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HannahMichelle
Truth Seeker

Registered: 09/01/13
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My experience of ego death and gaining a little enlightenment. Which cause much confusion. Thoughts?
#18787530 - 09/01/13 10:39 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Hello. My name is Hannah and I'm 18 years old. I have experienced something that blows my mind and I'm looking for answers, advice, similar story's, how to enlighten friends and foes(if I should), and how to use this experience.
Recently, within the past few months I believe I experienced ego death. At the time I had no idea what it was. I had smoked just a few hits (not even that much) of marijuana and was in the process of watching the show called, john must die or something along those lines. The Movie had me thinking... It was starting to really get to me and freak me out. I began questioning reality, which I have done before but never to this extent was I convinced reality isn't what I perceive it to be. But at this point i realized I've been blinded. THERE IS MORE! It's FACT. My mind wondered a bit as I began thinking maybe giant people are watching us, changing our environment and manipulating our lives for their own personal reasons which are unknown, The Move was tripping me out YO! lol. But then again, maybe it COULD be true. Who knows, i have many theories..
Anyways, At the time i was with my ex boyfriend, who is not great in character and would not discuss anything with me nor turn off or discuss the show. I felt so alone because of this. I wanted to share what I was feeling with someone who cared even a little bit. My body stayed on the couch but my thinking felt very detached. My body did not feel like my own. I felt as though it was almost un-needed in a way. My body movements felt unreal. I felt that if someone were to talk to me, id have to almost make my body to talk and respond. My thinking was different; changed. My anxiety was off the charts. I was 100% SURE something abnormal was happening to me, or i was going crazy; or both. I fought it for a while, longing for myself to return. If my friends had experienced this, they sure never told me! The anxiety of going crazy and not knowing what was happening because of this feeling of detachment of my thoughts and my body had not subsided after what seemed like a eternity, i had to eventually accepted this is who I am now. I am now going to be like this forever. I accepted it. Now comes the other thoughts my brain had room for. I could see people as they really are. Meaning as people can see the physical world around them, I could so to say SEE they're character and they're true motives. Maybe like a 6th sense? Some people judge character, but i believe i KNEW they're character, at least to an extent. (Usually when I get high, (especially the first time) this seems to happen but in a much less noticeable "lower-dose" form. And when I'm not high, I believe i can judge character pretty well.).. Now I was trying my hardest to appear normal so everyone wouldn't know I had lost my mind. I felt nothing, yet I felt everything. I saw my TRUE self. It wasn't who i was on the outside that made me me. There is more. I also began to see myself in a new way. I saw how self centered i was. I saw how terrible and mean and rude i could be. I was so extremely childish and petty in ways I don't even think others picked up on. I really was a disgusting person. Then a there i decided to change. How could I be like this? I never knew I was like this? Did people perceive me this way? They must have. Well soon after my ex boyfriend left and i went upstairs to sleep. When I woke up if i remember correctly my ego had returned and I was left mystified but someone enlighten.
I remember thinking how little i know. I realized I know NOTHING... A few days pasted and I kept this a secret. But was very changed. Then a couple days after my ego death my brothers were talking about how my brother david acts when he gets drunk... and so began me spilling the beans about my experience. And my brother opened the doors of knowledge to me about what I had went through. I wasn't crazy after all. My brother who is pretty knowledgeable in these kind of things and is somewhat enlightened (although I now believe I passed up his level of enlightenment) told me about ego death and we had a 7 or 8 hour discussion right through the morning about what we call, "The Hidden Truth" I began research buddhism and monks and etc. I deeply questions my Christianity and other things I've been taught. I arrived at the conclusion that I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ for many many valid reasons. Also, make note that Adam and eve were tempted my gaining *******knowledge***** to be like God, SO recently I have begun to question whether this enlightenment, although I know its very very real, is a good thing in God's eyes or a good thing in Satan's eyes.. Anyways. This is getting long and this happened quite a few weeks ago. I'm in a hurry so I probably left out things but this is good for now. I hope I get a response and some answers. It's like there's a hidden truth from people and no one cares to learn it. They'd rather be in their own little reality. *sigh* It makes me sad to think about, but also gives me motive! Then at the same time maybe God meant for us to not know all of this, and it is TRULY in our best interest. But through all this, I learned more about myself. This is the best thing that happened to me because I changed for the better of not only myself, but for other people. I hope I continue to always keep my ego in view as much as possible! I hope to better humanity and help everyone be the best version of them self. God bless. -Hannah PS SORRY FOR THE "SCATTERBRAINNESS" and grammar errors. I can't focus and my brain is everywhere at the moment.
Edited by HannahMichelle (09/01/13 11:26 PM)
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Shroomhunter510
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Re: My experience of ego death and gaining a little enlightenment. Which cause much confusion. Thoughts? [Re: HannahMichelle]
#18787564 - 09/01/13 10:49 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Sorry I didn't read your story, all those words overwhelmed my small attention span
God is dead, not real, imaginary and not good for young people. But it's great for old people.. Not really. but it provides comfort and unity I guess, I never been to an English speaking church so I never understood..
The bible belongs to the church so of course their going to want you to attend, they don't pay taxes yet their every where, they always need more money. Idk I see nothing positive from churches , but I'm not a person who goes to one.
I eat mushrooms and go to church the way god intended us too
Your god.
Edited by Shroomhunter510 (09/01/13 10:59 PM)
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teknix
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Re: My experience of ego death and gaining a little enlightenment. Which cause much confusion. Thoughts? [Re: HannahMichelle]
#18787629 - 09/01/13 11:08 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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I don't think it is enlightenment, but it could be a spiritual awakening of sort.
To me enlightenment is having access to your entire energy body and understanding it, awakening is the first step to accessing that energy body by freeing the awareness that was stuck in your eyes by your ego. Check out the link in my sig if you want to know more about what I think about it.
I've been trying to unravel the truth of it all for a long time, I even majored in biology to try to figure it out and while I think I'm getting closer to the truth, there always seems to be more, it's like a never ending story.
Also if you can put your wall of text into paragraphs it will make it much easier for people to read and respond to.
(P.S. It's cool that you found the phenomena at a young age, I was 19 when I discovered it, and I'm 30 now, and still discovering more 11 years later.)
It is definitely a journey.
-------------------- .6th and 7th sense theory .Now is forever. .ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±Theο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο± ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±Unseenο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο± is seenο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο± by the blindο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο± eye.ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο± ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο± ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο± ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο± ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο± ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±.When the inevitable time comes, go with your head held high,without regret or remorse, in your subconscious mind. ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο± ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±ο±
Edited by teknix (09/01/13 11:19 PM)
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lolwut
bad motherfucker


