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Offlinest1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask
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Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816 Flag
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Update: RIP Grandpa; I'm going to miss you)
    #18842986 - 09/15/13 12:08 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I typed up a huge, long post about how important my grandpa is and how I should have talked with him more about the past he bore witness to and what he thinks we should focus on in the future, but I'm sobbing so hard I can barely read the screen of my iPad Mini right now, so...

PLEASE send good vibes to my grandfather and last surviving Grandparent, Eugine Higgins, who is now in North Kansas City hospital.

I can't even begin to explain what he means to me, and he needs to live a few more months even though his heart is failing so that I can at leatst finally hear about the history he bore witness to (including serving nobly and honorably in the US Navy during WW2) and to, perhaps more importantly, hear what he thinks we need to focus on for the future.

He means so much to me and he's dying... WHY THE FUCK IS THIS HAPPENING??!?

God, if you are real, FUCK YOU WITH A MOLTEN BASTARD SWORD YOU SICK FUCK!!!




As a MOTHERFUCKING TRIVIAL aside, when he dies I'm going to be at EEEEXXXTTTTREEEEEEMMMMEEE risk of relapsing on DXM, whether I like it or not. This scares me seriously.

Do you guys think I should get an Ativan or Klinipin prescription to make sure I get through the anxiety without relapsing on DXM?

WHO THE FUCK CARES!?! MY BELOVED Grandfather, a commendable and FUCKING NOBLE veteran and citizen/grandfather, has a failing heart and is dying...

I cannot take this. I literally am sobbing so hard I cannot make out the screen and am touch typing, so I'm just going to hit the submit button and absolutely BESEECH of you guys some good vibes exclusively in my Grandpa's direction.

Please.... I can't take this. I can only imagine what my mom is going through.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


Edited by st1llnox (09/27/13 01:22 AM)


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Offlinest1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask
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Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816 Flag
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18843018 - 09/15/13 12:21 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Right when I was crying most hysterically, a *beautiful* cat came to see me off the street.

He was just a little hesitant at first, but I opened my arms to indicate no harmful intentions/compassion, and the kitty came up and nuzzled against me and let me pet him.

I offered him some pop tart (my comfort food for this present debacle) but he didn't like it. I then managed to get him to sit still outside my house long enough to warm him up a plateful of 1% milk, hoping he's like this better.

He had a couple tastes and then nuzzled up against me a little more, letting me pet him some more.

Then, with me greatly cheered up, he wandered back off into the upper-class suburban night.



What a good kitty. So thoughtful, too.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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OfflineLizard Eyes
Lost Soul
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Registered: 11/26/12
Posts: 1,876
Loc: Right Where I'm supposed ... Flag
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18843020 - 09/15/13 12:23 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote from Little Miss Sunshine, coincidentally this movie deals with the death of a grandpa too.

Quote:

Frank: Yeah. French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he's also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he uh... he gets down to the end of his life, and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, Those were the best years of his life, 'cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn't learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you're 18... Ah, think of the suffering you're gonna miss. I mean high school? High school-those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that.






What Einstein had to say about death

Quote:

"Now Besso has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing. People like us ... know that the distinction between past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion."




Hope that doesn't sound cheesy or anything but I don't know what else to say. Those kinda of thoughts are what help me get through the tough stuff.

:hug: I'm pulling for your gramps, your posts makes me want to change my relationship with my own grandparents. It's been too long since I've had a good long talk with them.


:shineon: :heart: :hug:


--------------------

Every little thing is gonna be alright:heart:  All you need is love :love: Nobody's right, Nobody's wrong, Life's just a game it's just one epic holiday! :peace:


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Offlinesnoot
look alive ∞
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Posts: 9,640
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18843021 - 09/15/13 12:23 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I hope it all works out my man.


--------------------



I am incapable of conceiving infinity, and yet I do not accept finity.
- Simone de Beauvoir -


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Offlineomegafaust
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Registered: 05/29/12
Posts: 1,227
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: snoot]
    #18843038 - 09/15/13 12:30 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I lost my grandfather to a rare fungal skin cancer a couple years ago.  my father left before I knew him and my grandfather was my main father figure
i love that man and his memory is alive in me to this day. 

I wish absolutely the best for your grandfather.  many good vibes. 

if you need someone to talk to, feel free to pm me


--------------------
The Universe has an interesting sense of irony, in that you are the universe experiencing itself.  All you are is a thought.


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Offlinest1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask
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Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816 Flag
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: omegafaust]
    #18843067 - 09/15/13 12:43 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Lizard Eyes said:
Quote from Little Miss Sunshine, coincidentally this movie deals with the death of a grandpa too.

Quote:

Frank: Yeah. French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he's also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he uh... he gets down to the end of his life, and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, Those were the best years of his life, 'cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn't learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you're 18... Ah, think of the suffering you're gonna miss. I mean high school? High school-those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that.






What Einstein had to say about death

Quote:

"Now Besso has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing. People like us ... know that the distinction between past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion."




Hope that doesn't sound cheesy or anything but I don't know what else to say. Those kinda of thoughts are what help me get through the tough stuff.

:hug: I'm pulling for your gramps, your posts makes me want to change my relationship with my own grandparents. It's been too long since I've had a good long talk with them.


:shineon: :heart: :hug:




Thank you SO much. Your post brings my great comfort in this time of great tribulation.

Little Miss Sunshine... 20 years on a book almost nobody reads sound like the Stephen Wolfram (magnum opus) that I'm reading right now.

Almost ironically, your post brings me even further comfort about how SHITTY the last 2 years of my own life have been, even (greatly!) allaying my bad feelings about how I really did waste 2 of my possibly-prime years. I care much more about my Grandpa though and while posterity will not be able to offer him anything for the suffering he's going through, perhaps heaven will seem that much sweeter.

Plus, he had 50 FUCKING YEARS OF MARRIAGE to Katherine Higgins, his astoundingly amazing wife, who left our stratum of the cosmos almost 10 years ago. I'll bet he's pretty damned close to ready to finally kiss his beloved once more...



