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Offlinewatermelon mon
Willow Trees


Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 7,800
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
Re: post cool real life short stories in this thread [Re: Absent Minded]
    #18757224 - 08/25/13 09:30 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

one time my friend and I were walking around in this one forest and we found a abandoned jet ski  I wonder how it got there :crazy:
the brush was pretty thick  the trees were tall and stuff it would have ben hard work putting it there even in the winter


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    :dazedandconfused:


Edited by watermelon mon (08/25/13 09:30 PM)


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OfflineLed Zeppelin
Tripper


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 3,962
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
Re: post cool real life short stories in this thread [Re: fapjack]
    #18757231 - 08/25/13 09:30 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

fapjack said:
I once had a transsexual over my parents house at like 6 AM, he (dad) assumed it was a chick I was hooking up with before seeing shim he could here us hooking up.  Walked out with a 5 o'clock shadow and my dad looked at me with this horrified look, told me not to come back to his house whenever he isn't there.




wow, I feel bad for your dad.


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Invisiblethizzlemaniac
राम राम
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Registered: 03/27/12
Posts: 2,250
Re: post cool real life short stories in this thread [Re: Sheekle]
    #18757286 - 08/25/13 09:40 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Nobody ever believes this story so I really don't tell it anymore, but it's true...

Once I was drunk with a bud who came up to visit me and detox from opiates on his moms orders and we were smoking spice cuz thats all that was up here at the time. (I didn't know any dealers at all)  So we are going to the store to get more spice and I have like NO gas, and we run out a couple blocks away from my home.  A cop sees us and turns around, but only after I did realizing I was about to run outta gas.  It was the only time in my life I've ever run outta gas.  Anyway the cop was very friendly and gave me a ride home to get a gas can!  I was pretty fucked up to, and when I arrived home in a police car my lady came to the door and asked me wtf I did now.  She also said I wreaked of booze and we were outside.  While in the cop car I talked to him, but didn't face him cuz I knew my breath had alcohol on it, but I don't think he was that dumb, but how can any cop be that nice?  Letting me drive drunk isn't really nice I guess.  This story usually stays between my friend and I.  He stayed behind with the car while I was at home.  I chilled out there a bit cuz I thought I was going to have a heart attack and by the time I was heading back he was almost home.


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Hi how are you? How high are you?



:aum:


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Offlinefapjack
Title
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Registered: 07/26/07
Posts: 16,574
Loc: Central New Jersey
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
Re: post cool real life short stories in this thread [Re: thizzlemaniac]
    #18757301 - 08/25/13 09:44 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Led Zeppelin said:
Quote:

fapjack said:
I once had a transsexual over my parents house at like 6 AM, he (dad) assumed it was a chick I was hooking up with before seeing shim he could here us hooking up.  Walked out with a 5 o'clock shadow and my dad looked at me with this horrified look, told me not to come back to his house whenever he isn't there.




wow, I feel bad for your dad.



I felt worse for him when my exgfs husband came to my house and started yelling at him about his son fucking his wife.  That was a bad scene.  I put both my parents through a lot of shit.


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Invisiblethizzlemaniac
राम राम
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Registered: 03/27/12
Posts: 2,250
Re: post cool real life short stories in this thread [Re: fapjack]
    #18757329 - 08/25/13 09:48 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Once I was a passenger in a car that ran over a baby.  I believe it was just its arm, but we were parked in THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD, and there were adults about across the street where we were paying attention, who were not paying attention to their infant.  The adults somehow missed this baby getting into the road and when we took of we hit a speed bump!  A hundred Mexicans came running out like on Cheech and Chong and took the baby to the hospital.  It was wild, but we all felt bad about it in the end.


--------------------
Hi how are you? How high are you?



:aum:


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Offlinefapjack
Title
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Registered: 07/26/07
Posts: 16,574
Loc: Central New Jersey
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
Re: post cool real life short stories in this thread [Re: thizzlemaniac]
    #18757343 - 08/25/13 09:51 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

wut


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InvisibleSheekle
FREE BURKE
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Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
Re: post cool real life short stories in this thread [Re: fapjack] * 1
    #18757348 - 08/25/13 09:52 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

One time like 7 years ago I was in Disney World. It was very busy at the time. I saw a bag full of pills, like a couple hundred red pills right obviously on the ground in the open. I didn't care to look closer so I don't know what kind of pills they were but w/e.


