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FlusH
Random person on Internet


Registered: 10/23/01
Posts: 2,910
Loc: Bizzaro World
Last seen: 16 days, 18 hours
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just found out...
#18771951 - 08/29/13 06:06 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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..
Edited by FlusH (09/28/15 11:05 PM)
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Cyclohexylamine
Turn on, Tune in, Drop out



Registered: 09/08/10
Posts: 14,327
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Re: just found out... [Re: FlusH]
#18771971 - 08/29/13 06:29 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
FlusH said: My wife has been lying to me for over 6 years.
Feeling pretty shitty at the moment. Not sure what to do at this point.
Fuck
Lying about what?
-------------------- Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world? There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K Something abut that anaesthetic rush... Qualitative Research Chemical Effects and Experiences The Wonderful World of Methoxetamine The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One
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Tmethyl
Smear in the shale


Registered: 07/16/12
Posts: 16,431
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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I'd recommend exhaling. You've been fucked pretty hard, but this is to be expected with every relationship. A relationship is like a room full of drunk people, at some point someone is going to fight or get fucked, it's a matter of "when", not "if". Sometimes this merits leaving, other times not.
When you deal with this in your head, you'll get over it. But understand you're both human, don't regret your next actions.
-------------------- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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FlusH
Random person on Internet


Registered: 10/23/01
Posts: 2,910
Loc: Bizzaro World
Last seen: 16 days, 18 hours
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Edited by FlusH (09/28/15 11:06 PM)
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joshisstoned
Motorcycle Enthusiast


Registered: 05/24/09
Posts: 3,544
Loc: Ohio
Last seen: 9 years, 5 months
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Re: just found out... [Re: FlusH]
#18772011 - 08/29/13 07:10 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Rest assured they fucked. Sorry to hear that man. Those are not your friends bro. Real friends wouldnt do you like that!
Edited by joshisstoned (08/29/13 07:11 AM)
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: just found out... [Re: FlusH] 1
#18772013 - 08/29/13 07:15 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Time to cut people out wholesale, sorry to hear about this shit. Had one of these episodes a couple of years ago
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toader123



Registered: 12/07/05
Posts: 1,795
Last seen: 1 month, 15 days
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Damn, really sorry to hear about your situation man. Looks like it's time for you to start a new chapter. It may not be easy seeing how I'm sure you guys share a home and have a daughter, but you should start dreaming up a game plan. You deserve better bro.
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Tmethyl
Smear in the shale


Registered: 07/16/12
Posts: 16,431
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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Re: just found out... [Re: toader123] 1
#18772068 - 08/29/13 07:53 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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She doesn't respect you, nor do your "friends", the only option in my opinion is to show them all you don't give a fuck and abandon them permanently. That's s pretty ridiculous situation, don't continue to be a part of that story. Surprise her with something shell never expect, like "bye, and fuck you".
Start over, because this is never, ever going to work out. You'll never be able to trust her again.
-------------------- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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FlusH
Random person on Internet


Registered: 10/23/01
Posts: 2,910
Loc: Bizzaro World
Last seen: 16 days, 18 hours
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Re: just found out... [Re: Tmethyl]
#18772077 - 08/29/13 07:57 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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..
Edited by FlusH (09/28/15 11:07 PM)
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pwnasaurus
Stranger



Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada
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Re: just found out... [Re: FlusH]
#18772094 - 08/29/13 08:06 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Wow man that's horrible. If I were in your shoes I would probably pick up, move, and start a new life.
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Tmethyl
Smear in the shale


Registered: 07/16/12
Posts: 16,431
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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If you really want to make this sting for her, show no emotion. If you cry and try to get revenge, or show her you're heartbroken, that feeds her.
Give nothing, no matter what. Just be done with it and disappear. Continue to take great care of your kid though.
-------------------- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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toader123



Registered: 12/07/05
Posts: 1,795
Last seen: 1 month, 15 days
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Re: just found out... [Re: Tmethyl]
#18772127 - 08/29/13 08:24 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Tmethyl said: If you really want to make this sting for her, show no emotion. If you cry and try to get revenge, or show her you're heartbroken, that feeds her.
Give nothing, no matter what. Just be done with it and disappear. Continue to take great care of your kid though.
VERY solid advice
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psychodelia
Not a cop


