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Offlineitchmynipple
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Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #18825312 - 09/10/13 09:00 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

FishOilTheKid said:
Will you explain what you experience if you haven't already?





ok there is Alot of things.. in no specific order.. thats like half btw

I cannot function in society like everyone else.
Im highly insecure about how i talk to people, i try to come off as more appealing and manly and then since im so focused into it, it comes out wierd. to go into detail i try to pinpoint where my voice 'starts or 'vibrates' in my throat and try to make it casual and deeper but then it comes out wrong.
I have this unsettling anxiety and 'bad adrenaline' feeling when going out in public and being around people. I can't hang out with the people ive known all my life because i cant even get comfortable around them anymore, the mood and atmosphere just isn't idk, like 'real'. i have eye-contact issues. i always look away when i make eye-contact. its almost like my brain is in constant intensity and stress mode. i can't talk to the people ive known my entire life normally anymore without focusing to much on what im saying and such. i spend countless minutes and hours focused on the SAME Themes/problems/anxietycausers. I have been also going through a sexual identity crisis for awhile about probably being bisexual leaning gay but still this is just a possible label, im not even sure yet since i havent found a dudes face i like, i just like dick and some ass, not anything else. i also was in a pretty much stressful relationship for 2 years although thats over with, i now sort of miss her. i spent alot of time by myself smoking weed, and thinking about stressing things that would tear me up inside. and thinking about my insecurities and problems.. life feels like one big circle everyday, back in the day i did everything n went everywhere, and was 'in reality' now i dont feel 'in reality'  everything had that 'mood' to it before i started smoking so much weed and tripped bad on shrooms. now its just different. im thinking weed is the culprit alot of times for my distress. if icould just stop for three days!


I do smoke weed, alot, everyday. i should Probably Quit that.


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Offlinecircastes
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18826191 - 09/11/13 01:23 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Schizophrenia.


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My solitude...
My shield...
My armour...

TESTED
WITH
FULL
FORCE


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OfflineFishOilTheKid
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: circastes]
    #18826496 - 09/11/13 04:46 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

I do smoke weed, alot, everyday. i should Probably Quit that.




Its something that with long term use causes allot of what you describe I think.  I bet if you quit for some time, months, your situation will improve.


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Offlineiarphairc
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Registered: 06/26/09
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #18831788 - 09/12/13 09:43 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Damn that sounds like you could be me down the line :/


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The secret of freedom lies in educating people, whereas the secret of tyranny is in keeping them ignorant- Maximilien Robespierre


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Offlinefungiamongi3
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Registered: 06/25/13
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: iarphairc]
    #18861301 - 09/19/13 01:13 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

After almost four months of being sober im not hearing voices anymore.  It got really bad for a while after I quit drinking


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OfflineJacksonMetaller
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18861748 - 09/19/13 06:36 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

itchmynipple said:
Quote:

FishOilTheKid said:
Will you explain what you experience if you haven't already?





ok there is Alot of things.. in no specific order.. thats like half btw

I cannot function in society like everyone else.
Im highly insecure about how i talk to people, i try to come off as more appealing and manly and then since im so focused into it, it comes out wierd. to go into detail i try to pinpoint where my voice 'starts or 'vibrates' in my throat and try to make it casual and deeper but then it comes out wrong.
I have this unsettling anxiety and 'bad adrenaline' feeling when going out in public and being around people. I can't hang out with the people ive known all my life because i cant even get comfortable around them anymore, the mood and atmosphere just isn't idk, like 'real'. i have eye-contact issues. i always look away when i make eye-contact. its almost like my brain is in constant intensity and stress mode. i can't talk to the people ive known my entire life normally anymore without focusing to much on what im saying and such. i spend countless minutes and hours focused on the SAME Themes/problems/anxietycausers. I have been also going through a sexual identity crisis for awhile about probably being bisexual leaning gay but still this is just a possible label, im not even sure yet since i havent found a dudes face i like, i just like dick and some ass, not anything else. i also was in a pretty much stressful relationship for 2 years although thats over with, i now sort of miss her. i spent alot of time by myself smoking weed, and thinking about stressing things that would tear me up inside. and thinking about my insecurities and problems.. life feels like one big circle everyday, back in the day i did everything n went everywhere, and was 'in reality' now i dont feel 'in reality'  everything had that 'mood' to it before i started smoking so much weed and tripped bad on shrooms. now its just different. im thinking weed is the culprit alot of times for my distress. if icould just stop for three days!


