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Anonymous #1

Cheating in LDR
    #18826397 - 09/11/13 03:23 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I love my girlfriend more than life itself, she has stuck with me through thick and thin during over 4 years together and we often talk of marriage and kids.

After being friends for 3 years and dating for two, the second two years of this relationship has been a long distance relationship(LDR), seeing each other for a few days at a time once a month or so.


Recently someone came into my life who makes me feel "alive" again.  we stay up late laughing and joking.  We stargaze and walk on the roofs of buildings just because we can.

I don't laugh like this with my girlfriend anymore, and the sex isn't nearly as good.  We're talking night and day here.



Right now I feel a mixture of love and shame.  I hate myself for what I'm doing and it's tearing me apart.


Meanwhile this other woman knows I have a girlfriend and feels guilty for tempting me and coming onto me really hard.


I am confused and sad and I just want to see my girlfriend.  I wish my girlfriend and this woman switched lives so we could just live together and end this madness.


I'm so sorry baby


Edited by Anonymous (09/11/13 03:28 AM)


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Invisiblejack_straw2208
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Re: Cheating in LDR [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18826414 - 09/11/13 03:37 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

you dun fucked it up bro, unless you can get them to sleep together.


edit: wait, did you bone her?


--------------------
If you can’t tell what you desperately need, it’s probably sleep.


Edited by jack_straw2208 (09/11/13 03:39 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: Cheating in LDR [Re: jack_straw2208]
    #18826421 - 09/11/13 03:44 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

We've had sex probably 10-15 times now, each better than the last.


The better it gets the more confused I become and the worse the situation gets.


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OfflineOgreLokon
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Re: Cheating in LDR [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18826485 - 09/11/13 04:37 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Just how old are you and these two ladies...?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Cheating in LDR [Re: OgreLokon]
    #18826487 - 09/11/13 04:40 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I'm 22, girlfriend is 20, other woman is 28


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Invisibleoropal
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Re: Cheating in LDR [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18826518 - 09/11/13 05:00 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

You have several options.

Either, continue as you have done

Or tell your girlfriend nothing and break with the other girl

Tell your girlfriend everything and break with the other girl

Break up with you girlfriend, or she breaks up with you, and start a new relationship with the other girl.

Or leave both of them.

Now all of these options come with consequences, if you want my personal opinion, it is that you will have to tell your girlfriend, because she will know sooner or later something is wrong, unless you are very adept at control your emotional behaviour. And if you want another chance with the girlfriend, then you have to tell her, rather than her finding out.

I wish you luck, and hope that you can solve your women problem. Its not going to be easy.

At the end of the day you have had a serious affair, you can reverse the damage, but do not be surprised when your girlfriend tells you she is breaking up with you, and if you do stay together, this may fracture the trust, which then will eventually break the relationship.

Although it could also be repaired, but it depends on your honesty. Honesty is your best friend, its raw and hard but genuine and sincere.


--------------------
Keep both eyes closed, and one eye opened -0-


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Invisibleoropal
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Re: Cheating in LDR [Re: oropal]
    #18826532 - 09/11/13 05:10 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Just as an afterthought, you need to solve this on your own. It is good to get advice, but the end decision has to come from within you, seriously. I do not know what I would do personally, as I have not had that situation, my last post is what I think I would do. But you have to find the solution my friend. Again, good luck, and what will be will be.

But what will be, depends on your actions, as what is, is a result of what was.


--------------------
Keep both eyes closed, and one eye opened -0-


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OfflineThe5thElement
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Re: Cheating in LDR [Re: oropal]
    #18827658 - 09/11/13 12:47 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Think long and hard what option your going to go with OP before you carry it out, me personally If I were in your exact shoes I'd probably end up breaking up with the LT girlfriend, because I couldn't hid that secret from her and If I told her I'd almost certainly guess she would not want to be with me anymore.. And if she did want to be with me, I can see a lot of issues arising from what you've allready done. I believe you really love her, but you fucked up man big time, at least in your relationship with her.

People and feelings change over time, one day you might think this girl is "the one" and the next something changes, I was with someone for 6.5 years and I was literally 100% certain I'd end up having kids and shit with her, well that 100% certainty changed one day and well we broke up. I was devastated for a long time, but I learned many things from that and one of them was that a sure thing is never certain, shit changes, people change and it takes a special connection for two people to want to stay together and maintain a healthy relationship with one another. Lot's of people stay together but arn't really happy, most are probably to scared to let go and are worried they won't find another person so they stay in a shitty relationship.


