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Raven Gnosis
π°π’π―ππ’π«π±π¦π π¦π‘π


Registered: 02/10/11
Posts: 1,311
Loc: Necoc Yaotl
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Forgiveness 2
#18751964 - 08/24/13 03:10 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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This happened a little while back, but wanted to share it with you all, as it was an intense moment of healing for me. As sappy as it sounds, my drive for sharing this is to remind you all that are toiling with one healing and growing process or another, that may even be your drive to post here in PSP, that the healing you seek is likely indeed possible...
"Today, in a strange twist of fate, I found myself in a small room, face to face with the man whose blatant negligence directly resulted in the death of my father.
In what was a living moment more so than a fleeting desire or thought, I was on the verge of drawing my knife while grappling his neck and repeatedly thrusting the blade into his throat and face, I could almost smell and feel the warmth of the blood, feel the knife destroying the soft tissue of his eyes and hear the animalistic sounds of his shock, fear and pain. To most this probably sounds truly terrible and morally detestable, But it was as real and natural as the lion crushing the throat of his prey, there was no shred of malice or anger present within myself.
There was no voice in my head or angel on my shoulder holding me back. Nor was there a devil hissing in my ear to go forth. It was silence, a directionless moment, staring into his eyes.
In this moment of witnessing, I bore witness to what he was. A feeling of love and acceptance of this being filled my heart.
As I walked away from this situation, tears filled my ducts but did not roll down my face. I felt as if I was in the presence of my father and something else which is indescribable, it felt as if there was no weight to me.
It was what my dad would have wanted⦠I could feel it.
In that moment I had found forgiveness."
-------------------- To be human is to be fettered, to endure what one is, in perpetuum, no matter what the debility or perversity.
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Penelope_Tree
Shamanic Panic



Registered: 07/31/09
Posts: 8,535
Loc: magic sugarcastle
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I bet that was one hell of an intense meeting.
Thanks for sharing such an intimate moment with us. It sounds like you came out of the experience on top, and that is good to hear.
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full blown human
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Quote:
Raven Gnosis said: This happened a little while back, but wanted to share it with you all, as it was an intense moment of healing for me. As sappy as it sounds, my drive for sharing this is to remind you all that are toiling with one healing and growing process or another, that may even be your drive to post here in PSP, that the healing you seek is likely indeed possible...
"Today, in a strange twist of fate, I found myself in a small room, face to face with the man whose blatant negligence directly resulted in the death of my father.
In what was a living moment more so than a fleeting desire or thought, I was on the verge of drawing my knife while grappling his neck and repeatedly thrusting the blade into his throat and face, I could almost smell and feel the warmth of the blood, feel the knife destroying the soft tissue of his eyes and hear the animalistic sounds of his shock, fear and pain. To most this probably sounds truly terrible and morally detestable, But it was as real and natural as the lion crushing the throat of his prey, there was no shred of malice or anger present within myself.
There was no voice in my head or angel on my shoulder holding me back. Nor was there a devil hissing in my ear to go forth. It was silence, a directionless moment, staring into his eyes.
In this moment of witnessing, I bore witness to what he was. A feeling of love and acceptance of this being filled my heart.
As I walked away from this situation, tears filled my ducts but did not roll down my face. I felt as if I was in the presence of my father and something else which is indescribable, it felt as if there was no weight to me.
It was what my dad would have wanted⦠I could feel it.
In that moment I had found forgiveness."
Bullshit. Sorry I am not buying it. You would have strangled him at a minimum. Obviously by using quotes this isn't really your story.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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lolwut
bad motherfucker


Registered: 08/14/10
Posts: 2,782
Loc: back in black
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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Quote:
LunarEclipse said:
Quote:
Raven Gnosis said: This happened a little while back, but wanted to share it with you all, as it was an intense moment of healing for me. As sappy as it sounds, my drive for sharing this is to remind you all that are toiling with one healing and growing process or another, that may even be your drive to post here in PSP, that the healing you seek is likely indeed possible...
"Today, in a strange twist of fate, I found myself in a small room, face to face with the man whose blatant negligence directly resulted in the death of my father.
In what was a living moment more so than a fleeting desire or thought, I was on the verge of drawing my knife while grappling his neck and repeatedly thrusting the blade into his throat and face, I could almost smell and feel the warmth of the blood, feel the knife destroying the soft tissue of his eyes and hear the animalistic sounds of his shock, fear and pain. To most this probably sounds truly terrible and morally detestable, But it was as real and natural as the lion crushing the throat of his prey, there was no shred of malice or anger present within myself.
There was no voice in my head or angel on my shoulder holding me back. Nor was there a devil hissing in my ear to go forth. It was silence, a directionless moment, staring into his eyes.
In this moment of witnessing, I bore witness to what he was. A feeling of love and acceptance of this being filled my heart.
As I walked away from this situation, tears filled my ducts but did not roll down my face. I felt as if I was in the presence of my father and something else which is indescribable, it felt as if there was no weight to me.
It was what my dad would have wanted⦠I could feel it.
In that moment I had found forgiveness."
Bullshit. Sorry I am not buying it. You would have strangled him at a minimum. Obviously by using quotes this isn't really your story.
Prison is one hell of a demotivator
-------------------- Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth, and taste...
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GilbertC06
Omnipotent to a fault.


