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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: just found out... [Re: Masked]
    #18772660 - 08/29/13 11:25 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Masked said:

I'm pretty sure many would agree. :shrug:




Many people do many things I don't agree with, but its your prerogative who you open yourself up to. No words can bridge the distance between me and certain other people, what happens to them is their issue. To tie that idea off, it isn't even slightly tempting to pretend to care about the individuals I have in mind, as tempting as being buried alive.


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InvisibleMasked
The Nutter
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Registered: 11/26/12
Posts: 8,979
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: just found out... [Re: Repertoire89]
    #18772668 - 08/29/13 11:28 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Repertoire89 said:
Quote:

Masked said:

I'm pretty sure many would agree. :shrug:




Many people do many things I don't agree with, but its your prerogative who you open yourself up to. No words can bridge the distance between me and certain other people, what happens to them is their issue. To tie that idea off, it isn't even slightly tempting to pretend to care about the individuals I have in mind, as tempting as being buried alive.




Well, I'll continue to go through life caring about the ones closest to me, regardless what they may have done to me.  Each to their own I guess :shrug:

I kind of feel sad for you :frown: :hug:


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.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: just found out... [Re: Masked]
    #18772674 - 08/29/13 11:30 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

I kind of feel sad for you :lol:

To each their own, I'm not wired for that kind of empathy and wouldn't want to be.


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InvisibleMasked
The Nutter
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Registered: 11/26/12
Posts: 8,979
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: just found out... [Re: Repertoire89]
    #18772683 - 08/29/13 11:32 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

I'm not wired for that kind of empathy and wouldn't want to be




Hence my correlation to the clinical definition of a psychopath.  This is not a common trait, nor is it one I wish I had :wink:

But like I said, each to their own.  I'm happy continuing the way I do, regardless of the pain I may feel


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: just found out... [Re: Masked]
    #18772726 - 08/29/13 11:46 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

o.0


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OfflineManianFHS
living in perverty
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Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,803
Last seen: 16 hours, 9 minutes
Re: just found out... [Re: Repertoire89]
    #18772741 - 08/29/13 11:50 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Repertoire89 said:
Time to cut people out wholesale, sorry to hear about this shit. Had one of these episodes a couple of years ago




Exactly what I would do


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."


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OfflineTmethylM
Smear in the shale
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Registered: 07/16/12
Posts: 16,431
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
Re: just found out... [Re: Masked] * 1
    #18772759 - 08/29/13 11:56 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Residual emotion is a certainty.
You're all human with human minds, it cannot be avoided though you may delude yourself or play a facade.
This, however,  is where you make realizations.

1) your mind is powerful, but it is controllable.
You're the captain of that ship.

2) you have to understand thoroughly that after an event such as described by OP, all hope of a fruitful trusting relationship are snuffed permanently.
You will spend your life trying to fix her, and your mind. You will never fix her. You are treading water.
5 years down the road, had you stayed with her, you will have 5 years of pain and regret.
5 years down the toad, had you left her, you may have new love and happiness and contentment.

3) though it may hurt now,  your feelings for her are temporary.
I see no reason not to forget she existed and carry on, this is possible with time.
It is without logic or point to suffer further or drag out the agony
Be done, wholeheartedly .

I retract my previous statement to show not emotion.
I want you to smile. When she is near or far. Be happy my brother.


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¯\_(ツ)_/¯


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Onlinekoods
Ribbit
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Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 106,395
Loc: Maryland/DC Burbs
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Re: just found out... [Re: Tmethyl]
    #18772845 - 08/29/13 12:15 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Come on people. He shouldn't just throw in the towel without trying to see how badly damaged this relationship is. Infidelity isn't an automatic deal breaker.


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NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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OfflineFlusH
Random person on Internet


Registered: 10/23/01
Posts: 2,910
Loc: Bizzaro World
Last seen: 1 month, 9 days
Re: just found out... [Re: Tmethyl]
    #18772868 - 08/29/13 12:20 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Just for some history info,

We've been together for almost 15 years.  Had our daughter 8 years ago, it is only 6 years ago when this started.


Today:

I had the chance to go for coffee just now with the buddy I have suspicions with.  Ive known him longer than my wife.  I bluntly told him I know whats up, and wtf is going on.

He was genuinely surprised by what I had to say.  He did say my wife went to him back then to vent about how I was an at home dad, and that was stressing her out since we were not making as much money at the time.  Ive been around for a few years, I can tell when someone is nervous to talk to me, or bullshitting me.  Ive been played a few times, dont get me wrong, but I see him almost weekly in my life.  I did not get the impression he was lying to me.  I got the impression he was seriously taken back and wanted to help me figure this out.