Your Einstein quote, too, brings me great comfort, especially given my propensity towards intellectualism. It reminds me very much of either Epictetus or Epicurus, who said something along the lines of, "we don't fear nonexistence in the time before we are born, so it is irrational to fear nonexistence in the time after our death".

Between you two replies and that Kitty (an aptly-timed angel or demon of some sort, perhaps) [HOLY SHIT: as I typed that, Kitty has returned and is re-evaluating my offer of warm milk, which I left on the lawn], I'm feeling much better.

Although I'm considering calling in to work tomorrow in favor of spending as many waking moments with my pappy as possible. What do you guys think? Justifiable? I mean, he's my fucking family for judas' sake.

Still... I need at least another month or two with him, as long as that time would see him more as himself and not suffering and in a very mild delirium as he's in right now.

ALTHOUGH MARK MY FUCKING WORDS: The doctor that gives him Haldol/haloperidol LOSES HIS FUCKING TESTICLES, and I will circumcise her if it's a female doctor. 

I'm exhausted and still somewhat downtrodden. Thanks all of you.
Quote:

omegafaust said:
I lost my grandfather to a rare fungal skin cancer a couple years ago.  my father left before I knew him and my grandfather was my main father figure
i love that man and his memory is alive in me to this day. 

I wish absolutely the best for your grandfather.  many good vibes. 

if you need someone to talk to, feel free to pm me




Thank you sooo much. It is supremely meaningful to connect with someone who holds his grandfather in similarly high regard. I will very likely take up your offer on a PM, especially since his death poses a HUGE relapse risk for me.


LIZARD EYES, I need you to do something for me: spend time with your grandfather. As many minutes as you can afford, and more. Learn about his life. Hear and relive his experiences. He will REVEL in getting to share them with someone. And hear what he thinks about what's important for the future.

We, the young, are easily sensationalized and are apt to lose sight of the big-picture. People who's perspective has such longitudinal grounding and who are so inertially insulated from the distractions of sensationalism have more important insights than any of us, even I, can hope to realize.

Spend some time with him. Don't find yourself with your grandfather dying in a hospital bed in a delirium before you get a chance to give him the OPPORTUNITY to share his life with you. There's no greater gift he can bestow you--do not squander your chance to have this. Please.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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Offlinest1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask
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Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816 Flag
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18843074 - 09/15/13 12:47 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

BTW, more good vibes, prayers, and goat sacrifices, if ya'll could.

It would comfort me to know about them to, if you can be bothered to reply :sadyes:


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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InvisibleLe_Canard
The Duk Abides


Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18843079 - 09/15/13 12:50 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I've got the goat sacrifice part covered. But yeah, I hope your grandpa can pull through. With older folks, it's kind of touch and go.


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Offlinest1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask
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Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816 Flag
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: Le_Canard]
    #18843082 - 09/15/13 12:52 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

ToiletDuk said:
I've got the goat sacrifice part covered. But yeah, I hope your grandpa can pull through. With older folks, it's kind of touch and go.




You speak well. I've resigned to the macabre reality that the remainder of his life amounts to as little as several more hours (why I'm tempted to call in) or, at the most (possibly even ignorantly) up to perhaps 6 months.

Even a month or two would be better than amazing. Better than I can hope for, but perhaps the stars will align and the few gods I've encountered will see to it that this comes to pass...


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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InvisibleKilgore Trout
Yachts on the reg

Registered: 07/09/12
Posts: 9,863
Loc: Metro City, USA
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18843087 - 09/15/13 12:59 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I lost both of my grandfathers this year. It sucks, but in my family at least, it brings everyone else closer together.


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Invisiblelessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18843094 - 09/15/13 01:02 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

peace, hope he gets better

having a pet wouldn't hurt, something to be happy for everyday in hard times


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Offlinest1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask
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Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816 Flag
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: lessismore]
    #18843097 - 09/15/13 01:04 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

mio said:
peace, hope he gets better

having a pet wouldn't hurt, something to be happy for everyday in hard times




Maybe it's time to finally get a female rat. Good suggestion, my friend.

Thank you, too, Cannibal. Means a lot. I'm deeply sorry for your loss. I'm glad your family cohesion hasn't been compromised having lost its patriarchs for its respective sides.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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Invisiblemr sniffles
expert textpert


Registered: 06/03/13
Posts: 1,663
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18843145 - 09/15/13 01:42 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

damn, i feel like im so far apart from my family. i only hope i can make money and then try to give them the best life i can give them as possible because they raised me so well. coming from my heart. good vibes to you my man, hope everything works out okay.


--------------------
:likeaboss:


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Offlinest1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask
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Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816 Flag
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: mr sniffles]
    #18843171 - 09/15/13 01:53 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

k3nnyw said:
damn, i feel like im so far apart from my family. i only hope i can make money and then try to give them the best life i can give them as possible because they raised me so well. coming from my heart. good vibes to you my man, hope everything works out okay.




You are a good man. A very good, absolutely resplendent man.

Part of why I'm thinking I'm going to continue on in Computer Science (PhD-wise) rather than philosophy is that I'd start around at least 100 thousand dollars a year rather than closer to 20 or 30 thousand dollars, so that I can make sure that if ANYTHING comes up in my parents old age that I will be able to accommodate and support them, whatever sort of needs may emerge.

They deserve much better than they got from me as of late, and far be it from me to not make sure I do my very best to redeem myself and make sure that whatever they need, they get, be it housing, a luxury retirement community, or whathaveyou.

Thanks again, Kenny. This means so much to me and is a welcome speck of comfort in this sea of tribulation.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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Offlinest1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816 Flag
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18843198 - 09/15/13 02:18 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Bump for more good vibes his direction and because I care more about him than I could possibly care for the parameters of proper shroomery conduct.

I am really scared of the implications this could have concerning a DXM relapse. I need to stay strong.