I do smoke weed, alot, everyday. i should Probably Quit that.




Dude you got to relax :smile: Sounds like social anxiety. I've got it pretty bad myself and weed makes it infinitely worse. It can get worse after some trips too but usually recedes after a couple days. Hang in there man, you've got this. One important thing to remember is that you are who you are. It's a kind of common thing when you have social anxiety to feel like you are expected to engage in social situations or failing your role to those around you... But seriously you've just got to do what's best for you. I suggest some lone day hikes or camping (obviously in an area where you can still be safe by yourself). Take some time for you to appreciate your own space and solitude. You'll find yourself eventually


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Offlineitchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: JacksonMetaller]
    #18871170 - 09/21/13 08:17 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

JacksonMetaller said:
Quote:

itchmynipple said:
Quote:

FishOilTheKid said:
Will you explain what you experience if you haven't already?





ok there is Alot of things.. in no specific order.. thats like half btw

I cannot function in society like everyone else.
Im highly insecure about how i talk to people, i try to come off as more appealing and manly and then since im so focused into it, it comes out wierd. to go into detail i try to pinpoint where my voice 'starts or 'vibrates' in my throat and try to make it casual and deeper but then it comes out wrong.
I have this unsettling anxiety and 'bad adrenaline' feeling when going out in public and being around people. I can't hang out with the people ive known all my life because i cant even get comfortable around them anymore, the mood and atmosphere just isn't idk, like 'real'. i have eye-contact issues. i always look away when i make eye-contact. its almost like my brain is in constant intensity and stress mode. i can't talk to the people ive known my entire life normally anymore without focusing to much on what im saying and such. i spend countless minutes and hours focused on the SAME Themes/problems/anxietycausers. I have been also going through a sexual identity crisis for awhile about probably being bisexual leaning gay but still this is just a possible label, im not even sure yet since i havent found a dudes face i like, i just like dick and some ass, not anything else. i also was in a pretty much stressful relationship for 2 years although thats over with, i now sort of miss her. i spent alot of time by myself smoking weed, and thinking about stressing things that would tear me up inside. and thinking about my insecurities and problems.. life feels like one big circle everyday, back in the day i did everything n went everywhere, and was 'in reality' now i dont feel 'in reality'  everything had that 'mood' to it before i started smoking so much weed and tripped bad on shrooms. now its just different. im thinking weed is the culprit alot of times for my distress. if icould just stop for three days!


I do smoke weed, alot, everyday. i should Probably Quit that.




Dude you got to relax :smile: Sounds like social anxiety. I've got it pretty bad myself and weed makes it infinitely worse. It can get worse after some trips too but usually recedes after a couple days. Hang in there man, you've got this. One important thing to remember is that you are who you are. It's a kind of common thing when you have social anxiety to feel like you are expected to engage in social situations or failing your role to those around you... But seriously you've just got to do what's best for you. I suggest some lone day hikes or camping (obviously in an area where you can still be safe by yourself). Take some time for you to appreciate your own space and solitude. You'll find yourself eventually




lol sounds like some type of fantasy, take a trip here' and all your problems will be fixed there'

i wish it was that easy, i think most importantly i need to kick the drug habbit. its just i used to be a funny functionable completely socialable and easy to get along with human being. now its like i dont even know my self and the only time i feel more lonely is when im with other people. i take it easy on myself some parts of the day, but then some parts of the day get pretty bad, n then i smoke, n feel temporarily relieved but then i know once i smoke i for sure cannot go out in public.

i think this has alot to do with shame also, everyday i couldnt talk to my dad or look at him in the face, nor my sister, cause he is so anti-weed and it puts me in a stressing 'having to hide' myself type of situation everyday - he and my sister did really make me feel like an outcast honestly. they just treat you differently and shit when your high but when there drunk or whatever its okay.


