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Why do love and hate flip flop during relationships?
    #18761272 - 08/26/13 08:26 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

First I'll start this out by saying that I have a fair amount of MXE in me at the moment and I'm feeling a little loopy.

I've been with this girl for almost 5 years.  I know her so well and she is like family to me, but there are things about her that have always drove me crazy.  Anytime there is a small disagreement she does this thing where she blows things out of proportion and it infuriates me.  I am a very calm individual, but on the inside my blood is boiling and I usually just end up holding it in and just going to sleep, because I know if I verbalize my anger then it is just going to escalate things.  What she does is whenever there is a conflict she will just blow up and be like "fine, well I'll never try to do anything nice ever again then" or something of that nature.  And it makes me just want to say "my shoe-strings are untied, why don't I just kill myself?!!"

Is it a sign of immaturity to love someone dearly and then despise them for a while?  I feel like I know the answer to this and that it's just that men and women are so different at my age that it's hard for us to get along. (I'm 25 and she's 23) She's just so irrational and moody it drives me crazy.  It honestly makes me feel like leaving her for good sometimes, but I don't think I could do that.  We've broken up several times in the past, but the longest was only a week. All of the times were me breaking up with her because I felt like I couldn't handle her anymore.  But I connect with her and understand her on a deep level that makes it so hard to just turn around and leave.  She's a sweet girl and infinitely cute but has a bitchy side also.  I like my women a little spicy but she's just so irrational.  I really feel like I could never leave her and we've talked about marriage, but I'm not sure when I'm having these flip flop love and hate feelings.

Give me some wisdom shroomery.  I wanna hear from some old married people.


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InvisibleApropos
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Re: Why do love and hate flip flop during relationships? [Re: searching]
    #18761962 - 08/26/13 11:12 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

I wish I knew the answer to this, because it happens in every relationship.

Being on the other side of things, I know what it's like to be the irrational female.  Honestly, when it comes to pms related craziness, we can't help being irrational. In fact, there are times when 1) we don't know that we're even being irrational until after the fact or 2) we realize that we are being absolutely ridiculous, but still are powerless to do anything about it. Unfortunately for my boyfriend, it's usually directed at him, because he's where I'm the most emotionally invested.  So if this is the case, take her irrationalism with a grain of salt. 

That being said, you should evaluate your feelings for her.  If she's truly someone who you believe is worth marrying and spending the rest of your life with, then it's worth it to establish a better channel for communication.  You've got to tell her that it's affecting your relationship, and work towards finding ways to rectify her irrationalism and the way that you respond to it.


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Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray. ~ Rumi


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Re: Why do love and hate flip flop during relationships? [Re: Apropos]
    #18762161 - 08/27/13 12:24 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Thanks, yeah it just sucks but I know when I'm mad and thinking about leaving I know if I wait a day to cool off I can come back and forgive her.  The other thing is sex is getting to be like 2-3 times per month since we only see each other on the weekends at night.  I'm more of a once a day or every other day guy myself.  So that is a big driving factor too when I think about leaving and chasing some tail.  I know I just need to talk to her about this though.


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InvisibleCyclohexylamine
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Re: Why do love and hate flip flop during relationships? [Re: searching]
    #18762655 - 08/27/13 06:16 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

It's called an unhealthy relationship.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Why do love and hate flip flop during relationships? [Re: searching]
    #18762663 - 08/27/13 06:24 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Ive been with my guy almost nine years, I love him to death but sometimes, I cant stand him. Usually when he is doing something specefic, but I tell him that, too lol. "You're driving me nuts right now, stop talking to me!" Haha but it usually lasts about half an hour and it really only bothers me when I'm already in an irritated mood or having a bad day already.

But we have lived together for a few years so I'm sure that has something to do with it. I wouldn't trade him for stacks of gold, hes great.


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Offlinenaturesrevolt
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Re: Why do love and hate flip flop during relationships? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18767783 - 08/28/13 09:49 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Emotions are like a swinging pendulum. The more it swings one way, the more apt it is to swing the other way just as strongly.
I would also recommend that both of you seek some form of therapy for the fights and arguments. If it's frequently about the same things then the problems really haven't been resolved enough to not fight about it.
As for her response to the situations, you're halfway there. You know what behaviours are going to show, so now it is time to modify your reaction to them and get different results. At the very least I think sitting down and having a calm discussion when both of you are calm and un-busy about how you two interact during disagreements. When doing this though, use non-absolute and non-intimidating language to talk such as "I feel" and "we could do this". The point of a discussion like that is not to lay blame AT ALL but rather to assess your communication style and find ways to better communicate your disagreements.
Hope this helps :smile:


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