Registered: 08/14/10
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Re: My experience of ego death and gaining a little enlightenment. Which cause much confusion. Thoughts? [Re: HannahMichelle]
#18787667 - 09/01/13 11:19 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Cool post, I think you'll fit in here. I think that you've had your eyes opened somewhat and are discovering the idea that there is more to life than the narrow frequency most people's brains operate on.
Since you're just starting (I think) I'll just say, FORGET about enlightenment but don't turn your back on the fact you always keep learning. http://www.dharmawheel.net/viewtopic.php?f=77&t=4362
Oh and mainstream religion is bs.
-------------------- Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth, and taste...
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teknix
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Re: My experience of ego death and gaining a little enlightenment. Which cause much confusion. Thoughts? [Re: lolwut]
#18787670 - 09/01/13 11:20 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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hey lolwut, hows it been?
Edited by teknix (09/01/13 11:28 PM)
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lolwut
bad motherfucker


Registered: 08/14/10
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Re: My experience of ego death and gaining a little enlightenment. Which cause much confusion. Thoughts? [Re: teknix]
#18787680 - 09/01/13 11:23 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Fucking awful.
-------------------- Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth, and taste...
Edited by lolwut (09/01/13 11:46 PM)
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teknix
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Re: My experience of ego death and gaining a little enlightenment. Which cause much confusion. Thoughts? [Re: lolwut]
#18787734 - 09/01/13 11:45 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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That's not good
Edited by teknix (09/01/13 11:55 PM)
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HannahMichelle
Truth Seeker

Registered: 09/01/13
Posts: 20
Loc: Illinois
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
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Re: My experience of ego death and gaining a little enlightenment. Which cause much confusion. Thoughts? [Re: HannahMichelle]
#18787750 - 09/01/13 11:49 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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lolwut
bad motherfucker


