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OfflineFakePlasticSky
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Dosing after a fearful trip: Same loop keeps rearing its head
    #18803026 - 09/05/13 11:47 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Last year, roughly around November; I had one of the scariest trips of my life.  I dosed 5 hits of some very potent CID.  There was a point where I was actually punching myself in the face in an attempt to knock myself out.  It was that scary!

Before this trip, I was able to handle mega doses of CID.  I had a few 20 hit trips of at least 1 mg of CID and it didn't phase me.  After this incredibly scary trip; I had to reduce my dose greatly or I would hit the same loop again.  Mind you that I took a 5 month break before I tripped again.

I think that this scary trip put some "subconscious wall" up; where any hint that this "frame of mind"; I would hit the scary loop again.  I have been trying hard to break this wall to no avail.  Now I am only able to eat 3 hits max; but 2 hits if I have zero tolerance.

My loop starts with this negative vibe that I am going to hurt someone or myself.  I spiral into this feeling that if I don't stop feeling this way; I will destroy something and greatly regret dosing, maybe even see prison time for being soooo stupid.  For hours I'm battling ways to get my mind off of this feeling, but it seems I can't shake it.  I am debating on doing a mega dose again (having Benzos on the side if shit gets out of hand) and just let go.  I believe if I can just break this cycle; I will be able to enjoy my trips again.

Anyone else had this experience?  I don't want to do other psychs because they just don't measure up to the intensity of CID.  I'm tired of having low level 3 trips, just to stay out of negative loop.  I feel I'm missing on the true magic of CID.


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I've kissed mermaids, rode the El Niño.


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InvisibleDark_Star
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Re: Dosing after a fearful trip: Same loop keeps rearing its head [Re: FakePlasticSky]
    #18803216 - 09/05/13 12:41 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah that happened to me years ago. I talked it out with some folks that had similar experiences. It mellowed out after that, but then came back. I didn't trip for a few years, then when I started to again it didn't happen. I hit that same point in the trip, relaxed & flowed through it. No loop. Now I only trip a few times a year, and I'm good. Honestly, when you get caught in loops like that it's cause you're spinning your wheels, in my opinion at least. Take a good long break.....and I don't mean a few weeks or months either. Take a year or more, do other things in life. Experience life & grow as an individual without psychedelics. Then when you go back you have a whole year + of other stuff in your mind. A whole year of new experiences & growth to trip on. It will be a whole new experience. Just keep in mind what happened, and don't over do it again, and you should be back on track.


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InvisibleSham87
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Re: Dosing after a fearful trip: Same loop keeps rearing its head [Re: Dark_Star]
    #18803233 - 09/05/13 12:47 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Thanks for that Estrella_Oscura.


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:mushroom2::sun::crazy2::leaf:




...once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest places if you look at it right...



:feelsgoatman:


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OfflineFakePlasticSky
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Re: Dosing after a fearful trip: Same loop keeps rearing its head [Re: Dark_Star]
    #18803241 - 09/05/13 12:49 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Dark_Star said:
Yeah that happened to me years ago. I talked it out with some folks that had similar experiences. It mellowed out after that, but then came back. I didn't trip for a few years, then when I started to again it didn't happen. I hit that same point in the trip, relaxed & flowed through it. No loop. Now I only trip a few times a year, and I'm good. Honestly, when you get caught in loops like that it's cause you're spinning your wheels, in my opinion at least. Take a good long break.....and I don't mean a few weeks or months either. Take a year or more, do other things in life. Experience life & grow as an individual without psychedelics. Then when you go back you have a whole year + of other stuff in your mind. A whole year of new experiences & growth to trip on. It will be a whole new experience. Just keep in mind what happened, and don't over do it again, and you should be back on track.





That sounds like "sound advice"!  I've been debating on taking a good long break.  A year seems really long.  I don't smoke weed, drink or anything else.  I guess a year sober is fine.

My only problem is I have 7 sheets of needlepoint!  What the fuck am I going to do with it now?!?!


