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Anonymous #1
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girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her?
#18760713 - 08/26/13 05:55 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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so ive been with this girl for a while and have a child with her. she has (to my knowledge) never cheated on me. and i have never cheated on her, and as far fetched as it sounds, i have never cheated on any girl in any relationship. i keep finding out that she is hiding alot of little things from me. shes smoking cigs again and trying to hide it from me, she pinches my bags, ect.
heres the bigger part, her best friend is dating a man, lets call him al. al has been hanging out at our house alot with her best friend. my girl failed to mention to me that she had sex with this man in the past. although thats fine and i couldnt care less, the point is she hides these types of things from me.
ive lost my sexual attraction to her recently but still love her. ive had constant thoughts about fucking other women and have plenty of chances to do so, but still have that honest, loyal mentality that stops me.
im not asking for your guy's "permission" to cheat on her, but more i want to know what you would do in this situation.
thoughts?
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CounterCulturest
-Positive Mental Attitude-

Registered: 01/18/10
Posts: 3,662
Loc: Nesting on modems
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18760735 - 08/26/13 05:59 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Find another girlfriend...
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#18760739 - 08/26/13 06:00 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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What about having an honest talk with her that you initiate with acceptance and a lack of aggression, where you can try and get a bigger understanding as to why she feels the need to hide things from you and explain why she doesn't have too etc
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: CounterCulturest]
#18760750 - 08/26/13 06:02 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
CounterCulturest said: Find another girlfriend...
He already has a kid with this chick I'd think it would at least be worth the effort to try and work through these things together before breaking up
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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Anonymous #1
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: Sheekle]
#18760767 - 08/26/13 06:06 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sheekle said: What about having an honest talk with her that you initiate with acceptance and a lack of aggression, where you can try and get a bigger understanding as to why she feels the need to hide things from you and explain why she doesn't have too etc
ive already had a serious talk with her, and her response to why she hides things from me is "i dont know, sorry"
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18760782 - 08/26/13 06:11 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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lol doesn't sound like the talk got all too serious to me
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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Anonymous #1
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: Sheekle]
#18760791 - 08/26/13 06:14 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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it went as serious as she lets it get. shes still got some kid in her. shes only 19.
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18760810 - 08/26/13 06:19 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Maybe you should take the initiation of letting the talk get more serious than she'd normally allow. There are times for fun and games and then there are times to be serious, she's crossing some lines that aren't cool and needs to actually acknowledge what's going on instead of looking at things in a half-serious light and sort of shrugging them off.
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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wiggy2
Stranger

Registered: 07/10/13
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: Sheekle]
#18760838 - 08/26/13 06:26 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Old guy here, (experience), It's never a good idea to cheat. Then you're doing exactly what frustrates you about her. Tell her what your feelings are and what you are thinking of doing, getting sex elsewhere. Awkward, yes, and you don't want to hurt her but you cannot control her feelings or her actions, if you want them to change, give her some motivation for that change, if things don't work out, What are you losing? And, considering the environment here, being honest is like sterile procedures ... it's always best ... and the results are often more rewarding!
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Beside the Garden


Registered: 06/03/13
Posts: 606
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: Sheekle] 1
#18760855 - 08/26/13 06:31 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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19 shes still a child herself in many ways, there is some gravity to what she is doing and it will have ripples down the road, i mean its already started because your considering cheating. Have you done anything or acted anyway in the past that would make her feel she needs to hide things?
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Anonymous #2
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: Beside the Garden]
#18761219 - 08/26/13 08:07 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Send the kid to a cheap group home. Fuck the bitch one last time and move. Somewhere cool, like the West Coast, or Colorado.
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: Anonymous #2]
#18761264 - 08/26/13 08:22 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: Send the kid to a cheap group home. Fuck the bitch one last time and move. Somewhere cool, like the West Coast, or Colorado.
sounds a little drastic to abandon your family over some smoked cigs and pinched nugs
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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Anonymous #2
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: Sheekle]
#18761343 - 08/26/13 08:43 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sheekle said:
Quote:
Anonymous said: Send the kid to a cheap group home. Fuck the bitch one last time and move. Somewhere cool, like the West Coast, or Colorado.
sounds a little drastic to abandon your family over some smoked cigs and pinched nugs
Cigs=Cancer Less weed= Less happy time Less happy time= More stress time
Stress+Cancer-ridden Baby Momma= Shitty life.
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searching



Registered: 06/08/11
Posts: 4,128
Last seen: 5 months, 4 days
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: Sheekle]
#18761347 - 08/26/13 08:44 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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What you guys need is trust. Cheating on her would do the opposite of what you want here. Tell her the absolute whole truth. Tell her that you've felt the urge to go find some tail elsewhere, but haven't yet. She may fess up and tell you she's cheated. If she has it's not the end of the world even though it feels like it. Resist the urge to abandon the relationship. You've got a person's life at stake here so try to nurture the connection you guys had in the past.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: searching]
#18761473 - 08/26/13 09:13 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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im very honest with her and never have anything to hide. i do get aggravated as fuck at her childishness sometimes but i keep it to myslef most of the time, because she is young and i understand.
but fuck i fantasize about other woman so much its stupid. i think i watch porn at least once a day. its driving me nuts. on top of this every girl i have EVER dated has eventually cheated on me. so i have trust issues. and the fact that i have a pretty fuckin big member, im insecure about what the fuck is wrong with me to cause this shit.
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balanced
Hakuna Matata



