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OfflineArfus
Stranger
Registered: 04/14/13
Posts: 10
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Personality Disorder
    #18767325 - 08/28/13 06:19 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Hi, i did lsd 3 times. The first time it was just really fun! And the last 2 times i freaked out. I thought i was a terrible person, i just feel dumb, boring and stuff like that. Like a party booper. I have been unsecure for a while now.. Isolating myself, no job in two years dont read books. And eat like crap..

Also smoked weed 2 years, i got thrown out of school because of it, and the police has harassed me a couple of times. Lost my drivers lisence.

I am afraid the lsd has ruined my brain permanently that i will never get normal again. Feels that way. The symptoms im having is the same as in Personality Disorders. I am really scared now that i will never be normal again. And live a normal social and happy life... Please help! What can i do? what is the reason behind this?


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OfflineSaeis
Mental Explorer
Male


Registered: 08/21/13
Posts: 122
Last seen: 5 years, 8 months
Re: Personality Disorder [Re: Arfus]
    #18767350 - 08/28/13 06:38 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Arfus said:
Hi, i did lsd 3 times. The first time it was just really fun! And the last 2 times i freaked out. I thought i was a terrible person, i just feel dumb, boring and stuff like that. Like a party booper. I have been unsecure for a while now.. Isolating myself, no job in two years dont read books. And eat like crap..

Also smoked weed 2 years, i got thrown out of school because of it, and the police has harassed me a couple of times. Lost my drivers lisence.

I am afraid the lsd has ruined my brain permanently that i will never get normal again. Feels that way. The symptoms im having is the same as in Personality Disorders. I am really scared now that i will never be normal again. And live a normal social and happy life... Please help! What can i do? what is the reason behind this?




honestly, I know exactly how you feel. LSD and many other psychedelics have a tendency to point out and magnify each individual issue you have with yourself or any feelings you have but not normally think about.

I wouldn't worry about LSD having ruined your brain. Sounds more a combination of events that lead to a very depressing state of mind. I face the same issues every day, and I can tell you that it comes down to accomplishing things and bettering your own life. As you accomplish goals, you will begin to feel better and better about yourself. Try to see your self in the light matey. :smile:

Maybe a mushroom trip could be beneficial?  :psychsplit:


--------------------
A Stranger in Paradise Entering Shpongleland
Trip Reports - 1g Albino Penis Envy


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Offlinenuentoter
conduit
Male User Gallery


Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 2,721
Last seen: 7 years, 21 days
Re: Personality Disorder [Re: Saeis]
    #18767359 - 08/28/13 06:43 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

The lsd showed you what you needed to see. You chose not to change things. Every one of your problems above, isolating yourself, not reading, eating junk, smoking weed in precarious circumstances, are all choices you made which potentiate what the lsd showed you. YOU are the choice maker my friend so make better ones now.  I agree that a possible mushy trip all alone may help you out. contemplate where your road takes you and contemplate where you want to go. take appropriate steps to get where you want to go not where your heading, you'll have to change course. I wish you the best my friend.


--------------------

The geometry of us is no chance. We are antennae, we are tuning forks, we are receiver and transmitters of all energy. We are more than we know.  - @entheolove

"I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for"  - Georgia O'Keefe

I think the word is vagina


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Offlinezzripz
Stranger


Registered: 12/23/08
Posts: 8,292
Loc: Manchester, UK
Last seen: 4 years, 7 months
Re: Personality Disorder [Re: nuentoter]
    #18767383 - 08/28/13 07:05 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

I agree with nuentoter. Please understand that it is YOU who is making the choice--to eat crap food, not read and so on. Though I am aware some choices are denied us by the oppressive power structures around us. But say you were in a crap job. You have a choice to stay in it or face the unknown leaving it. That is your choice

Now about the LSD trips. I cannot communicate deeply enough how crucially important set and setting is! Please understand that for thousands of years psychedelic plants and substances have been understood to be sacred medicine by Indigenous peoples. So there must be the utmost respect when we take them.

Yeah, I am aware that in our culture especially they often can be used as a 'party drug', but as you are experiencing (though I don't know if you took them that way?) if you are not understanding how to use them the outcome can be like how you feel. And it doesn't have to be that way.

I could ask you to tell me in detail the set and setting of your last trip, but if you don't feel you want to that's up to you. But I would suggest maybe planning another trip--with magic mushrooms, and researching the best set and setting you could do so as to resolve what you are feeling now.


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OfflineMinute Mouse
Stranger
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Registered: 08/21/13
Posts: 1
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: Personality Disorder [Re: nuentoter]
    #18767393 - 08/28/13 07:12 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

I came across this some time ago and it has managed to stay with me:

Never once found any positive outcome in beating myself up, and never once found any negative outcome in applying discipline. The trick is to know the difference between the two

I think that LSD has given you a real gift; you have a pretty simple prescription laid out in front of you.  You might want to consider tackling a few of those observations; two of them -- eating right and reading books -- are easily accomplished.  With a little discipline, of course.

It's entirely possible that you'll look back and see that, rather than ruining your brain, LSD provided you with a direct and simple solution to your current unhappy mindset.

All the best!


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InvisibleHarri

Registered: 10/29/08
Posts: 1,452
Re: Personality Disorder [Re: Minute Mouse]
    #18767418 - 08/28/13 07:29 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

you would be amazed how much changing what you eat can improve your quality of life, also too much weed can bog you down as I'm sure you'e noticed.

As for the lsd, as someone who's been where you are somewhere in my first few trips I have also felt similar, as if lsd is a damaging substance, but very many trips later I coudl tell you that it isn't the case, any negative place you find your self in is not from the lsd but rather your creating those illusions and believing them which sometimes is very easy when your on lsd.