Registered: 11/29/12
Posts: 2,284
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Re: just found out... [Re: Tmethyl]
#18772211 - 08/29/13 09:20 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Tmethyl said: If you really want to make this sting for her, show no emotion. If you cry and try to get revenge, or show her you're heartbroken, that feeds her.
Give nothing, no matter what. Just be done with it and disappear. Continue to take great care of your kid though.
I have no marriage experience and very little relationship experience but this guy is right IMO. This would Burn so much more than giving her a mouthful of hate. Show no emotion, move on, leave her and her thoughts alone
-------------------- don't be nervous
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Masked
The Nutter



Registered: 11/26/12
Posts: 8,979
Loc: Canada
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Re: just found out... [Re: Tmethyl]
#18772221 - 08/29/13 09:28 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Tmethyl said: Just be done with it and disappear. Continue to take great care of your kid though.
Unfortunately, this is an oxymoron. You can't take care good care of your child AND dissapear, even metaphorically speaking.
As someone who is also going through a similar situation, you cannot "disappear". Unfortunately, once you have kids, that partner is going to be in your life, for life.
You also have a responsibility to your child to get along with each other as best you can.
The rest was solid advice though. I currently give my ex so much power over the situation and the emotions involved because I show too much emotion about it all
-------------------- .
Edited by Masked (08/29/13 09:50 AM)
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Quote:
psychodelia said: This would Burn so much more than giving her a mouthful of hate.
Even better than that its good for OP, some bitch like that, who cares what she experiences. Moving on and not letting shit like that sit on you, priceless
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Masked
The Nutter



Registered: 11/26/12
Posts: 8,979
Loc: Canada
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Quote:
who cares what she experiences
Probably any person that has had children with someone and has loved them for 6 years, who isn't a psychopath by clinical definition.
OP, I understand what you are going through. I am going through something similar, with kids involved as well. If you want to talk, PM me.
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FlusH
Random person on Internet


Registered: 10/23/01
Posts: 2,910
Loc: Bizzaro World
Last seen: 16 days, 18 hours
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Re: just found out... [Re: Masked]
#18772287 - 08/29/13 09:55 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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This is all pretty confusing. I'm at work now. Can't really go into details.
Thanks foe the replies.
If we didn't have a kid together I would literally quit my job now and hop a plane somewhere.
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: just found out... [Re: Masked]
#18772301 - 08/29/13 10:02 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Masked said:
Probably any person that has had children with someone and has loved them for 6 years, who isn't a psychopath by clinical definition.
Well call me Charlie, but speaking from experience I don't care about the people who have done me the most wrong. Sounds pretty claustrophobic
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Thayendanegea
quiet walker



Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation
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OP ..Perhaps, speak to a lawyer...if she admitted fucking someone else...that is a reason for divorce. You can work out your custody agreements at the same time. If she has indeed been unfaithful....then..you are in the drivers seat.
I agree with masked....ALWAYS keep the childs welfare in mind. M
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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Masked
The Nutter



Registered: 11/26/12
Posts: 8,979
Loc: Canada
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Regardless if someone has lied to me, cheated on me, or whatever...if I loved them for 6 years and had a child with them, I'm still going to care how they feel. I'm pretty sure many would agree. 
...speaking from experience
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: just found out... [Re: Masked]
#18772660 - 08/29/13 11:25 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Masked said:
I'm pretty sure many would agree. 
Many people do many things I don't agree with, but its your prerogative who you open yourself up to. No words can bridge the distance between me and certain other people, what happens to them is their issue. To tie that idea off, it isn't even slightly tempting to pretend to care about the individuals I have in mind, as tempting as being buried alive.
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Masked
The Nutter