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I've kissed mermaids, rode the El Niño.


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InvisibleDark_Star
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Re: Dosing after a fearful trip: Same loop keeps rearing its head [Re: FakePlasticSky]
    #18803308 - 09/05/13 01:07 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Stash it away. :smile: You have the highest of quality to sit on, waiting for when it's time. That's a hefty headstash too; used wisely it'll last ya for a while. A year seems like a long time, but it's really not. It goes by quick. Especially once you find other stuff to occupy yourself with. Anymore I feel like I blink a couple times and another year has passed.


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OfflineFakePlasticSky
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Re: Dosing after a fearful trip: Same loop keeps rearing its head [Re: Dark_Star]
    #18803322 - 09/05/13 01:12 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Dark_Star said:
Stash it away. :smile: You have the highest of quality to sit on, waiting for when it's time. That's a hefty headstash too; used wisely it'll last ya for a while. A year seems like a long time, but it's really not. It goes by quick. Especially once you find other stuff to occupy yourself with. Anymore I feel like I blink a couple times and another year has passed.




Dude I know man, but I was hit with a shitty wave last year of crap blotter.  You just never know when it will dry up again.  I saw the quality and bought as much as I could afford.  I did the math and that amount can last me at least 10 years.  The funny thing is I'm owed another 3 sheets of this blotter (Helping my connect get his bible).  I told him to take his time paying me back, because I have enough to last a while.

I think I will take your advice.  This loop is driving me crazy.  I'm not down for the mellow level 3 trips.

Maybe when I get back into tripping again, I will do it once a month instead of every other week?


--------------------
I've kissed mermaids, rode the El Niño.


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OfflineFakePlasticSky
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Re: Dosing after a fearful trip: Same loop keeps rearing its head [Re: FakePlasticSky]
    #18803357 - 09/05/13 01:24 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I hate when life gives you lemons


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I've kissed mermaids, rode the El Niño.


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OfflineJacksonMetaller
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Re: Dosing after a fearful trip: Same loop keeps rearing its head [Re: FakePlasticSky]
    #18803429 - 09/05/13 01:52 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Happened to me after a bad ayahuasca trip. After that every uncomfortable body tension or feeling would throw me into a negative headspace. On my last trip I had to force myself to stare in the mirror and think back on every good trip memory and remember why I used to do it. I had to realize the only way to enjoy it was to fully let go and focus on the positives I used to get so excited about. That trip was amazing btw


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InvisibleeMpire420
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Re: Dosing after a fearful trip: Same loop keeps rearing its head [Re: JacksonMetaller]
    #18803480 - 09/05/13 02:06 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

My loop starts with this negative vibe that I am going to hurt someone or myself.  I spiral into this feeling that if I don't stop feeling this way; I will destroy something and greatly regret dosing, maybe even see prison time for being soooo stupid.  For hours I'm battling ways to get my mind off of this feeling, but it seems I can't shake it.  I am debating on doing a mega dose again (having Benzos on the side if shit gets out of hand) and just let go.  I believe if I can just break this cycle; I will be able to enjoy my trips again.




Shit man, this is exactly how I feel after my December 25th trip. Except it's not me that I'm scared of, I get scared of other people. After that trip, I'm in constant paranoia that people around me are plotting to kill me. I'm not sure if it's mild paranoid schizophrenia or what, but I've never experienced it before that trip. I've tripped around people since, and every trip I'm sitting there curled up in a ball convincing myself that my best friends aren't trying to kill me.

Then I get the idea that maybe I should just kill them first....

It's fucking terrifying man.

At least I can tell that the paranoia is fading (when I'm sober at least). But as soon as I get high or trip, it comes right back. I'd say just try and lay off drugs for a while. Give your mind a rest. I'm waiting in hopes that I can "reset" my paranoia by forgetting all about the traumatic events that I've witnessed while tripping.