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Offlineiarphairc
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18871941 - 09/21/13 12:29 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:



i wish it was that easy, i think most importantly i need to kick the drug habbit. its just i used to be a funny functionable completely socialable and easy to get along with human being. now its like i dont even know my self and the only time i feel more lonely is when im with other people.




I can second this. Well as for the last bit I just dont feel like engaging the overwhelming majority of people at all. Mostly my girlfriend and two best friends. All these peeps that end up at my house in college, I barely even talk to them, its just so mundane and empty


--------------------
The secret of freedom lies in educating people, whereas the secret of tyranny is in keeping them ignorant- Maximilien Robespierre


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Offlineitchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: iarphairc]
    #18872020 - 09/21/13 12:49 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

iarphairc said:
Quote:



i wish it was that easy, i think most importantly i need to kick the drug habbit. its just i used to be a funny functionable completely socialable and easy to get along with human being. now its like i dont even know my self and the only time i feel more lonely is when im with other people.




I can second this. Well as for the last bit I just dont feel like engaging the overwhelming majority of people at all. Mostly my girlfriend and two best friends. All these peeps that end up at my house in college, I barely even talk to them, its just so mundane and empty




the worst part is, is that i saw a movie about the 'iceman' a mass murderer, and in it, another murderer, said the exact line, the only time i feel more alone is when im with other people, n i was able to relate on such a strong level.  which scared me cause then i thought for second i was goingto turn into a murderer, Lol. but anyways, it sucks man. ive seen a therapist before with some help, it feels Good to be able to talk to someone, its just when i mention something personal or 'deep' i sometimes feel like i actually wierd them out - which gets me very uncomfortable, like they have that 'intrigued' not expecting that type of look and its happened with like three different therapists.


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Offlineiarphairc
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18872057 - 09/21/13 12:59 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Thank god I had my girlfriend to talk to, but I cant really keep repeating the same shit to her. Considered seeing a university counsellor..still havent dismissed that notion but anyway.

I can relate in a different setting with what you said about the mass murderer thing :P Yeah I've revealed my innermost thoughts by a step too far on a handful of occasions...Aint gonna do that again, you can almost feel them think "shiit" ha ha


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The secret of freedom lies in educating people, whereas the secret of tyranny is in keeping them ignorant- Maximilien Robespierre


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Offlineitchmynipple
;)

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: iarphairc]
    #18872100 - 09/21/13 01:13 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

iarphairc said:
Thank god I had my girlfriend to talk to, but I cant really keep repeating the same shit to her. Considered seeing a university counsellor..still havent dismissed that notion but anyway.

I can relate in a different setting with what you said about the mass murderer thing :P Yeah I've revealed my innermost thoughts by a step too far on a handful of occasions...Aint gonna do that again, you can almost feel them think "shiit" ha ha





i was with a girl whom i told my problems, its good to speak of these problems but not to repeat them over n over cause then you will annoy them since nothing is actually being done, it can put a dent into the relationship in my experience, it had for me, espicially since she was all i really confided in, i expected her to have some magical answer which wasn't goingto happen. in actuality these type of problems wont be fixed by a kiss or a little confidence talk by your girlfriend. you have to sort them out with a good therapist. its just finding a good one who takes my insurance and doesnt give me the awkward eye now n then.


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Offlineitchmynipple
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Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1,660
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18872118 - 09/21/13 01:16 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

but its good to in general ' let them in on progress ' just dont bring it up like its a new subject every single day because that will even hinder your own progress


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Offlineiarphairc
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18872162 - 09/21/13 01:24 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Out of curiosity what age are you?


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The secret of freedom lies in educating people, whereas the secret of tyranny is in keeping them ignorant- Maximilien Robespierre


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Offlineitchmynipple
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Registered: 05/28/12
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: iarphairc]
    #18873026 - 09/21/13 04:55 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

im 20 years old.