The cat came back to see me. He had a little more of the milk I left out, if I didn't say this already (I drank a little earlier trying to sleep and take the edge off this).

I was really glad he got to enjoy more of the treat I wanted to give him. He was such a nice kitty.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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Offlinest1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816 Flag
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18843255 - 09/15/13 02:53 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I think that this ungodly, sleep-eluding hour, it's clear I'm not going to be attending work tomorrow (or, to be more correct, today).

Family is more important than any job or career though. Far more important.

I'll be glad to get to spend the day with Eugene.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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Offlineomegafaust
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Registered: 05/29/12
Posts: 1,227
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18843796 - 09/15/13 09:19 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

That's probably a good idea.  Spend every second you can spare with him.  maybe take a recorder to record his stories when you get the chance. 

And try not to relapse man.  think about how your grandpa would feel if he knew or had to see you like that.


--------------------
The Universe has an interesting sense of irony, in that you are the universe experiencing itself.  All you are is a thought.


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InvisibleAdden
I'm a teapot
Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc: Flag
Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: Kilgore Trout]
    #18843806 - 09/15/13 09:24 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Cannibal Concubine said:
I lost both of my grandfathers this year. It sucks, but in my family at least, it brings everyone else closer together.




Fuck off to, um, here.


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InvisibleMagicman69
All About the Benjamins
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Registered: 05/29/13
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: Adden]
    #18843832 - 09/15/13 09:31 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Nox sorry to hear at your grandpa. My only grandparent still alive is a 90 year old grandfather with dementia. He hardly remembers us anymore and refuses to leave his nursing home because he thinks my Dad is trying to kill him :laugh2:. I'm just saying that the quality of life decreases extremely and it is very sad to watch. Sometimes sooner is better.


Edited by Magicman69 (09/15/13 09:31 AM)


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InvisibleVivaLaMushie
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Registered: 07/23/12
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: Magicman69]
    #18843988 - 09/15/13 10:21 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Sorry still.

My grandpa died unexpectedly when I was young, I didn't know him very well but I know when my grandmas time is up, its going to be really hard. She used to rescue me, drive an hour one way to pick me up for countless weekends when my mom would be acting like a psycho.


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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: Magicman69]
    #18844029 - 09/15/13 10:38 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Magicman69 said:
I'm just saying that the quality of life decreases extremely and it is very sad to watch. Sometimes sooner is better.




This is often true. I watched life fade from my father in laws' eyes, 'twas time to go...



:heart: . . . :peace:


--------------------

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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: Magicman69]
    #18844895 - 09/15/13 02:56 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

omegafaust said:
That's probably a good idea.  Spend every second you can spare with him.  maybe take a recorder to record his stories when you get the chance. 

And try not to relapse man.  think about how your grandpa would feel if he knew or had to see you like that.




I will and thanks.I'll think of that when the gelcaps beckon. The recorder is a GREAT idea... I just hope I get the chance.

My dad isn't really wanting to take me to the hopsital so around 5pm, in one hour, I'm really gonna be insistent. I called into work because I couldn't sleep and was in no shape to work (plus I need to spend the time with Grandpa instead).

Quote:

Magicman69 said:
Nox sorry to hear at your grandpa. My only grandparent still alive is a 90 year old grandfather with dementia. He hardly remembers us anymore and refuses to leave his nursing home because he thinks my Dad is trying to kill him :laugh2:. I'm just saying that the quality of life decreases extremely and it is very sad to watch. Sometimes sooner is better.





That is what really got me the other day was seeing him confused and how frustrated he was trying to think of what he wanted to say. I couldn't help but break into tears on my way out of the room.


He's on morphine now which scares the shit out of me, but oddly I'm more comforted that he is in less pain and discomfort.



Scratch that, my dad is taking me now but only for 5 minutes. I guess he's been having so many visitors, as I can attest to, that the doctors are actually worried so it would be selfish to plant myself there.

I warned my dad I still want to spend some period of hours in the next few days to make sure I'm there for him if I can be.


This has been really painful. I hope he's okay but I'm glad he's more comfortable and I hope he gets' again, a second wind for at least a few more weeks of good life.


Thanks all of you. I love this community more than you know.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18845100 - 09/15/13 03:43 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Try not to be so sad, st1ll. This is the process of life.

*hugs*


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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: VivaLaMushie]
    #18845118 - 09/15/13 03:47 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Good vibes nox, hope your granpappy pulls through.


--------------------
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox] * 1
    #18845146 - 09/15/13 03:53 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

im gonna sound like an asshole here but dude you are such a fucking attention whore. I cant take it. you make me want to eat a baby.

oh yeah great idea bro lets just get on benzos so I wont drink myself to death with cough syrup  :facepalm3:


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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18845148 - 09/15/13 03:53 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

My grandfather was a Higgins...I'm not going to read all of that right now St1llnox, but best wishes and positive vibes to everyone.  I'll read when I get off work bud. :peace:

edit: Do you know if you're related to Pinky Higgins of Boston Redsox fame?  He coached Ted Williams and played in the majors himself.  If you're in Kansas (or Kansas City, MO) it's close to my home and the Higgins family I know of.  Maybe we are somewhat related :shrug:


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Edited by thizzlemaniac (09/15/13 03:55 PM)


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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: thizzlemaniac]
    #18845160 - 09/15/13 03:56 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Thanks again both of you.

He was sitting up, pretty well-awake, and eating some good-smelling turkey and mashed potatoes and gravy (albeit struggling).

His nurse assured me they're keeping his pain at bay first and foremost, but that it's not necessarily meaning he's not necessarily headed for hospice type care which is promising.



He loves Ireland so I'm going to paint an irish landscape and bring it to him tomorrow. It will help make his room more cheerful and conducive to him recovering, perhaps.