Im at work, kinda posting here when I get the chance, I will report with more in a bit.

THanks to everyone for helping me work through this


--------------------


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OfflineTmethylM
Smear in the shale
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Registered: 07/16/12
Posts: 16,431
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
Re: just found out... [Re: koods]
    #18772910 - 08/29/13 12:37 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

If she didn't cheat I think the other issues can be worked out.
Been with my wife 13 years, I know what kind of stress you're feeling.

Quote:

koods said:
Come on people. He shouldn't just throw in the towel without trying to see how badly damaged this relationship is. Infidelity isn't an automatic deal breaker.



Cheated on one you loved eh?

Of course the relationship can still work, but he will carry the mistrust and pain forever, it will resurface time and time again.
It makes for a miserable unfulfilling life. Best option is to find a worthy love.


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¯\_(ツ)_/¯


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OfflineThe5thElement
Smile Friends :)
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Registered: 07/01/12
Posts: 4,675
Loc: Canada Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
Re: just found out... [Re: Tmethyl]
    #18779443 - 08/30/13 09:55 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

This is a good thread, just wanted to be included.


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InvisibleAbsolem0918
the wise fool
Male


Registered: 02/15/12
Posts: 2,209
Re: just found out... [Re: The5thElement]
    #18780593 - 08/31/13 08:44 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

i hope you figure out the best path to take OP.
i fear this outcome of my current relationship.
my brain tells me perfect relationships dont exist,
but i am still young and have my whole life ahead of me.


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Offlineomegafaust
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Registered: 05/29/12
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Re: just found out... [Re: Absolem0918]
    #18780646 - 08/31/13 09:07 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Tmethyl, i have so much respect for you.  op, don't let this woman hurt you anymore.  if she can do this to you, what would stop her from lying or hurting your child as well?  I don't know the situation, but if I can't trust someone i love to be honest with me, how can I trust them to be honest with my child?

and as far as having a kid and allowing that to keep you tied to her in an unhappy situation would put further stress on a child as opposed to both parents being happily seperated.


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The Universe has an interesting sense of irony, in that you are the universe experiencing itself.  All you are is a thought.


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Onlinekoods
Ribbit
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Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 106,395
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Re: just found out... [Re: Tmethyl]
    #18780714 - 08/31/13 09:29 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Tmethyl said:
If she didn't cheat I think the other issues can be worked out.
Been with my wife 13 years, I know what kind of stress you're feeling.

Quote:

koods said:
Come on people. He shouldn't just throw in the towel without trying to see how badly damaged this relationship is. Infidelity isn't an automatic deal breaker.



Cheated on one you loved eh?





Nope. Have been cheated on, though.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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OfflineFlusH
Random person on Internet


Registered: 10/23/01
Posts: 2,910
Loc: Bizzaro World
Last seen: 1 month, 9 days
Re: just found out... [Re: koods]
    #18780942 - 08/31/13 11:09 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Hey.  Just thought I'd check in here lol

Things still stressful. We are going over our relationship pretty thoroughly.

We are both venting to each other.  We are both trying our best to no let our ego get in. The way.  Our daughter has also just started getting sick with a fever...  Lol this will pass soon. 

Thanks again for all insights


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InvisibleCounterCulturest
-Positive Mental Attitude-

Registered: 01/18/10
Posts: 3,662
Loc: Nesting on modems
Re: just found out... [Re: FlusH]
    #18781849 - 08/31/13 04:12 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

You sound like a really good guy. I hope you figure this out in a way that you stick up for yourself and don't take any more shaft. I can't really give any advice other than be sure to stand up for yourself and make sure you do what makes YOU happy because if you aren't happy then your daughter likely wont be happy either. Sorry about this situation brother. Talking about it on here might help.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
Cat
Male


Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: just found out... [Re: koods]
    #18784522 - 09/01/13 09:20 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

koods said:
Come on people. He shouldn't just throw in the towel without trying to see how badly damaged this relationship is. Infidelity isn't an automatic deal breaker.




That's just the start of it from my perspective, the ostracizing is a much bigger deal


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Invisibleunknown1123
Experimental

Registered: 05/15/08
Posts: 5,813
Re: just found out... [Re: Repertoire89]
    #18792491 - 09/02/13 10:34 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Repertoire89 said:
Quote:

koods said:
Come on people. He shouldn't just throw in the towel without trying to see how badly damaged this relationship is. Infidelity isn't an automatic deal breaker.




That's just the start of it from my perspective, the ostracizing is a much bigger deal



Game ender with any lady in my life but I've always been the cheater unfortunately. Then proceed to get upset when they want to break up :shrug:


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