Registered: 08/14/10
Posts: 2,782
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Re: My experience of ego death and gaining a little enlightenment. Which cause much confusion. Thoughts? [Re: HannahMichelle]
#18787757 - 09/01/13 11:54 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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A lot of people are brainwashed, I guess you probably won't like hearing Christianity is bullshit right away...but keep an open mind about the idea that everything you know is false and that there are ideas out there that are much more "accurate"
-------------------- Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth, and taste...
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teknix
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Re: My experience of ego death and gaining a little enlightenment. Which cause much confusion. Thoughts? [Re: HannahMichelle]
#18787768 - 09/01/13 11:57 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
HannahMichelle said: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&list=PLJv7sRaXZYJVYzVTRK54G3nafywcKy4U_&v=2GGHAK9ksL8 After watching this... I'm even more confused.
If god loves everyone, what do their beliefs matter at all?
If god is just, wouldn't he let a good and just person into heaven regardless what they believe? If not then he wouldn't be just and I personally wouldn't much to do with him. 
Jesus was teaching Metta, to love everyone without clining, would you disagree?
Practicing Metta and actually feeling love for people would have to be of god, but I don't believe in Kundalini or Christianity really, I'm a scientist.
Do you really think god would force us to believe in something we cannot know, or go to hell? srsly? Forcing belief is a form of manipulation, not a path towards truth.
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Megatrondon
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Registered: 08/02/13
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Re: My experience of ego death and gaining a little enlightenment. Which cause much confusion. Thoughts? [Re: teknix]
#18787912 - 09/02/13 12:58 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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i gotta say i read your post and it truly touched home. we live every day in a struggle. this like money and a home only present assurance that you wont get cold or go hungry and you will be clothed. But we you look at it from the perspective you have you see madness around you. every one getting up early to beat the traffic people in line at the welfare office homeless asking for a buck little kids copying what they see on Tv. its madness to your new perception but love your self is whats most important love love love your self, its sad to see a girl like Milly cyrus go the rout shes going shes just a cum bucket for who ever pays top dollar to. shes not free at all shes a slave to her own self worth. tell your self in the mirror every morning i love you ( i do) ! love your family.respect!! and help others when you see a opportunity. you do it because it makes you feel good. there's so many routs to take in life with totally different endings. you can be a burden to this world or you can stand for something and spread love and promote harmony to your neighbors and peers. this knowledge you say come to you is not some type of unknown knowledge it comes with age. alot of young kids dont think like that. they thinks its about being all into others life's like its a drama movie and who is cool and who is not. for get all of that and be productive and enjoy life in its misery. I hate hearing kids talk about suicide yea it might take a brave person to do that to them self's but it take a even braver person to face the challenges ahead and it will make you a wise person. And i know theirs a great hand full of ashiest here. Don't allow them to rip you away from what is true. i don't know if Jesus is real but i know there is a GOD there is some one that's controlling the universe and keeping natures order.And the new testament in the bible gives you good list of things that can assure happiness in your life. i stopped going to church because it always got weird when the money collector got on the podium and asked for more money. come to find out he was steeling from the church. true story.so why don't god stop the evil he is god right?he does not control the evil things we do to each other. If the whole world was to care for each other we would make it to the next level in reality but with evil works greed and hate we can never achieve what is possible. the TV pastors and all that are all BS they want your money! just love your self and others and you will be ok! and dont do synthetic drugs they screw with your brain ! your still growing and so is your brain do clout it. "LSD CHANGED MY LIFE" no BS. LOVE true love comes from within and drugs are not needed! But I'm all for the mushrooms & weed. any plant that does not have to be chemically altered has my approval. Just my rant on this good topic ! peace and welcome to the most diverse forum i have ever seen. i only joined for the awesome knowledge people share about growing mushrooms and topics like this!
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teknix