Quote:

thizzlemaniac said:
My grandfather was a Higgins...I'm not going to read all of that right now St1llnox, but best wishes and positive vibes to everyone.  I'll read when I get off work bud. :peace:




No need to read it... just send some good vibes my Higgins' way. Higgins is from O'Higgins which supposedly can be interpreted historically accurate as meaning "of vikings". Explains how tough my gramps is :wink:

Thanks for your kind words and well wishes. You're one of my favorite posters, Thizzle.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18845188 - 09/15/13 04:05 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Yea my grandpa before he died told us about O'Higgins from Ireland, which was one of the last times I saw him!  He was the best man I ever knew in my life as far as kindness and respectability.  I didn't know about the viking thing tho.  My grandpa smoked cigs from a VERY young age you wouldn't believe me if I told you but he had it hard because of it.  St1ll you get a lot of shit around here but you're a good guy and one of my favs as well.  PM me I'd love to help you thru this :peace:  Gotta go to work though :sad: I'll be in touch either way bud.

Tell me what you know about your background it would be crazy to see we are related in some way :eek:


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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18845209 - 09/15/13 04:12 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

st1ll, remember when I was having some trouble controlling my intake? It's been almost six weeks now since that time I went overboard, and I haven't been tempted to do so again since.

During that time, my uncle died (hardly with any warning) of fourth-stage prostate and spinal cancer.

I didn't relapse. You shouldn't either.

If anything you should have more motivation to watch after your well-being than you did before. One of life's few certainties is that death catches up to us all someday, there is no need to TP his garage before then. Instead you should hungrily pursue the opportunities your grandfather fought to preserve and create for you. That is the only true way to send him good vibes. The rest is hot air.

This is not the excuse you're looking for.



You have a choice between taking on life on your feet or crawling away from it on your belly it like a pathetic worm.


Edited by Sophistic Radiance (09/15/13 04:38 PM)


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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: Sophistic Radiance]
    #18845258 - 09/15/13 04:32 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Try exercising and having a healthy diet. Start slowly if you have to.

Good vibes to you and your grandfather, nox. I'm hoping for the best, whatever that may be.


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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: thizzlemaniac]
    #18845279 - 09/15/13 04:40 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

BlindSophist said:
st1ll, remember when I was having some trouble controlling my intake? It's been almost six weeks now since that time I went overboard, and I haven't been tempted to do so again since.

During that time, my uncle died (hardly with any warning) of fourth-stage prostate and spinal cancer.

I did not relapse. You shouldn't either. If anything you should have more motivation to watch after your well-being than you did before. There is no excuse. Don't be a pussy. :crankynoweed:




Well motherfucking said. I'm proud of you and you know what? If something happens to my grandpa, I'm not going to let that be a relapse risk... I'm going to let that be an opportunity to honor his memory by being good, to MYSELF and TO MY FAMILY :thumbup:

I will honor him, and I will make it past December without DXM.

Hater's gonna hate but fuck em... just shows that at least I'm not a typical, bland, cookie-cutter person.

Quote:

thizzlemaniac said:
Yea my grandpa before he died told us about O'Higgins from Ireland, which was one of the last times I saw him!  He was the best man I ever knew in my life as far as kindness and respectability.  I didn't know about the viking thing tho.  My grandpa smoked cigs from a VERY young age you wouldn't believe me if I told you but he had it hard because of it.  St1ll you get a lot of shit around here but you're a good guy and one of my favs as well.  PM me I'd love to help you thru this :peace:  Gotta go to work though :sad: I'll be in touch either way bud.

Tell me what you know about your background it would be crazy to see we are related in some way :eek:




That must have been a treat hearing that from your Grandpa. The elderly have so much to share... it saddens me to see how so many are content to merely warehouse them. I am not sure on the Viking thing but I do recall having googled it to at least vaguely establish that it indeed has truth or at least a historical link.

That's unfortunate he was a smoker. As I confessed on here, I'm back in the cigs after months of no smoking following a you-know-what-XM revelation. I already know why I can't so no need for psyches... but especially after knowing your grandpa had it hard due to smoking, I'm even more sure that the first thing when I see my GP about this sleep/anxiety will be to get on the patch and get some gum. I can beat this shit too.

I do get a lot of shit, but it means the world to me that I am liked and welcome on here (particularly by the best shroomerites, such as yourself). I finally ignored a guy who's been plaguing the DXM megathread but you'd scarecely believe the shit that came out of his keyboard here, http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/18568006/fpart/29 ; .  And did he have to do this while I'm a little down?

I will PM you and also look more into my lineage... I dare say we're certainly related, albeit with a high degree of separation.

Do you happen to have a lot of relatives in Nebraska, by chance?

Kink Klips also PMed me and has been wonderfully supportive so I wanted to acknowledge him for being such a great person. :thumbup:




My grandpa LOVES Ireland and he's gonna love the painting I'm going to make him. Better do it soon just in case though.


Thanks all of you.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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InvisibleSophistic Radiance
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: Sophistic Radiance]
    #18845321 - 09/15/13 04:55 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

st1llnox said:
Quote:

BlindSophist said:
st1ll, remember when I was having some trouble controlling my intake? It's been almost six weeks now since that time I went overboard, and I haven't been tempted to do so again since.

During that time, my uncle died (hardly with any warning) of fourth-stage prostate and spinal cancer.

I didn't relapse. You shouldn't either.

If anything you should have more motivation to watch after your well-being than you did before. One of life's few certainties is that death catches up to us all someday, there is no need to TP his garage before then. Instead you should hungrily pursue the opportunities your grandfather fought to preserve and create for you. That is the only true way to send him good vibes. The rest is hot air.

This is not the excuse you're looking for.



You have a choice between taking on life on your feet or crawling away from it on your belly it like a pathetic worm.



Well motherfucking said. I'm proud of you and you know what? If something happens to my grandpa, I'm not going to let that be a relapse risk... I'm going to let that be an opportunity to honor his memory by being good, to MYSELF and TO MY FAMILY :thumbup:

I will honor him, and I will make it past December without DXM.

Hater's gonna hate but fuck em... just shows that at least I'm not a typical, bland, cookie-cutter person.




