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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Need to call that ex-psychdoc about researching with him, but didn't sleep last night
#18814872 - 09/08/13 11:46 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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I can't keep putting this off, but I worry that even a 10% reduction in my likelihood of getting him on board with the idea (a reduction since I won't be as effective with my language, potentially).
Or maybe I'll do better... I've aced most of my finals on no sleep. IDK.
I AM SO FUCKING NERVOUS. THIS COULD BE HUGE. LIKE FIX MY CAREER MESS RIGHT NOW HUGE.
Something is wrong with me... I was suicidal over possibly getting a C in that Stats class I had been acing to the point that I flunked it on purpose just cause I couldn't stand the thought of trying and not getting an A since **yes, drugs got in the way this summer** (I admit). I was actually like, scared I would do it suicidal too... not that "it'd be convenient to be dead" kind.
Aaaah this just makes me realize it's an even bigger deal to get sucked back up into higher undergrad-academia than when I wasn't thinking of it in terms of my academic record too.
Ah. Do I call him now? Or should I wait.
Part of me thinks for my mental health I need to get this over with.
My new therapist doesn't tell me what to do; instead, she's helping me become the super independent thinker I used to be, but this--unfortunately, leaves me to my instincts.
Should I follow those?
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: Need to call that ex-psychdoc about researching with him, but didn't sleep last night [Re: st1llnox]
#18814888 - 09/08/13 11:50 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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I seriously need feedback. This one is a bigger deal than most of you realize (for my life, of course, but still!).
PLEASE, vote. Maybe I'm just looking for the confidence to pick up my now-rather-heavy-seeming phone and call that awesome old Kraut.
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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Legend
RIP Sasha



Registered: 03/29/10
Posts: 28,336
Loc: TX
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Re: Need to call that ex-psychdoc about researching with him, but didn't sleep last night [Re: st1llnox]
#18814906 - 09/08/13 11:53 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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i dont understand what you're asking
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No sympathy for the devil, keep that in mind. [url=]Buy the ticket, take the ride. [/url]Are you lost?
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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: Need to call that ex-psychdoc about researching with him, but didn't sleep last night [Re: st1llnox]
#18814911 - 09/08/13 11:54 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Thank you so much for the votes, everyone... I'm feeling a tantalizing (but nervous!) excitement that it looks like I'm going to end up having to call today.
God this is huge. 
I haven't been this scared in years, and I got arrested in February lol
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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rulesq
Bad Mogambo



Registered: 05/10/13
Posts: 5,317
Loc: Суомалиа
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Re: Need to call that ex-psychdoc about researching with him, but didn't sleep last night [Re: Legend]
#18814914 - 09/08/13 11:55 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Summa summarum:
Call ex-shrink today, or nay.
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Salomon
ಠ︵ಠ balance ಠ_ಠ weaver ಠ‿ಠ

Registered: 01/17/09
Posts: 25,128
Loc: America, FUCK YEAH
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Re: Need to call that ex-psychdoc about researching with him, but didn't sleep last night [Re: rulesq]
#18814924 - 09/08/13 11:57 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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you're a grown ass man, nox. you have the power to make your own decisions.
-------------------- EVERYTHING EVENTUALLY BECOMES A DESERT
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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: Need to call that ex-psychdoc about researching with him, but didn't sleep last night [Re: Salomon]
#18814954 - 09/08/13 12:03 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Legend said: i dont understand what you're asking 
http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/18804048
Quote:
rulesq said: Summa summarum:
Call ex-shrink today, or nay.

Quote:
Salomon said: you're a grown ass man, nox. you have the power to make your own decisions.
I'm looking for the *optimal* decision, not *a* decision.
That said, you ought to vote option number 3 given your disposition .
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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JoieDeVivre
Hippie Babysitter



Registered: 10/13/11
Posts: 5,751
Loc: Gamehenge
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Re: Need to call that ex-psychdoc about researching with him, but didn't sleep last night [Re: st1llnox] 1
#18814967 - 09/08/13 12:06 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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If getting a C makes you suicidal and you can't avoid drugs getting in the way of your academic pursuits it sounds like you really need to sort that out before committing to do work for someone else just because it will advance your career. If you mess it up this time, it's going to be even harder to dig yourself out of the hole so make sure you're ready to actually commit to this for the betterment of his research, not just because it'll help you out. Being mentally unstable is going to waste his time and negatively impact your own well being.
-------------------- Sapere aude "We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run as causes and return to us as results."
UBUNTU- I am because we are.
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Salomon
ಠ︵ಠ balance ಠ_ಠ weaver ಠ‿ಠ