Anyway change your life and don't be afraid to trip more.


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OfflineSaeis
Mental Explorer
Male


Registered: 08/21/13
Posts: 122
Last seen: 5 years, 8 months
Re: Personality Disorder [Re: Minute Mouse]
    #18767423 - 08/28/13 07:31 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

ahhh I agree with all of the above. Those powerful trips point out things to you that you may have never noticed before. For example, you could have neglected your life to the extreme, but without tripping, you may have had no desire to change.

Now after your trips, you have the power to see what is upsetting you and the roads you will need to travel to live more happily.

Ahhh the things psychedelics make you realize... :tongue2:


--------------------
A Stranger in Paradise Entering Shpongleland
Trip Reports - 1g Albino Penis Envy


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Offlineresonant111
left ∞ right

Registered: 03/02/11
Posts: 1,952
Loc: IL
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
Re: Personality Disorder [Re: Saeis]
    #18768372 - 08/28/13 01:03 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

hey op, check out the following book: http://www.mydavecarroll.com/HigherAndHigher.pdf

it is written by a guy who did tons of drugs in the 70's and experienced basically the same thing you have, over time (but was able to overcome it)...it will help you gain perspective and realize that you indeed CAN become integrated into a healthy, functional life once again, regardless of any negative past psychedelic experiences you might have had.

this book has helped me immensely so i thought i'd share.


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OfflineArfus
Stranger
Registered: 04/14/13
Posts: 10
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: Personality Disorder [Re: resonant111]
    #18769885 - 08/28/13 06:52 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

First trip was in my apartment and my friens apartment. I lived in the same appartment building. He started tripping first and i saw the effects he was having. nothing dangerous. I had loads of visuals. Waving walls, i could focus on the crack between the sofa pillows and i could make it wave more and more intense, and i could stop the waving. I felt like a good cuz when i foucsed on something i i could make it wave. It felt like all the colors went inside me, it was like all the colors gave me an orgasm. It was itense, i remember watching some trippy visual videos on youtube with load sof colors. It felt like multiple orgasems, i moanen while sitting in the beed looking at them with my mouth all open.

The second time i did it with 2 girls i barely know. Did it there and suddenly 3-4 dudes came in, high on coke.. When they talked it was like,, all static in my head, hurting like really bad, i had no visuals that time so i thought i wasent on lsd and stuff. i freaked out..

Second time i did it with the guy previously nad 2 others. But this time no one wanted to go outside the appartment we were in, when i went outside the appartment it got all scary so i couldent get to my own place. i was afraid i was gonna get lost in my own head. cuz they told me "We might never find you" and i freaked out.. remember looking for my phone, and charger for hours because they were my "Savers"  i could call someone i trust to pick me up.. We looked and stupid videos like some crazy asian sex orgy and stuff. And when it went to the room with a pc and closed the door and watched youtube videos to spaceout on. this one guy came in turned off the computer and closed the lights and sat down in the bed i was laying in. and he just sat here. i got this gay vibe and ran out.. Later in the trip this dude had all messed up hair, and looked like he had makeup in hs face. the others racted to this.. this guy must be part gay.

I just am depressed, i have few friends and such Im going to get a psychayetrist


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Offlinezzripz
Stranger


Registered: 12/23/08
Posts: 8,292
Loc: Manchester, UK
Last seen: 4 years, 7 months
Re: Personality Disorder [Re: Arfus]
    #18771920 - 08/29/13 05:50 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Thanks for sharing your trip reports. I now get a better sense of your set and settings, and from what you say they don't seem good! Tripping with people you don't know. People coming into your space off their face on other drugs. Getting lost, and feeling sexually threatened etc. it is no wonder you feel like you do!!

So, OK, like I said before, I very much encourage you that if you plan another trip to NOT do the same mistakes that I see happening with those experiences. I would suggest--if possible, magic mushrooms, because the trip is not as long as LSD (I am not against LSD, but feel that because of those experiences you need the sacred shrooms to help heal you). You could either do the trip solo, or if possible have someone you TRUST be your sitter. Just be there as support if and when you needed it. If you cannot find anyone willing to do it don't worry, doing it solo is fine IF you deeply respect the experience and arrange things right/set and setting.

I VERY much encourage you to notgo to a shrink about your 'depression'. All they do is push toxic drugs on you which can greatly exacerbate your problems, and you become addicted to their drugs. They see you as a biochemical machines whose chemicals are unbalanced.

For set and setting you need to be aware of the intention you have for the psychedelic experience. In your case it is exploring how you feel and finding ways to resolve it. Also the setting. You need to arrange a clean place with care and attention, and make sure you are not disturbed by phone or anyone coming round etc (would that be possible?) I would suggest some form of music to help your sense of flow, and also to have at least a day after the trip where you can relax and reflect what happened---write, draw the insights you have gotten.

I will go into this all more with you if you want? :smile:


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OfflineAgentchewy
Pantheism.
 User Gallery

Registered: 12/12/12
Posts: 3,960
Loc: vietnam Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
Re: Personality Disorder [Re: zzripz]
    #18771975 - 08/29/13 06:34 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

A shroomerite turned me on to a book about drugs and the feeling they give you. Every great feeling you get from a drug can be replicated by meditation. It is not the drug that the high comes from it is just its action at the receptor site that triggers a reaction , a high.

Learn that you manifest your own reality!

One day you're going to go to sleep and never wake up so be what you are!

Do what you love!


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If I knew the way, I would take you home.


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