What shows that you're not a typical, bland, cookie-cutter person? That you can go for three months without chugging cough syrup after noticing that it was severely impairing your ability to function in life? I'm sorry, but addiction is unique and interesting the same way a bloody car wreck in the middle of the freeway tends to be eye-catching.

What is the point of this date? What does it prove that you can go for three months without temporarily nullifying your reality? What good will it do if you get back on DXM right before you go back to school?

Please mind you that these are rhetorical questions, not literal requests for more of your usual delusional excuses.


--------------------
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You really are the worst kind of person.



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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: Sophistic Radiance]
    #18845340 - 09/15/13 05:00 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

BlindSophist said:
Quote:

st1llnox said:
Quote:

BlindSophist said:
st1ll, remember when I was having some trouble controlling my intake? It's been almost six weeks now since that time I went overboard, and I haven't been tempted to do so again since.

During that time, my uncle died (hardly with any warning) of fourth-stage prostate and spinal cancer.

I didn't relapse. You shouldn't either.

If anything you should have more motivation to watch after your well-being than you did before. One of life's few certainties is that death catches up to us all someday, there is no need to TP his garage before then. Instead you should hungrily pursue the opportunities your grandfather fought to preserve and create for you. That is the only true way to send him good vibes. The rest is hot air.

This is not the excuse you're looking for.



You have a choice between taking on life on your feet or crawling away from it on your belly it like a pathetic worm.



Well motherfucking said. I'm proud of you and you know what? If something happens to my grandpa, I'm not going to let that be a relapse risk... I'm going to let that be an opportunity to honor his memory by being good, to MYSELF and TO MY FAMILY :thumbup:

I will honor him, and I will make it past December without DXM.

Hater's gonna hate but fuck em... just shows that at least I'm not a typical, bland, cookie-cutter person.




What shows that you're not a typical, bland, cookie-cutter person? That you can go for three months without chugging cough syrup after noticing that it was severely impairing your ability to function in life? I'm sorry, but addiction is unique and interesting the same way a bloody car wreck in the middle of the freeway tends to be eye-catching.

What is the point of this date? What does it prove that you can go for three months without temporarily nullifying your reality? What good will it do if you get back on DXM right before you go back to school?

Please mind you that these are rhetorical questions, not literal requests for more of your usual delusional excuses.




I'll take you off ignore in about 6 months on the off chance there's anything you have to say worth hearing.


Take a look at what this thread is about, and then ask yourself why the fuck you would choose that time, that thread to say potentially hurtful (if I held you in any significant regard, which if I did, I do no longer) things and give what is actually not at all useful input.

Not at all useful... this was just you indulging in being an asshole to someone on the internet.





Anyway, I'm "proud" right now on my mood here because my grandpa is TOUCH. :thumbup:


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18845351 - 09/15/13 05:03 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah, way more indulgent than haughtily telling off somebody you just put on ignore. :shake:


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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18845596 - 09/15/13 06:02 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah.. so just auto ignore anyone that offers you good advice because it doesn't jibe well with your ego. That's productive :rolleyes:

I wish your grandpa well. But man, life is full of struggles. People die, and people suffer. You need to learn sooner or later, that not everything is peaches and rainbows. And death is no excuse to be destructive. Death is a natural part of the cycle of life.

If you don't want to invite so much criticism, then don't act so full of it, because you literally beg for it.
You have this symptom where everyone who disagrees with you must be wrong or insane. That's bad juju. And ignoring people isn't going to make it easier. Especially cool people.


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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: Shroomism]
    #18845701 - 09/15/13 06:21 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Sorry to hear of your misfortune.  We can still have hope and I hope you will be okay.


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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: mpd]
    #18845800 - 09/15/13 06:45 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Shroomism said:
Yeah.. so just auto ignore anyone that offers you good advice because it doesn't jibe well with your ego. That's productive :rolleyes:

I wish your grandpa well. But man, life is full of struggles. People die, and people suffer. You need to learn sooner or later, that not everything is peaches and rainbows. And death is no excuse to be destructive. Death is a natural part of the cycle of life.

If you don't want to invite so much criticism, then don't act so full of it, because you literally beg for it.
You have this symptom where everyone who disagrees with you must be wrong or insane. That's bad juju. And ignoring people isn't going to make it easier. Especially cool people.




That's why I'm just temporarily ignoring her while I'm under so much other stress.

While my temper may have clouded there (probably did, in fact), she offered nothing I hadn't heard before or at least nothing good and workable. While what you're saying about me isn't within the scope of your aforementioned peaches and rainbows, it is good criticism and was delivered much more tactfully. I appreciate your input, Shroomism.

At a certain point, I don't care about inviting criticism but especially with my compensatory ego (read: "full of it"-ness) and such, I really do need to self-monitor and work on being a better member of this community, which you can rest assured I'll be doing.

Again, thanks for your input. :thumbup:

Quote:

mpd said:
Sorry to hear of your misfortune.  We can still have hope and I hope you will be okay.




Thanks mpd. This reminds me I forgot to mention you and timethyl (sp?) in my favorite shroomerites thread, but you're certainly in that category and I appreciate you.

I will continue to keep my hopes up but with respect to the sometimes cruel but certainly natural progression of life.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18845885 - 09/15/13 07:08 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Tmethyl and his wife Boo-Boo Kittyfuck are the real deal.  Shirt off their backs on good growing advice.  I can think of a lot of worse things than being his apprentice for a few months and squeeze him dry.  LOL!


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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: mpd]
    #18847297 - 09/16/13 12:44 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

good vibes being sent twards yer whole family bro!!

also, dood, seriously man, if its a relapse risk, use your resources!! there are MANY people here who care about you,I'm sure you have many in IRL who can help support you along with us to keep you from relapse man. best of luck and :pm: if ya ever need a friend:peace::sun:


--------------------
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:aweyeah::trippinbawelz::awecid:
.         