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OfflineTheWiz
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Re: Cheating in LDR [Re: The5thElement]
    #18827762 - 09/11/13 01:16 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Imo, long distance monogamy is the stupidest thing ever thought of in the history of mankind.

If your gf can't handle can't handle the fact that you need physical attention because you're a fucking human for christ's sake, then you're gonna have to lose her.

Also, you never should have agreed to such a thing, but you can't take back the past.  Tell her things have changed.


--------------------
I'd hit it.


Edited by TheWiz (09/11/13 01:22 PM)


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Offlinellama_police
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Re: Cheating in LDR [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #18828126 - 09/11/13 02:46 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I love my girlfriend more than life itself




No you don't.


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InvisibleThayendanegea
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Re: Cheating in LDR [Re: llama_police]
    #18828362 - 09/11/13 03:32 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

llama_police said:
Quote:

Anonymous said:
I love my girlfriend more than life itself




No you don't.



LOL :whathesaid:...yes....your actions are soooo loud....I can't hear a word you're saying:wink: You will indeed break it off with the long distance girl and then immediately want her back. You will remember all of those things that made you love her in the first place...but will only get a broken hearted cold shoulder. The free spirited light feeling will rapidly dissipate with the older girl as you will begin to see her flaws. :shrug: These are just the cold hard facts of changing partners.:sunny::peace::goodluck:M


--------------------
Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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Offlinegulper2323
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Re: Cheating in LDR [Re: Thayendanegea]
    #18828660 - 09/11/13 04:38 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

This other girl knows you have a long distance relationship; you being unavailable could be the reason she was attracted to you in the first place which also could mean that she could become less interested in you if you break up with your girlfriend.

On the other hand what you describe as being "love" for your current girlfriend could be a combination of denial and a fear of letting go.

These are just some things to think about (they're not necessarily true but they are possibilities), search you feelings and think long about what you will decide to do.

Personally if it was me and if I felt both of these points where true I would move onto the next girl but I wouldn't break up with the old girlfriend until I was sure I had a pretty strong relationship with the new lady. That way hopefully she'll stick around just incase that first point I made was true.


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Offlinekoods
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Re: Cheating in LDR [Re: gulper2323]
    #18835640 - 09/13/13 04:41 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Personally if it was me and if I felt both of these points where true I would move onto the next girl but I wouldn't break up with the old girlfriend until I was sure I had a pretty strong relationship with the new lady. That way hopefully she'll stick around just incase that first point I made was true.




There is something very distasteful about this strategy.

OP, in any long term relationship, the passion will fade. There will always be someone else who can make you feel like you did before. That is the nature of new love. You need to understand that the way you feel about your girlfriend may be part of the natural arc of relationships. Are you willing to sacrifice your investment in someone every time you find new excitement elsewhere. If so, be prepared to leave a trail of broken hearts and your good reputation behind you.

That being said, you are young enough that these are lessons you should learn yourself, and that may mean chasing the new thing and discovering yourself what you lost in the process. And what you gained.

I'm feel rather ambiguous about your moral standing. You are certainly not being faithful to your commitment, but it really is a bit much to expect someone to be monogamous under these conditions. What's happening is exactly what experience would have shown you would happen.

The best resolution to this situation would have your girlfriend doing the same shit you're up to.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


Edited by koods (09/13/13 05:07 AM)


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Offlinenaturesrevolt
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Re: Cheating in LDR [Re: koods]
    #18850194 - 09/16/13 05:05 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

be wary of:
Serial Monogamy
80/20 rule
absence makes the heart grow fonder
familiarity weakens the idea for adventure

Monogamous LDR does not work unless you regularly see each other (once a month at the most). The only exception I have found is you have been together for years (7+). The fact this other person enticed you so much can speak quite well of what your bond is with your girlfriend. I think you've already made the choice and you need to follow through by breaking it off, citing that LDR doesn't work. If your relationship does not work with this new person is NOT a reason to go back to your LDR person either. Things happen, people move (and subsequently move on) away from each other and find other people locally that they are attracted to. It's not a bad thing, just life.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Cheating in LDR [Re: naturesrevolt]
    #18852047 - 09/17/13 12:23 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

There is a good chance that a year from now we will be able to live in the same city together again.


This is also a factor in my decision making.  Perhaps that possible light at the end of the tunnel is worth starving myself of love for only 1 more year.


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