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Re: My experience of ego death and gaining a little enlightenment. Which cause much confusion. Thoughts? [Re: Megatrondon]
#18787939 - 09/02/13 01:12 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Genesis 1:29 Then God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you;
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Icelander
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Re: My experience of ego death and gaining a little enlightenment. Which cause much confusion. Thoughts? [Re: HannahMichelle] 1
#18788059 - 09/02/13 02:11 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Ask yourself this, if I was born in Iran or India or Tibet would I believe in the Christian version of things or instead whatever was the cultural religion of choice where I was born?
You definitely saw through some shit imo. Now turn that gaze on your current cultural beliefs.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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GoldenEye
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Re: My experience of ego death and gaining a little enlightenment. Which cause much confusion. Thoughts? [Re: Icelander]
#18789005 - 09/02/13 10:15 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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This is a really good question, unfortunately, it's rather impossible to answer.
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GoldenEye
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Re: My experience of ego death and gaining a little enlightenment. Which cause much confusion. Thoughts? [Re: GoldenEye]
#18789035 - 09/02/13 10:24 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Read some near death experiences.
One common element amongst many, many near death experiences is the panoramic overview of your entire life.
Some higher power or being (different ones based on peoples cultural beliefs) will allow you this unbiased overview of your life.
But now... for the interesting part:
It is not this being that ends up judging you.
It's role is simply to allow you to view yourself in an objective way.
It is YOU who makes the decision, whether you lived a righteous or a sinful life, YOU decide.
The conclusion I drew from this is: love yourself and forgive yourself (easy if you learn from your mistakes) and you will die in peace.
You'll find your path and I wish you the best.
(PS: almost none of the people that have had a near death experience believed death to be the end, no matter what their backgrounds or beliefs were)
Edited by GoldenEye (09/02/13 10:29 AM)
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Icelander
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Re: My experience of ego death and gaining a little enlightenment. Which cause much confusion. Thoughts? [Re: GoldenEye]
#18789841 - 09/02/13 01:08 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
GoldenEye said: This is a really good question, unfortunately, it's rather impossible to answer.
Guess. Look at how each culture has it's religion that it believes to be the true one.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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ClockCode
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Re: My experience of ego death and gaining a little enlightenment. Which cause much confusion. Thoughts? [Re: Icelander]
#18789857 - 09/02/13 01:12 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Most, not each.
-------------------- Psilovibing
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eve69
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Re: My experience of ego death and gaining a little enlightenment. Which cause much confusion. Thoughts? [Re: ClockCode]
#18790385 - 09/02/13 03:05 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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If you are a seeker then you will not sleep until you figure these truths out.
-------------------- ...or something
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teknix
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Re: My experience of ego death and gaining a little enlightenment. Which cause much confusion. Thoughts? [Re: eve69]
#18790456 - 09/02/13 03:29 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Whatever eve, some truths takes years if not decades if they are even ever figured out.
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deCypher



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Re: My experience of ego death and gaining a little enlightenment. Which cause much confusion. Thoughts? [Re: teknix]
#18791688 - 09/02/13 07:47 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Am I the only one who caught the age-related ninja-edit in the OP? 
Quote:
teknix said: Whatever eve, some truths takes years if not decades if they are even ever figured out.
IMO one of the biggest mistakes a seeker can make is assume that they've figured out the Truth. All I've got are my best guesses and beliefs, and they can change at any time as the evidence I observe and reason about changes. Certainty is a trap.
-------------------- We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
 
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