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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18761503 - 08/26/13 09:22 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Does she know you watch porn daily? Does she know your past with other women's infidelity? Does she know about your insecurity because of it (even if she knows of your relationship past, that doesn't mean she knows how it's affected you). You may be hiding as much from her as she is from you, and (as all morality is) the hidden knowledge's subjective importance regarding the relationship is equal to both of you. As a result, you both hide things and enable each other to do the same.
Or maybe that's all wrong and she knows all or that. Then it comes down to your ability to accept her faults, whether for the sake of your child or your happiness. Some situations require people to sacrifice for the betterment of others. Only you can decide whether or not this situation is worthy of that sacrifice.
It sounds like you need to communicate with her more and make a decision.
--------------------
If I have seen a little further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.
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koods
Ribbit



Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 106,049
Loc: Maryland/DC Burbs
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: balanced]
#18762298 - 08/27/13 01:49 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
heres the bigger part, her best friend is dating a man, lets call him al. al has been hanging out at our house alot with her best friend. my girl failed to mention to me that she had sex with this man in the past. although thats fine and i couldnt care less
The bigger part that you couldn't care less about? Gimme a break. This is driving you nuts. As a general rule, when someone goes out of their way to express how little they care about something, they actually care quite a lot.
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NotSheekle said “if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”
Edited by koods (08/27/13 01:50 AM)
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Anonymous #3
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: koods]
#18762524 - 08/27/13 04:21 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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hiding stuff: confront her honestly. if she doesn't want to talk about it then move on.
cheating: just end it and find something that won't stress you.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: koods]
#18762795 - 08/27/13 07:43 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
koods said:
Quote:
heres the bigger part, her best friend is dating a man, lets call him al. al has been hanging out at our house alot with her best friend. my girl failed to mention to me that she had sex with this man in the past. although thats fine and i couldnt care less
The bigger part that you couldn't care less about? Gimme a break. This is driving you nuts. As a general rule, when someone goes out of their way to express how little they care about something, they actually care quite a lot.
ha, hello koods. you are right in a way. of course i dont like the fact she fucked the guy, but thats human nature and i cant be mad about it. and i said that to express what my real concerns are, what pisses me off is how much hes been in my house, alone with my gf when i walk out of the room, spending the night drinking my booze and smoking my shit with her best friend in our living room and i never knew about this. its disturbing in its own way i cant explain much better then that.
i hate to make ya think less of me man, but i would like your opinion on this
 shhh
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iarphairc
Stranger Danger



Registered: 06/26/09
Posts: 400
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18762968 - 08/27/13 09:06 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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I'm guessing its bothering you so much because your afraid your being made a fool of if there is something up
-------------------- The secret of freedom lies in educating people, whereas the secret of tyranny is in keeping them ignorant- Maximilien Robespierre
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Anonymous #1
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: iarphairc]
#18767482 - 08/28/13 08:02 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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ya thats a good way of putting it.
had a dream last night i had a threesome with her and her friend i know what i want now lol. but shit that'll never happen.
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naturesrevolt
StrangerOfAwesome



Registered: 05/27/11
Posts: 681
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18767839 - 08/28/13 10:01 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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It's not worth cheating. If she is being disrespectful of you, then two wrongs don't make a right. If the relationship is not healthy, get out of it. Preferably with your ethics still intact.
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Thayendanegea
quiet walker



Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: naturesrevolt]
#18768169 - 08/28/13 12:09 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
naturesrevolt said: It's not worth cheating. If she is being disrespectful of you, then two wrongs don't make a right. If the relationship is not healthy, get out of it. Preferably with your ethics still intact.
This....cheating affects the initiator as much or more than the victim that the act was intended for. ....In a negative way.
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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iarphairc
Stranger Danger



Registered: 06/26/09
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: Thayendanegea]
#18768231 - 08/28/13 12:27 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
baltimark said:
Quote:
naturesrevolt said: It's not worth cheating. If she is being disrespectful of you, then two wrongs don't make a right. If the relationship is not healthy, get out of it. Preferably with your ethics still intact.
This....cheating affects the initiator as much or more than the victim that the act was intended for. ....In a negative way.
If they have a (strong?) moral compass...Some people just dont give a fuck unfortunately
-------------------- The secret of freedom lies in educating people, whereas the secret of tyranny is in keeping them ignorant- Maximilien Robespierre
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18768295 - 08/28/13 12:46 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: it went as serious as she lets it get. shes still got some kid in her. shes only 19.
Ow...in that case, I'd say she might already have some grown woman in her, but she's mostly still a kid. Neurologically speaking, she isn't even fully mature yet...
Either way, cheating on her would not be an appropriate response to the trust issues that you have developed with her. It isn't going to solve anything; the contrary is more likely.
You'll have to work out the trust issue and the sexual attraction issue. It's going to take a lot of talking and hard work on both sides of the relationship. It seems that you implicitly place the responsibility for the trust issue with her. The first step is accept your own responsibility in this matter. Quite possibly, she doesn't tell you some things because she fears your response. Could there be some truth in that?
Also, why do you worry about her smoking cigs, your weed and her having had sex in the past with this man? Why does it bother you?
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Anonymous #1
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: koraks]
#18768606 - 08/28/13 02:08 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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none of these things bother me, the fact that she hides them bothers me. especially because she knows she has no reason to hide them from me.
and btw guys the thought of cheating on her would not be to let her know or throw it in her face. but more stress relief on my part.
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naturesrevolt
StrangerOfAwesome



