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Invisibleexcalibur127
Cucumber

Registered: 09/01/13
Posts: 69
How my irresponsible use of shrooms led me to quit psychedelics
    #18784821 - 09/01/13 11:00 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Prologue

My story started several months ago.
Having previously done mild drugs like weed and N20, and heavier ones like nbome and DMT, I was looking for the next thing to check off my To-Do list.

As luck would have it, I stumbled upon Shroomery and got excited after reading several trip reports. I enquired with some friends that had already taken shrooms before and to my surprise, none of them mentioned any bad (after) effects.

Shrooms seemed like the perfect drug to me: oneness with all, feeling of complete bliss, fantastic journeys through the mind, both visual and mental, ... and seemingly no side-effects.

It didn't take long for my grow kit to reach my residence and I quickly set it up. Having previously synthesized DMT, I was surprised to find the cultivation process very easy and intuitive. Before long the first caps popped and I prepared myself for the trip.

You must understand that after having had an enormously powerful DMT trip and an ego-shattering nbome experience, I really thought I was ready to step up my game here, so I wanted to get a pretty mind-blowing trip. This was the first serious mistake I made.

But dosage numbers were hard to find or seemed to differ too much; there simply were too many factors to really calculate an accurate dose.

The best thing I found was Shroomery's own dose calculator. It was a bit confusing but I dialled in a Level 4 trip (as the description sort of corresponded to my heavier trips) and got a recommendation of ~40gr fresh.

Now I had heard from friends that the taste of (fresh) shrooms can be a bit bad so I looked up the best way to take them. While doing so, I read some reports on nausea but all these seemed to be talking about ingestion only. I never read anything about nausea during trips, which was my second mistake: to not having researched any further.

I settled for the orange juice (OJ) method and mixed 40gr fresh with half a litter of OJ. The brew went in nicely and I was set to experience my first shroom trip ever.


The Trip

First 30 min: smooth onset with rushes of energy. Feeling very alive and powerful.

1hr in: visuals kick in. While painting I noticed my paintings become alive. Everything seemed like a big fantasy world. I was getting very excited about it.

2hr in: effects are almost peaking. I went from painting to making some music. Same fantasy like feeling when improvising some tunes. Then shortly after I start feeling a heavy physical paralysis set in. I feel I'm unable to continue playing and sit down. At this point, I can hardly move my muscles. The heat in the room gets unbearable (hot summer day) so I switch on a fan but to no avail.

2.5hr in: heat is unbearable and muscle tension is very annoying. Want to drink but can't even stand up properly to get water. Finally manage to get to the bathtub and just lay in it, showering myself with ice cold water. Paralysis gets very bad and I start thinking: "Shit, I took way too much, I need to stop this trip".

3hr in: I finally make it out of my bathtub and head to the kitchen. Having read vitamine C decreases trip effects, I try making myself a mix with some vitamine C powder. Because the water is too hot, I have to wait. Now very bad thoughts start to race through my mind. I start panicking and start considering the possibility I might actually overdose and die. I pick up my phone to call an ambulance but avert the thought just in time. Afterwards, I repeatedly picked up my phone again but never actually called.

I try laying down in all possible positions, trying to think of positive things and then I start getting spiritual. I am no believer nor will I ever be but at that moment I remember some people posting about "respecting the shrooms" so I spontaneously start praying to the Mushrooms and start thanking them for what they've given me.

This being both disgusting and hilarious, I finally manage to take a sip of my vitamine C mixture but then a mad feeling of nausea kicks in. I end up throwing up several times (which is most disgusting while tripping) and thoughts of my death start popping up again.

3.5hr in: I am completely convinced at this point I'm going to die and am really struggling to keep myself from calling an ambulance. At this point I just stood up and kept on trying to think positive things, trying to remember good times in my life, while suddenly something happens and stars turning the trip around...

4hr in: Pleasant childhood memories start popping up and I start reliving my life in full clarity. One memory results in another and I soon find myself swimming in all my memories. It is a wonderful feeling and it helps me ignore the thought of death.

6hr+: This whole trip ended with me laying in my bed, countering the nausea and fear of death with good memories and tripping it out. I later went out into nature and had a most perfect evening going through old memories and reliving my life.


Epilogue

I would've loved to call this the end, laugh at my mistakes and remind myself to always start low and do more research... But that's not where this ended.

Up to this day, the fear of death continues to haunt me, albeit in lesser degree and slowly weakening. The first few weeks after the trip were very bad in particular: I associated everything with people and people with death. My death, their death, everything and any one. You know the feeling when you think of your own death and you shiver?
This feeling - all day, all week.