Registered: 01/29/13
Posts: 597
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
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While I agree that forgiveness can be personally beneficial, I do not believe that is your story.
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Penelope_Tree
Shamanic Panic



Registered: 07/31/09
Posts: 8,535
Loc: magic sugarcastle
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I don't understand why no one is believing him.. maybe I'm gullible, but I've had experiences when I envisioned severe, gory violence in the presence of someone who had harmed me (and I had the self-restraint to not act upon it), so I can relate. Of course, the harm that person inflicted wasn't in the form of taking the life of someone I loved. Unfortunately, my experience didn't end with forgiveness... just more tension. I think with the right mindset, though, one could find and feel forgiveness in that instance.
He also didn't give much context to the story; he could've been recounting an execution or similar situation where he had no physical access to the person (behind glass, bars, etc). Not that it would matter what the context was, though.
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full blown human
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,432
Loc: Under the C
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I once got some regular fries when I ordered extra large.

Some transgressions are NOT forgivable!
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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I believe him. When it comes to violence I usually believe people. They are almost always capable of extremes.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,432
Loc: Under the C
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liquidlounge

Registered: 12/22/10
Posts: 9,256
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-------------------- As far as I assume to know...
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GilbertC06
Omnipotent to a fault.


Registered: 01/29/13
Posts: 597
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
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Quote:
Penelope_Tree said: I don't understand why no one is believing him.. maybe I'm gullible, but I've had experiences when I envisioned severe, gory violence in the presence of someone who had harmed me (and I had the self-restraint to not act upon it), so I can relate. Of course, the harm that person inflicted wasn't in the form of taking the life of someone I loved. Unfortunately, my experience didn't end with forgiveness... just more tension. I think with the right mindset, though, one could find and feel forgiveness in that instance.
He also didn't give much context to the story; he could've been recounting an execution or similar situation where he had no physical access to the person (behind glass, bars, etc). Not that it would matter what the context was, though.
For one thing, it's italicized and in quotes which is way too formal for this forum.
Then it's pretty well written. It's written in a way that would appeal to a general audience rather than random forum users. Either he presented this publicly a while back, or it was taken from someone else.
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Penelope_Tree
Shamanic Panic



Registered: 07/31/09
Posts: 8,535
Loc: magic sugarcastle
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yeah, because there aren't any other options.
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full blown human
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dustinthewind13
Fool



Registered: 11/05/10
Posts: 5,219
Loc: Being a burden
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I think people should keep their man- hating feelings to themselves... fucking idiots!
-------------------- "It is the peculiar quality of a fool to perceive the faults of others and forget his own." - Marcus Tullius Cicero "A room without books is like a body without a soul." - Marcus Tullius Cicero "Do not bite at the bait of pleasure, till you know there is no hook beneath it." -Thomas Jefferson
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Jaegar
Formless One



Registered: 05/04/09
Posts: 2,217
Last seen: 6 months, 27 days
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Why deny our animal heritage and proclivity towards violence. Denial won,t make you a better organism.
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BlueCoyote
Beyond


Registered: 05/07/04
Posts: 6,697
Loc: Between
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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For me it only makes sense to forgive someone, if this someone doesn't do that harm again or doesn't inflict additional harm that way
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Sleepwalker
Overshoes

Registered: 05/07/08
Posts: 5,503
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There is no actual violence in this story, only the imagining of it. Reading comprehension ftw.
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Raven Gnosis
π°π’π―ππ’π«π±π¦π π¦π‘π


Registered: 02/10/11
Posts: 1,311
Loc: Necoc Yaotl
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Thank you Penelope. Sorry for the late response, I took an impromptu 2 day trip to the coast. 
For anyone that thinks this is not my story, I challenge you to search the hell out of it, as you will find it nowhere but right here and on my facebook page (which is private) from the day I posted it. Some of you here know about the loss of my father, some of you don't so I can't be offended by your skepticism. (I am somewhat flattered by your accusations of plagiarism though. ) The context in which it was written was visiting my doctor, he was on leave that day and I was not informed. The doctor who dropped the ball repeatedly for years and told my father he was imagining his symptoms and to go home (It was a very treatable form of cancer with a high survival rate. He died two weeks after diagnoses, this is how long it went untreated.) filled in for him.
I am a writer, it is one of my mediums of expression and arguably my best.
I have forgiven him, but he is a bad doctor and undoubtedly is still wreaking havoc on people's lives. This is the difficult part for me, because I forgive him, I do not feel the need personally to draw a lot of attention to him. But at the same time feel a moral obligation to share publicly my story and his name.
-------------------- To be human is to be fettered, to endure what one is, in perpetuum, no matter what the debility or perversity.
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Cactilove
Controversial Mystic


Registered: 02/17/11
Posts: 4,826
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Quote:
The context in which it was written was visiting my doctor, he was on leave that day and I was not informed. The doctor who dropped the ball repeatedly for years and told my father he was imagining his symptoms and to go home (It was a very treatable form of cancer with a high survival rate. He died two weeks after diagnoses, this is how long it went untreated.) filled in for him.
I hope that doctor falls on a pointed object.
-------------------- Orgone Conclusion...Bringing OTD to PS&P since 2007.
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Raven Gnosis
π°π’π―ππ’π«π±π¦π π¦π‘π


Registered: 02/10/11
Posts: 1,311
Loc: Necoc Yaotl
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Someone has to...
I personally would not wish upon his children (assuming he has them) the sort of pain I felt and still do and will until the day I die, born of the rift in my soul my fathers death has created.
-------------------- To be human is to be fettered, to endure what one is, in perpetuum, no matter what the debility or perversity.
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Cactilove
Controversial Mystic


Registered: 02/17/11
Posts: 4,826
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This is true.
No point in spreading the suffering to his children.
Sad to think how many others may suffer due to his incompetence however.
-------------------- Orgone Conclusion...Bringing OTD to PS&P since 2007.
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