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OfflineXenoReseller
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Registered: 09/07/13
Posts: 2
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
I'm planning to breakthrough, am I ready or am I deluding myself? (very long)
    #18811267 - 09/07/13 11:37 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

TL;DR: Sorry, I wrote more than I should have with a stream-of-conscious method, if you don't want to read it all, please don't. Thanks for considering it though. I would say that the first two paragraphs as well as the 4th and 5th are the most important if you'd like to say anything. (Not including this TL;DR) Apologies for grammar and all that.

I am somewhat experienced with drugs, but still very new to Shrooms. This is the second time I've obtained Shrooms(3rd trip though). They look like Psilocybe Cyanescens, but without the waviness. It can't be Psilocybe Azurescens, it's not that potent. These Shrooms are exactly the same as my first time. I believe they are most likely Psilocybe Cubensis, or at least the same potency. I will be taking 3-9grams over the trip duration. I am thinking it will likely be 3 grams, wait 30 minutes, 1 gram, wait 2 hours, 3-5 grams. (I have 9.5g, recommended dose for breakthrough with Cubensis? If anyone thinks they can identify the dried shrooms, I'll post them.) I will append the trip report to this. I will be audio recording for notes, so I will also post excerpts from that. I also may be smoking 5-MeO-DMT on one of the sober dips of the trip.

For my first time I started with 2 grams and re-dosed 1.5 grams about halfway through for approximately an 11 hour trip. I had achieved death of self, I was sitting in darkness as a "gas"-like entity, I saw a bright light around a hidden horizon in the darkness and I knew it was everything that exists. I felt nothing, it was all trapped in that bright light as I sat infinitely far from it. (I've been alone my first two times, for 5-MeO-DMT as well.)

However, I want to breakthrough completely, I want to have no notion of anything that was. I want to be like a new-born baby, a clean slate ready to understand without bias or personal gain. My reason for trying Shrooms, 5-MeO-DMT (I want to try N,N-DMT, 5-MeO-DMT is intense!), and other drugs is for the pure introspective properties that a new perspective and mindset allow. (It just so happens that it's fun too!) I have had many revelations, like anyone else. Despite my scientific mindset, I accept and understand these "spiritual" feelings and ideas because I know they have a scientific basis beyond my understanding. I believe they are constructs which were created by our individual brains and therefore are an experience suited for it perfectly at that time and place, allowing to realize exactly what you need to. "Personal truths."

Anyways, I'm ready to die. I will release myself and allow it to flow, I learned to save myself during my first session by letting go. It is always difficult though, I feel like Shrooms are an Epic(Illiad&Odessey type), decided by the sensory input you have and always different. Music, surroundings, etc, they're all a library of trips! That includes good and bad ones.

To me the biggest proof of my experience and ideas is the fact that despite coming up with them independently, some of the most prominent Psychonauts and (straight-edge) Philosophers have said almost the words or constructed the same ideas. I believe ideas like these are "Universal Truths" of the human species, hard-coded in the structure of our brain and it is a potential for greater understanding. Potential which is unlocked by experience and circumstance, combined with some plants that have been evolving with us for hundreds of thousands of years.

To give you an idea of my thought process, when I think of us all being one, and one being all. I don't take that to mean spiritual unification, but the inability to do anything without it propagating and affecting anything else. We are connected through physical properties and phenomena and our ability for higher thinking allows us to pick up on subtleties subconsciously. However, that doesn't mean I don't think the idea of "spiritual unification" is invalid just because it is not enabled by a spiritual consciousness that is disconnected from physics or this universe.

I believe the representation is also important for us to understand. "Spiritual unification" is the easiest thing for people to hold on to. Rather than accepting they do not understand, they accept an idea they know they can not understand because it is more comforting. I believe that is counter-intuitive for growth, but you must start somewhere.

I want to know more so that I can know less. I want to see all those things I never knew could exist, just as I have. I want to continue learning, endlessly. I want to discover and understand, then pass on what I can. I care nothing of worldly values, my happiness is placed in my knowledge and ability. Not because it's mine or because I want to be egotistic or even have an ego, but because of the beauty enabled by the logical constructs built into the universe that my mind can exploit.

I find the labels of religions or ideas irrelevant, there is truth in all things, it's up to you to perceive and prove those truths for your "self". I do not believe ego is good or bad, in fact, it does create a lot of structures that help others, such as generosity for self-gain. However, I do believe it is utterly inhibiting when you are trying to examine yourself unbiased or from a new perspective. Everything has a purpose, but I do not believe a higher entity such as god is necessary to preordain it. I do not shun a god either, despite being purely logical and scientific before all else. I know that the nature of a god would obscure it, making scientific study and proof or disproof impossible. Any atheists or theists trying to prove or disprove such a thing is folly and childish, if not selfish and egotistic.

I basically believe in an open mind. Sometimes you will accept things you don't understand, but I don't believe just because we don't understand it that it is not scientific or an invalid idea unless there is evidence for that counter. I believe that the correct path for me is to explore new parts of myself and in turn discover new parts of the universe.