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OfflineFakePlasticSky
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Re: Dosing after a fearful trip: Same loop keeps rearing its head [Re: eMpire420]
    #18803528 - 09/05/13 02:19 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

eMpire420 said:
Quote:

My loop starts with this negative vibe that I am going to hurt someone or myself.  I spiral into this feeling that if I don't stop feeling this way; I will destroy something and greatly regret dosing, maybe even see prison time for being soooo stupid.  For hours I'm battling ways to get my mind off of this feeling, but it seems I can't shake it.  I am debating on doing a mega dose again (having Benzos on the side if shit gets out of hand) and just let go.  I believe if I can just break this cycle; I will be able to enjoy my trips again.




Shit man, this is exactly how I feel after my December 25th trip. Except it's not me that I'm scared of, I get scared of other people. After that trip, I'm in constant paranoia that people around me are plotting to kill me. I'm not sure if it's mild paranoid schizophrenia or what, but I've never experienced it before that trip. I've tripped around people since, and every trip I'm sitting there curled up in a ball convincing myself that my best friends aren't trying to kill me.

Then I get the idea that maybe I should just kill them first....

It's fucking terrifying man.

At least I can tell that the paranoia is fading (when I'm sober at least). But as soon as I get high or trip, it comes right back. I'd say just try and lay off drugs for a while. Give your mind a rest. I'm waiting in hopes that I can "reset" my paranoia by forgetting all about the traumatic events that I've witnessed while tripping.




Wow that is much like me.  I will think of ways to bash in the head of someone around me and battle getting that shit out of my head.  It is terrifying!

i made up my mind and will take a year long break!


--------------------
I've kissed mermaids, rode the El Niño.


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OfflineUniversaleyeni
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Re: Dosing after a fearful trip: Same loop keeps rearing its head [Re: FakePlasticSky]
    #18803689 - 09/05/13 03:10 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Whenever i feel like kinda bad/weird vibes are happening...

I picture the brain controling the body machine from ninja turtles and i remember im in control of my mind not the other way around

I remember that its all in my head, i have nothing to fear. But i know how real things can get too.

Maybe a hiatus is just what the doctor ordered :cool:


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Re: Dosing after a fearful trip: Same loop keeps rearing its head [Re: Universaleyeni]
    #18803864 - 09/05/13 03:51 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I haven't dosed nearly as high as you op, but ive had very uncomfortable vibes and images in my head while on Cid.

What helps me when this happens is to try and remind myself, "I am not my thoughts, I am not my mind"

I did this while I was having visions of naked corpses being ripped apart in my head seemingly for hours and although the visions were disturbing, watching them pass without affecting me was fulfilling.


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Invisiblesailing
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Re: Dosing after a fearful trip: Same loop keeps rearing its head [Re: cez]
    #18803946 - 09/05/13 04:08 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

the most disturbing images ive had was decaying heads with worms and grub pouring out of every orifice (that was on 25i-nbome before i knew what real acid was), but that didnt even bother me as much as some of the disturbing thoughts ive had regarding suicide. im not suicidal, but when i trip, a thought will just come out of left field about how i could kill myself right then and there if i wanted to. thats disturbing to me. i think the trip that had the biggest effect on me was the time i thought i ODed on 4-AcO-DMT, I should have gone to the ER, but instead, i laid on the floor, fading out of consciousness after throwing up the entire contents of my stomach and dry heaving for an hour, while having one of the most powerful trips ive ever had... now im afraid no matter what i get high on that my mind is going to trick my body into the same side effects of throwing up and going into an anxiety attack.


--------------------
Love is the deep spiritual connection between the self and all things. We are all a part of the same universe.

Crazy cat peekin through a lace bandanna,like a one eyed cheshire, like a diamond eyed jack.

:awecid2:


Edited by sailing (09/05/13 04:22 PM)


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Offlineflickedbic
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Re: Dosing after a fearful trip: Same loop keeps rearing its head [Re: sailing]
    #18804815 - 09/05/13 07:39 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

FakePlasticSky: I'm sorry to hear this has happened, but think of all that sweet lemonade.

