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Invisiblememes
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Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
*~TMI~* That really BAD night time surprise
    #18831311 - 09/12/13 06:41 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

So you're sick.  You've been down for a few days now, feeling shitty in general.  Was it food poisoning?  Was it a cold or the flu?  Who knows - and at this point - who cares.  Food consumption has been minimized, fluids have been maximized, and the only things filling your time are sleep shit and showers.  So last night you decide to go to bed.  Shit, you're tired.  Why not?!  When you're not going in to work, there is no point in keeping a schedule.  Sleep when you need to, it helps the recovery!  So you lay down, fall asleep, and proceed to rest.

Sometime in the middle of the night, you wake up.  This isn't an oddity - you rarely make it through the night - so you think nothing of it.  The top of your ass crack itches.  You scratch it.  Shit seems wet.  Weird at first, but nothing to be alarmed about.  Not only is your sense of touch all discombobulated when you first wake up, but you are sick after all - night sweats aren't uncommon in the slightest. 

But.  Ya know.  Something just doesn't seem right.  You're not covered in that usual sweaty sheen that exists when you're ill and in bed.  You decide to test the waters.  You take a quick two fingers and run 'em through the slot, credit card style.  Man.  What the fuck?  Shits wet.  Was that a dingleberry?  WTF.  At this point, you're really confused.  None of this is making any sense.  You say fuck it, pinch the solid object wedged in your ass crack, and pull it out.  In the dim light of the predawn glow you see that it is in fact a dark-colored object.  You pull it close, take a whiff.  No smell.  What in the true fuck.  True confusion ensues. 

Fuck it.  Lets get to the bottom of this.  Get out of bed, walk to the bathroom, turn on the lights.  You sharted in your sleep.

:yeahthatsright:





It's slowly coming back now.  A brief period of waking, just long enough to squeeze out that wet fart that had been building in your sleep.  An immediate return to a deep sleep.  Ahhhh, fuck.  Wash hands.  Go sit on toilet.  Whipe ass.  What the FUCK.  Apparently your wet fart was really just a highly-diluted shit.  Mostly water, but had made it ALL over the asscrack.  Certainly this couldn't have been contained to your ass.  Such a wet and leaky experience must be all over the bed, yes?

No.  One small wet spot (maybe the size of a nickel) from where you moved over to get out of bed to go to the bathroom.  Remove sheets, remove cover from comforter, remove pillowcase.  Throw in middle of floor.  Grab extras.  Pass back out.









What a fucking night.

:thisfuckinguy:


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OfflineSoulidarity
With Your Halo Slippin . . .
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Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 17,617
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Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: *~TMI~* That really BAD night time surprise [Re: memes]
    #18831345 - 09/12/13 07:05 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I only read the last part about you bluffing a turtle neck and losing. Damn that sucks. No one likes to shit their ass, especially when you get trapped into it. You win some and you lose some I guess!


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R.I.P. WoodRuss67, Todcasil, TheMerryIguana, The Rompus, Lord Senate.
[/url]


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InvisibleNiffla
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Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,485
Loc: Texas
Re: *~TMI~* That really BAD night time surprise [Re: memes]
    #18831353 - 09/12/13 07:10 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I'd really like to post something encouraging right now, like "it could have been worse", or "hey buddy don't worry it happens to the best of em'", but...I'll just go ahead and post a graemlin that sums up my thoughts on your night.

:girlofdisapproval:


--------------------


HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


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Invisiblememes
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Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
Re: *~TMI~* That really BAD night time surprise [Re: Niffla]
    #18831355 - 09/12/13 07:11 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

:smile:

It was fun, i suppose.  I thought about just never telling anyone ever.  Then i figured:  why not!  The laundering will take an hour.  Not a bad downside to a good story.


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OfflineSalnugs
A NUG OF ?
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Registered: 06/16/12
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Re: *~TMI~* That really BAD night time surprise [Re: memes]
    #18831373 - 09/12/13 07:20 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

This has happened more than. 1 time


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I was entering alien ships and walking the walls of my brain , To say the least.


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InvisibleNiffla
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Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,485
Loc: Texas
Re: *~TMI~* That really BAD night time surprise [Re: memes]
    #18831374 - 09/12/13 07:22 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

memes said:
:smile:

It was fun, i suppose.  I thought about just never telling anyone ever.  Then i figured:  why not!  The laundering will take an hour.  Not a bad downside to a good story.




True that, broski. 5 mushrooms for you for surviving the night.


--------------------


HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


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Invisiblememes
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Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
Re: *~TMI~* That really BAD night time surprise [Re: Niffla]
    #18831380 - 09/12/13 07:26 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

:awebig:  thanks friends.


I figured a "shitting the bed" story would garnish more attention here in the Pub.  Maybe its a good thing that it hasn't :bashful:


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InvisibleNiffla
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Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,485
Loc: Texas
Re: *~TMI~* That really BAD night time surprise [Re: memes]
    #18831383 - 09/12/13 07:28 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

And that was a good story by the way. Well written. Had me laughing.


--------------------


HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


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Invisiblerulesq
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Registered: 05/10/13
Posts: 5,317
Loc: Суомалиа
Re: *~TMI~* That really BAD night time surprise [Re: Niffla]
    #18831385 - 09/12/13 07:29 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Judging by the thread title, I really wasn't expecting a story of an unexpectedly wet fart :lol:

Oh well, at least it wasn't a poonami :shrug:


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Invisiblememes
Blessed


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
Re: *~TMI~* That really BAD night time surprise [Re: Niffla]
    #18831394 - 09/12/13 07:32 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Niffla said:
And that was a good story by the way. Well written. Had me laughing.



If you like my writing style, you may enjoy my previous writeup:  "The Mind of an Introvert:  Passing an attractive woman on the street"

http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/18737961#18737961


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InvisibleshLong
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Registered: 03/04/10
Posts: 25,330
Loc: 'sconsin Flag
Re: *~TMI~* That really BAD night time surprise [Re: rulesq]
    #18831399 - 09/12/13 07:34 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Never trust a fart when you're sick, bruv.


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
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Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: *~TMI~* That really BAD night time surprise [Re: shLong]
    #18831628 - 09/12/13 08:51 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

shLong said:
Never trust a fart when you're sick, bruv.



:lolsy:

Truer words were never spoken.


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