         
             
             
                                              :redneck::tentjump:                         :hole:


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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also [Re: the mad machinest]
    #18847309 - 09/16/13 12:47 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

the mad machinest said:
good vibes being sent twards yer whole family bro!!

also, dood, seriously man, if its a relapse risk, use your resources!! there are MANY people here who care about you,I'm sure you have many in IRL who can help support you along with us to keep you from relapse man. best of luck and :pm: if ya ever need a friend:peace::sun:




Thank you, brother. This DXM thing is more about proving to myself I can do it than proving I can do it because I need to, but that's what an addict would say and I was certainly addicted earlier this summer.

I'm much more concerned about my Grandpa and relatives right now though, especially my Mom (it's her Dad), and your vibes are deeply appreciated my friend.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
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Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also [Re: st1llnox]
    #18861313 - 09/19/13 01:17 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

He's moved to hospice.

My mom says in front of me (when I said I wanted to paint an Ireland landscape for him) to wait till he's back home since it's so small there.

In front of my grandpa, my mom says "if" he goes home.

My dad says that nobody actually thinks he's going to go home. It's just a possibility.




:sad:

Thanks for the support, vibes, and prayers to the great nonexistent tyrant.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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InvisibleCosmicJokeM
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18861403 - 09/19/13 01:56 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

While I don't think we can send good vibes that will actually help your grandfather, all we can do is remind you that ultimately you'll need to make peace with whatever happens.  Draw strength from your pappy, I'm sure you need it more now than he does.


--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.


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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: CosmicJoke]
    #18861427 - 09/19/13 02:05 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

CosmicJoke said:
While I don't think we can send good vibes that will actually help your grandfather, all we can do is remind you that ultimately you'll need to make peace with whatever happens.  Draw strength from your pappy, I'm sure you need it more now than he does.




Edit: Thanks. I still hope he gets better.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


Edited by st1llnox (09/19/13 02:10 AM)


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Offlinelifeiswhatyoumake
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18861437 - 09/19/13 02:11 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Family is all you have in life, that's why you should care for 'em.

And there are always going to be relapse risks, that's what happens when you have an addiction; you need to just say no.  It'll get easier over time.


--------------------
:rave::rave::rave: I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ; :raver2::raver2::raver2::raveface:


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InvisibleCosmicJokeM
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18861451 - 09/19/13 02:18 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

st1llnox said:
Quote:

CosmicJoke said:
While I don't think we can send good vibes that will actually help your grandfather, all we can do is remind you that ultimately you'll need to make peace with whatever happens.  Draw strength from your pappy, I'm sure you need it more now than he does.




Edit: Thanks. I still hope he gets better.




I know man... Ultimately though, try to focus on whatever is best for him  Hang in there dude.


--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.


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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: CosmicJoke]
    #18897068 - 09/27/13 01:25 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

He's never going to call me "Laddie" again, an Irish slang term for little boy. (I was his first male grandchild).

He's never going to teach the younger grandchildren about Ireland again either.

He's never going to wear his all-green suit and fedora to the Snake Saturday Parade again, either.



My Grandpa died last night in his sleep. He snuck out of this world while the nurses made my Aunt and Mom leave the room briefly to attend to him. He didn't want them there when he died and regretted them seeing him that way.



I had wanted to paint him a painting but then his eyesight failed.

I then started writing him a song, but before I finished his cognition and understanding failed.

Before I could visit him again, he died.




I'm going to miss you Grandpa. I love you and admire you more than you'll ever know.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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OfflineManianFHS
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18897099 - 09/27/13 01:35 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Sorry for your loss man. RiP


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."


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OfflineSprewellSleeve
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: ManianFH]
    #18897122 - 09/27/13 01:41 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Sorry, man.

R.I.P.


--------------------


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InvisibleSham87
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18897140 - 09/27/13 01:45 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Sorry for your loss Stilly. I hope you and your family dwell on the positive instead of your loss.


--------------------
:mushroom2::sun::crazy2::leaf:




...once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest places if you look at it right...



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Offlineleon trout
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: SprewellSleeve]
    #18897152 - 09/27/13 01:49 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

tough break man, hang in there... sorry for yr loss...


--------------------
I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I’m more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.” 
  ~ St. Jerome of Marin
:gd_icon:the bus come by & i got on, that's when it all began:gd_icon:



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InvisibleNiffla
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: leon trout]
    #18897322 - 09/27/13 03:11 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

So very sorry, st1llnox. I've been through this and know what you're feeling right now.


--------------------


HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


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Invisiblerulesq
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18897348 - 09/27/13 03:28 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

My condolences, St1ll.. Been there.

Me and my sis watched our grandpa die in a hospital..

He was suffering from alzheimer's and had a heart attack, then taken to a hospital where he had another heart attack and after that the doctors decided to give a DNR..

So this one Sunday morning my sister called me and told me that it would be a good time to go and see him while he's still around, and so we got there, and when we saw him, his eyes were closed but then he opened them and was clearly very happy to see us, tried to talk but he couldn't because of the oxygen mask, and heavy medication.

We just stood there, both of us crying, talked to him, and then suddenly I turned to my sister to say something, can't remember what, but we talked for a bit, until suddenly the nurse mumbled something, me and my sis turned to see grandpa, and when I looked into his eyes, I immediately saw that he was going to go. I'd like to think that he struggled to stay alive until someone came to see him, and when we arrived there, he was ready to go

That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. My mom and my aunt were both on their way back from a holiday or something, and we kept calling back and forth on the situation, until I called for the last time and told them there's no need to rush anymore, he's gone. They came like 5 minutes too late..

I'm just glad me and my sis were there for him, so he didn't have to be alone when he died..

Again, my condolences :hug:


--------------------



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Invisiblevolcomstoner
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: Sham87]
    #18897359 - 09/27/13 03:35 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Sham87 said:
Sorry for your loss Stilly. I hope you and your family dwell on the positive instead of your loss.



QFT
Really sorry to hear about this man, it really is a shitty thing to go through.

May he RIP.