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Offlineiarphairc
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18874662 - 09/22/13 04:03 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Im 19, I was just wondering :smile:


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The secret of freedom lies in educating people, whereas the secret of tyranny is in keeping them ignorant- Maximilien Robespierre


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Offlinecircastes
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: iarphairc]
    #18881143 - 09/23/13 03:54 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Your problem is in the brain. You should probably get medicated. You sound exactly like me and I was diagnosed with schizophrenia after a long pointless struggle with my brain. Cannabis is probably the culprit.

On sexual identity I saw a guy say "bisexuality in men is a kinky fetish, nothing more." Sort of makes sense. You might just have a kinky fetish. Or, I guess it's the same thing, but, you might just be a sex addict.

Reactions to what you're attracted to should come involuntarily. If it's voluntary you're probably projecting some uninhibited sexual energy.


--------------------
My solitude...
My shield...
My armour...

TESTED
WITH
FULL
FORCE


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Offlineiarphairc
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: circastes]
    #18881187 - 09/23/13 04:03 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I dunno if thats at him or me...If its me, but I have no doubt about being straight :P


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Offlineitchmynipple
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Registered: 05/28/12
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: circastes]
    #18884771 - 09/24/13 12:44 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

circastes said:
Your problem is in the brain. You should probably get medicated. You sound exactly like me and I was diagnosed with schizophrenia after a long pointless struggle with my brain. Cannabis is probably the culprit.

On sexual identity I saw a guy say "bisexuality in men is a kinky fetish, nothing more." Sort of makes sense. You might just have a kinky fetish. Or, I guess it's the same thing, but, you might just be a sex addict.

Reactions to what you're attracted to should come involuntarily. If it's voluntary you're probably projecting some uninhibited sexual energy.





well thats the thing, i get turned on by guys and all..

i am a sex addict, i have been since i was younger.

case and point, i believe im gay - but when i had a girlfriend i was masturbating to porn as well as recieving head atleast twice a day and have sex once or twice a day with a woman.
i've had more orgasms then days ive been alive i believe lol.. im not 100 percent sure because i cant go back in time. but when i wasn't anxiety riddled when i was in highschool i was highly attracted to girls, could it of been hormones? im not sure. could it of been excessive porn use and masturbating? it's probably Possible.

Im afraid to get medicated, i was on cymbalta and mirtazapine and i actually turned out Worse. but then again i was also going through alot of stressful things, and still had these addictions - smoking weed everyday on medication that strong is a terrible idea. i also went through discontinuation syndrome because i was taking the meds unconsitantly, i would take it for a few days, stop for a few days, take it for a week, stop for a week, take it every other day, it was just a mess when i was on it, i was afraid of the medication too, i thought i was goingto die on it lol. i have a intense fear of dying i built up after my shroom trip - i thought weed was goingto kill me after this - thought alchohol was goingto kill me - thought i was goingto get sick n die everytime i felt symtpoms of a cold..

but again, i can't get medicated if i still have these addictions regardless.

i might be a little schizophrenic, but i don't "hear voices" i simply think when people are smiling or laughing its possibly at me when im walking by. i have been shit-talked in actuality by people when walking by and i know it for wearing something odd sometimes because i over-adapt trying to 'fit in' even though theres nothing to 'fit in' too. and im not who i was when i was 16 wearing all these expensive designer  clothes n rockin a four pack.. if i showed you a picture when i was in highschool to now, its like a complete transformation of caring to not caring. although i do actually care i just lost a sense of who i am after the idea of being gay came in..

i know whats wrong, now im just at this point really trying to cling to some good motivational things,

eminems song. Not afraid is brilliant - and for today atleast it is helping me not smoke - i just want to 'feel' that connection with people i believe i used to feel. that emotional connection, too feel comfortable in my own skin

my goal is to never look at porn ever again, i dont want to masturbate again for an entire year, if ever honestly, id rather have a partner do it all.

regardless, i need to accept my journey will get worse before it gets better with anxiety and depression apon quitting all of these dopamine producing activities.


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