Registered: 11/26/12
Posts: 8,979
Loc: Canada
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Quote:
Repertoire89 said:
Quote:
Masked said:
I'm pretty sure many would agree. 
Many people do many things I don't agree with, but its your prerogative who you open yourself up to. No words can bridge the distance between me and certain other people, what happens to them is their issue. To tie that idea off, it isn't even slightly tempting to pretend to care about the individuals I have in mind, as tempting as being buried alive.
Well, I'll continue to go through life caring about the ones closest to me, regardless what they may have done to me. Each to their own I guess 
I kind of feel sad for you
-------------------- .
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: just found out... [Re: Masked]
#18772674 - 08/29/13 11:30 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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I kind of feel sad for you 
To each their own, I'm not wired for that kind of empathy and wouldn't want to be.
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Masked
The Nutter



Registered: 11/26/12
Posts: 8,979
Loc: Canada
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Quote:
I'm not wired for that kind of empathy and wouldn't want to be
Hence my correlation to the clinical definition of a psychopath. This is not a common trait, nor is it one I wish I had 
But like I said, each to their own. I'm happy continuing the way I do, regardless of the pain I may feel
-------------------- .
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: just found out... [Re: Masked]
#18772726 - 08/29/13 11:46 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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o.0
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ManianFH
living in perverty


Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,741
Last seen: 1 hour, 8 minutes
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Quote:
Repertoire89 said: Time to cut people out wholesale, sorry to hear about this shit. Had one of these episodes a couple of years ago
Exactly what I would do
-------------------- notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... " ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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Tmethyl
Smear in the shale


Registered: 07/16/12
Posts: 16,431
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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Re: just found out... [Re: Masked] 1
#18772759 - 08/29/13 11:56 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Residual emotion is a certainty. You're all human with human minds, it cannot be avoided though you may delude yourself or play a facade. This, however, is where you make realizations.
1) your mind is powerful, but it is controllable. You're the captain of that ship.
2) you have to understand thoroughly that after an event such as described by OP, all hope of a fruitful trusting relationship are snuffed permanently. You will spend your life trying to fix her, and your mind. You will never fix her. You are treading water. 5 years down the road, had you stayed with her, you will have 5 years of pain and regret. 5 years down the toad, had you left her, you may have new love and happiness and contentment.
3) though it may hurt now, your feelings for her are temporary. I see no reason not to forget she existed and carry on, this is possible with time. It is without logic or point to suffer further or drag out the agony Be done, wholeheartedly .
I retract my previous statement to show not emotion. I want you to smile. When she is near or far. Be happy my brother.
-------------------- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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koods
Ribbit



Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 106,054
Loc: Maryland/DC Burbs
Last seen: 26 minutes, 39 seconds
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Re: just found out... [Re: Tmethyl]
#18772845 - 08/29/13 12:15 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Come on people. He shouldn't just throw in the towel without trying to see how badly damaged this relationship is. Infidelity isn't an automatic deal breaker.
--------------------
NotSheekle said “if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”
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FlusH
Random person on Internet


Registered: 10/23/01
Posts: 2,910
Loc: Bizzaro World
Last seen: 16 days, 18 hours
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Re: just found out... [Re: Tmethyl]
#18772868 - 08/29/13 12:20 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Just for some history info,
We've been together for almost 15 years. Had our daughter 8 years ago, it is only 6 years ago when this started.
Today:
I had the chance to go for coffee just now with the buddy I have suspicions with. Ive known him longer than my wife. I bluntly told him I know whats up, and wtf is going on.
He was genuinely surprised by what I had to say. He did say my wife went to him back then to vent about how I was an at home dad, and that was stressing her out since we were not making as much money at the time. Ive been around for a few years, I can tell when someone is nervous to talk to me, or bullshitting me. Ive been played a few times, dont get me wrong, but I see him almost weekly in my life. I did not get the impression he was lying to me. I got the impression he was seriously taken back and wanted to help me figure this out.
Im at work, kinda posting here when I get the chance, I will report with more in a bit.
THanks to everyone for helping me work through this
--------------------
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Tmethyl
Smear in the shale