You know it's gonna be tasty :laugh:

Also; maybe it is like the tape keeping itself from playing out.  You are storing lots of great experiences in the future, and you can always share the love with those deserving souls you meet on the way.

Damn y'all your stories scare me.  Makes me think of the middle road, and moderation in all things. 

Sailing: What was that dose of 4-AcO-DMT?  Also maybe you could try death meditation.  This one looks good: http://www.meditationiseasy.com/mCorner/techniques/What_is_death_meditation.htm

Blessings

Namaste


--------------------
Favorite entheogen experiences in descending order:
1)Combo of oral DMT + smoked Bufotenine
2)Amanita (urine drank twice)
3)Mushrooms > Achuma 16"+cid(still need higher dose Achuma)> Cid (still need high dose)
4)Morning Glory-HBWR (+cumin, cinnamon aldehyde adducts) > Methyl chavicol (need more activators)
5)Salvia (need to try quid)


All readable matter in the above post is ficticious... any similarities to real life are purely coincidental.

Blessing.


Edited by flickedbic (09/05/13 07:49 PM)


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Invisiblesailing
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Re: Dosing after a fearful trip: Same loop keeps rearing its head [Re: flickedbic]
    #18804926 - 09/05/13 08:10 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

flickedbic said:
Sailing: What was that dose of 4-AcO-DMT?  Also maybe you could try death meditation.  This one looks good: http://www.meditationiseasy.com/mCorner/techniques/What_is_death_meditation.htm

Blessings

Namaste



I gotta say, i dig your vibes man. it was 35 milligrams of fumerate (takes twice as much for the same effect as freebase due to the weight of the fumerate part of the molecule) I think i might just be an anomaly though because from all the research i've done, it appears to be a very safe chemical, and ive seen friends take 60-70mg and not even show any signs of nausea.

I just started practicing meditation a few days ago. so far ive just been doing breathing meditation for a minute or two every night, but as I go, im going to keep going longer and longer. My goal is to be able to meditate for 30 minutes at a time.

I should clarify, I do not fear death. When it's time I welcome it, but I do not seek it. As I laid dying (Im pretty sure i was dying, i might have been tripping, but i could feel the vasoconstriction cutting off blood to my brain, im lucky i didnt have a stroke. and i felt like my organs were on the verge of shutting down.) I was completely at peace, it was a very serene experience. Even more peaceful, i think, than my ego death experience that i had on shrooms.


--------------------
Love is the deep spiritual connection between the self and all things. We are all a part of the same universe.

Crazy cat peekin through a lace bandanna,like a one eyed cheshire, like a diamond eyed jack.

:awecid2:


Edited by sailing (09/05/13 08:18 PM)


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Offlinempd
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Re: Dosing after a fearful trip: Same loop keeps rearing its head [Re: flickedbic]
    #18804947 - 09/05/13 08:17 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I had a real awful experience a couple of months ago and I am still not right.  Low doses for this kid for the foreseeable future.  It takes time to understand all of it.


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There is no truer calling for mankind than that of true conservatism.


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Offlinegornyhuy
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Re: Dosing after a fearful trip: Same loop keeps rearing its head [Re: mpd]
    #18804990 - 09/05/13 08:30 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I'm still recovering from a similar situation.
It turns out I'm pretty sensitive and I had WAY more t. bridge than I could handle, so it put me into a schizoid super-negative mind set for almost 24 hours straight.  Took me a while to recover from that, and next dip in the water was some pretty strong LSD which also turned out to be more than I should have dosed and plunged me right back into that place. 

I took a loooong break and have now been slowly dipping my toe back in the water with low doses of my beloved and trusted shroomies again. So far so good... had a wonderful experience last week. Debating about how soon to turn up the knobs a little bit more.

Like you, I'm sitting on a pretty sizable stash of very high quality LSD.  Not sure when I'll be ready to try it again, but I can tell you I'll be staying in the shallow end of the pool at first!


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InvisibleBIGS
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Re: Dosing after a fearful trip: Same loop keeps rearing its head [Re: gornyhuy]
    #18805065 - 09/05/13 08:48 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

man, i can relate to this.

