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Soulidarity
With Your Halo Slippin . . .



Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 17,617
Loc: Atlantis
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
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Or you could feign fapping with all the bed noises and shit, but then pretend to fall out of bed and knock some shit over loudly and yell "OH SHIT.... MATT HELP!! I BROKE MY DICK MAN THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE!! MATT!! WAIT NO, NO..DON'T COME IN, IT'S COOL IM ALRIGHT I JUST HAVE TO GO TO THE DOCTORS"
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  R.I.P. WoodRuss67, Todcasil, TheMerryIguana, The Rompus, Lord Senate. [/url]
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nuentoter
conduit



Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 2,721
Last seen: 7 years, 20 days
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Re: I can hear my roommate masturbate [Re: Soulidarity] 1
#18812351 - 09/07/13 05:45 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Record the audio burn it to cd and play it in the a.m. during breakfast. Put a copy I his car.
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The geometry of us is no chance. We are antennae, we are tuning forks, we are receiver and transmitters of all energy. We are more than we know. - @entheolove "I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for" - Georgia O'Keefe I think the word is vagina
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leon trout
Estimated Prophet



Registered: 09/13/12
Posts: 1,089
Loc: The Timbers of Fennario
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
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Re: I can hear my roommate masturbate [Re: nuentoter]
#18812470 - 09/07/13 06:20 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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dunno how much you care about yr security deposit, but a string of firecrackers as he nuts would be perfect-o...
-------------------- “I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I’m more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.” ~ St. Jerome of Marin
the bus come by & i got on, that's when it all began
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WhoManBeing
PsychedelicYogi



Registered: 09/01/13
Posts: 3,773
Loc: Oregon
Last seen: 3 days, 17 hours
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Re: I can hear my roommate masturbate [Re: nuentoter]
#18812867 - 09/07/13 08:11 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
nuentoter said: Record the audio burn it to cd and play it in the a.m. during breakfast. Put a copy I his car.
yea that tops it
-------------------- Hip, hip... WhoRAy!!! Eye was thinking the other day... ahh, thinking never done me no good.
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Re: I can hear my roommate masturbate [Re: psi]
#18812962 - 09/07/13 08:46 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
psi said:
Quote:
lil_demented said: Thread is a win. But for real, how many of u actually moan when u jack off? i dont, i only moan to let the girl know she's doing it right. 
Yeah it's not like it's some involuntary reflex or something.
look out fellas, we got a moaner!
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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Bodhi of Ankou
*alternate opinion blocks path*


Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 24,778
Loc: Soviet Canukistan
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Re: I can hear my roommate masturbate [Re: Sheekle]
#18813016 - 09/07/13 09:00 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Fuck that, just get a camcorder and when hes going at it pop open the door and start recording him. Post results.
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ShroomPuncher
The FunGuy



Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 988
Loc: Mother Earth
Last seen: 6 months, 17 days
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Well if he moans so much, you should understand his patterns. Right when said fapper is about to nut, delicately throw some fire crackers in his room and watch PTSD take root. Seriously, though. Abstract art all over the walls.
-------------------- Hunting Psillies? Want a sig or avatar made? Message me. [Prints in exchange would be nice, but not required]
Disclaimer: I in no way engage in violent acts against mushrooms, nor do I support or advocate such behavior.
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Soulidarity
With Your Halo Slippin . . .



Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 17,617
Loc: Atlantis
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
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Re: I can hear my roommate masturbate [Re: ShroomPuncher]
#18813067 - 09/07/13 09:14 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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  R.I.P. WoodRuss67, Todcasil, TheMerryIguana, The Rompus, Lord Senate. [/url]
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lil_demented
Loner will lone

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 6,146
Last seen: 1 month, 8 days
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Re: I can hear my roommate masturbate [Re: Soulidarity]
#18813198 - 09/07/13 10:02 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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I just read through all that and I have tears in my eyes from lmao.
There is just so mich win here. I like how the community jumps to help find a solution for others problems, no matter how creepy and hilarious they may be.
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dontknow
It's all in the reflex


Registered: 07/05/13
Posts: 3,889
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Re: I can hear my roommate masturbate [Re: lil_demented]
#18813248 - 09/07/13 10:18 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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My first year at college i always wondered if my roommate could hear me masturbating.. i just went for it
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The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly. -Proverbs 15:14
“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of Life’s coming attractions.” Albert Einstein
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luvdemboomers
loner with a boner

Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 5,054
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Re: I can hear my roommate masturbate [Re: dontknow]
#18813405 - 09/07/13 11:08 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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I should print this thread and slide it under his door. Only thing stopping me is I don't want my real identity linked with my shroomery identity. Too bad this isnt the anon forum.
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wtffuck


Registered: 03/31/12
Posts: 21
Last seen: 9 years, 8 days
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Re: I can hear my roommate masturbate [Re: luvdemboomers]
#18813431 - 09/07/13 11:18 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
luvdemboomers said: Yeah at night I'll hear his bed start squeaking and sometimes he will moan. At first I thought he was fucking someone, but I have been his roommate for 6 months now and I have never seen a woman over, or heard one for that matter.

why do you like to listen to your roommate play with his shrimp dick
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lil_demented
Loner will lone

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 6,146
Last seen: 1 month, 8 days
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Re: I can hear my roommate masturbate [Re: luvdemboomers]
#18813433 - 09/07/13 11:19 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
luvdemboomers said: I should print this thread and slide it under his door. Only thing stopping me is I don't want my real identity linked with my shroomery identity. Too bad this isnt the anon forum.
You don't own a sharpie?
Do it! And you will become immortal. Interwebz history. A god of sorts
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mandrax360
Woodchipper Deluxe