Registered: 07/16/12
Posts: 16,431
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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Re: just found out... [Re: koods]
#18772910 - 08/29/13 12:37 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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If she didn't cheat I think the other issues can be worked out. Been with my wife 13 years, I know what kind of stress you're feeling.
Quote:
koods said: Come on people. He shouldn't just throw in the towel without trying to see how badly damaged this relationship is. Infidelity isn't an automatic deal breaker.
Cheated on one you loved eh?
Of course the relationship can still work, but he will carry the mistrust and pain forever, it will resurface time and time again. It makes for a miserable unfulfilling life. Best option is to find a worthy love.
-------------------- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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The5thElement
Smile Friends :)



Registered: 07/01/12
Posts: 4,675
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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Re: just found out... [Re: Tmethyl]
#18779443 - 08/30/13 09:55 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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This is a good thread, just wanted to be included.
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Absolem0918
the wise fool



Registered: 02/15/12
Posts: 2,209
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i hope you figure out the best path to take OP. i fear this outcome of my current relationship. my brain tells me perfect relationships dont exist, but i am still young and have my whole life ahead of me.
--------------------
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omegafaust
mycofarmer



Registered: 05/29/12
Posts: 1,227
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Tmethyl, i have so much respect for you. op, don't let this woman hurt you anymore. if she can do this to you, what would stop her from lying or hurting your child as well? I don't know the situation, but if I can't trust someone i love to be honest with me, how can I trust them to be honest with my child?
and as far as having a kid and allowing that to keep you tied to her in an unhappy situation would put further stress on a child as opposed to both parents being happily seperated.
-------------------- The Universe has an interesting sense of irony, in that you are the universe experiencing itself. All you are is a thought.
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koods
Ribbit



Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 106,054
Loc: Maryland/DC Burbs
Last seen: 26 minutes, 39 seconds
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Re: just found out... [Re: Tmethyl]
#18780714 - 08/31/13 09:29 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Tmethyl said: If she didn't cheat I think the other issues can be worked out. Been with my wife 13 years, I know what kind of stress you're feeling.
Quote:
koods said: Come on people. He shouldn't just throw in the towel without trying to see how badly damaged this relationship is. Infidelity isn't an automatic deal breaker.
Cheated on one you loved eh?
Nope. Have been cheated on, though.
--------------------
NotSheekle said “if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”
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FlusH
Random person on Internet


Registered: 10/23/01
Posts: 2,910
Loc: Bizzaro World
Last seen: 16 days, 18 hours
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Re: just found out... [Re: koods]
#18780942 - 08/31/13 11:09 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Hey. Just thought I'd check in here lol
Things still stressful. We are going over our relationship pretty thoroughly.
We are both venting to each other. We are both trying our best to no let our ego get in. The way. Our daughter has also just started getting sick with a fever... Lol this will pass soon.
Thanks again for all insights
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CounterCulturest
-Positive Mental Attitude-

Registered: 01/18/10
Posts: 3,662
Loc: Nesting on modems
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Re: just found out... [Re: FlusH]
#18781849 - 08/31/13 04:12 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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You sound like a really good guy. I hope you figure this out in a way that you stick up for yourself and don't take any more shaft. I can't really give any advice other than be sure to stand up for yourself and make sure you do what makes YOU happy because if you aren't happy then your daughter likely wont be happy either. Sorry about this situation brother. Talking about it on here might help.
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: just found out... [Re: koods]
#18784522 - 09/01/13 09:20 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
koods said: Come on people. He shouldn't just throw in the towel without trying to see how badly damaged this relationship is. Infidelity isn't an automatic deal breaker.
That's just the start of it from my perspective, the ostracizing is a much bigger deal
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unknown1123
Experimental

Registered: 05/15/08
Posts: 5,813
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Quote:
Repertoire89 said:
Quote:
koods said: Come on people. He shouldn't just throw in the towel without trying to see how badly damaged this relationship is. Infidelity isn't an automatic deal breaker.
That's just the start of it from my perspective, the ostracizing is a much bigger deal
Game ender with any lady in my life but I've always been the cheater unfortunately. Then proceed to get upset when they want to break up
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