I dubbed this a mental trauma and tried many things to get rid of it, but only now are the effects of this slowly fading. I tried doing nbome after, but that fear immediately got hold of me again and the trip only amplified it. The day after I decided to quit psychedelics and restart my life in a healthier fashion.


Conclusion

It's easy to call me names and tell me it's my own fault. It is. That's why I chose this title for my thread. But I also want you to understand how severe a badtrip (on shrooms) can be and how it could possibly affect you.

I believe my decision to quit is a right one. If you've ever felt the fear of death, you too will now it is the most horrible feeling in the world, far exceeding ego-death and the like. And it is not something you can live with easily.

Contrary to popular belief, I don't think this experience made me any stronger. Just more determined to live better and put an end to an otherwise most interesting period of psychedelic experiments.

Though this report may seem bad, I ironically also consider this trip to be my most beautiful one. The journey through my memories was something extraordinary and the oneness with nature was simply bliss.

The bad outweighed the good for me, but I'm sure that if you take care, be more responsible than me and take it easy, you can by far experience something greater at lesser costs.

Stay safe everyone. Peace.


Edited by excalibur127 (09/01/13 11:01 AM)


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InvisibleeMpire420
Suicide Is Bliss
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Registered: 07/10/12
Posts: 2,595
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Re: How my irresponsible use of shrooms led me to quit psychedelics [Re: excalibur127]
    #18786581 - 09/01/13 07:07 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I know that feeling. I've experienced a similar fear of death that I'm dealing with on a daily basis after my one trip (trip report in sig, the december 25th one). After 8 or so months the anxiety is slowly fading. But for the first month I thought I was going to have to get committed, I was sure that everyone was trying to end my life. Because I felt like I avoided death and it was coming back around to get me.

Good vibes man, and I wish you the best. I hope you'll have a speedy recovery back to your normal mental state. I don't think you should call this the permanent end, because the mind has a curious way of resetting itself. I swore I would never touch drugs again after my bad trip.. but I can already tell that I'm going to be tripping again in the future.


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Invisiblelessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
Re: How my irresponsible use of shrooms led me to quit psychedelics [Re: eMpire420]
    #18786600 - 09/01/13 07:13 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

40g wet isn't irresponsible we've all done it

first and only time I ate fresh I took 41g with OJ

let me tell you it was the worst trip in my life

but the fear only lasted the whole trip, after the trip ended I was back to normal

by appreciating everything I have(the small things in the moment that bring happiness), knowing there is a reason for everything
accepting myself and death

have since died on shrooms+lsd since, and don't fear death anymore :-)

but that trip was the devil... won't put any more words on it, the most evil trip you can imagine, felt possessed the whole trip
but my soul was back the next day by doing what I love :-) , love is stronger

good lsd is easier to have a good time with than shrooms IMO, almost impossible to get a bad trip there
but shrooms often give bad trips, they're part of the experience, you gotta respect set/setting/dose more carefully with those

I think it's important to moderate psychedelic usage, just like it is with weed usage... (I quit weed)

the bad trips teach as much as the good ones, it was a valuable lesson


Edited by lessismore (09/01/13 07:19 PM)


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InvisibleeMpire420
Suicide Is Bliss
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/10/12
Posts: 2,595
Loc: The Fucking Moon
Re: How my irresponsible use of shrooms led me to quit psychedelics [Re: lessismore]
    #18786756 - 09/01/13 07:53 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

the bad trips teach as much as the good ones, it was a valuable lesson




Good point. I actually think they teach you more. Sure trips full of rainbows and unicorns are fun, but you don't really leave the experience with much other than feelings of bliss and happiness.


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Invisibleexcalibur127
Cucumber

Registered: 09/01/13
Posts: 69
Re: How my irresponsible use of shrooms led me to quit psychedelics [Re: eMpire420]
    #18788110 - 09/02/13 02:46 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

@eMpire420S I've read your December 2012 report. Excellent writing, shame you had to go through such hell though... Coincidentally, before planning my shroom trip I also considered doing DOC first. I ordered a dose but it never arrived so I went with the shrooms instead. After reading your report, I'm not sure which would've been worse...

Thanks for the kind words man, wish you all the best as well!
You're absolutely right: the mind really is a brilliant thing. I'm sure we'll both recover in no time!

@mio That surprised me, I thought everyone was more careful than me haha. You're right, love is stronger and that is exactly what I'm slowly finding out for myself now. By living in the moment and enjoying all goodness of life, I feel I can tackle this and live with it.

