TL;DR: Sorry, I wrote more than I should have with a stream-of-conscious method, if you don't want to read it all, please don't. Thanks for considering it though. I would say that the first two paragraphs as well as the 4th and 5th are the most important if you'd like to say anything. (Not including this TL;DR) Apologies for grammar and all that.
I am somewhat experienced with drugs, but still very new to Shrooms. This is the second time I've obtained Shrooms(3rd trip though). They look like Psilocybe Cyanescens, but without the waviness. It can't be Psilocybe Azurescens, it's not that potent. These Shrooms are exactly the same as my first time. I believe they are most likely Psilocybe Cubensis, or at least the same potency. I will be taking 3-9grams over the trip duration. I am thinking it will likely be 3 grams, wait 30 minutes, 1 gram, wait 2 hours, 3-5 grams. (I have 9.5g, recommended dose for breakthrough with Cubensis? If anyone thinks they can identify the dried shrooms, I'll post them.) I will append the trip report to this. I will be audio recording for notes, so I will also post excerpts from that. I also may be smoking 5-MeO-DMT on one of the sober dips of the trip.
For my first time I started with 2 grams and re-dosed 1.5 grams about halfway through for approximately an 11 hour trip. I had achieved death of self, I was sitting in darkness as a "gas"-like entity, I saw a bright light around a hidden horizon in the darkness and I knew it was everything that exists. I felt nothing, it was all trapped in that bright light as I sat infinitely far from it. (I've been alone my first two times, for 5-MeO-DMT as well.)
However, I want to breakthrough completely, I want to have no notion of anything that was. I want to be like a new-born baby, a clean slate ready to understand without bias or personal gain. My reason for trying Shrooms, 5-MeO-DMT (I want to try N,N-DMT, 5-MeO-DMT is intense!), and other drugs is for the pure introspective properties that a new perspective and mindset allow. (It just so happens that it's fun too!) I have had many revelations, like anyone else. Despite my scientific mindset, I accept and understand these "spiritual" feelings and ideas because I know they have a scientific basis beyond my understanding. I believe they are constructs which were created by our individual brains and therefore are an experience suited for it perfectly at that time and place, allowing to realize exactly what you need to. "Personal truths."
Anyways, I'm ready to die. I will release myself and allow it to flow, I learned to save myself during my first session by letting go. It is always difficult though, I feel like Shrooms are an Epic(Illiad&Odessey type), decided by the sensory input you have and always different. Music, surroundings, etc, they're all a library of trips! That includes good and bad ones.
To me the biggest proof of my experience and ideas is the fact that despite coming up with them independently, some of the most prominent Psychonauts and (straight-edge) Philosophers have said almost the words or constructed the same ideas. I believe ideas like these are "Universal Truths" of the human species, hard-coded in the structure of our brain and it is a potential for greater understanding. Potential which is unlocked by experience and circumstance, combined with some plants that have been evolving with us for hundreds of thousands of years.
To give you an idea of my thought process, when I think of us all being one, and one being all. I don't take that to mean spiritual unification, but the inability to do anything without it propagating and affecting anything else. We are connected through physical properties and phenomena and our ability for higher thinking allows us to pick up on subtleties subconsciously. However, that doesn't mean I don't think the idea of "spiritual unification" is invalid just because it is not enabled by a spiritual consciousness that is disconnected from physics or this universe.
I believe the representation is also important for us to understand. "Spiritual unification" is the easiest thing for people to hold on to. Rather than accepting they do not understand, they accept an idea they know they can not understand because it is more comforting. I believe that is counter-intuitive for growth, but you must start somewhere.
I want to know more so that I can know less. I want to see all those things I never knew could exist, just as I have. I want to continue learning, endlessly. I want to discover and understand, then pass on what I can. I care nothing of worldly values, my happiness is placed in my knowledge and ability. Not because it's mine or because I want to be egotistic or even have an ego, but because of the beauty enabled by the logical constructs built into the universe that my mind can exploit.
I find the labels of religions or ideas irrelevant, there is truth in all things, it's up to you to perceive and prove those truths for your "self". I do not believe ego is good or bad, in fact, it does create a lot of structures that help others, such as generosity for self-gain. However, I do believe it is utterly inhibiting when you are trying to examine yourself unbiased or from a new perspective. Everything has a purpose, but I do not believe a higher entity such as god is necessary to preordain it. I do not shun a god either, despite being purely logical and scientific before all else. I know that the nature of a god would obscure it, making scientific study and proof or disproof impossible. Any atheists or theists trying to prove or disprove such a thing is folly and childish, if not selfish and egotistic.
I basically believe in an open mind. Sometimes you will accept things you don't understand, but I don't believe just because we don't understand it that it is not scientific or an invalid idea unless there is evidence for that counter. I believe that the correct path for me is to explore new parts of myself and in turn discover new parts of the universe.
I think of myself as a single neuron in a brain made of men, a pseudo-intelligence that arises from the interconnections of people. It does not know itself, just as evolution does not, but it is still the next highest order. Our broken society is proof of this. All neurons in the brain work together, but why do people not if we are modules designed to just as the neuron is?
I understand ego has a purpose, but I want to learn to become less egotistic and place less importance in unimportant things. Basically, I'm trying to fix my natural, sober paranoia and selfishness. I'm trying to do that not by saying I'm not egotistic or doing actions that would prove otherwise, but my realize I am egotistic and realizing how little I truly know.
Edited by XenoReseller (09/07/13 11:38 AM)
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