About 50 feet away from this bag of pills was some dude who was probably in his mid-20's standing in the middle of where everybody was walking. He had some way long hair, and a backpack on. There was people walking in all directions on every side of him, it was decently crowded. He wasn't making the slightest movement in any way whatsoever. He was just staring off into the infinite. He was literally just... not there. I think he was like experiencing ego death or something. It was just an empty shell of a human.

It was pretty far out.

I think I've wrote that story on here a few times before.


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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InvisibleDoctor Sponge
He's off on a tangent
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Registered: 05/03/12
Posts: 11,795
Loc: the desert Flag
Re: post cool real life short stories in this thread [Re: Sheekle] * 1
    #18757409 - 08/25/13 10:04 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

one time I picked up a hooker and had her suck my dick for $15


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InvisibleMegatrondon
NEW*
Male


Registered: 08/02/13
Posts: 269
Re: post cool real life short stories in this thread [Re: Doctor Sponge]
    #18757472 - 08/25/13 10:18 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

This one time i was drinking PBR with this Asian girl i met at wall mart. we had been hooking up every week like twice a week for  a month. this girl was unbelievable she had a boy friend she was living with in the next city over. This Asian girl was DOWN AS FUCK this one time we where fucking in the back of her car and her phone rings and i see who was calling (it was her BOY friend) she then turns her phone on silent and we continue fucking . im thinking damb this is fuuuucked up i would hate to be on the other end of this situation , and this other time i was drunk talking shit messing with her and i tell her im gonna be your pimp and you'll be my bitch and we can make dough together. she told me yea she was down!!  awww memories how i miss her so. my fucking so called friend at the time jacked her cell phone from my house. she never hit me up again after that:(


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InvisibleSheekle
FREE BURKE
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Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
Re: post cool real life short stories in this thread [Re: Megatrondon]
    #18757500 - 08/25/13 10:24 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

i feel like that story has some hidden meaning behind it like some sort of joke



You were drinking PBR with her, and you met her at Wal-Mart? That's so cliche sounding.


Then the story itself doesn't even have anything out of the ordinary to it. You were fucking some chick who had a boyfriend. Then like, that's all there is to the story?

u confused me :confused:


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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InvisibleMagicman69
All About the Benjamins
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Registered: 05/29/13
Posts: 6,876
Re: post cool real life short stories in this thread [Re: Sheekle]
    #18757509 - 08/25/13 10:27 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

My homie Calvin just won the Washington state poker tournament a while back. He won around 75,000 cash


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InvisibleMasked
The Nutter
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Registered: 11/26/12
Posts: 8,979
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: post cool real life short stories in this thread [Re: Sheekle]
    #18757522 - 08/25/13 10:31 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

When I was 13 I won on the radio an opportunity to be hauled out on the ice, during intermission for a WHL hockey game, in a hot tub full of liquid grape jello.  The house was packed.

The organizers scattered hundreds of marbles in the dark, liquid grape jello before the eyes of all the spectators and the 4 participants(me being one of them).  They gave us 2 minutes to jump, frolic and wrestle our way to collect as many as we could.  They had someone standing by our "designated corner" with a bucket to drop the marbles in.

At the end, they counted up all the marbles and whoever had the most would win a hot tub rental for a week and 1000 dollars in gift certificates to the local mall

I didn't win...and I felt sticky for days :wink:


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.


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InvisibleMegatrondon
NEW*
Male


Registered: 08/02/13
Posts: 269
Re: post cool real life short stories in this thread [Re: Sheekle]
    #18757527 - 08/25/13 10:32 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

it was my first ASIAN girl and all my life i wanted to fuck Asian girls and my dream came true dude since then its been my only Asian girl. this girl was riding me while her phone rings and its her dude calling and ignores the call and keeps riding. shit that was the first time i ever seen how fucked up girls could be with my very own eyes. and shit i never seen asian girls snort cocaine like this girl did. she was a wild one bringing all sorts of shame to the family


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InvisibleMagicman69
All About the Benjamins
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Registered: 05/29/13
Posts: 6,876
Re: post cool real life short stories in this thread [Re: Masked]
    #18757528 - 08/25/13 10:32 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

That's crazy..the WHL :lol:


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Invisiblepirate-blues
Female

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 13,709
Re: post cool real life short stories in this thread [Re: Magicman69]
    #18757585 - 08/25/13 10:46 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

subscribing to this thread.

