have.






LOL!

I guess that's human nature? We always want what we can't have.


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InvisibleshLong
Male User Gallery


Registered: 03/04/10
Posts: 25,330
Loc: 'sconsin Flag
Re: Why do I feel like I've been manipulated? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18852742 - 09/17/13 08:55 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Well fucking knock it off before you get an ulcer.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Why do I feel like I've been manipulated? [Re: koraks]
    #18852751 - 09/17/13 08:57 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

OP Here:

Quote:

koraks said:
Ah, I wouldn't complicate matters by supposing you set yourself up for bad luck or anything. Yes, apparently you like quirky girls and simple statistics dictate that it'll take you longer to get laid - they're quirky after all, and most girls are not, so the girls that you're interested in are more scarce to begin with! Don't worry about it too much, every dog has its day :wink:




Thanks! You're right again! :grin:

I never saw it this way until you pointed it out.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Why do I feel like I've been manipulated? [Re: MollyChambers]
    #18852754 - 09/17/13 08:59 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

MollyChambers said:
You haven't been manipulated, you "did yourself in" by holding too firmly to the notion that she was lesbian.




I was just trying to be a gentleman.

I guess you just never know these days.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Why do I feel like I've been manipulated? [Re: shLong]
    #18852759 - 09/17/13 09:00 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

shLong said:
Well fucking knock it off before you get an ulcer.




LOL! :laugh:


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OfflineMagenta
I care!!
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Registered: 06/14/09
Posts: 20,322
Loc: The land of plenty Flag
Last seen: 3 months, 2 hours
Re: Why do I feel like I've been manipulated? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18853450 - 09/17/13 12:57 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Dear Shroomery,

I will try to keep this short and sweet.

I live my life by a inviolable set of rules.

I broke one of my rules by including a female into my group of friends.




Just out of curiosity, what are all your rules?
p.s.
Sorry i couldn't be more helpful; i'd be pissed too, just because she with "That Guy". Every bloke knows a guy as, "That Guy", that guy that you loathe for some reason or another; some men even have several.
Be flattered, she's probably trying to make you jealous. Women do dumb shit like that. Men do dumber shit after this usually; don't be one of them.


--------------------


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Anonymous #1

Re: Why do I feel like I've been manipulated? [Re: Magenta]
    #18854427 - 09/17/13 04:54 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

knightron said:
Quote:

Anonymous said:
Dear Shroomery,

I will try to keep this short and sweet.

I live my life by a inviolable set of rules.

I broke one of my rules by including a female into my group of friends.




Just out of curiosity, what are all your rules?
p.s.
Sorry i couldn't be more helpful; i'd be pissed too, just because she with "That Guy". Every bloke knows a guy as, "That Guy", that guy that you loathe for some reason or another; some men even have several.
Be flattered, she's probably trying to make you jealous. Women do dumb shit like that. Men do dumber shit after this usually; don't be one of them.




Well these are rules that help me lead a stress free and drama free life. Some of these rules are learned from the mistakes of others, and some are from my own past personal experience.

I will only list a few since it would take me hours to go over all of them:

1.) If you are a man alone in a room with a female, keep the door unlocked and ajar. This rule is for the workplace and public events.

2.) I do not talk to the girlfriends of guys I am not on good terms with. This rule is for interpersonal relationships.

3.) I do not date my co-workers. This rule is for the workplace.

4.) When you burn bridges with people, burn them for good. This rule is for professional and interpersonal relationships.

5.) I never go back on a a rule I set for myself.

Just a few you may, or may not find handy! :grin:

*EDIT:

Yeah, don't worry - I'll never be "that guy"!


Edited by Anonymous (09/17/13 04:57 PM)


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OfflineMagenta
I care!!
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Registered: 06/14/09
Posts: 20,322
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Last seen: 3 months, 2 hours
Re: Why do I feel like I've been manipulated? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18855352 - 09/17/13 08:25 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Sounds reasonable. It takes a smart man to learn from his mistakes; but a wise man can learn from other peoples mistakes, Good work. You should make a blog or something and write all you rules. I'd be interested enough to read it.


--------------------


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Anonymous #1

Re: Why do I feel like I've been manipulated? [Re: Magenta]
    #18855569 - 09/17/13 09:22 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

knightron said:
Sounds reasonable. It takes a smart man to learn from his mistakes; but a wise man can learn from other peoples mistakes, Good work. You should make a blog or something and write all you rules. I'd be interested enough to read it.




Thanks! :grin:


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