|
Some of these posts are very old and might contain outdated information. You may wish to search for newer posts instead.
|
unperfed
Stranger
Registered: 09/11/13
Posts: 3
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
|
lsd and the subconscious, can it be believed?
#18827456 - 09/11/13 11:58 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
First time poster here with a recent trip experience that was most intense and I need to put it out there. First some background, WM, early 40s, normal job/family, etc. In late teens and early 20s I tripped hundreds of times on mostly lsd and psilocybin. Over the last 10 years I have tripped occasionally on san pedro teas. Recently I crossed paths with some high quality unperfed blotter. I took three trips on this lsd over the course of 3 weeks, each trip was dosed at approx 500+- mics in natural settings. All three trips were very strong, mystical, useful, and worthy-- reminiscent of many of the early lsd trips I took in the last 1980s. However the fourth and final trip I took on this same lsd produced the classic bad trip. I am no stranger to bad trips and normally accept the power of the drug to magnify the bad feelings b/c in the back of my mind I always knew it was the drug. But this bad trip took me to an entirely different experience than ever encountered. Here is what happened.
Ingested approx 300mics of lsd. Within 45 minutes some minor anxiety/sweating start. 90 minutes post ingestion the anxiety is increasing and much more than previous higher dose trips. At approx 2.5 hours post ingest the feeling reach a critical stage of anxiety and I tell my wife what is happening. She comforts me and soothes as would be typical for somebody having intense reaction. I start babbling about bad trips, describing hoffmans classic experience, previous bad trips, etc. My wife listens and comforts me, I lean my head down and close my eyes as a particularly strong wave of lsd washes over. I hear myself telling my wife about a memory I occasionally think about over the years--the memory was from approx 12 years of age, walking across a dark golf course with a stranger coming up behind me. As I have always remembered this memory in the past, nothing happened i.e. the stranger's path simply was nearing me but we never encountered. But while under this lsd I heard myself tell me wife as a massive rush of emotions overwhelmed me that this stranger had raped me. I then began sobbing while saying how ashamed I felt. Note I am normally very logical (INTP) with limited emotional showing so this was very out of character.
Needless to say this trip was a shock to me. Once I came down I immediately began to challenge the memory as false, first by saying I did not actually remember being raped, then by saying my original (non rape) memory was correct. Doing quite a bit of soul searching and research this last week on false memories, sexual assault denial, lsd and memory etc.
My wife feels I should talk with a therapist and I am open to that but also reluctant since I am a very private person. I basically have concluded the rape 1)happened and was repressed 2)did not happen but the night formed as a key memory due to classic stranger from behind moment 3)lsd created an "archetype" but false memory tied to this dark night memory where all my childhood fears and pain were lumped into this one moment.
I am a big believer in the power of lsd to do things that will never be explained by logic or rationale, and that it is one of the most powerful molecules our minds can encounter. Not sure I will ever be able to determine whether what this trip meant but obviously I have to put it up with some of the most profound (but possibly misleading) trips I have ever taken. So, just wanted to get that off my chest as in this anonymous format I can relate what happened. thank you
|
Agentchewy
Pantheism.


Registered: 12/12/12
Posts: 3,960
Loc: vietnam
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
|
Re: lsd and the subconscious, can it be believed? [Re: unperfed]
#18827663 - 09/11/13 12:48 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
Sounds like delusion, I've had delusions where I believe I severely hurt myself, or that I took way too much of the substance and that I am stuck in a breakthrough which to this day I have flashbacks of this. If wanting we can't prove or disprove anything but its best to live on and value the experiences as merely stages in your journey.
--------------------
If I knew the way, I would take you home.
|
MrMoo
Psychonautical explorer



Registered: 06/26/09
Posts: 172
Loc:
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
|
Re: lsd and the subconscious, can it be believed? [Re: unperfed]
#18829922 - 09/11/13 09:05 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
False memories can easily be created. Look up regressive hypnosis and how suggestible and easily people can be made to believe an implanted memory (sometimes unintentionally implied by the hypnotist). Not saying that is what happened to you though but it's entirely possible that it is a false memory.
I have had some unresolved grief issues brought up by a low dose of acid but that is different from your situation.
I hope you get to the bottom of this and find the answer you're looking for.
|
thedream
The Most High


Registered: 12/25/10
Posts: 592
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
|
Re: lsd and the subconscious, can it be believed? [Re: MrMoo]
#18831967 - 09/12/13 10:44 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
Its hard to tell as only you truly have experienced this but based on how you described it, it sounds as if it is a vague reoccurring dream and during this particular trip it was revisited and kind of expanded upon whereby you attached your own connotations of rape due to this mysterious figure being behind you and you accepted it as true because you were in such vulnerable state of mind.
However it is entirely plausible as well that this is a repressed memory and being in an open and vulnerable state of mind allowed you to revisit this experience.
Do you remember ever being on a golf course alone at night? Do you remember ever being raped?
Either way you should not feel guilty or ashamed.
Edited by thedream (09/12/13 10:58 AM)
|
unperfed
Stranger
Registered: 09/11/13
Posts: 3
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
|
role of addivetive personality [Re: unperfed] 1
#18832170 - 09/12/13 11:49 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
There is another big part in this LSD trip(s) I should mention. On the first 500mic trip during the comedown I was shown that my drinking has begun to exhibit alcoholic tendencies. Traditionally I limited my drinking to a few beers once or twice a week but in the last 3 years my drinking has become daily and grown to a point of 4+- beers a day (some drunk in the morning secretly, surely other addictive types can relate). I also have used cannabis daily for 24 years as my preferred relaxant/psychoactive and 95% of my highs/drinking are alone/solo (not sure if indicative of addictive behavior or not).
So basically the first LSD trip reminded me the addictive persona is alive, well and slowly taking over more and more of my life. As this thought remained in my mind since the trip it was obviously ripe for lsd picking in a "self analysis" trip. At this point I can accept the fourth lsd trip may have showed me a possible source of this behavior, ie the previously never remembered/admitted rape.
The thing is the addict's mind is terribly cunning, it will do, say or believe just about anything to keep using even when the addiction is more psychological than physical. Therefore the addict persona may have conveniently found a real memory, ie the golf course night where no rape occurred, that it then tried to alter by adding the rape as the "source" of the addictive behavior.
What is weird is since this trip last saturday my urge to drink has dropped off noticeably. I still crave a beer after walking through the door at night (habit) and have been allowing myself one with dinner. Still puffing one bowl a night after dinner (down from 3-4 times a day). Having been in "wean" mode before I know how quickly the urge to use daily/more may return.
In conclusion I have decided ascertaining what part of the memory is real or not is a dead end as going forward the message seems clearer and clearer (unusual in that LSD vision typically fade with time). Increasingly I feel the message from the lsd to myself is that the addict is slowly taking over and unless I start to try and change that behavior the feedback loop will become tighter and tighter eventually leading to a much worse result than just tapering/stopping.
thanks again everybody, I actually feel blessed to have had these recent LSD experiences and continue to believe it one of the most important molecules for our psyches and making changes in our lives.
Edited by unperfed (09/12/13 11:59 AM)
|
thedream
The Most High


Registered: 12/25/10
Posts: 592
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
|
Re: role of addivetive personality [Re: unperfed]
#18836776 - 09/13/13 12:20 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
LSD is truly a wonderful psychoanalytical tool and I am glad it has benefited you in your life!
|
|