Registered: 09/20/11
Posts: 1,891
Loc: Nelson Mandela House, Peckham
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Re: I can hear my roommate masturbate [Re: lil_demented]
#18813956 - 09/08/13 03:11 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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For all you know I could be your roommate and I play a recording of you flapping while you thought I was out just for shit kick while I troll your threads
But seriously next time it happens play so really cheesy 90s music
Sing along for effect and act like your having a house party
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rulesq
Bad Mogambo



Registered: 05/10/13
Posts: 5,317
Loc: Суомалиа
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Re: I can hear my roommate masturbate [Re: mandrax360] 1
#18813969 - 09/08/13 03:15 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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 Christian approach to OP's problem
Quote:
FIRST STEP: CONFIRM YOUR SUSPICIONS
1. Invest in a desk lamp or a strong flashlight if you don’t already have one. After lights out, if your hear the moaning or thrashing noises, quickly shine a spotlight on his bed to see if you can catch him in the act. This will also let him know that you’re fully aware of his activities.
2. Alter your schedule and come back to the dorm early from class. If he is playing with himself on your chair– and it’s highly likely that he is– you may walk in on him. This will make him uneasy about public displays and he will realize, “No time is a safe time for masturbation.”
3. If these methods do not succeed, you might want to examine his bed when he’s out of the room. Does he keep erotic magazines under his mattress? What do his sheets smell like? Masturbation leaves a sour, bleach-like odor and small damp stains that crust up around the edges.
4. Another gratification location for the habitual stroker is the shower. In this situation, milky globules of ejaculate will be left on the tile walls at knee height. The self-abuser is usually too exhausted afterward to properly clean his waste and it will congeal and yellow over time.
Quote:
SECOND STEP: SCHEDULE A TIME TO DISCUSS THE ISSUE Once you’ve collected proof of his unwelcome habit, tell your roommate that you’d like to talk about an important personal matter and set up a time when you’re both done for classes for the day.
As Pastor Mark Driscoll of Seattle’s Mars Hill Church recently noted, “Masturbation can be a form of homosexuality because it is a sexual act that does not involve a woman. If a man were to masturbate while engaged in other forms of sexual intimacy with his wife then he would not be doing so in a homosexual way. However, any man who does so without his wife in the room is bordering on homosexuality activity, particularly if he’s watching himself in a mirror and being turned on by his own male body.”
You must be careful when broaching this subject with your roommate. You don’t want him to get the impression that you’re excited by his masturbation or interested in any homo-erotic action.
Be willing to share your own rules for health and cleanliness, including whatever spiritual aspects they entail. Be prepared to open up about your feelings, about how he’s setting a bad example for you and how much you care for his health and his soul. Ask him how he’d feel if the shoe was on the other foot– wouldn’t he be upset if you masturbated very loudly each night at the same time he does?
Quote:
THIRD STEP: MAKE A GAME PLAN AND STICK TO IT! 1. Let him know that you’re fully committed to helping him curb his masturbation addiction.
2. Dismantle any protective screens meant to shield one’s bed for exploratory “private times.”
3. Challenge your roommate to see who can refrain from self-abuse the longest. Keep track and try to break each other’s records! Set up a reward for whoever is most successful during the semester. A pleasant dinner out or an excursion to a sports event will keep you both focused on a joyful completion to your efforts.
4. Let your roommate know that he can depend on you for support if he ever needs to talk about his unnatural urges. Prepare yourself with the pro-purity literature available online.
5. Free time and excess energy can lead to the distraction of masturbation. Joining a sports team is a great way to tame those restless hands!
6. The Bible offers much information about humanity’s call to corporeal purity. The Good Book is always there for you to enjoy and share!
7. If all else fails, you might try reading Scripture aloud each time you hear him pleasuring himself. Passages from the Book of Leviticus can be extemely effective.
http://christwire.org/2011/11/help-my-roommate-masturbates-too-much/
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mandrax360
Woodchipper Deluxe


Registered: 09/20/11
Posts: 1,891
Loc: Nelson Mandela House, Peckham
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Re: I can hear my roommate masturbate [Re: rulesq]
#18813978 - 09/08/13 03:25 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Cadence Appleton looks like a call girl
 God will not be happy with Candence showing so much leg
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MR.Merlin
Worker


Registered: 09/07/13
Posts: 88
Last seen: 7 years, 9 months
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Re: I can hear my roommate masturbate [Re: leon trout]
#18814035 - 09/08/13 04:27 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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nice quote=D
-------------------- Mushroom growing is a hobby, and any thing posted under this account is solely a replication of naturally occurring phenomena done for scientific study and observation, fully within the bounds of federal law. further more, all things stated on this site by this account are works of fiction. I am attempting to create an alter ego that is totally false to immerse myself in a character for a book.
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Shroomslip
Architekt



Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 20 minutes, 30 seconds
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Re: I can hear my roommate masturbate [Re: rulesq]
#18814286 - 09/08/13 08:21 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Who the hell sniffs possible cum-stained sheets? lol...
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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psi
TOAST N' JAM


Registered: 09/05/99
Posts: 31,456
Loc: 613
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Re: I can hear my roommate masturbate [Re: Shroomslip]
#18814293 - 09/08/13 08:23 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Yeah it's a joke site.
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Shroomslip
Architekt



Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 20 minutes, 30 seconds
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Re: I can hear my roommate masturbate [Re: psi]
#18814295 - 09/08/13 08:25 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Ah.. Hadn't actually went to the site, just read the above quotes.
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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