I'll post in it a little later. I've got some weird ones.


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OfflineButteredToast
it'sfuckingbutteredtoast
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Registered: 09/05/09
Posts: 1,618
Last seen: 5 years, 4 months
Re: post cool real life short stories in this thread [Re: Magicman69]
    #18757601 - 08/25/13 10:49 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Lost my virginity today. Went to Vegas on friday, 3 guys and 3 girls. Got wasted friday, don't remember much. Saturday i'm chillin and the girls go out to a club. I gambled and walked the strip, then head back to the room around 2 AM. I walk in and see two of the girls who I had just met the day before had come home early from the club. I was pretty wasted, they were drunk and on coke I think. So one of them starts rubbing on me and i'm like so what's the plan? she smiles and we start hooking up. She's petite, mexican with a sexy accent, hot as fuck as far as my drunk self could tell. Next thing I know she's sucking my dick, then she gets on me and rides me like a fucking champ. Kinda sucked that I could only pop a half boner from all the liquor and other things consumed that night, but it was till fucking awesome. I came in like 15 minutes and then she takes off the condom and blows me for another 15 minutes. Then all of my friends show up an cockblock me. Took a shower, smoked a cig and some green and went to bed feeling like a champ.

I woke up next to her in the morning.. couldn't rmember her name. She's a lot less hot than I thought she was. Probably a 5/10 and pretty skanky looking.

Just got home a few hours ago. What a weekened....


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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: post cool real life short stories in this thread [Re: ButteredToast]
    #18757621 - 08/25/13 10:53 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

ur signature is rockin' bra
:drysmash:  :drysmash:  :drysmash:  :drysmash:  :drysmash:  :drysmash:  :drysmash:  :drysmash:  :drysmash:  :god2:  :god2:  :god2:  :god2:  :god2:  :god2:  :god2:  :spank:  :spank:  :spank:  :spank:  :spank:  :69:  :69:  :69:  :69:    :rocket:  :rocket:  :rocket:  :rocket:  :rocket:  :bigjoint:  :bigjoint:  :bigjoint:


Edited by Sheekle (08/25/13 11:01 PM)


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Invisiblepirate-blues
Female

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 13,709
Re: post cool real life short stories in this thread [Re: Sheekle]
    #18757988 - 08/26/13 12:15 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

here's one from my journal, winter of this year. It's kind of written dramatically, but I like to write about strange experiences. Once I wrote down all the weird people who were regulars at the bar I worked at and I wrote about every strange person I met every day but I can't find that document.


Quote:

And all I can do is stand on the curb and say "sorry."





"Do you want to go hiking?"
Was what she said  - her voice was far away, cutting in and out with the shoddy reception.
Though it's a bit chilly and I  don't have a jacket with me, and though I'm wearing a dress - my toes wiggle inside a pair of leather boots that are vaguely suitable for long walks and effortlessly persuade me to throw practicality to the wind and readily agree. I have things to take care of back at school, I'm not even in the right city at this point; but I've always thrown away my responsibilities too easily when something more fun comes knocking. It's why the girl on the phone and I once pinky-swore we wouldn't reproduce. Well, it's one of the reasons.

We're going to our usual spot, familiar and well travelled often at night and often on a whim and often in shoes far more terrible.

And so I finish up my errands, blow off a few minor academic responsibilities and my car huffs and puffs and heaves it's way up and around the winding roads to her house for a hike that never happened. Police block the entrance and turn us away. There's a manhunt. I weakly suggest we go haphazardly spend all the gift cards I've acquired over Christmas.