--------------------

HAIL SATAN

Vas donc jouer dans le traffic


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OfflineKonyap

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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: volcomstoner]
    #18897360 - 09/27/13 03:36 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

volcomstoner said:
Quote:

Sham87 said:
Sorry for your loss Stilly. I hope you and your family dwell on the positive instead of your loss.



QFT
Really sorry to hear about this man, it really is a shitty thing to go through.

May he RIP.




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InvisibleAsante
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18897430 - 09/27/13 04:53 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Prayer sent :hug:

For you it is a great loss, you're bereft of the love of your grandfather, but for him, it was time to go, he needed to move on. Life is a cycle, he was ready for the next step. His soul lives on.

st1llnox, make sure to eat well and sleep well.  Allow yourself to feel the hurt, dont block it and dont lkose yourself in drugs. This is a big blow, a load of stress upon your mental equilibrium, handle yourself with the care and love you deserve  :heart:





--------------------
Omnicyclion.org
higher knowledge starts here


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InvisibleVivaLaMushie
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: Konyap]
    #18897458 - 09/27/13 05:31 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

RIP Grandpa St1llnox.


--------------------


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Offlineomegafaust
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: Asante]
    #18897468 - 09/27/13 05:45 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Cherish the memories St1ll, he still lives on in your heart.  Listen to Wiccan's advice, you gotta stay healthy.

when my grandpa passed his childrem and I would sit around and talk about all the great things he had done..  its a good release.

i would love to hear more about the man your grandpa was if you would like to talk.


--------------------
The Universe has an interesting sense of irony, in that you are the universe experiencing itself.  All you are is a thought.


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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: omegafaust]
    #18898396 - 09/27/13 12:04 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Thanks for all the condolences and well wishes everyone. I really, really appreciate it.



Quote:

rulesq said:
My condolences, St1ll.. Been there.

Me and my sis watched our grandpa die in a hospital..

He was suffering from alzheimer's and had a heart attack, then taken to a hospital where he had another heart attack and after that the doctors decided to give a DNR..

So this one Sunday morning my sister called me and told me that it would be a good time to go and see him while he's still around, and so we got there, and when we saw him, his eyes were closed but then he opened them and was clearly very happy to see us, tried to talk but he couldn't because of the oxygen mask, and heavy medication.

We just stood there, both of us crying, talked to him, and then suddenly I turned to my sister to say something, can't remember what, but we talked for a bit, until suddenly the nurse mumbled something, me and my sis turned to see grandpa, and when I looked into his eyes, I immediately saw that he was going to go. I'd like to think that he struggled to stay alive until someone came to see him, and when we arrived there, he was ready to go

That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. My mom and my aunt were both on their way back from a holiday or something, and we kept calling back and forth on the situation, until I called for the last time and told them there's no need to rush anymore, he's gone. They came like 5 minutes too late..

I'm just glad me and my sis were there for him, so he didn't have to be alone when he died..

Again, my condolences :hug:




I know how you feel. That's beautiful man. Extremely sad and I'm crying my eyes out reading it (you poked a hole in my defenses grrr :shakefist: lol) but man that is beautiful. I'm so happy he got to go in the presence of people who truly loved him and it doesn't matter when people've lost their ability to communicate--their eyes really do tell it.

I'm trying to decide how fucking evil I should feel that I didn't go see him once his last 3 days alive. Now that he's gone, the family did kind of admit that they didn't think he'd be able to hear or understand if I did finish and sing him the song, but my mom said one of the last things he heard was that me and my brother can't be there but that we love him and he noticeably perked up.

He liked his Grandkids. I hope I can be so much like him someday. Thinking of it like that, I'm not crying anymore actually, although I'm sure I would for you if I read your story again. You and your sister are good family.


Quote:

Wiccan_Seeker said:
Prayer sent :hug:

For you it is a great loss, you're bereft of the love of your grandfather, but for him, it was time to go, he needed to move on. Life is a cycle, he was ready for the next step. His soul lives on.

st1llnox, make sure to eat well and sleep well.  Allow yourself to feel the hurt, dont block it and dont lkose yourself in drugs. This is a big blow, a load of stress upon your mental equilibrium, handle yourself with the care and love you deserve  :heart:








I'll definitely work on taking care of myself. I hope his soul live on and that he's with my grandma. You're right that it was his time to go though and he hated having to be seen so weak and frail. He was a man of great dignity. Your words bring me great comfort.

I'm pretty sure I'm just kind of in a daze right now. The funeral's Monday and I think that's when it's gonna get real. I drank last night which wasn't super healthy but it wasn't cause of this (I don't think). That said, maybe I'll cancel my weed order as I'm afraid I'll run away into the fog when my mom really needs me and I need to feel the pain to accept this.

My mom said I can probably be a pallbearer if I can handle it and I really, really want to but I'll have to process if I'm going to be able to do it without breaking down.

You're a really good guy, Wiccan. This song is hauntingly beautiful and sounds very Irish. I think he would have liked it (or does, but if he does right now his ghost better freakin' not stalk the rest of my posts :lol: ). Song's almost too sad but it's so beautiful.

Quote:

omegafaust said:
Cherish the memories St1ll, he still lives on in your heart.  Listen to Wiccan's advice, you gotta stay healthy.

when my grandpa passed his childrem and I would sit around and talk about all the great things he had done..  its a good release.

i would love to hear more about the man your grandpa was if you would like to talk.





Thank you and I'll work on that. Dinner last night was half a bottle of Gin, famous amos cookies, a 2 liter bottle of soda and some tootsie pops.

Gonna turn that around. Make him proud.

He was an incredible hard worker above everything else. Went through 2 entire careers supporting his family and 6 kids. Retired from one, started another and then retired. He even got side jobs when necessary.



I hope he's with my grandma now. That's another thing I really, really admire about him: they were married 50 years and raised 6 kids.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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Invisiblerulesq
Bad Mogambo
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Registered: 05/10/13
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18898442 - 09/27/13 12:14 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Man, don't beat yourself up for not going to see him. He knew you loved him..