My nbome experiences have always been more 'practical'. They were never quite a 'journey' but more of a catalyst to work on art or music. I would have perfect control of both mind & body so the trips were always more relaxed. Shrooms take you for a wild ride and are much more intense, so moderation is definitely needed lest you want to end up in the funny farm!

Thanks for your insights!


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Offlinechaosbydesign
in-between dimensions
Female


Registered: 10/28/08
Posts: 78
Loc: The Big Apple (in your ha...
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
Re: How my irresponsible use of shrooms led me to quit psychedelics [Re: excalibur127]
    #18792406 - 09/02/13 10:14 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

It sounds like this experience is and will be beneficial for you. :smile: I agree with some previous posts that sometimes the "bad" trips can be nore useful than the blissful and fun ones. I call them 'difficult'trips though, because I don't believe in bad trips unless it's something really extreme. I think that difficult trips are necessary in order to bring your attention to issues or things in your life that need to be fixed or transcended. If you can get over your fear of death, imagine what else will be possible for you. And you don't know whether all your tripping is over with forever just because you need some time to integrate an experience! That's just what using psychedelics is about... exploration and learning. Sometimes you might need a long integration process in order to get the most out of it. As long as you are conscientious like that and are willing to devote the time and willpower to doing this sort of work, I don't see how you would be "irresponsible" in any way. :smile: To me, it seems like you are trying to learn from it. Otherwise you wouldn't have posted this and said you've been thinking about it and getting better.


--------------------

I reside in the uncharted space in between; where intangible detail meets reality's seams...


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Offlinejonnymushroom
the man of many teks

Registered: 07/27/13
Posts: 262
Loc: dugg in somewere
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
Re: How my irresponsible use of shrooms led me to quit psychedelics [Re: excalibur127]
    #18792518 - 09/02/13 10:41 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Buddy you have to understand something you just are not going to die eat mushrooms and no you aren't going to be a weird exceptions either .

The mushroom will always wear off in a few hours you must always remember this ALWAYS! When it comes to mushrooms you must not resist never fight them sit down and give in let them show you the way. If you give in they will take care of you every time and you will come back safe with new insight, remember this.  Try again with the same amount and if you are in a safe place with no stress, this is very important and practice these things you will be great.


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Invisibleexcalibur127
Cucumber

Registered: 09/01/13
Posts: 69
Re: How my irresponsible use of shrooms led me to quit psychedelics [Re: jonnymushroom]
    #18793052 - 09/03/13 03:19 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

@chaosbydesign In this case I certainly agree, this was neither a good or bad trip; it had both extremes and even though the bad was really overwhelming for me, the good was most incredible as well!

This is my first time dealing with this integration process, perhaps that's why now I think of it as the end but it really might just be the turning of a page and the coming of another chapter. I don't know but time will tell. Of course, I will try my best to learn from this and even overcome this fear; should I succeed -and I'm damn determined to- then yes, many possibilities will open up for me.

For now though I will take my time and rest, the mind can't be on all the time, we need our precious moments of silliness and fun too!


@jonnymushroom I kept telling myself this very thing, but I'm afraid I was overwhelmed by the experience (this was my first time as you see). I'm sure your advice will come in handy during next trips, albeit you must forgive me but I will start out a little lower next time just to be safe!


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OfflineGreySatyr
Pagan-Psyche
Male

Registered: 06/20/13
Posts: 3,376
Loc: North Carolina
Last seen: 9 years, 8 months
Re: How my irresponsible use of shrooms led me to quit psychedelics [Re: excalibur127]
    #18811768 - 09/07/13 02:20 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I think that once you've integrated this experience into your life then you will come around to psychs again, I hope you do. Good vibes!


--------------------
...also, go to hell, huh?


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InvisibleSmeagol
Poke my 3rd eye
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Registered: 04/14/13
Posts: 319
Re: How my irresponsible use of shrooms led me to quit psychedelics [Re: GreySatyr]
    #18816466 - 09/08/13 07:38 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

The fear of death is normal. Face it. I faced it as a 13 yr old kid watching my mom suffer from cancer and chemo then in iraq scrubbing tankers brains off drivers instrument panels fixing them, drunk suffering from ptsd, stoned out of my gourd shortly after. You would not be here if things didn't die. You have been thousands and thousands of living things from bacteria to fuckin dinosaurs! Death may be forever from our body and this side but no reason to fear it. Just accept it. Im not saying do shrooms again if you dont want to but the death experience isn't abnormal. Death just is. Enjoy this crazy incredible flash fire known as life!!!!


--------------------
The road to hell is paved with good intentions, but it is not paved with clarity.” -Terence

"If you're not peaking what the fuck are you doing?" Dude on facebook


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