When someone says manhunt, I think of dramatic pursuit of a murderer on the loose, rewards for information, some nameless faceless criminal that is less a person and more a vague image I've concocted from stereotypes and horror stories and second rate television. I do not think of it applying to someone I know. I do not know quite what to think or say when she confesses. She tells me it is a search - I realize now it was a body they were searching for. But then when she tells me who this person is, the thought of recovering a body is something my brain outright rejects. We know this person well, well enough to try and be there to stop them.

She tells me the whispers of suicide threats and the gun and the car that was stolen. She thought if she just went looking, that I should come. I don't know what she was thinking calling me - the one that doesn't grasp the concept of picking up the fucking phone ever. But she called me, and I picked up, and something made me agree it was a fine time for a hike. I don't know what would've happened if we had gone a bit sooner - would we have found a desperate person with a gun or a body. Could things have turned out differently - was this person so desperate to die that us being there would've been nothing more than dangerous, or were they hoping, when they stood on the top of the rock formation we always hiked to - overlooking this depressing grey town that I've known for too long, that maybe someone would have come to try and help them. Instead the police got there first. If this person maybe would've seen our car winding it's way up the roads - and not a million frantic flashing police lights...what if they had seen us first. Was that the plan? Months later, a friend of mine  tells me that he understands the state of mind one is in when fleeing incarceration as we share a bowl of weed, his eyes are bright blue and bloodshot as he tells me that the devastating impact of suicide does not register in an individual when you feel your life is over already. It just makes it hurt again, though.

At the time my brain is not processing the seriousness of this situation. I am almost certain it is a cry for help, for attention. I reassure her that perhaps police custody is perhaps the safest and most stable place. I talk about stability and healing and self growth. I suggest we haphazardly spend all my christmas gift cards at the mall, and we do.

As I promise her things will be okay and we darkly joke of how guilty I'll feel if I'm wrong, we look for suicide notes and come up empty.
The note wasn't found for several days after I got the text from her while I was driving up from Philly, a world and a half away.  All lower case, no punctuation:

they found the body.

And I cried to myself in the darkness of a winding back road, just outside my home town on the river. I want to go back to the noise and lights in the city. I've never felt more alone than on that dark road. Even the whine of ambulances passing my window all through the night are more reassuring than silence and darkness like this - but I drove to her house, instead.


In another dimension somewhere in the infinite cluster of choices and outcomes and alternate realities, we left earlier that day.
I think about that a lot. I am okay, and she is on her way to being okay, and I am too stressed out to have the time to feel guilty or use it as an excuse to feel sad. I just think about what might've been, for better or worse.





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Offlinewatermelon mon
Willow Trees


Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 7,800
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
Re: post cool real life short stories in this thread [Re: pirate-blues]
    #18758108 - 08/26/13 12:54 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

:hugitout: sorry about your friend pirate-blues


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    :dazedandconfused:


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OfflineEukaryote11
Stranger

Registered: 08/08/13
Posts: 111
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
Re: post cool real life short stories in this thread [Re: Megatrondon] * 1
    #18758171 - 08/26/13 01:13 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Megatrondon said:shit that was the first time i ever seen how fucked up girls could be with my very own eyes.




I promise we aren't all like that. I concur that was fucked up.

Here's mine:

One time I was walking home. It was a very clear crisp frosty night in the middle of winter and the view of the stars even in a light-polluted street was spectacular. Then just where I was looking I saw a bright blue light in the sky. It accelerated and got faster and faster before it turned into a line of light from how fast it was going. Then it vanished. This all happened within a space of about a second but it felt much longer. I was 100% sober (this was years ago) and I don't hallucinate sober. It also made no noise at all.

I never did find out what the blue light was. People kept suggesting it was a meteorite but as far as I know meteorites don't stay stationary in the sky and then suddenly accelerate.

Here's another one along the same vein:

One time I was looking up at the constellation Orion (another rare clear night). I tend to look at that one a lot because it's the one that stands out most to me in the winter night sky. Where the Orion Nebula should be I saw a sudden flash of orange and red flames shoot down diagonally, right across where people say Orion's sword is. It looked a more saturated orange than normal fire. As quickly as it came it was gone again. This one people don't tend to believe or think I was seeing things but you would have to have seen it for yourself to see how vivid it was.

Again I never did find out what it was. Again, 100% sober.


Edited by Eukaryote11 (08/26/13 01:18 AM)


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