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Anonymous #1

So I am depressed and I end up crying every night.
    #18795879 - 09/03/13 07:09 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I'm a recovering heroin addict.  I have no friends and my family hardly talks to me.  I lost my GF when we were arrested together last October, and she just got sentenced to 5 years so she is gone forever.  Every night I curl up on the floor in the bathroom and cry.  I feel lonely, and helpless, and trapped, and hopeless.  I have nothing to look forward to in life, and nothing I am proud of, and nothing is fun anymore.  I see a psychiatrist and I'm on numerous meds.  I just feel drugged like a zombie on my meds, and I can only describe the feeling as though the drugs take away what little human emotions I do have naturally.  Those emotions are usually frustration and anger, but with the meds they are replaced by hopelessness and sadness.


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Anonymous #2

Re: So I am depressed and I end up crying every night. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18795893 - 09/03/13 07:12 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

There is always hope man. Things can and will get better. I'm sure a million people have told you this before. And I'm sure others will.

What you have been through is shit. But it will improve. Just hold on in there :smile:


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Anonymous #3

Re: So I am depressed and I end up crying every night. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18796003 - 09/03/13 07:38 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

:hugitout:


A man traveling across a field encountered a tiger. He fled, the tiger after him. Coming to a precipice, he caught hold of the root of a wild vine and swung himself down over the edge. The tiger sniffed at him from above. Trembling, the man looked down to where, far below, another tiger was waiting to eat him. Only the vine sustained him. Two mice, one white and one black, little by little started to gnaw away the vine. The man saw a luscious strawberry near him. Grasping the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other. How sweet it tasted!
-Zen parable

Eat the strawberries dude, it is all you can do.
As for pratical advice, when my depression gets really bad I go out into the woods and cry until I can't anymore. Then I meditate and feel a bit better.


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Anonymous #4

Re: So I am depressed and I end up crying every night. [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #18796022 - 09/03/13 07:41 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Do you have a job? or something to occupy your time with?

I would just try to get out and meet people more often


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Anonymous #5

Re: So I am depressed and I end up crying every night. [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #18800433 - 09/04/13 06:29 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Yea man, I say you start fresh, leave all that heroin shit behind. Get a job (or a new one, where no one knows you.) and work on improving who you are. But ultimately, watch your internal dialog, if you see that you're establishing a negative thought, go back and rethink.
Also work on an internal visualization of the you that you'd like to be.


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Anonymous #6

Re: So I am depressed and I end up crying every night. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18800455 - 09/04/13 06:34 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

What were you sentenced?


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Anonymous #7

Re: So I am depressed and I end up crying every night. [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #18805451 - 09/05/13 10:08 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

This is what you're going to do my friend.

You're going to understand that this world is a test. A very elaborate test which is very complex and it's based on your knowledge or "consciousness".

Once you're understood that, you're going to let everything go. You're going to have no fear of the future. The future doesn't exist without the past so you need to figure out your problems from the past.

Find DMT in whatever way you can. Ayahuasca in South America or extraction wherever you're at. Or any psychedelic such as P. Cubensis or LSD or whatever you're into. But you're going to take this drug completely alone. You're going to understand one thing: You control the reality you live in. It's the only one you get. So when you trip ALONE and seeking answers, allow your brain to unfold around you and just exist without care. Just realize how beautiful it all is and how when you die you get transcended to whole new place. No matter what it's beautiful....


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Anonymous #8

Re: So I am depressed and I end up crying every night. [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #18806107 - 09/06/13 02:37 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

This is heartbreaking.


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Anonymous #9

Re: So I am depressed and I end up crying every night. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18806494 - 09/06/13 08:14 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I'm in a really bad place right now too, OP.

You have to do something.  It's nearly impossible when you feel like this, but take baby steps.  Do things that scare you and when you finish them you can feel proud of yourself.  Take that pride and realize that whenever the depression starts to take over again, you have that little piece of pride to hold on to.  Hold on to it until the depression lessens(which it will,) and then take that little bit of pride and hope and go do something else that you can be proud of.  Rinse and repeat until you have done so many things you can be proud of that when the depression comes, it is as fleeting as your moments of clarity currently are.

I'd start with working out if I were you.  Don't think about it, don't psych yourself into or out of it, just get up and fucking do it.  Go for long hikes in nature, run to the point of exhaustion, every time you start to feel like crying, get down and do as many pushups as you can, or as many pullups.  You've damaged your bodies ability to produce neurotransmitters, but not beyond repair.  Get your blood pumping.  Get your natural endorphins flowing again.  You know the runner's wall?  Start trying to get through it.  Breaking the runners wall is like a free shot of natural morphine.

We can't sit around feeling sorry for ourselves forever, OP.  I think that in a weird sort of way, we kind of want to be depressed.  It's a horrible feeling, but it's an excuse, and a good one, to not take control of our lives.  For me, I think it's to do with a fear of failure and of being judged.  I don't know what it is for you, but I do know that the only guaranteed way to fail is to not even try at all.  So OP, if you do this, I will start doing it with you.  What do you say?


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Anonymous #10

Re: So I am depressed and I end up crying every night. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18808967 - 09/06/13 07:31 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I'm a recovering heroin addict.  I have no friends and my family hardly talks to me.  I lost my GF when we were arrested together last October, and she just got sentenced to 5 years so she is gone forever.  Every night I curl up on the floor in the bathroom and cry.  I feel lonely, and helpless, and trapped, and hopeless.  I have nothing to look forward to in life, and nothing I am proud of, and nothing is fun anymore.  I see a psychiatrist and I'm on numerous meds.  I just feel drugged like a zombie on my meds, and I can only describe the feeling as though the drugs take away what little human emotions I do have naturally.  Those emotions are usually frustration and anger, but with the meds they are replaced by hopelessness and sadness.




Ah i'm sorry man. When I was going through a depression I read books to keep my mind off my depression


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Anonymous #11

Re: So I am depressed and I end up crying every night. [Re: Anonymous #10]
    #18809042 - 09/06/13 07:44 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Helps me too :smile:

and anon 5 that internal dialogue has given me food for thought thanks!


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