Registered: 05/27/11
Posts: 681
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18769153 - 08/28/13 04:23 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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I'd recommend finding a new way to manage stress. You should talk to her and ask why she hides those things in a calm manner.
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iarphairc
Stranger Danger



Registered: 06/26/09
Posts: 400
Last seen: 9 years, 8 months
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: koraks]
#18769337 - 08/28/13 05:03 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Quite possibly, she doesn't tell you some things because she fears your response. Could there be some truth in that?
I know its not directed at me but I've this problem with my girl.She has told me and its not like I get angry just some bad vibes...Guess I gotta work on that I put her through some shit with being moody and overprotective but she's one hell of a girl
-------------------- The secret of freedom lies in educating people, whereas the secret of tyranny is in keeping them ignorant- Maximilien Robespierre
Edited by iarphairc (08/28/13 05:06 PM)
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BittrBuffalo
Deaconica

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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: iarphairc]
#18770413 - 08/28/13 08:36 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Sort of off topic...but do guys think that women care about men watching porn? I mean, there are some women who get all silly about it, but most adults don't care. Shit, I'm not around during the week so I expect my boyfriend to jack off to porn while I'm out.
Anyway...OP, you're thinking about premeditated cheating because you believe that she's doing hurtful things behind your back and hiding it from you, and you want the emotional satisfaction of doing the same to her. People often cheat when they feel trapped. (I cheated on somebody once and I'll never do it again. It makes shit sooo much worse than it has to be. Don't do it, the drama is not worth it.)
It's kinda fucked up that she's helping herself to your weed without asking. But you live together, right? Maybe she didn't know to ask. The chances of her actually fucking this guy are slim to none, though. Just because she's fucked him in the past, prior to your relationship, doesn't mean she wants to fuck him now. In reality, she doesn't need to review her whole sexual history with you. You don't have jurisdiction over her past relationships. Besides...what's she going to say? "Meet Al. He's my best friend's boyfriend. We used to fuck back in the day."
-------------------- Disclaimer: This post is a work of fiction, provided for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual persons or events, past or present, is strictly coincidental. All celebrity voices are impersonated. If you begin your ID request with, "I just ate a bunch of these mushrooms…should I not have done that?" I'm just gonna sit back and watch Darwin at work.
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CounterCulturest
-Positive Mental Attitude-

Registered: 01/18/10
Posts: 3,662
Loc: Nesting on modems
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Re: girl hides stuff from me, worth cheating on her? [Re: BittrBuffalo]
#18770472 - 08/28/13 08:46 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
BittrBuffalo said: Sort of off topic...but do guys think that women care about men watching porn? I mean, there are some women who get all silly about it, but most adults don't care. Shit, I'm not around during the week so I expect my boyfriend to jack off to porn while I'm out.
Anyway...OP, you're thinking about premeditated cheating because you believe that she's doing hurtful things behind your back and hiding it from you, and you want the emotional satisfaction of doing the same to her. People often cheat when they feel trapped. (I cheated on somebody once and I'll never do it again. It makes shit sooo much worse than it has to be. Don't do it, the drama is not worth it.)
It's kinda fucked up that she's helping herself to your weed without asking. But you live together, right? Maybe she didn't know to ask. The chances of her actually fucking this guy are slim to none, though. Just because she's fucked him in the past, prior to your relationship, doesn't mean she wants to fuck him now. In reality, she doesn't need to review her whole sexual history with you. You don't have jurisdiction over her past relationships. Besides...what's she going to say? "Meet Al. He's my best friend's boyfriend. We used to fuck back in the day."
Yeah I think most women don't like their men to look at porn. Sure there are probably a lot that don't care at all but I dare say that most women dislike it. It's not something to make a big deal out of but I kinda understand where they are coming from. I wouldn't like it if my girlfriend was constantly dittling herself to video's of other guys and their dicks but at the same time her choice so whatev. I know she is already thinkin of other other dicks cuz that is how humans are so it doesn't make much difference if it is in the air or not. I don't watch much porn anymore cuz I know my lady doesn't like me jackin off to videos of other tities (she would make a big deal out of it though) and I usually wind up jack off to thoughts of her fine ass anyways and I know she likes that so it works for both of us !
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