I know it sucks but fuck it, he definitely feels a lot better now and he wouldn't want you to feel sorry for that :hug:


--------------------



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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: rulesq]
    #18898468 - 09/27/13 12:23 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

rulesq said:
Man, don't beat yourself up for not going to see him. He knew you loved him..

I know it sucks but fuck it, he definitely feels a lot better now and he wouldn't want you to feel sorry for that :hug:





Thanks dude. I have a lot of guilt to come to terms with.

I missed 4th of July cause I was wandering the 3rd plateau of the Dextroverse.

I smoked K2 the last 3 Christmas he was alive and apparently got somewhat inappropriate.

At the last cookout of his I ever got to go to (which I'm glad I got to go to!), I smoked weed behind the shed. Honestly that one I hardly have a problem with at all as weed's a good thing, but I don't think he would have liked it and I think it would have been better to fully enjoy my family.

IDK if I'm overreacting but I feel soooo guilty :frown:


I don't think he'd want me to feel bad though.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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Offlinedrkkenny
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Update: RIP Grandpa; I'm going to miss you) [Re: st1llnox]
    #18898474 - 09/27/13 12:26 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Well my grandpa served in Vietnam and died there. I didn't realize until I was 6 that he was actually alive after the war. He made it back after and while be thought dead by everyone else was infact hiding in a place of refuge for shelter. I remember he sent me a message that the grandeur I associated with everything my grandpa did was a mistake, that in some ways that message was mistakenly associating him with something bigger than he really was, that perhaps it was suppose to be sent to an Roman Emperor. I later discovered that he actually first was persuaded into joining the war because his brother said it would be good. He didn't join until a year after he first told him though, though his friend had actually joined before he did. His friends uncle also decided to join the army for awhile, but he didn't last long out there. My grandpa always told us that the future consists of disengaging various elements of uncertainty from ever venturing out of us, and instead to surmount the uncertain notion revealed from signals in space, and to perhaps engage the element that would allow you to view your future and conclude your opinion on it. I suppose you shouldn't allow your grandpa to rule over you by your thinking he has something that you don't, as if your grandpa has somehow been blessed with a gift that you yourself will never have, and as if in the gesture signalng the direct indiciation that you yourself abandoned your grandpas ancient wisdom to transfer to a zoo that replaceed the war area after Pearl Harbor, and though my uncle said that. After it happened we remembered that he always reminded us that he was planning on coming back sometime, that he wanted to leave the war and be back home, but he knew that the war was demanding much of his attention, and thus, would never have the opportunity to come back.


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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Update: RIP Grandpa; I'm going to miss you) [Re: drkkenny]
    #18898495 - 09/27/13 12:33 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Well my grandpa served in Vietnam and died there. I didn't realize until I was 6 that he was actually alive after the war. He made it back after and while be thought dead by everyone else was infact hiding in a place of refuge for shelter. :shocked:

I remember he sent me a message that the grandeur I associated with everything my grandpa did was a mistake, that in some ways that message was mistakenly associating him with something bigger than he really was, that perhaps it was suppose to be sent to an Roman Emperor. :confused:

I later discovered that he actually first was persuaded into joining the war because his brother said it would be good. He didn't join until a year after he first told him though, though his friend had actually joined before he did. His friends uncle also decided to join the army for awhile, but he didn't last long out there.

My grandpa always told us that the future consists of disengaging various elements of uncertainty from ever venturing out of us, and instead to surmount the uncertain notion revealed from signals in space, and to perhaps engage the element that would allow you to view your future and conclude your opinion on it.'

I suppose you shouldn't allow your grandpa to rule over you by your thinking he has something that you don't, as if your grandpa has somehow been blessed with a gift that you yourself will never have, and as if in the gesture signalng the direct indiciation that you yourself abandoned your grandpas ancient wisdom to transfer to a zoo that replaceed the war area after Pearl Harbor, and though my uncle said that. :shrug:


After it happened we remembered that he always reminded us that he was planning on coming back sometime, that he wanted to leave the war and be back home, but he knew that the war was demanding much of his attention, and thus, would never have the opportunity to come back.




I reformatted this so people don't just see a textwall and skip over it. Thanks for sharing your story.


My grandfather was a Sailor in the Navy. Did something with airplanes, if not actually flying them.

He didn't like to talk about it though, even to his kids. That's how you know they were really part of the war.

BTW, me and Vinsue are saving up to buy you an Enter key, DrkKenny :douchewink: :hug:


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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Eugine Higgins). Also, this is a relapse risk. [Re: st1llnox]
    #18898702 - 09/27/13 01:22 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

:hug:


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Invisiblerulesq
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Update: RIP Grandpa; I'm going to miss you) [Re: st1llnox]
    #18898716 - 09/27/13 01:28 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I know your emotions are probably a one big mess atm, but trust me, it gets better. First there's sorrow, then there's memories, which you'll always have.. Embrace them, the sooner you do that, the sooner you'll feel better :hug:

I felt so bad when my grandpa died, I spent every summer vacation with him when I was a kid, and I was kind of like the son he never had.. Then, I turned 12, 13, 14, 15 and year by year I spent less time with him, no phone calls no nothing. I only saw him on birthdays etc, and even then it was always pretty briefly as I was always going somewhere..

When he died, I felt so bad because we didn't spend that much time together, and it took me a while to realize that it's only normal, especially when you start smoking pot and taking drugs as a teenager, like I did.

The important thing is, that we spent so many great moments together, and that's something no one can take away from me/couldn't take away from him.

That's something I'll always have in my heart.


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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: Please send my Grandfather good vibes and prayers (Update: RIP Grandpa; I'm going to miss you) [Re: rulesq]
    #18898730 - 09/27/13 01:30 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

The important thing is, that we spent so many great moments together, and that's something no one can take away from me/couldn't take away from him.

That's something I'll always have in my heart.




Thank you, man. Some things are never lost, are they? :smile:

Thanks too, Sheekle.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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