Had a bad trip about 6 months back and decided to drop this past weekend. Took half of normal dose and felt like the trip was wasted, just felt drained and i hate when i dont feel the magic.
I feel like its a mental block you set after your trip that differs you away from trying it again, and the block is damn hard to lift.
When your ready youll know it.

Patience is key i feel.
If you have sheets, save them. Like you said good blotter is and can be hard to come by, better to know you have a stock of good stuff rather then having to worry about getting something worth your time.


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Invisibleexcalibur127
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Re: Dosing after a fearful trip: Same loop keeps rearing its head [Re: BIGS]
    #18806128 - 09/06/13 03:00 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I can relate to most of you about taking a break. A few months ago I experienced an incredibly powerful shroom trip that made me fear death immensely. I started relating everything back to humans and humans to death, everything always came down to death. I had these panic attacks several times a day for about a month.

Right now I got my shit sorted and am slowly recovering from that. I tried tripping shortly after when I though I would be able to handle it, but the fear came back in these same loops like you describe so I just couldn't do it any more.

I've quit all substances now and am just trying to find more aspects of life to enjoy, enjoying time with family and friends, enjoying old hobbies and finding new ones, taking it slowly and trying not to think too much.

Eventually I know I will form a clear opinion on death and I will be able to conquer my fear. I know and firmly believe this. But the mind needs rest so take your time, find what is valuable to you in life and let your being shine all naturally.

Peace man!


@flickedbic Thanks for the link mate! Looks very interesting, I'm not sure I can handle meditating on death yet but when I feel like I can, I will surely give it a try. Thanks once again!


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Offlinewolf8312
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Re: Dosing after a fearful trip: Same loop keeps rearing its head [Re: excalibur127]
    #18806255 - 09/06/13 05:28 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

I've quit all substances now and am just trying to find more aspects of life to enjoy, enjoying time with family and friends, enjoying old hobbies and finding new ones, taking it slowly and trying not to think too much.




Exactly! Take a break!

OP I think whats interesting about psychotic trips is that they dont usually tend to happen as a one off occurrence. The psychotic trip that landed my ass in hospital grew like a demonic and possessive schizophrenia with each successive bad trip, but I still continued to chase it and stupidly upped the dosage.

All though I can say for sure I honestly did not want to die that night, looking back now it all seems almost tantamount to some sort of suicide by cop type scenario, for I cant now looking back for the life of me work out why I didn't pay heed to all the warning signs!

A trip in which you were trying to knock yourself out to avoid the experience is a warning sign of truly monstrous proportions and any continuation is likely going to seriously risk your life and sanity itself! Forget the romantic conception of your past high dose wonderful experiences and focus instead on coming to terms with it! Something very bad must have happened, and if you're anything like me, you wont now -sober- be remembering clearly what exactly this very bad thing actually was/is!

You honestly need to take a break and forget once and for all about heroic doses! I too miss the fact that I am no longer able to eat 8 tabs in a night along with plenty of cannabis, and come through it all without any problems whatsoever, for I have so many wonderful memories of so many incredible high dose experiences!

I think the truth is that as we get older and our mortality creeps in, we all lose that youthful ignorance and dipshit feeling of invincibility that enables us to fearlessly chomp down dangerous amounts of psychedelics. Its the same reason young people are more likely to be involved in fatal road accidents!

Now I am older I realize that it is actually almost invariably the noobs who ingest ludicrously heroic doses, and the truly experienced -enlightened to the dangers by experiencing them first hand- who proceed with caution and know where their limit is!

If you still cant live without psychedelics for a year or so, I wholeheartedly recommend you take a break from acid and concentrate on the healing and far less psychotic Ayahuasca. Despite its fearsome power it is much more forgiving!


--------------------
"I'm every nightmare you ever had. I am your worst dreams come true. I am everything you ever were afraid of."

Pennywise the dancing clown



Edited by wolf8312 (09/06/13 06:09 AM)


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