Registered: 01/17/09
Posts: 25,128
Loc: America, FUCK YEAH
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Re: Need to call that ex-psychdoc about researching with him, but didn't sleep last night [Re: st1llnox]
#18815003 - 09/08/13 12:16 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
st1llnox said:
That said, you ought to vote option number 3 given your disposition .
i totes did 
it's gonna be fine.
-------------------- EVERYTHING EVENTUALLY BECOMES A DESERT
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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: Need to call that ex-psychdoc about researching with him, but didn't sleep last night [Re: JoieDeVivre]
#18815147 - 09/08/13 01:00 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
JoieDeVivre said: If getting a C makes you suicidal and you can't avoid drugs getting in the way of your academic pursuits it sounds like you really need to sort that out before committing to do work for someone else just because it will advance your career. If you mess it up this time, it's going to be even harder to dig yourself out of the hole so make sure you're ready to actually commit to this for the betterment of his research, not just because it'll help you out. Being mentally unstable is going to waste his time and negatively impact your own well being.
I've got this a lot more than you think, and being a 4.0 Engineering student does that too you for a while (while it lasts). I cringe that you think I'd resort to taking a research post for the sake of resume building as opposed to advancing as an academic, but with you more likely to end up doing med school to get to your ends, I understand why that might be a main consideration for doing something with how competitive the schools are.
Much as we class on a personality/opinion level, I think we could be having intellectual psychiatrygasms like I do with my psychologist friend in Missouri if we talked more. I may PM you...
Anyway,
Pdoc is calling me back at 3:30. Talked to his wife... she had no suggestions on approaching it with him, but nor did she in any way indicate that it was an absurd proposition at all.
I'm feeling a lot better about this.
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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JoieDeVivre
Hippie Babysitter



Registered: 10/13/11
Posts: 5,751
Loc: Gamehenge
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Re: Need to call that ex-psychdoc about researching with him, but didn't sleep last night [Re: st1llnox]
#18815171 - 09/08/13 01:04 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
st1llnox said: I've got this a lot more than you think, and being a 4.0 Engineering student does that too you for a while (while it lasts).
I mean you're obviously concerned about it yourself and you see the fact that a C makes you suicidal is unhealthy right? Don't let your ego keep you from protecting your mental health, is all I'm saying.
Quote:
I cringe that you think I'd resort to taking a research post for the sake of resume building as opposed to advancing as an academic, but with you more likely to end up doing med school to get to your ends, I understand why that might be a main consideration for doing something with how competitive the schools are.
No, the reason I thought that is because the largest text in your OP is about how this could fix your career, and you've blatantly insulted psychiatrists many times so it seems like you're just in this for your own benefit. I'm not saying that is the case - it's just how it seems based on the aspects you've posted here.
That's not a consideration for why I do anything or I'd already be in research which would make me way more competitive for med school. Instead I've done a lot less impressive volunteer stuff that has actually been about helping others. This is irrelevant so spolier-ing.
-------------------- Sapere aude "We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run as causes and return to us as results."
UBUNTU- I am because we are.
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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: Need to call that ex-psychdoc about researching with him, but didn't sleep last night [Re: JoieDeVivre]
#18815212 - 09/08/13 01:13 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
JoieDeVivre said:
Quote:
st1llnox said: I've got this a lot more than you think, and being a 4.0 Engineering student does that too you for a while (while it lasts).
I mean you're obviously concerned about it yourself and you see the fact that a C makes you suicidal is unhealthy right? Don't let your ego keep you from protecting your mental health, is all I'm saying.
Quote:
I cringe that you think I'd resort to taking a research post for the sake of resume building as opposed to advancing as an academic, but with you more likely to end up doing med school to get to your ends, I understand why that might be a main consideration for doing something with how competitive the schools are.
No, the reason I thought that is because the largest text in your OP is about how this could fix your career, and you've blatantly insulted psychiatrists many times so it seems like you're just in this for your own benefit. I'm not saying that is the case - it's just how it seems based on the aspects you've posted here.
That's not a consideration for why I do anything or I'd already be in research which would make me way more competitive for med school. Instead I've done a lot less impressive volunteer stuff that has actually been about helping others. This is irrelevant so spolier-ing.
Hey, I appreciate that and frankly, much if not even most (although drugs would be the close 2nd, causally) of what happened that has me so far off track has to do with me not taking care of my mental health, driving myself crazy, being way too "type A", etc.
I'll work on that, and part of what I'm doing these next few months (and why I'm committed to being at home) is that I'm doing a 6 month therapy thing that's been really helping (talk, not pills).
Psychiatry committed an atrocity on me and one of the many scars I will carry from it is an unintellectual bias towards- and disdain of this art. That said, psychiatry is an absolute mess although one that's made tremendous strides. It just needed so much groundwork done in neurology that it was set way back compared to other branches of medicine, so this is fair too. Most of the problems, frankly, are from the industrialization of pharma, but psychiatrists can become the vehicles and often times are either corrupt or overzealous or incompetent, always hurting the patient when being so.
I should have spoiler-ed out my thing about having been suicidal. I see how the big text made it seem like I was talking about my "career" as professionals often do; I simply meant both my progress as a student/researcher and my readiness to be accepted into (and complete) sufficient graduate studies (and more!).
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: Need to call that ex-psychdoc about researching with him, but didn't sleep last night [Re: st1llnox]
#18815276 - 09/08/13 01:30 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Dammit, who tied the poll??? lol
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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pcplease
Salame

Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 6,089
Last seen: 9 years, 11 months
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Re: Need to call that ex-psychdoc about researching with him, but didn't sleep last night [Re: st1llnox]
#18815317 - 09/08/13 01:46 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Call. Everyone gets nervous; its only natural. Especially in when the new job is a big improvement, or important b/c you have bills to pay (not necessarily relevant to you now but it happens to a lot of people at some time or another), etc.
But also, To me it seems like you're making this too "life or death" situation. Even if this were to not work out for whatever reason, like Salomon said, its gonna be all right.
If he says no, you could ask your psych if you can use him as a reference for a different office, and I bet he will most likely respect that you're taking initiative.
But again, don't worry so much! You'll give yourself an ulcer, which sucks, among many other negative things. I know its easier said than done, though.
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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: Need to call that ex-psychdoc about researching with him, but didn't sleep last night [Re: pcplease] 1
#18815482 - 09/08/13 02:45 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Thanks PCPlease... a great, encouraging reply!
His wife ended up calling me back; evidently he finds he will be too busy and has requested I call their office on Tuesday.
I think it might be good to prepare some proposal type stuff, including contribution ideas I have for the research I know he's doing now or was just doing, so he can see that he's actually getting something or see what level of contribution I might have been able to make.
I feel so inspired right now. I'm gonna read some of the last textbook he recommended me 
Anyway, sorry for this somewhat selfish thread... this is just huge for me.
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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Lord_McLovin
mad scientist on shrooms



Registered: 04/09/11
Posts: 3,071
Loc: infinite dimensional void
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
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Re: Need to call that ex-psychdoc about researching with him, but didn't sleep last night [Re: st1llnox] 1
#18815511 - 09/08/13 02:52 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Sorry, OP, but
Quote:
I was suicidal over possibly getting a C in that Stats class I had been acing to the point that I flunked it on purpose just cause I couldn't stand the thought of trying and not getting an A since **yes, drugs got in the way this summer** (I admit).
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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: Need to call that ex-psychdoc about researching with him, but didn't sleep last night [Re: Lord_McLovin]
#18815519 - 09/08/13 02:53 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Lord_McLovin said: Sorry, OP, but
Quote:
I was suicidal over possibly getting a C in that Stats class I had been acing to the point that I flunked it on purpose just cause I couldn't stand the thought of trying and not getting an A since **yes, drugs got in the way this summer** (I admit).

No, like even I started laughing about just how patently fucking stupid and absurd that is on the phone with Zee007 talking about it.
Again, shoulda spoilered that paragraph. We wouldn't be in this mess right now if I had
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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