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topdog82
Death Spirit



Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 7,992
Loc: California
Last seen: 5 months, 2 days
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How to deal with a drunk/angry person?
#18819508 - 09/09/13 04:20 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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So my buddy is typically a pretty calm dude. Displays very little emotion except happiness. Which is why I found the event last night pretty surprising. I was caught off guard
So I after a little kickback, I am chilling on his couch. I am tipsy and really high. He was pretty drunk too
We decide to play a gears of war as some food is heating and the vaporizer is heating up. As I move my couch slightly (I couldn't reach the xbox controller), he FLIPS. "WTF dont move the couch like that it will ruin the hardwood flooring". I respond "fuck, my bad" and we both pick it up and move it slightly. Then we play and i still feel that I am stretching a little much. The intoxicated state I am, I forget that he has hardwood flooring and move the couhc by dragging it a little. HE FLIPS. I havent seen him flip like this in years. "WTF DUDE HOW FUCKIN STUPID ARE YOU? FOR FUCKS SAKE DON'T MOVE THE COUCH". I say "Oh shit my bad, I honestly didnt mean too fuck it up". "HOW FUCKIN DUMB ARE YOU? I WANT TO SOCK YOU IN THE FACE". Then I tried to calm him down. He had a right to be angry and annoyed. but not THIS angry. "Calm down dude. just take a deep breath" "I am going to fuckin sock you in the face" "Dude you are losing control right now just listen to me and take a deep breath. I dont think you realize how irrational you are being". I try to goad him into being calm but I make him angrier as a result. He yells "I AM FUCKNIG CALM!" and charges at me and socks me in the chest. I pushed him over really quick on his table. I am the last person to want to fight someone. I am a pretty weak and lanky myself. Anyways, I decide then to give him what he wants. "I am sorry dude I didnt realize it was that big of a deal to you". We shook hands on it and made up pretty quick. But I am kind of annoyed I never really got an apology. Nobody has a good reason to get physical over an issue
What should I have said to him then? What should I say to him now?
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hidenseek1
Its got all the dinks.
Registered: 12/22/12
Posts: 5,423
Loc: poop
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Re: How to deal with a drunk/angry person? [Re: topdog82]
#18819567 - 09/09/13 04:33 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
topdog82 said:
What should I say to him now?
fuck your couch
jks
naw, unless he starts flipping out all the time, id just forget about it, he was probably stressed out or drug psychosis or something
it happens 
in his defense you did do it twice, maybe his floors are expensive
edit: i dont know how to suggest to people to get help for anger management issues, id wait for someone whos delt with this stuff before to chip in
-------------------- You can drink at 7 A.M., because the Beastie Boys fought for that right -------------------------------------------------------------------------- pons asinorum -------------------------------------------------------------------------- lsd and the vietnam war changed music forever
Edited by hidenseek1 (09/09/13 04:35 PM)
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topdog82
Death Spirit



Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 7,992
Loc: California
Last seen: 5 months, 2 days
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Re: How to deal with a drunk/angry person? [Re: hidenseek1]
#18819608 - 09/09/13 04:44 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
hidenseek1 said:
Quote:
topdog82 said:
What should I say to him now?
fuck your couch
jks
naw, unless he starts flipping out all the time, id just forget about it, he was probably stressed out or drug psychosis or something
it happens 
in his defense you did do it twice, maybe his floors are expensive
edit: i dont know how to suggest to people to get help for anger management issues, id wait for someone whos delt with this stuff before to chip in
I mean I guess. If it becomes a HUGE issue I wont go over to his house. maybe he is just OCD about his stuff or has some shit going on. I just needed advice on how to calm someone down in that moment?
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SnowDaze
Probably Relapsing on Heroin



Registered: 02/24/13
Posts: 5,996
Loc: Home, Home Again....
Last seen: 5 months, 12 days
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Re: How to deal with a drunk/angry person? [Re: topdog82]
#18819632 - 09/09/13 04:49 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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honestly i dont think there is a good way to calm them down other than giving into their bullshit till they sober up
--------------------
If you get confused, listen to the music play
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HalfLight
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Registered: 06/03/13
Posts: 2,322
Loc: Black Flag
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Re: How to deal with a drunk/angry person? [Re: SnowDaze]
#18819667 - 09/09/13 04:57 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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I lol'd at that story
Quote:
SnowDaze said: honestly i dont think there is a good way to calm them down other than giving into their bullshit till they sober up
But mhmmm Just gotta let em do their thing unless it's endangering someone.
-------------------- dead man walking
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topdog82
Death Spirit



Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 7,992
Loc: California
Last seen: 5 months, 2 days
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Re: How to deal with a drunk/angry person? [Re: SnowDaze]
#18819669 - 09/09/13 04:58 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
SnowDaze said: honestly i dont think there is a good way to calm them down other than giving into their bullshit till they sober up
ya i figured. I just need him to acknowledge that it isnt good getting that uncontrollably angry
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: How to deal with a drunk/angry person? [Re: topdog82]
#18819670 - 09/09/13 04:58 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
topdog82 said:
Nobody has a good reason to get physical over an issue
I can name off plenty of reasons for resorting to violence, the only limit to how large that list will become is time and patience.
Your friend sounds like a serious asshole, I would cut him off for good. Personally I can drink a 5th to the face with weed, no rage problems like that - so I wouldn't excuse that behavior in someone else regardless of how much they drank. Not for moving a couch a few inches.
Do what you will though
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topdog82
Death Spirit



Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 7,992
Loc: California
Last seen: 5 months, 2 days
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Re: How to deal with a drunk/angry person? [Re: Repertoire89]
#18819681 - 09/09/13 05:01 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Repertoire89 said:
Quote:
topdog82 said:
Nobody has a good reason to get physical over an issue
I can name off plenty of reasons for resorting to violence, the only limit to how large that list will become is time and patience.
Your friend sounds like a serious asshole, I would cut him off for good. Personally I can drink a 5th to the face with weed, no rage problems like that - so I wouldn't excuse that behavior in someone else regardless of how much they drank. Not for moving a couch a few inches.
Do what you will though 
Lol in this scenario he was being absoltely irrational. Normally he is really tame. No matter how drunk or wired I have seen him he was pretty calm
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: How to deal with a drunk/angry person? [Re: topdog82]
#18819705 - 09/09/13 05:06 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Do what you see fit man, can only say if someone rages on me for something so small I'd be very offended and would cut them off. Pretty prone to cutting people off
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PanzerCubed



Registered: 11/22/12
Posts: 2,285
Loc: Nauru
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Re: How to deal with a drunk/angry person? [Re: Repertoire89] 1
#18820375 - 09/09/13 07:40 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Sounds like he might have some underlying issue with you , i mean i have never experienced someone get that angry over a little thing either. Unless there was another issue which was giving him stress and he couldn't cope with that 1 thing being done, might even be a OCD tick of his ?
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: How to deal with a drunk/angry person? [Re: topdog82]
#18824871 - 09/10/13 07:21 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
topdog82 said:
Quote:
Repertoire89 said:
Quote:
topdog82 said:
Nobody has a good reason to get physical over an issue
I can name off plenty of reasons for resorting to violence, the only limit to how large that list will become is time and patience.
Your friend sounds like a serious asshole, I would cut him off for good. Personally I can drink a 5th to the face with weed, no rage problems like that - so I wouldn't excuse that behavior in someone else regardless of how much they drank. Not for moving a couch a few inches.
Do what you will though 
Lol in this scenario he was being absoltely irrational. Normally he is really tame. No matter how drunk or wired I have seen him he was pretty calm
You gotta love it. Person A says "dude don't fuck with my hard wood" Person B says "OK". 10 mins later Person B jacks the fuck out of Person A's hardwood. Person A calls Person B on it. Person B goes gee uh sorry bro.
Person A likely had a build up of such stuff over time hence "the snap" on Person B. That's my guess.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
Edited by LunarEclipse (09/11/13 08:05 AM)
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nebhazard5
Stranger


Registered: 09/23/07
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Re: How to deal with a drunk/angry person? [Re: topdog82]
#18827798 - 09/11/13 01:25 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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sounds like one to be avoided completely
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,230
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Re: How to deal with a drunk/angry person? [Re: topdog82]
#18828015 - 09/11/13 02:25 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
I just needed advice on how to calm someone down in that moment?
Sometimes it's not possible to calm a person down. Going by your story he wasn't being reasonable, so what could you do? You could get all ape shit with him and maybe get to the bottom of it but you don't owe him that. Time to reassess the relationship IMO. Cut him off and if he asks (while sober) tell him you don't care to hang out with unpredictable drunk fuckers. That's the passive way to calm him down, by revealing the consequences of treating you that way. And then you talk about it, MAYBE leave open a 2nd chance if he feels some remorse and understands you don't put up with being treated like that. Of course it might not change his disposition when drunk so if you talk the talk be ready to walk the walk.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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topdog82
Death Spirit



Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 7,992
Loc: California
Last seen: 5 months, 2 days
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Re: How to deal with a drunk/angry person? [Re: Rahz]
#18828071 - 09/11/13 02:36 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Rahz said:
Quote:
I just needed advice on how to calm someone down in that moment?
Sometimes it's not possible to calm a person down. Going by your story he wasn't being reasonable, so what could you do? You could get all ape shit with him and maybe get to the bottom of it but you don't owe him that. Time to reassess the relationship IMO. Cut him off and if he asks (while sober) tell him you don't care to hang out with unpredictable drunk fuckers. That's the passive way to calm him down, by revealing the consequences of treating you that way. And then you talk about it, MAYBE leave open a 2nd chance if he feels some remorse and understands you don't put up with being treated like that. Of course it might not change his disposition when drunk so if you talk the talk be ready to walk the walk.
best respnse here
@everybody else; I am not gonna ditch this guy without a second chance. He is a goddamn bro
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: How to deal with a drunk/angry person? [Re: topdog82]
#18828698 - 09/11/13 04:48 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
topdog82 said: He is a goddamn bro
Good enough reason for me if someone tries to get physical with me I wouldn't be hanging out with them
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HalfLight
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Registered: 06/03/13
Posts: 2,322
Loc: Black Flag
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Re: How to deal with a drunk/angry person? [Re: Rahz]
#18829702 - 09/11/13 08:09 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Rahz said:
Quote:
I just needed advice on how to calm someone down in that moment?
Sometimes it's not possible to calm a person down. Going by your story he wasn't being reasonable, so what could you do? You could get all ape shit with him and maybe get to the bottom of it but you don't owe him that. Time to reassess the relationship IMO. Cut him off and if he asks (while sober) tell him you don't care to hang out with unpredictable drunk fuckers. That's the passive way to calm him down, by revealing the consequences of treating you that way. And then you talk about it, MAYBE leave open a 2nd chance if he feels some remorse and understands you don't put up with being treated like that. Of course it might not change his disposition when drunk so if you talk the talk be ready to walk the walk.
Sounds manipulative to me. You could just be straight up with him?
-------------------- dead man walking
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: How to deal with a drunk/angry person? [Re: HalfLight]
#18829721 - 09/11/13 08:13 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
TryinToTrip said:
Quote:
Rahz said:
Quote:
I just needed advice on how to calm someone down in that moment?
Sometimes it's not possible to calm a person down. Going by your story he wasn't being reasonable, so what could you do? You could get all ape shit with him and maybe get to the bottom of it but you don't owe him that. Time to reassess the relationship IMO. Cut him off and if he asks (while sober) tell him you don't care to hang out with unpredictable drunk fuckers. That's the passive way to calm him down, by revealing the consequences of treating you that way. And then you talk about it, MAYBE leave open a 2nd chance if he feels some remorse and understands you don't put up with being treated like that. Of course it might not change his disposition when drunk so if you talk the talk be ready to walk the walk.
Sounds manipulative to me. You could just be straight up with him?
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,230
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Re: How to deal with a drunk/angry person? [Re: HalfLight]
#18830439 - 09/11/13 10:38 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
TryinToTrip said:
Quote:
Rahz said:
Quote:
I just needed advice on how to calm someone down in that moment?
Sometimes it's not possible to calm a person down. Going by your story he wasn't being reasonable, so what could you do? You could get all ape shit with him and maybe get to the bottom of it but you don't owe him that. Time to reassess the relationship IMO. Cut him off and if he asks (while sober) tell him you don't care to hang out with unpredictable drunk fuckers. That's the passive way to calm him down, by revealing the consequences of treating you that way. And then you talk about it, MAYBE leave open a 2nd chance if he feels some remorse and understands you don't put up with being treated like that. Of course it might not change his disposition when drunk so if you talk the talk be ready to walk the walk.
Sounds manipulative to me. You could just be straight up with him?
It was a bit harsh. I would probably ask what was up next time I saw him to see what he said as opposed to 'cut him off', especially if he's a friend or whatever. I don't take well to people flipping out though. Not my problem.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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Gorlax



Registered: 05/06/08
Posts: 6,695
Last seen: 16 days, 14 hours
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Re: How to deal with a drunk/angry person? [Re: Rahz]
#18831900 - 09/12/13 10:18 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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lol at the people complaining about him getting physical.. have you never been wasted with friends?!?
anyways it's something you should just brush under the couch lol. Alcohol can completely alter someone's perspective. Honestly alcohol is probably the most mood changing drug I've seen. I know plenty of kids who are the coolest mellowest people but if they are wasted they become angry/irrational. just roll with it when he gets pissed..no reason to react, someone who is drunk is never RATIONAL!
I kind of have this problem now with a friend. We all get pretty fucking wasted on the weekends (I've been taking a break though) and he has been increasingly more not "violent" but angry. about a month ago he punched some kid he knew in the face..then like 2 weeks after he got really pissed at my other friend and pushed him b/c he didn't want to go to the club ..nothing happened. about 2 weeks ago he pushed another friend right out of no where for a reason that was irrational as fuck..
and he finally pissed me off the other weekend by accusing me of stealing something from someone when I didn't..trying to get me to pay for it when I never took the item.. "this really pissed me off because my other friends said he was complaining in the car about how I prob did take it and wouldn't admit to it, while my other friend who was in the car that did take it owned him and said no it wasn't me and it was him".. I feel like he keeps increasingly making himself look fucking retarded. I never had a reason to dislike him and now its growing on me after ACCUSING me of stealing.
He's a cool person sober and pretty funny that is what outweighs his drunkenness nights.. I'm just going to give him the cold shoulder for a while because friends shouldn't accuse friends of stealing without any evidence..maybe do the same..
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: How to deal with a drunk/angry person? [Re: Gorlax]
#18832151 - 09/12/13 11:43 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Gorlax said: lol at the people complaining about him getting physical.. have you never been wasted with friends?!?
I've practiced martial arts my whole life, if someone is raging at me and tries to get physical over such a small thing they are not a friend. Violence is no small issue, bones break, blood spills, people die. I'm permanently scarred from street fighting and take threats very seriously.
In my eye if someone is hanging out with someone who treats them like that, they're a beta male.
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