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InvisiblePenelope_Tree
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Registered: 07/31/09
Posts: 8,535
Loc: magic sugarcastle
long/short-term conversation
    #18826984 - 09/11/13 08:59 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I had a conversation with my partner about our "future plans" and was very honest with how I felt about us - that I didn't really see anything long-term happening, but that I was enjoying our relationship right now (we've been together for about a month). He didn't like that and accused me of not being honest from the beginning (even though I did feel in the beginning we were good long-term matches, but idiosyncracies have appeared that make me feel like our paths will diverge) and not being "emotionally ready" for a relationship.

I've been told before now that I'm not "ready for a relationship" by a friend, so to hear that again was like a punch in the face. I understand that he may feel like he's "wasting his time," but I feel like I'm getting needs met. So IDK if there is any common ground for us. I'm going to continue to be honest, and just see what happens from here.

IDK really. I guess I'm just putting this out there to hear what other people have to say about it & situations like it.


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OfflineTmethylM
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Re: long/short-term conversation [Re: Penelope_Tree] * 1
    #18827023 - 09/11/13 09:13 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I say follow your gut and maintain perfect honesty.
I've been in a relationship with my GF 13 years now (since I was 14yr old), I knew right away that it was going to be forever.
So if you're not sure, trust yourself.

Have fun.


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¯\_(ツ)_/¯


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
Re: long/short-term conversation [Re: Penelope_Tree]
    #18827137 - 09/11/13 10:06 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

If you don't fancy being in a relationship, then just be honest. Honesty is generally the best meficin against relationships.

Alternatively, don't worry about the long term thing and just enjoy things how they are; the long term after all is just the short term followed by tomorrow's short term, next week's short term, etc.


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Invisiblememes
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Re: long/short-term conversation [Re: koraks] * 1
    #18827501 - 09/11/13 12:09 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Can't blame him for being mad, I suppose.  Or I should say - frustrated.  A month ago he was having a blast with a girl who told him she saw long-term viability.  Four weeks later, she's out of the long-term boat but is still "having her needs met".

In his place, i'd feel like I was being used until a man came along she found to be long-term viable.





:shrug:  just my $0.02


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Offlinemushroom_sandwich
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Registered: 04/17/12
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Re: long/short-term conversation [Re: memes]
    #18827834 - 09/11/13 01:35 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

memes said:
Can't blame him for being mad, I suppose.  Or I should say - frustrated.  A month ago he was having a blast with a girl who told him she saw long-term viability.  Four weeks later, she's out of the long-term boat but is still "having her needs met".

In his place, i'd feel like I was being used until a man came along she found to be long-term viable.





:shrug:  just my $0.02



I kind of agree, imagine how he feels right about now. If he got offended it's probably cause he saw you two together long term, can't really blame him for getting upset.


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“I believe in a long, prolonged derangement of the senses to attain the unknown. Our pale reasoning hides the infinite from us."



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OfflineTheWiz
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Re: long/short-term conversation [Re: mushroom_sandwich]
    #18827883 - 09/11/13 01:47 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Tell him you're having fun, and you'd like to keep having fun, and as long as you guys are having fun together, you'd like to be together, and if that happens to turn into a long amount of time, then that's what happens, and it's impossible to predict really, and that you won't get roped into feeling obligated to hang out with him "long-term," because it sounds like that's what he's trying to do.

You don't owe this dingleberry anything.  Don't let him make you feel like you do.  It's obvious he's insecure about being "single."


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I'd hit it.


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Invisiblejack_straw2208
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Re: long/short-term conversation [Re: TheWiz]
    #18827908 - 09/11/13 01:56 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

i'd prefer a kind woman to an honest woman any day.

if you're just having fun and jumping every cack that comes your way (which you SHOULD be doing for as long as it makes you happy), don't try to con nobody into a relationship if you're just gonna go fuck someone else and then beat your boyfriend to death with your honesty.


shit happens. confessing is gonna hurt your man worse than fooling around. its only wrong if you're careless enough to get caught.

just make sure to pick your partners well, take every precaution you can to avoid getting pregnant. try not to get any shanker sores.

i've never cheated on a girl but girls have cheated with me and on me.

sometimes i think they went out of their way to get caught, thats where shit gets fucked up. some chicks are total emotional sadists. fuck that.


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If you can’t tell what you desperately need, it’s probably sleep.


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
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Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
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Re: long/short-term conversation [Re: jack_straw2208]
    #18828193 - 09/11/13 02:59 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

jack_straw2208 said:
i'd prefer a kind woman to an honest woman any day.

...

shit happens. confessing is gonna hurt your man worse than fooling around. its only wrong if you're careless enough to get caught.

...

some chicks are total emotional sadists. fuck that.




A dishonest person cannot be kind - they can only give off the guise of being kind.  I couldn't disagree more with everything you've said.  I hope you're not in a relationship.  "It's only wrong if you're careless enough to get caught"?  Holy shit, I couldn't :facepalm: more at this entire post.


Edited by pwnasaurus (09/11/13 04:10 PM)


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InvisiblePenelope_Tree
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Re: long/short-term conversation [Re: koraks]
    #18828366 - 09/11/13 03:33 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

memes said:
Can't blame him for being mad, I suppose.  Or I should say - frustrated.  A month ago he was having a blast with a girl who told him she saw long-term viability.  Four weeks later, she's out of the long-term boat but is still "having her needs met".

In his place, i'd feel like I was being used until a man came along she found to be long-term viable.






Yeah, it makes me feel shitty - I think part of why I'm thinking about the other boat is that I feel he has been taking me for granted. I'm not the best at identifying my emotions, but I am working on it.

I'm glad this conversation happened now instead of later. I guess I should bring it back up because he's just been acting like it didn't happen and I've just been relieved to have said it. We didn't really come to any conclusions during the conversation - the topic & details were just put on the table.



Quote:

koraks said:
If you don't fancy being in a relationship, then just be honest. Honesty is generally the best meficin against relationships.

Alternatively, don't worry about the long term thing and just enjoy things how they are; the long term after all is just the short term followed by tomorrow's short term, next week's short term, etc.




I do want to be in a relationship. I mean, when I look far out into the future, I can't see any benefit of being alone. But also, I'm not where I'd like to be in life and I think that adds to the frustration. I can't imagine anything long-term right now - I don't even know what I'm going to eat for dinner.

I think the conversation brought to light some issues that need to be kept in the front of my mind, probably issues that are infecting every other aspect of my life.


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
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Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
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Re: long/short-term conversation [Re: Penelope_Tree]
    #18828525 - 09/11/13 04:12 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Seems like a weird conversation to be having after a month.  That's hardly any time.  You don't just "decide" one day that you're going to have a "long-term relationship".  You just live your lives and keep enjoying each other's company.  If you've been together for 3-4 years, then you can start to think a little more long-term about the whole thing.


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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: long/short-term conversation [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #18828596 - 09/11/13 04:26 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Man, I hate that talk.
Quote:

pwnasaurus said:
Seems like a weird conversation to be having after a month.  That's hardly any time.  You don't just "decide" one day that you're going to have a "long-term relationship".  You just live your lives and keep enjoying each other's company.  If you've been together for 3-4 years, then you can start to think a little more long-term about the whole thing.



This. Totally. It's good to have the "I'm happy, are you happy?" talk every now an then, but the "Where do you see this going?" talk seems like it only opens you up to problems if you're not both immediately considering marriage.


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