I think of myself as a single neuron in a brain made of men, a pseudo-intelligence that arises from the interconnections of people. It does not know itself, just as evolution does not, but it is still the next highest order. Our broken society is proof of this. All neurons in the brain work together, but why do people not if we are modules designed to just as the neuron is?

I understand ego has a purpose, but I want to learn to become less egotistic and place less importance in unimportant things. Basically, I'm trying to fix my natural, sober paranoia and selfishness. I'm trying to do that not by saying I'm not egotistic or doing actions that would prove otherwise, but my realize I am egotistic and realizing how little I truly know.


Edited by XenoReseller (09/07/13 11:38 AM)


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OfflineHardTrippin
The Ambivalent
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Registered: 11/05/09
Posts: 1,303
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Re: I'm planning to breakthrough, am I ready or am I deluding myself? (very long) [Re: XenoReseller] * 1
    #18811320 - 09/07/13 11:55 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Sounds like you ready to me. Every time I break through into the realm of ego death on high doses of psychedelics I am first confronted with a barrier. That barrier is always a vision of what I then know to be a barrier in my life (either to success or spiritual growth) and I cannot break through unless I can confront that and accept the truth of it. Once you do that then your universe will transform and you will have the most beautiful experience you have ever had. A magical experience that imo crushes any atheistic beliefs or hopelessness. However, if you take a high dose and refuse to acknowledge what is being shown to you then you are very likely going to experience distressing thought loops and you will be overwhelmed by feelings of insanity. So all I have to say is take care if you are planning on doing a lot. And also, you don't need to do a high dose to practice reaching ego death. Even on a low dose you will know when your meditative state is on the right path.


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OfflineXenoReseller
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Registered: 09/07/13
Posts: 2
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
Re: I'm planning to breakthrough, am I ready or am I deluding myself? (very long) [Re: HardTrippin]
    #18811386 - 09/07/13 12:14 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Hi, I just smoked 35mg of 5-MeO-DMT and read your post. Thank you HardTrippin. I was able to feel exactly what you meant by barrier as I was on 5MeO. It's a sort of fear, I know I am safe and I must let go, but the change is scary. I feel an utter calmness right now, no doubt because of the DMT, but every time I have taken it before, I was fearful of everything. It was scary, but now I am truly accepting it.

Also, you're right. I'm going to stick to 3 grams and learn. I will learn to handle myself and accept all that I can there. Thank you. A perfect post with perfect timing, any earlier and I would not have understood it so personally.


Edited by XenoReseller (09/07/13 12:14 PM)


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Offlinekeepsake
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Registered: 02/24/13
Posts: 673
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
Re: I'm planning to breakthrough, am I ready or am I deluding myself? (very long) [Re: XenoReseller]
    #18811963 - 09/07/13 03:22 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

What if the Earth is a conscious, living organism (which I do believe)?
If so, what if the entire population of living things is actually the brain of Earth?
What if each individual is actually a neuron in that brain?
What if every single relationship between two living things is a neural connection or thought?
If so, we better learn to love each other or else we will drive Mother Earth insane.

I don't know but ur post made me think of this lol.

Anyways, goood luck with ur breakthrough. My highest dose ever was only 3.5 and it was pretty intense.
I never had an ego death tho. The main teaching I seem to keep receiving is to show my sons more love.
I know I don't spend enough time with my 5 yr old twins. I always get this message on shrooms.
But in real life I am always so busy and my mind is never in the NOW. I'm always thinking about later, tmrw, or next week.
I'm trying to teach myself to be in the present. Maybe I will breakthrough once this lesson has been learned and practiced.
Good luck on ur journey, my friend.


Edited by keepsake (09/07/13 03:24 PM)


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OfflinePrimalSoup
hyperspatial illuminations
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Registered: 11/17/09
Posts: 13,568
Loc: PNW Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
Re: I'm planning to breakthrough, am I ready or am I deluding myself? (very long) [Re: XenoReseller]
    #18812747 - 09/07/13 07:39 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

am thinking it will likely be 3 grams, wait 30 minutes, 1 gram, wait 2 hours, 3-5 grams.




No no no.  Way to both waste them (tolerance at 2 hours plus) and/or screw up.  Get it all down at once, whatever the dose or you'll either end up (a) confused as fuck by multiple comeups while already tripping or (b) forget to redose and kick yourself later.

Where you want to go there are no clocks and almost no long term planning either. Mind your set and setting, then just dose 'em and grin.

Don't add anything to the shrooms.  Just let them work.  Your idea of having "dips in the trip" is just not gonna work on a breakthrough dose.  You're gonna be so busy :trippnballs: nothing else will matter at all.

Anyway, I seriously doubt you're gonna get the "breakthrough" you think you might.  You're gonna get the trip you get, and it's not gonna be at all what you expect - BECAUSE IT NEVER IS. :thumbup:

The "spiritual" realm might also decide to kick your ass for your dismissive take on it, so I'd stow those thoughts somewhere else if you're planning to go meet up with the ineffable.  It's more real than you are.

So I didn't read past the 4th paragraph, but I'd say, definitely over thinking it. We're such clever monkeys. Just do it, it's so much easier than speculating. :lol:

Just do itTM.

:peace:PS


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